Richie had called his date with Melaina short, her boss told her if she kept flirting on the job, he'd fire her, so Richie headed back up to his hotel room. When he went in, he saw Amber lying on the bed, pretty much out of it, like she had a hangover or something.

"Hey Amber, what's going on?"

As Richie said that, he jokingly planted a fair whack to Amber's butt.

"Ouch!" Amber shot up, "Don't touch me, Richie Ryan, DON'T TOUCH ME!"

"Sheesh, I'm sorry, what happened to you?" Richie asked.

"Duncan."

"What?" Richie asked.

"I don't know what did it, but one minute, Duncan was making a big deal out of me putting a lobster in his bed, the next thing I knew, he dragged me into his room, took me over his knee and spanked me," Amber said.

"Hard?" Richie asked.

Of course he knew it was a stupid question, how else would he have spanked her?

"Well it wasn't easy, I know that much," Amber said.

"How many times did he do it?" Richie asked.

The most times he remembered Duncan spanking him was 18 at the most.

"I counted at least 50," Amber said.

"FIFTY?" Richie asked.

"Yeah, although I started count after about the first 20 times," Amber said, "then I lost count after 50."

"I don't believe this, Mac hardly ever spanked me, and if he did, it was only because I really deserved it, he did this because you put a lobster in his bed?" Richie asked.

"He was sleeping in the nude, and I did put Sparky in the middle of the bed..."

"Sparky? You named the lobster Sparky? Amber, you name an electric eel Sparky, a lobster you name..."

"Shutup Richie," Amber said, "in any case, if that lobster happened to get into the right place, I can see why he's so ticked off at me."

"What did he say?" Richie asked.

"He said that when the lobster pinched him, he jumped out of bed and hit the ceiling, he looked like it too," Amber said.

"Wait a minute, wait a minute..."

"I'm waiting," Amber smiled.

"There ARE child abuse laws nowadays, didn't anyone hear you?" Richie asked.

"I doubt it, the rooms in this hotel are practically sound proof," Amber said, "for a while, I could barely hear me."

*************************************************************************************************

"Duncan, what in the world are you wearing?"

Amanda came up the hallway and saw Duncan tying a knot in the ends to what looked like a tie dye tangerine colored skirt.

"It's called a sarong," Duncan said.

"I know what it is, why are you wearing it?" Amanda asked.

"Because, Amber got to the rest of my laundry for this trip," Duncan said.

"Amber? Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure, I found them coverd in bleach and corn starch, the seats were ripped out of my jeans, and in one pair, there was a lobster."

"The same one that pinched you in the..."

"Yes! Yes!" Duncan said, "That one, I should know, I know every pincher in its claw personally...although she must be back to her old games, I can't find her anywhere."

"Well I looked all over, and I can't find Richie anywhere," Amanda said.

"Have you seen Connor?" Methos came up.

"Wonderful," Duncan turned to Amanda, "how do you like that? Now everyone is missing!"

"I'm serious, I looked all over the hotel, and every square inch for the next 5 miles," Methos said.

"Well, Richie has mentioned seeing his girlfriend lately, he could be out on a date," Amanda said.

"That makes sense, if Connor could make a date that lasts, that makes even more sense, but where'd that troll get to?" Duncan asked.

"Duncan."

"Not now, Methos, I have to find her, for all I know, she's probably putting hermit crabs in my shoes."

"Duncan."

"Methos, if you find her, let me know, don't nag me at every point!"

Duncan turned around and walked off, with Sparky on the back of his shirt.

"Suit yourself," Methos exhaled.

*************************************************************************************************

Connor staggered into the entrance of the hotel and found Richie and Amber filling up a giant washtub with something.

[This should be interesting,] he thought.

He watched as they took their shoes off and jumped in and started squashing the contents.

"What in the world are you 2 doing?" Connor asked.

"We're trying to stomp this stuff into a gradual matter," Richie said.

"What are you...dancing in?" Connor asked.

"Coconut oil and butter," Amber answered.

Connor's stomach turned when he heard that.

"What are you 2 doing? Get out, get out of there!" Connor grabbed Richie and pulled him out of the tub, "get out of there! What are you trying to do? Poison the customers?"

"It isn't for dinner, Connor, it's for..."

"Ah, Connor!" Duncan came up, "I see you found them."

"Yeah, it sounds to me like these 2 are trying to kill the people checking in here, look at what they're doing a Russian folkdance in," Connor pointed.

"Eck, what is it?" Duncan asked.

"Coconut oil and butter," Richie said.

"Richie, I know you didn't get compliments from wearing that sarong yesterday, but what in the hell are you doing stomping around in the food?" Duncan asked.

"It's not food, but we'll have to remember that when we go home," Amber said.

"If it isn't food, what is it?" Duncan asked.

"Step 1," Richie said.

"Of what?" Connor asked.

"Furniture varnish," Amber said.

"WHAT!" Duncan and Connor asked.

"The manager said he's trying to re-varnish the furniture, it's something he makes from scratch, normally, he'd do it himself, but he's afraid his customers will get the wrong idea about his psychiatrical health...so he asked us if we would, and we agreed," Amber said.

"What's step 2?" Duncan asked.

"Hot tar and turbintine," Richie said.

"Now this I want to see," Duncan laughed.

"You can," Richie told him.

"Because you're doing step 2," Amber said.

"WHAT?" Duncan asked.

*************************************************************************************************

"Dead on my feet," Duncan stumbled into his room.

"You should be so lucky," Amber said.

"Hot tar, turbintine, rubber cement, hot candle wax, my feet are killing me," Duncan groaned.

"Good, now imagine that pain in your ass," Richie said.

"I beg your pardon?" Duncan raised his head.

"We weren't making any furniture varnish, we just had you stomp around in that stuff to suffer," Amber said.

"Are you kidding? The manager told me...

"He was in on it, we arranged the whole thing," Richie said.

"WHAT! Richie, what's the idea of making me make a fool of myself?"

"You still did just by wearing that skirt, this was for revenge," Richie said.

"Revenge for what?" Duncan asked.

"Duncan, I can't sit down even when using a pillow, hell, it'll be Friday before I can use the toilet," Amber said.

"Are you serious?" Duncan asked.

"You want a visual aid of how my rumproast looks?" Amber asked.

"No thank you," Duncan said.

"You got no problem with doing it, but you don't want to know what happened afterwards?" Richie asked.

"What? Richie I...Amber you...I DON'T KNOW WHERE TO BEGIN WITH YOU!"

"Well Mac, what was the idea of striking her 70 times?" Richie asked.

"I what?" Duncan asked.

"It wasn't 70 times, Richie," Amber told him.

"See?" Duncan asked.

"It was 78," Amber said.

"WHAT!" Duncan turned back around.

*************************************************************************************************

"Hey Mac, come on in, have a seat."

"No thanks Joe, I don't think I can."

"What? Why?"

"Richie and Amber really had it in for me, they tied me up, threw me down on the bed on my stomach, and beat my ass till it was bright red."

"Why'd they do that?"

"Amber I know why, Richie I can't figure out, Amber put a lobster in my bed today and it got me, I didn't know what to do with her, so when the thought entered my head, I just went with it."

"What'd you do?"

"Took her into my room and put her over my knee and spanked her 78 times," Duncan said.

"78?" Joe looked up, "I know she's been a bad girl, but isn't that kinda severe?"

"Well...Joe, it's like watching a juvenile Richie, only this time, it's with 2 attitudes, every time I see her, I don't know what to expect, the good humored, regular Amber, or the head spinning, vomiting, shaking and swearing, beat-an-officer-within-an-inch-of-his-life Amber. I know she can take care of herself, but it scares the hell out of me, when we first met, I thought she was just a brat, then I realized she had a chip on her shoulder the size of a phone book, then, she started coming and going like a boarder, now that she's thinking of permanently moving in with us...I'll be surprised if she doesn't try to behead me when I'm asleep," Duncan said.

"Guess what you could never imagine's finally happening," Joe said.

"Huh?"

"Shortly after you met her, you said you couldn't imagine having to put up with another human life for their whole life...well it looks like you're going to find out," Joe told him.

"You know, there are times I wonder if she heard me and figured I didn't want her around."

"Do you?"

"I don't...maybe, I'm not sure, I'm used to people coming and going, one way or the other, she moves in with us, I'm probably going to go crazy," Duncan said.

"Well I'd say you're well on your way," Joe said, "last night I talked to Amber and..."

"Last night? When did you talk to her?"

"Shortly after you went to your room, she said that she's planning on picking up and leaving once we get back to Germany, so I guess you got your wish," Joe said.

"Maybe I did...but it feels like punishment, she and Richie are practically joined at the hip most of the time...back when he first came to live with us, he worked solo...and he was gone for some time, I just can't imagine what it's going to be like having those two together and I can't imagine what it'd be like without them together."

"So what're you saying?" Joe asked.

"I say tomorrow, we get the heck out of Hawaii and go home and see what happens," Duncan said.

End of chapter 6