Disclaimer: I do not own Evangelion.

Always All Ways

Chapter one – You’ve Got To Be Kidding Me

After the whole third impact fiasco, the employees of NERV slowly but surely left the said employer. Some say the benefits just weren’t
good enough after Commander Ikari left, some say that NERV is cursed and that its employees were doomed to a life of infertility. Shinji,
unexpectedly, was one of the earliest NERV employees to leave. Although his alcoholic goddess of a guardian offered him her company
and humble abode, Shinji politely refused, insisting that the independence was what he needed.

It has been a year since Shinji left Tokyo-3. Through government subsidies and a few side jobs, he had managed a modest, if not decent,
life for himself. His grades were top notch and he was looking forward to getting his college acceptance letters.

And it is here that this story begins, three month later, with our protagonist, Shinji Ikari, taking his first step into his would be dormitory.

In front of main entrance of Hideaki Hall, stood the savior of mankind. That is, until a girl rudely bumped into him. “Move it you idiot! If
you’re going to stand somewhere like a tree stump do it somewhere else.” Of course, Shinji was oblivious. Had he been paying attention, he
would have caught the girl’s exasperated sigh and mutter, “Idiots, they’re everywhere.”

Shinji’s eyes were glazed like diabetes inducing donuts as he stared off into the autumn sun. Despite the face that his life was no where near
danger, Shinji saw his whole life flash by. He remembered his childhood, his father, Eva, the people he had met and worked with. He even
remembered opening his letter of acceptance and the how bad the hangover had hurt the next morning.

Shinji smiled a little. Kensuke enlisted as a military journalist. Touji and Hikari were an item and were both enrolled in the University of
Kyoto. Misato had climbed her way up the ladder of NERV, a reformed public institution dedicated to research and development, and
became its President. Rei and Asuka, however, Shinji haven’t heard anything from. He hadn’t had to heart to contact them and neither of
the two tried to contact him.

Caught in his thoughts, Shinji was at the end of yet another collision. “Move it retard!” His motor functions were finally jolted awake and
directed movement. As he walked down the hall, something irked him. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it, but something was afoot.

Before too long he had found his way to the housing office and proceeded to sign in. “Excuse me, miss, I’m Shinji Ikari and I’m here to sign
in.”

“Yes sir, sign your name here please, and just show me your photo ID and I’ll get you the keys.”

Shinji handed the nice lady his student ID card and waited, and waited some more for the keys. A few more seconds past and nothing. As
he looked at the lady expectantly, the nice lady suddenly wasn’t nice anymore. “Excuse me sir, what do you think you’re doing? Do you
think this is funny?”

Shinji, bewildered as to why the lady had a sudden change in mood, simply and intelligently muttered an “excuse me?”

“Is this a joke to you? You think you’re funny don’t you?”

Shinji, being the meek boy wonder who saved the world once or twice or however many times replied, “no ma’m, I assure you, I certainly
do not find you or anything humorous.”

The lady fumed. “You think you’re smart don’t you? I’m calling security, we’ll see who’s laughing then.”

Feeling a little threatened, Shinji took decisive action, after all, who would want campus security called on them the very same day they
move in? “Damn it lady, I don’t know what’s going on here but would you please at least tell me why you’re getting upset before calling the
security?”

“Why? Because unless you’re just a really ugly girl you don’t belong here.”

“Hey who’re you calling ugl…” Shinji paused for a moment, “what?”

It took him and the housing office two hours to settle the problem. Apparently, the school had messed up on his application and had Shinji
registered as female, ergo the girl dorm. Since the semester was about to start, there were no available off campus apartments available.
And Shinji, not wanting to live on the streets when school starts, made a desperate plea to President Misato of NERV, and had her promise
the housing department that he would not try anything shameful with his fellow room mates. But even that was not enough for the housing
department. He had to use half of his savings account as a “good behavior” deposit.

Exhausted from bickering and bargaining for his room, Shinji slowly walked up to his designated dorm complex. He had a simple suitcase, a
box of textbooks that cost more than a kidney, and a box of cooking utensils. The door beeped as he slid his keycard through its reader.
The door creaked open. “Yay,” Shinji exclaimed in monotone, “I’m home.”

His dorm was an apartment; there was a living room, a kitchen, two bathrooms, and four bedrooms. The carpet was spotless. “Hello?” he
called out, “anyone here?” Shinji got no reply. He shrugged to no one in particular like an idiot and thought to himself, “at least I’ve got first
dibbs on the bedrooms.”

A moment of pondering later, Shinji secured the room facing the east and claimed it as his. The sun ascents from the east, and had he been
more poetic he would have found some poignant about that, but no, Shinji Ikari was a realist. The piercing rays of the rising sun would wake
him up in the morning, at least he hoped.

He finished unpacking and gave some thought to how life would be. It was quite uncomfortable for Shinji, really, to have to live with three
complete strangers of the opposite sex. He didn’t know what to expect. Sure, he used to live with two females but they were the furthest
things from normal. Both of his previous housemates had abandonment issues, one was passive-aggressive and had an inferiority complex,
while the other the Peter Pan complex. Besides, Misato and Asuka were total slobs, lacking in all domestic skills and had a tendency to
“synchronize”. And it was then that Shinji felt a wave of relief. His roommates couldn’t possibly be worse than Asuka and Misato.

Giving his room a once over. The dorm was furnished with basics, a bed, and a study desk in each bedroom, and a dinner table and a
couch for the living room. Satisfied with things so far, Shinji took his first nap.

He woke up to an unfamiliar ceiling and a hauntingly familiar voice. “Excuse me? Hello?”

Shinji got up and cautiously made his way to the living room. What he saw shocked and to some extent terrified him. A certain redhead had
her arm extended for a handshake.

“Hello, nice to make your acquaintance, I’m Asuka Langly Sor…”

“Oh you have got to be kidding me,” He grunted.

“You!”

“Yes me.”

“Why are you at this school? Where the hell have you been? How come I never heard from you? wait, Why the hell are you in the girls
dorm Shinji? Don’t answer that. I knew you were a pervert. You know what, don’t talk to me.”

The two ex-pilots were now sitting across the dinner table from each other. A few seconds later Asuka tossed her hands in the air in
frustration, “Well, aren’t you going to say anything?”

“But you just told me to not talk to…”

“God you’re annoying, shut up.”

“Well, my other two roommates couldn’t possibly be worse.” He thought to himself.

AN: I’m fucking retarded. Later chapters will be longer.