Author's Notes: I just want to let my readers know that this isn’t the way I wrote my story, but every time I upload it, the site changes my indentation, tabs, paragraphs, line spacing, fonts, etc. I know it looks really sloppy but this is not the way I wrote it, yet I can’t figure out how to get the site to return my stories to their original format, so please bear with me, and excuse me. If you have any idea how I can get the site to keep, and post the stories in the original format with the same indentations, tabs, paragraphs, line spacing, fonts, etc., please tell me. You can email me at: benbrattlover at yahoo dot com.

Please read and review. Be kind, yet please give me honest feedback. If you have a negative comment, it is okay to post it, but also include some practical suggestions on how I could make the story better. I love to write stories and poems and I want to be a good writer so I don’t mind negative comments as long as they are not flames. Positive and/or helpful advice and pointers are appreciated and welcomed. Negative, AND unconstructive feedback is not, and will be deleted. Otherwise, feel free to write what you think, with the exception of flames. Thank you!

I don't own any of the characters, except for the ones that I create. The “Law & Order S.V.U.” characters belong to Dick Wolf, Neal Baer, Rene Balcer, Ted Kotcheff, David Burke, Judy McCreary, NBC, The USA Network, any other channel where this show is in syndication, and all the other creators, writers, producers and directors of this TV show. But I’ve written this story, I own this story, and all the others that I write, or have written. Please do not use, copy, post elsewhere, or reproduce it in any way, shape, or form without my permission. Thanks.

Summary: Post-ep for “Loss”. A stand-alone, SHORT fanfic from Detective Olivia Benson’s P.O.V.

Rating: PG – PG-13, depending on author’s whims:)

Contact: Any extra comments (beyond the review) questions, or concerns, Email me at: benbrattlover at yahoo dot com.

Enjoy and after you’re done, please hit the pretty, little purple button at the bottom of the page, and leave me a review. Thank you!

I don’t think that I can do it. Even though it’s the only way to save her life, I have no idea how I’m going to walk into that cemetery tomorrow, pretending Alex is dead. But in a way, I guess that she is. Whatever might happen in the future, the life that Alex had before is gone – FOREVER.

Until Cesar Velez is caught and convicted, or dies, the only way to keep Alex out of danger is to make everyone think she is dead, while hiding her in the Witness Protection Program. But who knows when, or even if that will ever happen. His network is so large, and if Velez can get to Raul Zapata Gaviria in prison, he can get to anybody. Furthermore, Velez being out of the picture, is still no guarantee that its safe and Alex can come back. There’ll probably be someone else to take his place. Even if there isn’t, and Alex is allowed to return, things could be totally different by then.

It’s such a shame. I am going to miss Alex so much. After Monique Jeffries left, Alex was the only close female friend I have on the SVU team. She had become like a sister to me. Even though I’m close with Elliott, it’s not the same. In some ways, our relationship has weakened since the Plummer case, when Elliott went behind my back and ordered FBI protection for me, when I specifically refused it. But then in other ways, our bond has strengthened over the years. Deep down, I have all these feelings about and towards Elliott, which I cannot express, because he is married and we work together. I know that Kathy often resents the friendship Elliott and I have, working so closely, frequently in life and death situations, and I would never want to aggravate the situation, and risk tearing up his family by disclosing how I truly feel about him. That’s when Alex has always been there, listening, supporting, letting me vent……………………

Being the child of rape, with an alcoholic mother, I find it very hard to get close to people – especially men. Other than with Elliott and the others on the SVU squad, I have never been able to sustain any meaningful relationships with men. Granted, the nature of my job doesn’t help matters any, and I barely get past the first date. But Alex is always there for me afterwards, comforting and commiserating. I am going to miss Alex so much. Being an only child, I was thrilled to be such close friends with her. She was like a sister to me. We shared, we worked together, we hung out, and we talked so much and so often. When my mom died, she put me up in her home for over a week so that I would not be alone, and go home to an empty apartment.

Alexandra Cabot has been there for me whenever I’ve needed her, so, for her sake, I’m going to do everything in my power to be there for her, now when she needs me. It’s going to be excruciating tomorrow, pretending she is dead, and knowing that I may never see or hear from her ever again. But its what I have to do. I have to do it for Alex. She is my friend, one of my best friends.

I’ll miss you so much, Alex. Good-bye, my friend…………………………………..

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