Disclaimer: Ranma ½ isn’t mine, it belongs to Rumiko Takahashi and Viz Communications. Buy Ranma related products and support your local anime shop.

Author note: Here we are at chapter 13, and here’s where things start to pick up a bit. Cologne has made it to Nerima, how will our hero cope? Stay tuned…

First I Giveth

Chapter 13 Amazon Elder Hates You

By Marik Kurakashi

“Akane!” Ryoga yelled as he approached the jogging trio.

“Ryoga?” the named girl asked, blinking as he charged at them.

“Oh Akane, you’re safe! I thought Haircare had gotten you.” the lost boy said breathlessly, hunching over to catch his breath.

“Haircare?” Nabiki asked, looking at her little sister’s hairdo.

“What the hell are you talking about?” Ranma asked before Akane could start to get mad at that.

“Another Amazon, after Shampoo. Shampoo herself told me that this girl is a ruthless fighter and would kill Akane if ordered to!” the sometimes pig said, waving his arms in overstated panic.

“What? Why is she after me?” Akane asked, any ire at the unintentional insult gone.

“She’s not, it’s just… I dunno.” he responded, crossing his arms sternly.

“You don’t know?” Nabiki asked, leaning in to glare at him.

“Of course not!” Ryoga snapped right back, shirking away from her glare.

“And why not?” Ranma put in, glowering at his nominal rival.

“Because I forgot.” he said, triggering a mass face fault.

“Ryoga!” the trio yelled in unison, all three shooting back to their feet.

“What?” he asked, shrinking away from them.

“What were you thinking?” Akane asked, clearly exasperated with him.

“Yeah, you need get your memory checked.” Nabiki uttered, crossing her arms and shaking her head disapprovingly.

“Really man, why did you get us worked up for nothing?” Ranma said, looking disappointed in the lost boy.

“But it isn’t nothing!” the berated boy shot back, finally getting his backbone back. “If this Haircare person can scare Shampoo, she must be a formidable opponent!”

“That’s true, but what evidence do you have she’ll be after Akane?” Nabiki asked, getting into Ryoga’s private space.

“Well,” he said, backing away from the middle Tendo sister. “none really.”

“Yeah, that’s what I thought.” Nabiki said, walking around him. “Hey, let’s not dawdle any longer, or we’ll be late for dinner.

Ranma and Akane spared a quick glance at the panicked pig boy before they too simply walked around him. Once they were past him, they all went back to jogging, paying no mind to Ryoga or his warning. He watched sadly as they disappeared around the corner, shaking his head at their stubbornness.

He had tried to warn them, and they ignored him. What agony he had endured, and they ignored it all because he forgot one little detail to his warning! For Akane, he had went through hell to find her and alert her to the potential danger to her life. But when Ukyo and Haircare teamed up, they’d be sorry… wait, Ukyo?!

“Ah, crap! I forgot to tell Ranma about that Ukyo guy too!” Ryoga exclaimed, running off after them, unfortunately, he missed their turn and was lost again.

- - -

The world faded back to Har as she finally awoke from the clubbing she had taken from Cologne. She had forgotten how hard the withered matron could hit, and also how said matron hated mouthy youngsters. It didn’t matter much, she just had to get back to the village somehow and she would be safe.

Looking around, she didn’t recognize where she was. It was some kind of building, but she was sure that they weren’t silly enough to build such buildings in the middle of a forest. Just where in the world was she now?

“I see you have awakened, my stupid apprentice.” the voice of said matron came from the door, where the Elder was standing.

“Must you call me that?” Har groused as she got up, swaying a bit as she got her balance.

“There are thousands of things much more insulting that I could call you, girl.” Cologne retorted, tapping her staff against the doorframe. “You must also work on that glass jaw girl.”

“Whatever,” the girl said, looking away again. “Where are we?”

“An abandoned Chinese restaurant in what that man said was, Nerima.” the elderly woman answered, deciding to perch herself on her staff.

“We reached the city? How long was I out?” Haircare asked, feeling slightly off about this.

“Well over an hour, in fact, you just woke up before the two hour mark could pass.” Cologne replied, a garish smile on her face. “I trust I won’t have to reprimand you like that again.”

“No Elder.” the brown haired girl said, her eyes cast down with practice. “Where’s Xian?”

“In her room, tight lipped about the male who defeated her.” the matron replied, eyeballing the girl.

“Ah, what do you require of me Elder?” Har inquired, bowing slightly.

“I want you to find Mu Tsu and bring him here.” Cologne ordered, turning for the door. “He’s been gone an awfully long time and I would like to ask him a few questions.”

“As you command, Elder.” Har replied, before she started to gather her things.

Cologne hopped out of the room and went down the hall to Shampoo’s room. She would have to threaten the girl to make her talk it seemed, but that prospect didn’t weigh heavily on her mind. The elder had given her every chance to talk of her own free will.

Arriving at the room, Cologne entered without bothering to knock. Shampoo sat up from her bed like a shot, eyeing the old woman with a mix of fear and respect. By the look in the Elder’s eye, the kid gloves were coming off and the elder would be ruthless in her attempts to extract the information.

She could only hope Ranma wouldn’t hate her for what was to come.

- - -

Home, he was finally home. He was gone for only a short time, but it felt like an eternity to Soun. He missed it all, his daughters, his old friend, and even the loudmouth boy who disrupted everything that short month or so ago.

He set his bags on the porch and stretched, working the kinks out after the long march home. The training trip served its purpose nicely, as he felt more in shape than he had in years. Training with Shampoo had been worth it, meeting her Great-Grandmother was intriguing.

Though, he had to wonder what all this signified.

As he was contemplating all of this, the jogging trio had returned from their run. They were discussing a few things about what Ryoga had said, as it was the freshest subject on all their minds. They couldn’t make heads or tails of what they were supposed to do about Haircare, or any other Amazon for that matter.

Ranma wished his rival hadn’t forgotten all the details, as it would be easier to classify this Amazon as a threat or not. But he couldn’t change what had happened, so he quietly filed the name away to the potential threat grouping. Lifting his head, Ranma could scarcely believe who he was seeing on the front porch.

“Tendo-san! You’re back!” he called, waving at the Tendo patriarch.

“Oh, hello Ranma, girls.” Soun said, waving back.

“Welcome home Daddy.” the sisters chorused, smiling slightly.

“I see you’ve decided to start training again Nabiki.” their father replied, smiling at the two of them.

“Yeah, considering everything that’s happen, I want to be able to get myself out of a few situation.” she said, explaining her reason.

“That’s good. How about after dinner, I give you a few pointers?” he offered, looking over at Akane and the unspoken question in her eyes. “That goes for the both of you.”

“That’d be great Daddy.” Nabiki enthused, before coming forward to give him a hug.

Ranma turned his head at a crying sound, spotting his father in panda form crying while holding aloft a sign.

“The love between a father and his child is so touching.” he said, reading it aloud. “Aw, pop, I always knew you were a big softie at heart.”

Then he hopped off the porch, chased by the scandalized panda.

“Those two,” Akane said in mock exasperation, before turning and heading inside.

- - -

At the Kuno Mansion, Kodachi was tending to her black roses, humming a toneless ditty. She was oddly at rest with herself after the vicious beating she had laid upon those clowns. Of course, she had done nothing that she could think of to cause them to attack her.

For once, she was completely innocent when she had been accosted by a group of enemies. If she were anything other girl, the clowns would have surely pummeled her into submission. If she had been a certain kind of girl, she might have enjoyed such a thing.

But she was the Black Rose, she was no mere girl for some stupid thug to accost for his jollies.

She had beaten the leader of the clowns mercilessly, beyond what she would do to her most hated enemy. The snap of her ribbon, the slap of it against flesh echoed through her ears, filling her with a slight trill of pleasure. It was the same trill she got from defeating every other foe.

Plucking a rose, she held it before her as though a weapon. Unmindful of the thorns, she tightened her grasps on the flower, before spinning and throwing it at a tree. Remarkably, the rose pierced the trunk and embedded itself there.

The Black Rose was getting stronger, her skills growing by the day.

Her right hand, the one she had hurled the rose with, raised up to eye level. It was bleeding slightly from the thorns, particularly her right index finger. Swiftly, the injured digit found its way into her mouth, quelling the blood loss.

Using the black roses in such a manner could be useful in the future, so she decided that she would explore other ways of using them in battle. Besides being the foundation for her many powders, the black roses symbolized her a woman. A beautiful, exotic package wrapped in mystery, an object of tantalizing intrigue.

She wouldn’t have it any other way.

Ah, how she longed to hold Ranma close, how she longed to feel his gentle touch. How ever did such a he-man like him resist her obvious charms? The pig-tailed harlot flashed through her mind, a frown crawling across her lips as the implication set in.

It had to be her, the silly girl who though she could steal her darling Ranma’s name. Oh how she hated that girl, the nasty little witch who had defeated her, ruining her spotless record. One day, she silently vowed, one day she would make that harlot pay for all her crimes.

Then, and only then would Ranma be able to freely express his love for her.

- - -

“This is the place?” Cologne asked early the next morning as they stopped outside the Tendo compound’s front gate.

“Yes, this it.” answered a dejected Shampoo, her head down.

“Good, good, now to see the former groom.” the matron cackled as she leaped atop the nearest wall.

The old woman surveyed the yard, taking note of every nuance that permeated what was to be her battleground. Her mind was firmly set that she was going to enjoy her vacation away from the village and its damnable politics. At this moment, she could care less about some old Kiss law or what not.

If Shampoo had returned to Joketsuzoku wanting her help to nab an errant husband, she would uphold that law with all her being. But her great-granddaughter didn’t want to marry him, didn’t want to live up to the heritage she had once claim to love more than life. The boy who had the unfortunate luck of defeating her would have to beg the deities above for mercy, for she would have none.

Today, a snot nosed punk was fixing to get the beat down of a lifetime.

Speaking of said punk, he was relaxing on the porch of the Tendo home, listening to Akane and Nabiki train with their father. By this time next week, the dojo would have students, all eager to learn the Art in any portion that would be given. The thought of those students made him want to grow older faster, so he could spread one of his greatest loves to another generation.

It was his life, had been for sixteen years. The sudden shift from wandering vagrant to engaged was a bit much for him to take in at first. But it was that understanding he got from the Tendo patriarch that allowed him to finally see the engagement for what it really was.

An opportunity to find the woman who may one day give birth to his own heir.

He was a klutz when it came to girls, even he would admit that to select company. The awkwardness he felt when he tried to handle their affection was embarrassing. How he was raised was nothing more than an excuse, as he could have easily started thinking about girls and finding out what he liked in them.

Being a good cook, while it wouldn’t hurt, only came in about third on his list of qualities he liked in a girl. Looks, he felt, were overrated, and as such didn’t really consider them seriously. While he wasn’t sure what his favorite quality in a girl was, he did know that they had to be real to him.

There was no way he’d marry a girl who couldn’t make decisions for herself.

But marriage, while he believed it a wonderful thing, was far away in his future. He had plenty of time, in his mind, to find and fall in love. Though, a small part of him did speak up to broach the possibility that he had already found it in one of the two sisters that seemed to be vying for his attention.

Ranma looked over when he heard a thump, seeing his father sit down in a huff. Though he was a not a panda, it was obvious he had been tossed out of the house for trying to steal breakfast early. While it wasn’t the most endearing trait to posses, Ranma simply grinned as it was how his father always was.

“Go caught again pop?” the Saotome heir said, resettling himself a bit.

“I don’t know she does it,” the elder Saotome grumbled, “It’s like she has some sort of sixth sense about that kitchen.”

“Ha!” Ranma laughed, before stopping as the hair on his neck stood up. ‘Danger!’

Quickly, he rolled out of the way just in time to avoid the pointed end of a staff that would have embedded itself in his chest. Looking up, he gagged at the sight of the THING riding atop it. Getting to his feet, he eyed the being warily.

“I must admit,” the thing rasped, “you must be pretty skilled to dodge that.”

“Who, scratch that, WHAT are you?” the boy asked, trying not to shudder at the sound of her voice.

“Who am I?” the shriveled mummy asked, before bursting into a flurry of action to knock Genma away, returning to her perch afterwards. “I am Khu Lon of Joketsuzoku, and I HATE you.”

“W-what did I do to you?” Ranma said, hiding his nervousness at her casual dismissal of his father.

“You defeated my great-granddaughter, and by some force of the universe, she doesn’t want to claim you as her husband.” Cologne replied, hopping back to stand on her legs and take a stance with her staff. “In case you haven’t guessed, I’m her Great-Grandmother.”

“Isn’t that her choice?” he asked, annoyed now at this thing. “And don’t you have little kids to scare?”

“Sonny boy,” she said with a croaking laugh, “when you hit my age, anything under sixty is a kid to you.”

“So what do you want? Me to meekly apologize and marry her against her will?” the boy demanded, feeling something familiar about this situation.

“Marry her?” the withered husk scoffed, “I don’t care about that. I came all the way from China to beat the daylights out of you.”

“You’ll find that a tough proposition you old hag!” the Saotome heir proclaimed, taking a fighting stance.

“Less talk and more action, little boy!” she replied, rushing forward with a thrust from her staff.

The battle quickly left the porch as the two battled all over the yard, exchanging swings at top speed. Cologne pressed her less experienced opponent, baiting him with feints and cunning parries as she controlled the pace of the fight. Ranma gave more ground than he gained, finding himself up against a foe of greater speed and skill. He had let his guard down for a second and received a sharp poke to the chest area for his lack of concentration.

But that wouldn’t deter the Saotome heir as he sought to find a hole in her pattern and seize control of the fight. Either it would on its own, or he would make it happen, it was just what he did. Finally spotting his chance, Ranma snagged the staff and threw it, Cologne and all, at one of the walls.

He was shocked when she simply stopped herself at the wall by poking her staff into it.

“Nice, ex-groom.” she complemented, springing down to the ground as he landed across from her. “But let’s see how you handle this!”

Ranma was caught off guard as the old woman began circling him and seemed to split into four separate images. He had a tough time dodging, her staff impacting hard against his guard. He couldn’t locate her, and as such, every counterattack he tried simply passed through one of the images.

‘This isn’t good,’ he thought, just barely saving his knee from being smashed. ‘I can’t find her, and she’s moving too fast for me to find her pattern.’

“Give in to the inevitable boy, you were beaten before this fight began.” she taunted, continuing her prodding attacks. “You were a hundred years too early to think of standing against me!”

“Grr, I don’t give up!” he shouted back at the circling woman. “And if you think it’s over, you’re growing senile old hag!”

With that, he made a daring leap and escaped the circle. Focusing himself, he started to rush back towards the house. As he sped along, he took note that all four images were following him.

‘So it wasn’t the speed of her circling tricking my eyes.’ he silently noted as he reached the house and flung open the door.

‘What’s he up to?’ the old woman thought to herself, slowing her pursuit a tad. ‘Is he going to get a weapon?’

“Sorry Kasumi,” Ranma called over his shoulder as he came back outside, “but I need this rice ball.”

“That’s fine, but you’re getting one less for breakfast.” called the eldest Tendo sister.

‘Oh man,’ he mentally groaned, before he steeled himself back to the fight. “Catch!” With that, he threw the rice ball at the old woman and her copies.

To his shock, three of the Colognes disappeared as one sprang up to catch the snack.

‘So that’s it,’ he thought, ‘that technique requires a lot of focus.’

“My compliments to the chef,” the Elder said, finishing off the snack in seconds. “But feeding me won’t stay my hand from beating you.”

“Hah, I’d think less of you if that did stop you.” he shot back, taking up a loose stance. ‘Now let’s see if what I learned from those scrolls paid off.’

“Hmm! Now this is interesting,” Cologne said with false curiosity as the boy began glowing yellow to her. ‘Must be an elemental balance technique, but he hasn’t mastered it, as there’s no visual glow.’

‘Okay, here goes!’ Ranma silently commanded, before shooting towards the Amazon with blazing speed. ‘Blow like the wind!’

THWACK!

“Nice try, child, very nice. If I was anyone else, that would have worked.” Cologne said simply, having sidestepped the blow and blocked with her staff.

“H-how?” Ranma gasped, his arm held in place be fear and the staff resting against it. ‘She shouldn’t have been able to see me!’

“Boy, I’ve seen the rise and fall of well over a hundred years, you think I haven’t run into someone using elemental chi to fight?” she answered, removing her staff and allowing him to stumble back.

‘Just my luck,’ he bemoaned silently, ‘And that took a lot out of me, I better find a way to win soon.’

“I take back what I said earlier.” she continued, twirling her staff like a baton before pointing it at Ranma. “It’s a hundred and fifty years too soon for you to face me.”

“What?” he growled, the insult stabbing straight to the heart of his pride.

“Only a fool would use a technique they haven’t mastered yet.” she replied, twisting the verbal dagger for all its worth.

“Grr, don’t be so arrogant.” he snapped back, recovering from his shock to take a ready stance. “Or else I’ll bridge a hundred and fifty years right before your eyes!”

“A threat, from you?” she cackled, enjoying the battle despite all the harshness of it. “That’s like an ant threatening a giant!”

“Grr,” he said, gritting his teeth. “DON’T TAKE ME SO LIGHTLY!”

‘Ah ha, now he’s unconsciously channeling fire.’ she noted, backing off in faux fear.

“I’ll show you!” he bellowed, rushing forward with an uncontrolled punch combo that pushed the arrogant elder back.

‘A natural affinity towards fire, fitting for one such as him.’ she thought, thinking of all the chaos this boy had caused.

“What’s wrong? No snappy come back?” he taunted, weaving kicks into his attack.

“Coming from someone who hasn’t hit me yet, that’s awfully big talk.” she countered, thrusting the end of her staff at him.

The boy quickly grabbed the end of the staff and more hurled the elder, staff and all, through the air. The old woman again landed gracefully, as if to show she allowed him to throw her. She stared him down, before glancing around.

‘He’ll burn out soon, ending out little challenge. I don’t feel like winning by default, so I have to find a way to bet him first.’ she continued to scan the area, a plan slowly forming in her head.

“Huff huff, come on!” he yelled, motioning her on with a wave of his hand.

‘Ah ha! That pond. I’ve already hit that spot too, it should be setting in soon.’ she crowed internally, plan now fully formed. “It’s been amusing pummeling you boy, but I am a busy woman. Places to go, children to scare, people to see, things like that. I’m afraid I’ll have to beat you now.”

“Hah, bring it old hag.” Ranma said back, his breath coming back.

“And bring it I shall!” she yelled, leaping from the porch towards the pond.

“What the-” he started, but was cut off by a jet of cold water, triggering his curse.

“Why hello there, miss traveler,” the old ghoul enthused, “so nice of you to join us.”

“You old bag!” the red-haired girl shrieked, before wildly charging the old ghoul.

“Dear me, the poor boy can’t stand the change. Aye, a pity she’s so pretty.” the old woman joked, hopping back towards the house. “I’m borrowing this.” With that, she took the piping hot kettle off the stove.

“Argh, you old bitty! What do you think you’re doing!?” the girl, still indignant over what happened, sputtered from the yard.

“Kekekekekekeke,” she cackled, “I should be ashamed for doing this, but he is but a fool.”

“What are you blathering about now?” the redhead shouted , starting to charge at the tittering old woman.

“Just this!” the old woman shouted, bounding over the redhead and dumping the still boiling water on her.

“Eyyaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!” Ranma’s scream of sheer pain ripped apart the morning sky.

When the Tendos rushed from their house to see what had transpired, they found Ranma in a puddle of still hot water writhing in agony. Before they could move, they were held in place by two things, a mournful looking Shampoo and a laughing old woman.

“Ranma!” Nabiki and Akane yelled simultaneously.

“Shampoo,” the old woman said evenly. “Say your goodbyes and come along.”

“Yes, Great-Grandmother.” the girl replied absently, head still down as Cologne bounced away.

The Tendos, getting over their collective shock, rushed down and checked on Ranma. As Soun and Kasumi gently move him back towards the house, Nabiki and Akane approached Shampoo with caution. They didn’t know what happened, but they decided to be certain that Shampoo would do something bad.

“Shampoo,” Nabiki started softly, reaching out for the mournful girl with a comforting hand.

“Is all Shampoo fault,” the Chinese girl whispered, a few tears falling now.

“What’s your fault?” Akane asked in confusion.

“Shampoo too-too weak!” Shampoo wailed, collapsing to her knees and sobbing in earnest. “No could stand up to Great-Grandmother, no can help or even warn friend Ranma about her. And look what happen!”

“Hey now, hush.” Nabiki said, trying to sooth the crying girl while placing a hand on her shoulder “Ranma’s gonna be fine, okay? He’ll make it through this.”

“Nabiki’s right, Shampoo,” Akane added, placing her own comforting hand on Shampoo’s other shoulder.

“Ranma… hic Ranma forgive Shampoo for ratting out?” Shampoo asked hopefully, her tears still coming though her sobbing had slowed.

“Of course he will, we’ll make sure he understands you had no choice in telling on him.” Akane said, surprising her older sister. “Right sis?”

“Right, leave it to us.” the middle Tendo said with a grin.

“Thank you. You tell Ranma Shampoo very sorry, yes? Tell him that she never meant for him to be hurt?” the former Amazon said, wiping her tears away.

“I promise.” Nabiki said, smiling and hooking an arm around the younger girl’s shoulders. “Why not let anego take care of things aibo?”

“Yes, Shampoo do that anego.” the younger girl nodded, before extracting herself from the embrace. “Until later, you two.”

The girl quickly left.

“Anego huh?” Akane asked, her eyes narrow. “What are you, an amateur Yakuza?”

“Oh please, let me have some fun.” Nabiki said, rolling her eyes. “Besides, we need to check on Ranma…”

“You’re right…”

With that, the two headed inside.

End Chapter 13

Anego older sister Aibo partner, companion, friend, chum pal buddy

Teaser for chapter 14:

“What, what happened?” Ranma asked, sitting up from her place on the table.

“The Tendos brought you here after you fainted, Ranma.” Tofu answered, looking over the girl for any burns or other injuries.

“I fainted… that old ghoul!” she cried, before looking over herself. “I-I’m not burned!”

“No, why would you be?” the doctor asked, curious at the girl’s strange behavior.

“I thought she set me on fire!” Ranma exclaimed, “It felt like my flesh was a roaring inferno.”

“Interesting,” Tofu mused, rubbing his chin. “I think I know what happened.”

“Yes Doc?” she asked hopefully.

“This must be the dreaded full body cat’s tongue shiatsu point!” the doctor said dramatically, clenching his hand into a tight fist.

“Cat’s tongue?”

Author Note: Finished another one, and all apologies to Kubo Tite and my use of Pseudo Japanese. And if you feel Cologne is being overtly menancing here, it's because she isn't in the mood to play around, as you'll later see. See soon for chapter 14 hopefully!