I know he loves me. I've known it always. Even as he left
a part of me was screaming that no matter what he'd say or do he'll
always love me.

In the past I used to doubt his sincerity. I couldn't stop
thinking that one day he would wake up, remember my name and not know
what was I like, that one day he would wonder why he loved me. And
then he came back from Hell after centuries of torture and still loved
me. How could I doubt him?

And that's what now scares me. 'Always'. 'Forever'. These are
big words and with him you have to take them literally. 'Till death do
us apart' isn't part of a relationship with him. The Mayor made me
notice it. Not the part where I get old and hate Angel for staying
always young. I know that wouldn't happen, I'd be actually glad if I
get old. It was the hate and resentment I saw in the Mayor's eyes which
had me so worried and scared. Once he loved someone, just as Angel
loves me now. Would he end up as the Mayor in a subconscious attempt
to get revenge on a world which made him live alone eternally? I know
Angel wouldn't come up with such idea in a century, maybe a millennia,
but then?

So I need him to stop loving me. If behaving like a spoiled
brat, pretending I love Riley and, oh my god, saying he was a mistake
will do the trick then I'm glad I did it.

-

****Like it? Hate it? Confusing much? Tell me what you think.***