I lost him. Ripped from me by cruel fate. I think over it and realize how many things I could and should have done differently. All the times I should have opened my heart to him instead of protecting myself, hiding my feelings behind the mask of the Slayer.

I should have told him I loved him.

I remember Spike, the first time I met him. He loomed menacingly across from me in that alley, dark and predatory. He told me he would kill me. I knew then that I would kill him.

And I suppose in a way, I have.

It's funny how fate works. I never would have realized that his death would crush me, like a single butterfly flickering off into oblivion.

I loved him, but I lied to him. I will never again have the chance to tell him the truth.

I lost him.