A/N: I've gone through this before. Writing stories and never finishing them, but I hope to complete this one. I've been on a fanfic reading binge for awhile and I've had the urge to write one of my own, again.

Summary: After a certain, significant event that takes place in Quistis' life, she makes a slight turn around-in the wrong direction. She begins to take more risks, and begins living on the darker side of life. The concern from her friends is evident, but they never, truly see the extent of the damage she's done to herself. One person's concern for her is so strong, that he begins to fall into the same fate as she. Quistis/Squall. So far I have not seen a fic quite like this one about these two characters in particular. R for fetishes/drug use and abuse/suicidal behavior/intense sexuality/strong language/possible yaoi and yuri.

"Disastrous Behavior"

*~~~*

"Is she going to make it, Rinoa?"

"The doctor said she suffered from trauma to her brain, cracked her spine and is suffering from tremendous blood loss…"

"So basically there ain't no tellin'?"

"Yes, Irvine. We wait."

"I feel like it was my fault, Squall… Man, I shouldn't have let her go off alone!"

"It wasn't your fault, or anyone else on the squad, Zell. It was them; the terrorists."

"Visiting hours are over."

*~~~*

She heard all of this, though physically unconscious. For such a long time, she was utterly convinced she was dead. Her body unmoving, and with all of the strength she could muster, no muscle in her body would cooperate. Frightened. No, not frightened. Quistis Trepe was terrified she would never awaken. They called her condition comatose. Comatose. She may be lost forever, spoken of in the past tense. There was so much she could have done, should have done-so much she wished to experience, and now she may never get the opportunity. Very few things did she truly regret, but the one thing she regretted the most was holding so much back.

That was six months ago.

The situation with the renegade terrorists was not quite solved, but the SeeDs' and Deling officials were beginning to gain the upper hand. Many SeeD's have been placed within Deling as protection for the citizens' of the city until all the culprits are apprehended. So many lives had been lost before the SeeD's were called into duty, their assistance strongly requested. And because of who the SeeD's were, their forces rushed to the rescue. Unfortunately, the severity of the situation was gravely underestimated, and nearly resulted in the demise of a strong, intelligent, respected and important asset to the Balamb Garden.

Quistis Trepe however, was alive and well at this time. Walking, talking, but never the same. How could she be? Death had nearly swept her away, taken hold to never release, and she was powerless to stop it--almost.

She could easily recall many conversations that were spoken of within her hospital room. The arguments, the tears, the pleas, passion and anger; it at times overwhelmed her so much to where she wished to let go, just so she couldn't hear them, couldn't feel their pain. Within the fourth month of her slumber, there was conversation of pulling her plug. There was much debate, from each side. But, perhaps, what struck her, and in the worst way was her friends, the ones she'd grown up with and learned to love were ready to end her life for her. And perhaps, they should have.

But one objected.

"Give her more time." A normally emotionless Leonhart quietly pleaded, his eyes narrowed, his contemplative visage, unyielding. There was, however, a lingering touch of passion behind the monotone of the request. Many one way conversations were carried between them. He, possibly, was the one who spent the most time by her bedside in the late hours of the night, till the early hours of the morning. He spoke of many things, things she was certain he would have never said to her while she were conscious. Despite the battles they had been through, and the emotional trauma, he was still distant from them all, Rinoa included. But what he shared with her…it was like he was opening his soul to her completely. She was better than talking to a wall, though as lifeless and inanimate as one. She offered support even in her unconscious state.

That was enough to will her to awaken.

And he was the first person she laid her eyes upon. His smoky, grey eyes focused upon her motionless hands, it taking him several moments to realize life had been breathed between her pale lips once more. She smiled-and so did he.

And in the present, things were back to normal.

No, that wasn't true at all. Things were normal for everyone, accept her.

There was an unnatural foreboding that dwelled within Quistis. A certain hunger she couldn't quench. A hunger she didn't fully understand.

Her body had recovered--but her mind was different…

* * *

The Instructor sighed heavily as her students concentrated upon their task at hand-their written SeeD exam. Many appeared to be struggling, others seemed to zip right through it. There should have been a sense of accomplishment in this, knowing that at least half the class would pass, when only an average of a handful normally do so. Was it her teaching efforts, or was she merely gifted with a class that was eager to learn all the materials needed, and pass with flying colors? Her mind had been so easily distracted, it was doubtful in her mind that she was the one who needed to be congratulated for their accomplishments. Quite frankly, each day class was in session, she'd only pray for the day to end.

"Pencils down, and pass your exams forward."

Several had completed the mandatory test, while others groaned in protest, but complied with the request. Once the first person in each row had gathered the exams from their fellow students, Quistis lazily, and almost clumsily rose from her wooden desk chair and gathered the papers into a single stack upon her arm. Her expression was cold as well as emotionless, however, she did catch the activity occurring within the corner of her blue eye between a pair of her students. A note was being past from one to the other. "Aaron and Shaline…"

Both students froze, the male of the pair pulling back the note which he was about to hand his friend. They both stared wide eyed at their Instructor who regarded them with calm authority. "Would you be so kind as to hand me that little note in your hand, Myers?"

All eyes were painfully placed upon the student mentioned as he slowly stood from his desk and approached his teacher with downcast eyes. Aaron was once a Trepie, soon seceding from the union of the Trepe fan club when she placed him in the disciplinary room for skipping class. His pride was bruised, and couldn't bring himself to worship a woman who had treated him so unjustly in his eyes.

Placing the paper in her open palm, he scurried to his desk to gather his items once the bell sounded, ringing in all their ears. School was over. Finally. Trepe merely clenched the folded paper in her hand as she returned to her desk, and delivered no parting words to her students. She only plopped into her desk chair, setting the stack of tests before her. Once she heard the door shut behind the final student, she relaxed, somewhat, and slumped carelessly in her seat. These tests before her, she really had no desire in grading just yet, while the Quistis she herself used to know, would have not wasted time procrastinating and begun the task until such was complete. However, that was another part of her that changed.

Carefully fingering the slip of parchment, she cast her glance upon it until her attention was taken away from the item when a knock at her classroom door was heard. Dropping the parchment onto the desk, she spoke, "Come in."

An exuberant Zell swiftly opened the door and shut it behind him with a near slam, which made him flinch, but Quistis remained unmoving as her eyes wandered to his form. "Hey Quisty! I've got something to ask ya!"

Quistis waved her hand carelessly for him to continue. This caused him to frown, but only slightly. They had all noticed her change in attitude toward them all, but were informed by the doctors that she only needed time to recover from the full shock of the incident. Then the Quisty they knew and adored would return to them in full. But for now, there was to be no mentioning of the past events, and help her focus on the present as well as the future. Yet it was a difficult task, while she was slowly and purposefully shunning them all away.

"We were all gonna hang out tonight in Deling for dinner and we wanted to know if, you'd come with us." Zell inquired sweetly, his energy slight evident in his tone as well as mannerisms as he sat rather casually at the end of a student desk in front of her own.

Trepe didn't reply for several moments, her brows furrowed as if intensely concentrating. It had been difficult for her to fully accept his friendship once again. They didn't know it, and no one did, that she knew of their plan to end her life without her consent even though she was in no condition to do so. Their thinking was vaguely understood, but the agony of it all outweighed that understanding. And all that was left was anger, hurt, and betrayal. "Who is we?" Her tone still carried that emotionless vibe that irked Dincht to no end.

"Oh, you know…" Zell began, "Me, Selphie, Rinoa, Irvine, Squall…"

Squall. The only one of the bunch she did not internally despise somewhere deep inside of her soul. He was against her extinction. He was the only one that cared.

"Not tonight."

"But Quisty-"

She held up a hand to end his protest. Reluctantly, the SeeD silenced himself, but added a pout as a last attempt for her to change her mind. "I have things to do," she told him, gesturing to the stack of papers.

"They can wait!" Zell continued to pout, "You haven't been out with us in so long, since the acc-" He quickly shut his mouth, but of course not quick enough to evade the heated glare he received from the Instructor.

"Now you need to leave." If she were capable of tears, the remembrance of it all would have caused them to shed.

The blond boy regrettably stood to his feet, defeated and guilty. He never meant to mention it, but sometimes his words would fly too fast for him to catch. "I'm sorry, Quisty." His heart simply ached.

"Good night." Quistis merely stated, her tone cold as arctic ice. Her gaze was like stone to her stack of papers until the male left her classroom. When she was satisfied with the click of the door, her arm swung at the exams, the papers flying through the air as if carried by a short, and forceful zephyr. The anger that surged through her veins was barely controllable, her face and fingers on fire. It was a wonder she remembered the tiny note which still lay to her right. Curiosity invaded, which caused her to read the small parchment quickly, but thoroughly.

~Have you heard of that nightclub in Deling called "Underground Illusion?"

~~Yeah, it's weird. I heard Goth people, and rockers, pimps and stuff go there. There's like, a lot of drugs and stuff. Real creepy.

~I don't know. A friend of mine went there like, yesterday, and said he had a blast, though he wasn't real specific on what went on.

~~Are you going to check it out?

~Might. Wanna come with me?

"Underground Illusion"? The name itself was fairly intriguing, and the danger that was mentioned was even more alluring. The old Quistis would have turned her nose cursed the idea of such a place existing. But this new, and almost unreadable Quistis was far more than just intrigued with this nightclubs' existence…she was captivated.

Work would wait tonight.

* * *

"You said what!?" Selphie shrilled the question as she stared at Zell with disbelieving eyes. "How could you!?"

Zell ran his fingers through his hair as he hung his head low. He sat at one of the cafeteria lunch tables, elbows to the edge as he spoke about the conversation between himself and Quistis, as well as her answer to the invitiation and Zell's slip of the lip. "I didn't mean to! She made me so sad..."

Selphie refrained from smacking him on the back of the head for his slip, only because he looked so pathetic slumped over like a child, guilty for breaking his mothers' favorite vase. Irvine pat Selphie's shoulder in an attempt to calm her down, and keep from ringing the poor boys' neck. "She makes us all sad, Zell. Maybe someone else ought to go talk to her."

The girl with the raven hair tenderly rubbed Zell's back in an affectionate manner. They all knew he hadn't meant to make that mistake, but what was done was obviously done, and there was no going back to strip her of that memory, of those horrid memories. "I'll go talk to her."

"No, you won't Rinoa." Squall protested from the other side of the table. His face held it's usual, far off expression, as if he were disconnected from the world and everything around. In truth, he had been listening to it all, and came upon his own conclusion of what should be done.

Rinoa visibly frowned, and opened her mouth to protest, but the Commander stepped in before she was given the opportunity to say anything at all. She hated when he did that. "We'll leave her alone. The more we press the issue, the more distant she will become."

"But Squall, I think she really needs us!" Selphie argued with the high ranking SeeD. His expression didn't falter in the slightest, which usually meant his mind would not be changing.

"Leave her alone."

Although there was the vaguest doubt in his mind, Irvine nodded in agreement with Leonhart. They all wished to pull her from the dark abyss she had fallen into, but all they could offer was support. She knew it was there, and it was her move whether to take it or not. Forcing her to do so was the wrong course of action and could backfire painfully. "Squall's right guys. We just need to give her time and space, and she'll come 'round in no time."

Zell sighed, running his fingers over his eyes. The guilt was thick, and his heart beat rapidly in his chest. "I think I should at least apologize."

Squall folded his arms at his chest as he slouched ever so slightly in his seat, "Did you apologize before you left her?"

Zell nodded, his head still down, eyes averted from everyone else.

"Then don't bother. Once is enough."

Heartily frowned at her lover. For some reason she felt he was being unusually cold this evening. Yet, her visage softened once she considered he may simply be concerned like the rest of them, and was only saying what he though was best for his mutual, childhood friend. "So what do we do?"

At this time, Squall stood to leave them, straightening his jacket before regarding them one final time. "We'll follow through with our plans for the night." 'Even if they will be difficult to enjoy...' "Seven o'clock, right?"

The rest nodded.

"I have a few things to take care of. I'll meet you all there." With that, Leonhart turned his back to the rest of his friends. It was the first time during their meeting that his expression faltered into the vaguest look of sadness. Deep within his mind, he knew. He knew what kept Quistis down, but wasn't sure. He didn't want to mention it to the others in case it's not the reason, and causing them needless worry and guilt would only make things worse. No, it was better to keep everything he thought and felt to himself. Maybe...things would come out for the better by themselves.

Zell made one final, exasperated sigh, and looked about him to each face that wore the same, worried, and down trodded expression. Quistis was sad. And now they all were. "So...whose hungry?"

* * *

When was the right time to arrive at a night club? Nine? Ten? Quistis didn't know. Why would she? She'd never attended a place like this. Another issue was at hand. What to wear. Her closet was mostly filled with casual wear, too casual for a nightclub, as well as elegant, ballroom attire. Far too dressy. Accept, maybe...

Her eyes searched through her garments fluidly, as if looking for something inparticular, yet nothing inparticular at all. Until she came upon it. A simple, scarlet satin dress, it's length ending just above the knee, spaghetti strapped and low cut. One could only wonder where she acquired such a thing. A memory did creep into her mind. A shopping binge with Rinoa and Selphie, both partners in fashion urging her to purchase the item. She thought the buy to be a complete mistake until this moment. However, the remembrance of the two didn't bring back any warm or fuzzy feelings. Just a distant, broiling hatred.

Shaking her hand, free of it's clip, she pulled the dress from it's hanger and slipped it over her black bra and matching panties. Something struck her as odd, and a deep pain settled in her stomach. Her eyes were no longer familiar to her. She was no longer familiar. This person in the mirror was a total stranger she couldn't recall. It was a disturbing sight, to see oneself and not know who they are...

A deplorable feeling took her over, and she turned from the mirror with haste. Disgusting.

Only partly satisfied with her appearance, she grabbed a raven duster from her rack of clothing and slipped it on. Snatching her small purse from her desk which simply contained a key to one of the vehicles she signed in to drive for the night and directions to the nightclub, she made a final glance to the clock. Nine thirty. Late enough. She moved to slip out of her room, and shut off the lights in her wake.

Her high-heeled boots tapped against the polished flooring a little louder than she would have preferred. One thing she didn't care for at the moment was the attention from those within the Garden. Hyne knew she recieved enough as it were. She wanted to be left alone, yet a large part of her still yearned for acceptance, for friendship, for love...

So much had happened, and so much was still going on inside of her heart, mind, and soul; an internal battle no where near ending. Perhaps this outing away from everyone and everything she is familiar with would cause her mind to flee from worry and become temporarily tranquil.

Fuck!

Why couldn't they still be out? Or even better, in their dorm rooms? Isn't it past curfew yet? No, but there was no wrong in dreaming.

One could hear Rinoa's high-pitched giggling a mile away. It repulsed her how that damned girl could feel so...light, so happy. Or at least fake it. And Selphie was no better. Always upbeat and full of fucking caffeine.

These thoughts of her friends were not familiar either, but she was certain she felt them. And strongly. So strongly, the last thing she wanted was for this duo to take notice of her attempting to slip out of the Garden unnoticed. As quickly as her feet could carry her, she returned to her room, nearly barging through her own door, stumbling over her own feet, and shutting the door behind her. With her ear placed carefully to the door, she could hear them continue to approach, their voices hushed, and inquiring something to each other. Perhaps the noise, the clicking of boots rushing from their way? Quistis couldn't tell, but relief washed over her as they passed her door by with no question to visit her quarters. For some reason however, this upset her as well. They didn't care either. But Quistis wasn't sure what she wanted from them more.

Quickly bypassing her quarters and well off down the hall, she made a second attempt to leave her room unnoticed, shutting the door carefully behind, and dashed off down the hallway once more.

Away from the dorms. She was nearly home free. A twinge in her stomach was set off. Anxiety. Fear. She was entering a realm unknown to her, everything would be so unfamiliar, every turn a disastrous hazard. How silly. She was a SeeD, and if she could handle Sorceress' who tried to accomplish Time Compression, or...terrorists...she could handle a sillly nightclub.

Coming upon the circle hall, coming upon the parking garage, she came to an abrupt halt as she hear someone cough behind her. She knew whom made the gesture, which caused her blood to freeze, but only for an instant. Slowly, the Instructor turned to face her former student with...faint kindness. "Something I can do for you, Commander?" She as softly as said Commander began to approach her, almost hesitately.

"You could tell me where you are going." As usual, his voice was at a monotone, emotionless.

Well Quistis could match that quite nicely. "On a date." She lied.

Squall raised a brow, a little taken back by her answer, but wasn't quite satisfied. That would mean she lied to Zell, and that was unlike Quistis, and a step in the wrong direction. "Then why did you tell Zell you were going to be working tonight?"

"Can't a girl get a break?" Trepe answered his question with a question of her own.

This was the first time Squall had bothered to look into her eyes. They were a dark blue, but dull. As if, most life had vanished even though she was standing there, living and breathing. He was never one to pay attention to frivilous details, but this was just too hard and obvious to miss. "So whose the guy?'

"Seifer." She lied again. Squall, again, was taken aback, gaping as she spoke the name. But before he could say anything else, she turned on her heel and waved dismissively at him and she disappeared into the parking lot hallway. "Sleep well, Commander."

This was the first time Squall had ever been pained by her words.

She lied, again.

End of Part one

~~~

A/N: Short, but only because I want to see the feed back. Reviews are very important mind you. If I get one positive review, I will surely continue. Until then :)