Mystique's thoughts, a reflection of her freedom.

By MatrixGirl (Aimee M.)

_

It's one of those days. I'm feeling less confident... less inspired... less sure that I've made the right choice. Was it right that I decided to take the red pill? I could have just stopped and gone back to my old life. I had some things there. I was at school, I was doing okay... I mean, I didn't get to study media like I wanted to, but it wasn't so bad. And I had a job, I could basically get whatever I wanted. It was the life, except for that nagging 'thing' in the back of my head. Telling me that something wasn't right. Something was being kept from me... from us. But could I have lived with that? It was warm there. There was sunshine. It was better. It's cold here, icy, nothing. It's cramped. I want to feel the sun on my face again. Is that too much to ask? Yes. It is.

I don't know how to relate to these people here. I seem to get in their way. I feel like a hassle to them. I wish I hadn't said those things to Neo and Trinity, but I can't take it back now. I feel like there's nothing to me. I feel weak. Especially when I'm in The Matrix. I feel like I'm stuck, like I can't move. I can't get the idea into my head that it's not real. It feels too real to not be real. It's where I've lived. It's where I knew people, felt things. How can this all be a computer program, all fake? I'm okay in the real world. I can be strong... I somehow feel stronger than Neo. He seems hesitant, he seems like he leans on Trinity. I don't know, somehow I think he wouldn't do very well without her, she's his rock. He needs her. I'm independent. That makes me better.

Right?