Author: Mizu-Tenshi PM
After an accident Kai can no longer talk. How can he tell Tyson how he feels when he can't speak? How can Tyson tell Kai how he feels when Kai ignores him completely? Maybe words aren't as important as people make them seem. TyKaRated: Fiction T - English - Romance - Kai H. & Tyson G./Takao K. - Chapters: 11 - Words: 24,599 - Reviews: 341 - Favs: 67 - Follows: 8 - Updated: 04-03-04 - Published: 11-21-03 - Status: Complete - id: 1609361
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
"….." Speech '…..' Thought ….. Implied words
Disclaimer: I do not own this anime
Sweet is true love tho' given in vain, in vain;
And sweet is death who puts an end to pain- Alfred Tennyson
The world seemed to melt around that moment.
Kai stood there for so long that he hardly noticed Ray ushering the others outside or the echo of a nurse's footsteps until she patiently tapped Kai on the shoulder.
He turned around then looked up at a tall woman in white uniform. She held a clipboard in one hand and a pen in the other. It could have been Kai's imagination but she never seemed to be able to look him straight in the eye.
"You are his team mate? I need to speak with you," she motioned him away from Tyson.
Kai gave a last look at the boy lying in bed then nodded, following her out of the room
The nurse softly shut the door. The rest of the team stood there patiently, no one said a thing to each other. All eyes were on the nurse and the clipboard she held.
Kai ignored his team mates; his eyes were firmly locked on the nurse. She too seemed too seemed to ignore the others; her eyes matched Kai stare for stare as if she knew how much the little sick boy meant to him.
Silence was only broken by a far-away phone ringing.
The nurse cleared her throat then checked her clipboard. "This must be hard for you, all of you," she passed a quick glance around the others. "Your friend…Tyson…is in quite serious condition. He's awake, but only because we have him on life-support."
Kai knew what was coming next but it was Kenny who spoke.
"Y - you don't mean - " the chief choked on his own words, as if they were too hard to speak.
The nurse looked as if she would rather be somewhere else then here and Kai agreed with her. He would rather be somewhere else too. "He's in a lot of pain. He took a bullet to the stomach."
"No, c'mon, there's gotta be something," Max shuffled uneasily, "There's gotta be something you can do" he laughed nervously.
The nurse began twiddling her fingers. "I'm sorry but…there's…there's really nothing anyone can do about it. I suggest you save yourself some trouble and let us turn the machine off."
Mortified gasps rose from the group but Kai did not join them. He knew. As much as he had tried to deny it, he had known from the moment he laid eyes on Tyson, laying there with wires coming out of his body hooked up to different machines.
"I'm sorry." She seemed to be saying that a lot. "We'll give her some medicine to put her to sleep, then I'll turn the machine off. She won't even know….it'll…..it'll just be like having a very long dream."
'Yeah, one that will last for eternity,' Kai thought. He felt sick and the world began to spin. He felt as if he would throw up but he steeled himself against it. 'Not here,' he told himself. 'Not in front of them'
It just was not fair! As soon as he got better Tyson was sent to hospital. Kai clutched the bit chip in his pocket for reassurance but it hardly helped.
"Are…are you saying that we should…kill…him?" Max shuddered at the thought. "No one would be as heartless as to do that!"
"He's in a lot of pain."
Kai just wished they would all shut up. He wanted this all to be over. He did not know hoe long he could cough back the tears that begged to escape but at the same time he was ashamed for wanting it to be done with.
Kai gulped back the tears, and drowned the ache in his chest.
"Only under one condition," he whispered. It sounded surprisingly calm but then again that was how it always was with him - always calm on the outside while on the inside his heart was tearing him apart.
All eyes were on him now.
"I want," - no that was not right - "I have to pull it." It was the hardest thing he thought he would ever have to say and the shouts of protest made it no easier.
"What! You can't give up Kai!" Kenny's horrified shout mixed in with Maxi's cry of, "why can't we see him too?"
"Stop it!" a harsh voice cut through them. It took a while for Kai to realise that he had not said anything. Though all eyes had switched to Ray his golden orbs were staring intently at Kai. When he spoke his voice quivered. "This is something Kai must do….alone."
Max gulped and nodded, Kenny shook his head and the nurse just sighed.
Kai gave Ray a grateful look as the nurse tugged him back into the room.
"Hey, you're back," Tyson's cheerful yet weak voice hailed him as he entered.
Kai smiled and bit back the tears just a little longer. He had to be strong…..for him.
Tyson patted a spot besides his bed and Kai carefully sat down. Now that he was close Kai could see just how tired Tyson looked, world-weary. He had never seen Tyson world-weary. It did not suit him.
Tyson…a blue-eyed angel still beautiful, still so cute despite the lines or tiredness etched into his face. His angel had had his wings torn. His angel.
"How are you feeling now?" Kai mumbled.
"Could be better," Tyson smiled. He was always cute when he smiled.
Kai faked a laugh. Did he know? Did he know what was going on, or that he was going to die?
"It's snowing," Tyson's voice trembled unsteadily, though Kai had already heard Max murmur it he pretended he had only just realised. "I don't think the nurses would like it if I played in the snow."
Kai flinched. His breathing quickened as he tried to hold back his emotion. The walls of his training were breaking. He did not think he could hold it in.
Biovolt! They would pay and this time he would leave nothing standing even if he had to die in the process.
It was not meant to end this way. Tyson was not supposed to die, he was supposed to grow old, and live a long life. He was still so young, and all of his life had been stolen from him.
'No! Don't think of that. Think positive!' But the anger and the hurt and the pain was there and it would not go away.
"Do you think the nurses will let me out? What did they say to you anyway?" Tyson asked innocently.
"I…I don't think you can come out any time soon." Kai hated lying to Tyson this way. He felt so dirty but he continued regardless of it. "Maybe…..maybe another time."
"The nurses said I'd be fine, didn't they?"
"…..Y - yeah," Kai gulped. God, he felt like scum, lying the way he was, "you're gonna be okay…"
He squeezed his eyes shut as tightly as he could, not letting any tears escape. Tyson leaned against his chest. Kai could feel Tyson breathing, feel his heart beating so faintly. He did not dare to hold him too hard in case he broke something.
'Like a porcelain doll,' Kai mused.
The nurse tapped him on the shoulder. She had an IV bag that held the sedative in her hand. Kai almost choked.
It was time.
No matter how hard Kai tried to hold on it was time. He still could not believe what he was doing. He hated every part of himself but not as much as he hated Biovolt.
"What's that?" Tyson rasped, eyeing the bag suspiciously.
"Just something to send you to sleep," Kai tried to smile. At least he was not lying anymore. Soon Tyson would drift of into a dreamless sleep, one that lasted eternity.
'No more pain…..no more tears…..nothing…...just endless peace.'
"But I don't feel tired," Tyson whined. "My stomach hurts, that's all."
Kai couldn't help but smile at that. Good old Tyson, nothing seemed to keep him down…..it was hard to imagine he was dying if not for the weakness in Tyson's voice, the lines of tiredness and the heart machines slow, heart wrenching beeps.
"You won't leave me, will you?" Tyson's blue eyes begged.
"Wouldn't dream of it" Kai tentatively hugged the smaller boy until he felt him flinch from pain.
They both watched the nurse busy herself with the sedative. Tyson turned to Kai again. Despite the pain in his side he managed a weak grin. "Hey, after this, when I get better do you want a beyblade battle?"
Kai felt his heart shatter but amazingly he held the warm smile on his face. He was so pure…..so innocent….
"Sure, once you're better we'll have a match." He knew he'd go to hell for all the lying that he had done in one day.
Tyson yawned. "Good night, Kai."
"Yeah, night," Kai mumbled.
Tyson yawned again and drifted into dreamless sleep.
Kai stood there silently, observing everything that was Tyson. Blue hair that was unbound spilled down to his shoulders like blue wings…..angel wings.
Would Tyson be an angel? Would he go to heaven? Of course he would, he was too pure to go anywhere else. Briefly, Kai remembered all the times he had with Tyson, the shouting and the yelling as well as the laughter.
The heart monitor beeped again each time it seemed to slow down until the next beep seemed to come just in time.
Kai leaned over and hugged the still boy, one hand wrapped around his angel while the other, trembling hand reached over for the plug to the life machine, drawing blood as he bit his lip.
"I love you," he whispered just loud enough for Tyson to hear if he was awake.
Then he tugged.
The monitor dimmed, the beeps were gone, replaced by a hideous screech. Tyson sighed in his sleep, his final breath. A small, content smile played on those pink lips.
"Oh God…" Kai shook all over, unable to comprehend the depth of his actions. "Leave," he ordered the nurse.
The nurse silently complied, and shutting the door behind her.
Kai drew a long, shuddering breath. What had he done? Tyson could not be dead, he just could not be dead - he would not accept that.
"Tyson…Tyson, wake up, you're all better, the hospital fixed you. Open your eyes, damn you. Wake up!" He sobbed his final words, breaking down. He was too tired of keeping back the tears, who was he hiding them from anyway? He let go, let them escape and they washed over him like a tidal wave, wracking his chest and making his head spin.
"Damn it, Tyson!" Kai pounded his fist against the side of the bed. "Damn it, why won't you wake up? You can't leave me like this!"
He just wished that he could hear him laugh just one more time or see him smile. Even is Tyson got mad at him and yelled at him that would be something, even if Tyson told him what a pathetic excuse for a human being he was that would have been welcomed.
"Damn it," he cried out. "Why? It wasn't meant to be this way! Why did it have to end this way?"
Just five more minutes, two even, a few seconds would have done. Just a few seconds for Kai to say all the things he had meant to say, all the things he was too proud or too cold or too scared to say. Just a little longer…..but it was hopeless.
Never before had he had any real meaning in life but to be the best. Tyson had given him the belief of something more, something better. Where were those heroic ideals and undying kindness that Tyson was full of?
His faith, his hope, his belief in life…died in his arms as he tried desperately to revive it. Without Tyson, what did his life mean?
'…It's snowing…' Tyson's voice haunted his thoughts.
Was it his fault things had turned out this way? Could things have been different? What would have happened if he had never lost his voice in the first place?
Kai stopped, brushing away his tears and stood up. He shook his head to chase away those unanswered questions. He found he was able to collect his other thoughts, of which there was only one.
He could not join Tyson yet, wherever he was, there were still things he had to do and promises he had to keep.
It was snowing heavily now. Icy just like his heart, just like the bodies he left behind in a blazing path of vengeance.
He had a purpose, he could not die just yet.
Kai left the hospital without a word to his friends, stepping out to where Biovolt lay.
And all the while the snow came down.
Well, I'd love to stay but I've become uncomfortably aware of those brandishing swords and I have to get away from those hounding for my blood. I'm gonna update Twisted Roses soon and then I think I'll try something happier. Thanks to all who reviewed, 'til then.