"Inside the deep, deep forest, there is surely
an abandoned heart hidden there now.
Without the power to find it, people get tired
and disappear into forever darkness.
If I were still small I could probably still see it."
- from "Fukai Mori," by Do As Infinity

THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS

2.

That dream again. Where will it end? The same images, the same people. That same rush of water. The same bittersweet scent. It's always there in her memory.

Is there a meaning to this reoccurring dream, or was is it sent to torture her? Don't clutch, Chihiro, someone was saying. Ridiculous. She never clutches anything. She is always in control. Isn't she? Ah, but this dream is completely out of her control. She didn't like it at all, but was there anything she could do to stop it?

There it was again. Green eyes. The strong wind. The glint of gold. The pastel colored sky. The tunnel that would not end. The leaves swirling around her, only to reveal a river with no end in sight when the leaves cleared.

The wind and the darkness. The taste of... something... fear? The train passes by her eyes again through the endless water. A sense of incredible déja vu. But of course. She's seen this dream before. Countless times. Someone was trying to tell her something. An event? A place?

A person?

And at the end it is always the same. The rush of water. Floating. Soaring in the sky. Someone. Something. A feeling. And it always ends with the same thought, too. The same word. Kohaku.

Over and over again. Kohaku. The endless tunnel and water.

Kohaku.

Kohaku.

"The worksheet on naming organic compounds will be due next time," someone was saying - it was a cheerful, female voice of someone perhaps twenty-something year old. "Class dismissed!"

"Chihiro!" someone else - a voice equally as cheerful and ever younger - said, poking her. "Chihiro! Wake up! It's lunch time already."

"Hmm?" Chihiro looked up sleepily, and blinked at Reiko's lovely yet looming face before her. "It's what?"

Reiko rolled her eyes oh-so-eloquently. "Lunch time. You slept through Chemistry again. Haven't we been through this already?"

Chihiro rubbed her eyes and yawned, blinking with drooping, sleepy eyes. "I guess I did sleep through Chemistry again," she said wryly halfway through the yawn.

"Well, at least you're a quiet sleeper," Reiko laughed easily. "Come on. There's fried octopus balls at the student store today. We have to go get them quick before they're gone."

But of course, before Chihiro could get in a reply, Reiko was already running out the classroom door towards the student store, her nondescript dark brown long hair trailing prettily behind her in the wind. The wind. It felt good. Chihiro did a double take. She had always hated the wind as a child. What changed that?

Chihiro shook her head. Those were entirely useless thoughts. She needed to stop letting her mind wander so. She pushed her books and papers aside and stood up to follow Reiko, her hands already taking her ponytail apart to retie it. It had come apart when she fell asleep during class. She stopped suddenly, and remembered Reiko's grievances about Chihiro's tying and retying her hair. Smiling lightly, she finished retying it and hurried after Reiko.

It was when they were in the middle of a particularly difficult Chemistry problem while they were eating lunch that Reiko noticed the strange older boy staring at them again.

"You should just talk to him," Reiko was saying again.

"Who?"

"The boy with the strange, dark hair. He ties it back."

"I have no idea who you're talking about," Chihiro stared intently at her boxed lunch. No picked vegetables today. What a pity.

"Don't pretend you don't know who I'm talking about. You know exactly who. And you know he stares at you all the time. It's abnormal. What if he hurts you?"

"He won't hurt me," Chihiro replied, but was slightly dubious herself.

"Talk to him anyways."

"Why should I talk to him?" Chihiro replied nonchalantly.

"Tell him to stop staring at you, at least," Reiko said, beginning to become very aggravated.

"You're the only person disturbed by his staring at me," Chihiro countered. "Maybe you should talk to him."

Reiko avoided answering. "Just talk to him."

"No." Chihiro stabbed at the carrot that refused to be picked up. She held up her chopsticks, examined it, and popped it in her mouth. Gross. "I don't feel like it."

"So you're just going to let him stare at you like this?" Reiko raised an eyebrow.

"I guess."

"You know what I think? I think he likes you," Reiko poked Chihiro's ribs. "And I think you might like him, too. Just a little bit."

"He does not. There's no reason he would like me. He's never even talked to me before. And I do not. I've never liked a boy before and you know it," Chihiro stabbed at another piece of carrot.

"Well," Reiko said. "Maybe it's a good time to start."

"I don't want to start."

"Too late."

Chihiro rolled her eyes and continued to eat without another word, but was somehow faintly aware now of the boy watching her from afar.

He ate his lunch quietly, watching the girl intently for no particular reason whatsoever. For some reason he felt drawn to her, but he didn't know why he would be.

The day by day events in his life were the same. He got up, maybe took a shower if he felt dirty, went to school, watched the girl he was inexplicably drawn to during lunch, worked, did homework, and slept. He had a sneaking feeling that it was weird or abnormal for him to be constantly staring at someone he didn't know, but he couldn't help it either.

His homeroom teacher earlier that morning, though, had suggested something much different from his day to day routine. Apparently, the teacher thought Kenji had the right build for a sports club. Kendo, of all things. Him? Kendo?

He didn't even know what kendo was, and the teacher had to explain it in great length. The teacher rambled on about it... something about it being able to help him into a private college, possibly. The teacher also expected him to show up at the practice court attached to the gym in the morning or after school one day to give it a try, at least.

Maybe it was a good idea. It could possibly distract him from the amnesia he was constantly thinking about. He couldn't help wondering constantly what his life had been before he was discovered. Every other person around him had a family, or at least a memory of one. He knew some classmates of his had single parents, and he knew yet others with none. At least, he thought bitterly, they knew their parents once, or who their parents were. He did not even know if he had parents, although he must.

If he decided to show up to try this kendo, he would be late to work. If he were late to work, he would have to work over time. He would probably not get to sleep until four a.m., as a result.

However, he was also desperate for something different in life. He had lived life with his new personality for three months, and he wanted more. Whatever life was about, he was missing the point of it. He had no interest for anything. No passion. No fuel. No fire. He lived life because he can.

And he hated every moment of it.

He was not exactly depressed, but he was not happy either. He was mostly angry. He was angry at whoever caused this. He must have had loved ones, and possibly pleasant memories. Whoever took those memories away took not only memories, but those loved ones as well. He will find out who it was one day, and he will find them.

And they would pay for what they did. He would demand to know why this had to happen to him. And he would demand for them to give back what they took from him.

In a little corner of his mind, however, was the sneaking suspicion that nothing would ever be the same as they were before, whatever they were before, even if he had his memories again.

He ignored that suspicion entirely.

"School is over!" Reiko skipped down the hallway, bouncing happily.

"Reiko!" Chihiro yelled at her quickly skipping away friend. "The locker room is that way! We have to go get our P.E. things first!"

Reiko stopped in her path, blinking several times. "Oh. Right. Yes," she grinned and skipped back and past Chihiro down the corridor to the locker room.

Chihiro grinned and followed after Reiko, keeping up in step with Reiko's quick dash.

"Ne, Chihiro," Reiko said after the girls emerged from the locker room, "you don't have a ride home today, right?"

"I don't. Father is away in the city for an important business convention, and Mother is with him."

"Ah, I see, then you don't mind coming over for dinner, right?"

"If it wouldn't be too much trouble..."

"Of course not," Reiko hugged Chihiro, bubbling over with cheeriness. "And we could go to the mall before dinner time and get something yummy to eat! Like fried noodles bread or something!"

"I'd rather not, actually," Chihiro replied apologetically. "I really have to study - midterms are coming up soon."

"Oh all right then," Reiko pouted cutely. "We can just go to my house then, right?"

"All right, that sounds good to me." And with that, the girls proceeded to walk down the street to Reiko's family's apartment.

"Look!" Reiko pointed excitedly. "It's that ramen place my sisters were talking about!"

"Hm?" Chihiro followed where Reiko was pointing. "The one with a great pork chop ramen?"

"Yes!" Reiko jumped excitedly. "Let's go in and try it out! Please?"

"Hmm I don't know," Chihiro replied dubiously, even though she knew Reiko would convince her in the end. "I'm not a big fan of ramen. And I have to study, remember."

"Oh, you're far too studious for your own good. Please?" Reiko tugged at Chihiro's arm. "Just this once. For me?"

"Hmm all right, I guess." Chihiro sighed and gave in.

"So I just hold it like this," Kenji held the shinai experimentally, his voice dubious. He was more than a little uncomfortable in the heavy padding and the mask. "And I try to block hits from my opponent?"

"That's right. You have to remember your stances though, to be able to do that well. We'll get to attacking once you figure out blocking. Watch your stances! Don't let your feet be too far apart or too close together. Stand up straight. By the way, you're not going for the win. You get three minutes, and I stop whatever you two are doing, all right?"

"Yes, sir." Kenji replied, walking into the court. His opponent - a sophomore - bowed gravely. He bowed back. His opponent looked to him, and he saw the hesitation in the other's eyes behind the kendo mask. The kid is nervous, he realized. What he was so nervous about, Kenji couldn't begin to imagine. Kenji knew nothing about kendo so there was no reason why his opponent ought to be afraid of a moment though all hesitation was swept away as his opponent lounged at him speedily with the shinai aimed for his side, his head, and his right thigh in rapid succession. He dodged these moves, and kept his eyes on his opponent's shinai to familiarize himself with its movements. Trying to discern his opponent's movements and stance clearly, he attempted to foresee future strikes and to block them as well as he could.

Vaguely he was aware of the coach instructing his opponent to improve his stance. When he felt comfortable enough, Kenji began blocking a movement or two occasionally instead of blocking. Soon he was blocking almost all the time instead of dodging, but his opponent has gotten in quite a few strikes as well. He was beginning to ache now, and saw good reason in the padding he was forced to wear.

Before he knew it, the coach had called time. Looked at Kenji, consideringly, the coach instructed another senior to teach Kenji the proper striking stance and the basic strike. What was on the coach's mind, Kenji could not begin to guess. The rest of kendo practice passed rather quickly, and soon, he was in the locker rooms changing into his work uniform and running to work, his heart feeling considerably lighter than he could ever remember.

It felt good to be moving again, he thought, then realized that there was no reason for him to include "again" in that thought. What was that?

"What would you like to have today?" a distinctly young teenage voice said. It sounded vaguely familiar. Chihiro looked up from her text book into green-blue eyes.

"Ara?" Reiko stared. "Aa! You are from our high school."

The boy looked back indifferently, and then replied, "Yes. I suppose I am," but his eyes were on Chihiro.

Pretending to think hard, Reiko stared at him for a moment. "Kenji-san, isn't it?" She said politely at last, casting a significant look at Chihiro. Chihiro ignored her. Kenji inclined his head slightly in confirmation of his first name.

A pause. "Well," Reiko continued cheerfully, "please, I would like to have pork chop ramen please?"

"Tea or water?" Kenji inquired.

"Tea."

"And you?" Kenji turned to Chihiro.

Chihiro studied the menu carefully. The thought of pork made her want to throw up. She had no idea why, but there it was. Beef didn't sound too enticing either, and she decided at last on something lighter flavored. "Seafood ramen, please. And tea," Chihiro look up at him and answered.

Kenji studied her for a moment. After a long moment, finally replied, "Will do," and walked away towards the kitchen.

Reiko looked at his retreating figure for a moment, and turned to Chihiro. "He likes you."

"Of course," Chihiro replied soothingly.

"I'm serious," Reiko raised an eyebrow. "I really think so."

"For goodness sake, will you stop obsessing? You know I'm not the type to squeal over guys endlessly."

"I still think he likes you."

Chihiro rolled her eyes. Fortunately, Kenji had returned with a pot of tea and two teacups. "Thank you," she told him politely while casting a glare sideways at Reiko. Kenji nodded at her and turned to leave. Reiko ignored the glare. Soon, Kenji returned with both of their orders, and took their money silently before slipping away.

"Aa!" Reiko dug into her ramen excitedly. "It's as good as my sisters said it would be!"

Chihiro smiled, and ate her own ramen quietly. It was really quite good, although the smell of pork made her feel slightly ill. Her mother had not bought pork for a long time. In fact, when was the last time they had pork at home? She could not remember. She felt increasingly nauseated now.

Maybe it wasn't such a good idea to come with Reiko, she thought. There was definitely something in the smell of the -

The next thing she knew, the ground was approaching at an alarming rate. And everything was black.

"Hurry! Kenji! A customer!" a woman was saying. "A high school student - collapsed! Just like that! I've called the hospital, but will you -?"

"I got it, boss," Kenji rushed over to a crowd, squeezing between people, muttering "excuse me" here and there until he got to the collapsed customer. It was that girl, he realized in horror.

She wasn't responding to her friend's calls, or to his shaking her shoulders constantly.

He thought quickly for a moment, and saw a glass of water on the counter that someone had set out for him to take to a customer.

She would want water if she wakes up, he thought. He could even possibly splash her face with it to wake her up. The water glass zoomed towards his hand as if it knew what he wanted.

He stared at the glass in his hand and very nearly dropped it. He looked around, bewildered. In all the mayhem over a collapsed customer, no one saw what had just happened.

What was going on?

To be continued.

A/N:

This is the second chapter of the rewrite. Chapter three is forthcoming. I hope you all enjoy this story and continue to support me! Thanks for everyone's wonderful reviews. Any comments/criticisms are welcome.

Amy Pan
November 27th, 2006
8:06 PM