|I Woke Up In A Very Scary Middle Earth
Author: albinofrog88 PM
Revised edition girl falls into middle earth, freaks out because english turns out to be the black language, and elves eventually try to set her up.I apologize for spelling errorsRated: Fiction T - English - Parody - Chapters: 3 - Words: 2,357 - Reviews: 6 - Updated: 11-22-03 - Published: 11-07-03 - id: 1591405
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Note: I DO NOT OWN TOLKEIN (please say I spelled that right!!!!!) Nor do I own very many of the characters!!!! I DON"T Own the rights to the movie either since some of the lines are from the movie and not the book.
It all started the day I woke up bald!!! I kid you not. My hair was gone, believe me I even tried to find where it went, thinking my psychotic six year old brother might have thought it funny to shave my head. This was not the case; believe me I wish it was.
Because at that moment my hair grew. And not the pretty silken gold color, know a ratty brown color that looked nothing like my real hair and was wavy and messy. Very messy like a rat's nest. And my hair continued to grow. Until it reached my butt!!! My butt!!! Way too long for me, I mean I take yoga classes and karate, how the hell am I supposed to fight in ruly, knotty ugly hair?
But then my room changed. Or more like left. Like it saw my ugliness and ran fleeing and suddenly I wasn't in Florida anymore. No, no I was in some strangely pretty place that looked eerily familiar.
I can't say I didn't freak out. I screamed. Like there was a huge 30-foot tarantula with my gym teacher's head on it. Like it was throwing basketballs at my head, I screamed. And suddenly someone with really long hair for a guy came up to me. And that was the precise minute I realized I knew exactly where I was. Exactly. I was in cave overlooking a mountain. Just like one of the mountains in Lord Of The Rings. And the guy with really long hair? Legolas. Creepy.
They stared at me like they thought they were seeing things. They started speaking a really weird language that, though it was probably supposed to be elvish sounded more like the snake language in Harry Potter.
"How the hell did a human, a girl, get so high up on a mountain??" –Frodo
"Maybe she's not real??" –Merry "I must admit after not eating for two days I can start seeing little green men sometimes and hear voices in my head telling me to kill. Maybe this is just like that!" –Pippin. (They all stare at Pippin after this. I started to get scared o what they were saying. After a few minutes of staring they start to back away slowly.)
"Maybe we should kill her. She might be after the ring!!!!! "And plus she looks like an elf" under his breath he starts muttering "can't exactly trust elves. Fiendish selfish creatures theys are.." –Gimli (Legolas looks like he's about to rip his head off. I continue to get more and more freaked out because whatever he said, it didn't sound nice.)
"Someone, please tell me one of you speaks English????" (Aragorn grabs his sword and looks like he's gonna use it on me. Gandalf says his hand from striking at me. I scream and start sobbing like a wuss [yeah, yeah, I know, so typical, the tough girl crying. But his sword looked really big!! And I was just starting to notice the freezing cold wind]
"Are you aware your speaking the black speech?" asked a seemingly confused Gandalf.
Now you must understand that I jump to conclusions before I hear the whole thing through. So the second I hear "Are you aware" I jump up and hug Gandalf. I mean not only did he stop blood-thirst Aragorn from plunging his knife into me, but he also found the goodness in his heart to speak my own language, and the maybe (hopefully) tell me just what was going on. But then I heard "black speech" and I froze while hugging him. Because I just realized that if he wasn't joking then I was in deep shit. Because I realized that no matter how much I wanted it all to be a really funny, weird dream, I was getting really, really cold, really, really quickly, and no way in hell it's ever this cold in Florida. Not even in December. And I realized, that if in this weird place, if English was considered the language of the dark lord (and I only know a couple words of Spanish. It's the one class I'm always skipping) then I was in really, really deep shit.
Author's Note: Please don't kill me if you hate it!!! It's going to get funnier eventually!!! And please, please review. It would mean like soooooooooo much to me if you would review. Tell you what, if you review my story, I'll put you in it!!! No matter how many people review it!!! Even like if a hundred people (ha, like that could ever happen) I promise I'll put you in the story. Just tell me what name you want (ya know your screen name or your first name) in your review ad I'll insert you in next chapter. Who knows? I might even make someone a major character!!!!