Some lives are not worth saving. At least that was how I felt about my own
life. The end of the war had come; it had been a long, hard fought battle.
One that I had welcomed. But now that it was over, I had no purpose in
life. Sure, I was the boy-who-lived, but I did not want to be that. I
only wanted to be me, or at least find out who me really was. Nothing had
been, as it had seemed. The one true saving grace, that was much a
blessing now, as it was a curse then, was that I no longer had the scar
that Voldemort had placed upon my forehead. That truly despised scar, I
hated that thing, at the same time, it was a saving grace in my life. Not
for the fame it brought me, but for the way it helped me know just what
horrors Voldemort was up to.
The ending feast was beginning. Ron had just told me, he had come into the
room, told me I needed to go. I was not ready to face the prying eyes
again, face all the looks, some being pure envy, others just thankful that
the war was over. What I truly hated was the looks of pity that came my
way. This was something I did not want or need. I hated having the
feeling of being watched, looked after, and admired for something I had no
control over when I was yet a year and half old. They said I was powerful,
what do they know? Nothing. It was not a matter of power, and I'll still
swear it today, it was a matter of a love for son, my mother was the true
hero, but no one wanted to acknowledge this. It was only Harry Potter.
I truly despise that name.
The window was open as I gazed out into the night; sitting on the
windowsill, much like my first night in this castle. Exams were all over,
and I found myself wanting nothing more, than just to have my childhood
back. Something that I had been deprived of. Something I could never
have, and that was all I ever wanted. It was something unattainable, which
made it all the more desirable. I stared at the green potion bottle; it
was sitting across from me. I had found the potion, I brewed the
damnedable thing, and it would give me what I wanted. At least a chance of
something, a glimpse of hope, at least for a family. I only had to be
brave enough to take it.
The bottle was cool to the touch, the glass holding the innocence that I
longed to have back, innocence that was taken from me, beaten out of me.
That was something that I never truly had, I swirled the silver potion
around, and it looked black inside the green bottle. It was so tempting,
so very tempting indeed. Putting the bottle away in my robes, I heaved a
sigh, it was an escape. I knew that. I had an out, if my life did not get
better. Pushing my way off the windowsill I headed out of the seventh year
dorm. Past the common room, and down the stairs that would lead into the
I could hear the laughter, funny how that grated on my nerves as I stood
beyond the doors. I was rooted to the spot. Not moving. Placing my hand
back in the pocket, I caressed the smooth glass; a shiver ran from my hand,
up my arm, and over that hurting heart. With the comfort of some peace I
opened the door and headed into the Great Hall for the last time. I did
not want the attention it caused, but it never failed, even after a month
of having defeated Voldemort. The stares still continued. I sat down at
the very end of the table, furtherest away from everyone. Furtherest away
from the head table as possible.
No one moved to sit near me; even Ron and Hermione had kept their distance.
That was fine with me, we had grown apart this year, not fault of their
own, they had been in love, and I felt like a third wheel. I did not want
to draw attention; I wanted to be far away from all of this. Pumpkin juice
swirled in the glass, it was one of my past times now, swirling pumpkin
juice, it was a lot better trying to tell the future out of something one
was drinking than to look blindly inside a crystal ball. Glancing around
the hall, it dampened my mood further, a lot of students were not even
here, and the last battle took place at Hogwarts. Something I never had
wanted. How all the teachers survived was beyond me.
Professor Snape was just looking at me. The usual sneer of malice gone, it
had been that way for the last month. He did not have the dark mark
anymore, just like my scar, it was gone. I noticed the last past week, he
had taken to following me around. Something I'm sure Dumbledore put him up
too. All the teachers were more attentive when it came to me. Even the
way Dumbledore was looking at me now showed proof of that. Not wanting to
eat, I sat the juice back down and walked back out of the hall. For me I
wanted to walk away from it all.