The Calming Spell is slowly wearing off, and I am left with a feeling I cannot name nor describe. Perhaps for the first time, I realize that my greasy old Potion's Master is human. It has shaken one of the few constants in my life to the very foundations. I must admit that I am frightened.

Dumbledore is sitting across from me, but his gaze is far off and I doubt that he notices me any longer. I take this rare oppertunity to just watch him, leaning slightly into Remus's comforting embrace. Tonks and Mad-eye left a few minutes ago; I did not hear their excuse, and I am ashamed to say that I am happy to have them gone. This must be, hands-down, the most freakish, nightmarish night I have every lived through. That is not a pleasent boast, for I am caught wishing that I had not lived through it.

Severus pulled himself off the floor and steadied himself, before making the trek downstairs. No one noticed his quiet enterence and he took the moment to look them over; his family, the only one he had. Taking a deep breath, he walked around the couch and lowered himself next to his godson.

Harry turned his green eyes up to Severus and the older man smiled wearily.

"How are you, Harry?" He asked quietly, ignoring Remus and the Headmaster for the time being.

"Confused," Harry admitted finally, turning his gaze to the faded carpet beneath his feet.

"You have many questions, I'm sure." Harry took a breath to affirm the statement, but Severus held a hand up wearily. "That I will try to answer later. Perhaps now it would be best if we all got some sleep. It has been a trying night." Remus smiled at him tearily.

"Always the perfect host," he said quietly. Severus shrugged slightly and turned the Headmaster.

"Would you like me to set up your customary room?" Albus shook his head, his gaze still far-off.

"I think I shall be returning to Hogwarts. Harry, you may, of course remain here if you wish." Harry considered it for a moment then nodded. Albus stood slowly, his movements seeming to betray his age. He sparred the three men on the couch a small, incouraging smile. "It will get better," he promised before turning and flooing back to Hogwarts.

There was a silence left in the Headmaster's wake in which the three men seemed to be lost in their own thoughts. It wasn't until Harry yawned against his will that Severus pulled himself up, prepared to once again take on the role of host, when Remus stood.

"I'll take him to bed. You look exhuasted; go get some sleep," he said, gently pulling Harry off the couch and leading him to the door. Severus followed, moving with marked slowness.

It was well past noon and Harry sat at the breakfast table alone. The entire house was empty or all its occupants were sleeping, and Harry was getting restless and lonely.

"Good...afternoon, Harry." Harry turned to see his potion's master standing in the door, almost completely unreconizable.

"Morning," he ventured finally. Snape pulled his dressing robe a little tighter and walked into the room.

"Do you mind if I join you?" he asked quietly, his voiced uncertain. Harry nodded and after a slight hesiation, gestured to the seat across from him. Severus smiled wearily and took the seat, starring at the tablecloth for many long minutes before rousing himself to pour a cup of tea.

"I suppose," he said after a moment. "that I am prepared to answer your questions, if you're willing to listen to the answers." Harry thought about it; did he want to listen to the answers? From last night he could tell that Snape must have been very close to Sirius. Perhaps they were best friends, or even-heaven forbid-lovers. He didn't know if he could stomach that, but slowly nodded. Severus opened his hands to invite the interogation.

"What's going on?" Harry asked finally. Severus chuckled softly.

"That's fairly generic."

"I want to know everything that's going on--whent on--between you and Sirius...what is this all about?" Severus was quiet for a moment, and then he abruptly stood.

"I'll be back in a moment," he said. Harry sighed; the professor was trying to avoid his questions. Maybe he wasn't quite ready to answer them. However, Harry waited calmly, if not patiently for Snape to return. Mere minutes later he did. Carrying what appeared to be a pensieve and a few sheets of paper. He set them down and took the seat next to Harry.

"I will start at the beginning then," he said after a minute of silence. Harry turned the huge chair so he was facing his professor, his knees tucked under his chin and his arms wrapped around his legs. "I suppose the beginning would have to be Hogwarts," he began, shifting so he was in a similar position as Harry was, forcing the boy to notice how thin and lithe the older man was. "James-your father-and I were lovers, back in our fourth and fifth years. Sirius found out about it in the fifth year and the Shrieking Shack incident resulted. Your father left me afterwards-he said he was too much of a danger to me, and I was coming between him and his best friend..."

Eyes slightly swollen, Severus tucked himself further back into the library, bringing up a book to hide his tears. Because of this, he was startled when a soft voice, a soft, familiar voice cut into his little world.

"Does it read differently upside-down?" Sirius Black asked. Severus snapped the book shut and glared at the other boy. Black took in his swollen eyes and tear-stained cheeks and a look of something like remorse came over his face.

"Why did you do it?" Severus asked visciously, his thin body trembling.

"I..." When it didn't appear that Severus would get anything out of the Gryffindor, he shifted his weight so he could pull himself off the floor. Sirius reached out suddenly and pulled him back down. "I was jealous," he admitted finally. Severus snorted incredulously.

"Of what? Of me? Trust me, you had no reason to be. I might have had his body, perhaps even a small ammount of his affection, but he always loved you wholly. You're like a brother to him-more than a brother, more than a best friend. You had every part of him, every part! If you wanted his body, you'd have only had to say something and he would have given it to you. I had next to nothing! But what I did have, I loved dearly-and you took that away from me! You just couldn't stand to see someone else happy. Well, congradulations, Black, you've got him all to yourself now!" Severus hissed, angrily attempting to stand again.

"I was jealous of James..." Black whispered quietly when Snape had gotten to his knees. Severus fell back down.

"Of James? You have a crush on greasy old Snivellus? Please! I don't need your pity!"

"It's not pity, Severus-"

"Did I give you permission to use my given name?"

"Fine, Snape. It's not pity. I've always-I'm drawn to you, I always have been."

"Tell me, Black, is that how you tell all your crushes of your affections? Tease and torture them mercilessly, then just incase they don't get it, you try to kill them? Is that your stradegy?" Snape inquired. Sirius winced and Severus made a move to stand again.

"I'm sorry! I didn't know how to tell you...and when I saw you two together, I just got so angry...so jealous that I lost my head. The thing at the Shrieking Shack-"

"It wasn't a 'thing', Black," Severus told him, now on his feet and towering above the Gryffindor who was still on his kness. "It was a homicide attempt. Don't try to push your guilty conscience off on me. Don't try to tell me it was mad rage and jealously that blinded you, because I don't buy a moment of it. You've gotten whatever revenge it was you were going for, and I throughly enjoyed my long, all expenses paid vaccacion to the hospital ward. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got two weeks of class to catch up on."

Severus sighed long and sufferingly; he was stuck in the library trying to read two weeks worth of material and write suitable notes on it. All his teachers had suggested getting the notes from a classmate, but he was not well-liked by any of the other houses in his year as he tended to be a bit of a know-it all. While he got along very well with upperclassmen, they wouldn't be much use in this matter. He could, of course, get the notes from another Slytherin-he was their unofficial leader afterall-but as loyal as Slytherins were, the memebers of his year were natorious for taking exceptionally poor notes.

He sighed again and lightly massaged his temples; this was going to be a long night. Made longer still by the fact that this is the time he would normally be spending with James. Severus turned sulkily back to his readings when a shadow fell across his shoulders. A spark of irrational hope bloomed in Severus chest, and he turned around quickly, expecting-no, hoping, wanting, needing James Potter to be standing behind him, that cocky fly-boy, Gryffindor smirk on his face.

He was sorely dissapointed.

"I thought I told you to piss off, Black," he hissed. Sirius' jaw clenched slightly, but he made an effort to calm himself; Severus was mildly impressed.

"I thought you could use these," Black said, offering him a rolled stack of parchment. Severus glared at them mistrustfully.

"If you don't mind, I think I could go without having my head blown off my shoulders," Severus remarked, turning back around. There was a soft huff behind him and the roll of parchments fell to the table in front of him. Severus ignored it and after a moment, Black walked off.

Severus managed to ignore the thick roll for a long time-after all, the last roll of parchment Black had given him had nearly taken his nose off when it exploded in a cloud of green and silver dust. Right in the middle of Transfigurations. He'd earned detention for that and none of the teacher saw it fit to remark how odd it was that Severus' hair turned gold and maroon within ten minutes of the incident. However, it had been an hour, and if Black and his goons (He expressly did not include James among them) had hidden in the library to see if he'd fall for the same trick twice, they'd undoubtably lost interest by now and left. Gryffindors were reknowned for their short attention spans, after all.

With a frusterated huff, Severus stood, took three long steps away and stood at an angle by a book case so he could dart behind it if need be. Using a simple annimation charm, he unrolled the parchment and let it lay flat on his desk. Nothing blew up, and the parchment sat on the desk innocently.

Curiosity brought him forward and he carefully peered at the parchment. Painstakingly neat words stared up at him and his eyebrows drew together as he carefully lowered himself back to the chair and picked the stack up. It was at least twenty sheets of standard one-foot parchment.

"Dear Severus," The first line read. Severus snorted; since when had he become dear? For kicks and giggles, he continued. "I am truely sorry about what happened. I know this won't make up for any of it, not really, but I would like to try to make it up to you. In your hand is a complete set of notes from all the classes you missed. I tried to give them to you earlier today, but you didn't seam to be in a recieving mood. You can keep them, of course. I copied out a second set of notes for Potions, Transfigurations and Care of Magical Creatures. I got your Ruins, Arthmacy, and Charms notes from Peter, and James let me use his History notes. Ruins and Arthmacy look really hard; I didn't understand a word of it...but, well--" There were several thick scratches that Severus couldn't read through and the the note started again. "Tell me what else I can do to try and make this right. I know you're thinking that I'm doing this because Dumbledore or James told me to-" Actually, he wasn't, but now that it was brought up it seemed plausable. More than plausable, it seemed likely. "But I really am doing this on my own. Maybe we can start over and be friends?" and it was signed "Forever, Sirius Black"

"Why the sudden want to be friends?" Severus asked the parchment. Half expecting to find dooddles and incomprehensible chicken scratch, he leafed through the pressed sheets. He was thus shocked to find neatly written notes, each letter, number and example copied down with painstaking care. Knowing how Black wrote (and he did know how Black wrote, considering all the unpleasant notes he used to get from the other boy in the first and second year) it must have taken him hours to copy all this. Dispite himself, he was thankful, even a little appreciative of the effort.