Disclaimer: Gensomaden Saiyuki and its characters belong to the genius mind that created it, Kazuya Minekura.

Lil' notes: I may be a 38 shounen ai lover but this is my 1ST attempt at a 38 fic, though I must warn you it's quite clean—very little mushy touchy stuffs. 2nd attempt at angst. Also there may be probable OOC.

Lastly, feedbacks appreciated and hope you'll enjoy this fic.

Love—The Strength to Live and Die

Chapter 1

The doctor had a solemn expression on his face. "I'm afraid that there's nothing much I can do. As you know, no cure has been found yet. The painkillers are all that's left. He must rest well, and please…do not allow him near that poison again. Otherwise…"

Comprehension dawned on the younger man's face. "Sou desu ka? Will you be coming in again next month to do a checkup, Chong sensei?"

The balding doctor nodded his head as he looked at the younger man before him. Such a filial son, taking great care of his father like that. And a fine looking man too. It must hurt him a lot to see his old man in such a state. He smiled sympathetically. "I'm sorry that I cannot do much to help you, son. But you can try to make the last days of your father's life a happy one. I'm sure he will appreciate that."

Doctor Chong thought he saw the green eyes widened slightly before a sheepish smile was formed. "Thank you for your concern, Chong sensei. Let me see you out."

"What did the sensei say?"

Hakkai closed the door behind him and looked at the man lying in bed whose eyes were closed. Thank God he had regained consciousness. Hakkai smiled sadly as he sat down on the chair beside the bed and gazed upon the face that was heavily lined with wrinkles. The man gave him a scare when he suddenly got into a coughing fit and fainted. Usually, there had never been a need for a doctor with Hakkai as a healer and having basic knowledge for simple cures. But Sanzo had never fainted before and though he occasionally coughed, it had never been that bad. Suspecting something was amiss, Hakkai had called for a doctor. His suspicion proved to be toowell-founded. Slowly, Hakkai reached out and lightly caressed the thinning lackluster blond hair that was once vibrant and sun-kissed. "Chong sensei thinks you are my father."

The lids fluttered open, revealing the listless pair of amethysts beneath. Casting a side long glance, Sanzo spoke slowly, obviously trying to restraint his annoyance. "Tell me what the man say about my condition."

Hakkai managed a lopsided smile. Even though the monk had aged, his fiery spirit was never the slightest bit dampened. "Daijoubu, ne. Chong sensei said he will be coming in next month to do another round of checkup. In the mean time, you must always take your medicine, rest well and… stay away from cigarettes."

His last words seemed to have hit on Sanzo's nerves, for a dark frown marred the latter's features. "Stay away from cigarettes?"

Hakkai wondered how he could twist the truth but he knew Sanzo was not stupid. Those very words were telling enough about his condition. Sanzo stirred, trying to sit up. Hakkai immediately tried to assist, only to be stopped by Sanzo's gentle slap across his hand. With a heavy heart, Hakkai watched the man got into a sitting position, with his back leaning against the headboard. A couple of coughs escaped him.

"I've got the thing the doctors called lung cancer, right? Creation of abnormal cells in the lungs and the most likely cause is from smoking, due to the many harmful components in the tobacco." The words were fluently articulated by Sanzo, who seemed quite at ease though knowing his critical condition.

There was no answer from the other man. Sanzo regarded the youkai closely, who was sitting cross-legged and arms folded across the chest with his brunette head hung, as if seeking forgiveness. Sanzo knew that his condition troubled the youkai, but he did not fancy the thought of the latter being affected by it.

"Oi, Hakkai…"

The forest green eyes that greeted him seemed unperturbed but Sanzo knew better. He saw the delicate crinkles that had formed at the edges of the beautiful eyes and the slight twitching of the left lower eyelid; subtle signs that spoke of the youkai's suppressed emotions. He also noticed the clenched jaw and the unconscious sagging of Hakkai's shoulders. "Mourning for me?" Sanzo could not resist saying in a slightly clipped tone.

"Sanzo!" There was hurt and disbelief in Hakkai's silken voice. The lustrous eyes that were calm before now radiated with unease. Sanzo looked away, mentally chiding himself for his impulsive words. He knew Hakkai was genuinely concerned for him, and it was precisely that concern which worried him.

Sanzo turned back to Hakkai, involuntarily taking note of the latter's thick dark hair that was lightly streaked with gray at the sides, glittering eyes and lean physique. The only signs of aging were the matured contours his face had taken and the few wrinkles fanning here and there. Hakkai was turning 53 next month, but at most, looked like a 40 year old. He, on the other hand, resembled an ancestral being.

"I'm hungry. Can you fix me something to eat?"

A relieved smile lit up Hakkai's slightly pale face. "I will. Just sit back and relax." He seemed to have more to say but decided against it and hurried out of the room. Sanzo knew Hakkai did not want to ruffle his feathers, sounding like a nurse treating an invalid.

Sanzo glanced at the chair Hakkai had just sat. The youkai's ethereal presence still lingered, he could sense; a presence that he had been intimately accustomed to for twenty years. To be exact, it had been twenty years, three months and eight days. He realized how he had taken time for granted, now that his life had come to this. He closed his eyes. He was not afraid of death; he believed in the shit called 'vice and licentiousness'. He had killed many before and lived, but he always carried the resolution that he would one day face death as well. But he wondered whether he could leave peacefully.

The sound of gay laughter and joyful shrieks coming from the distant courtyard reached him. At least his hearing was still as sharp as ever. He cracked open his eyes and gazed at the window, noting the golden rays of the afternoon sun pouring through it. The commotion meant that it was lunch break for the thirty odd children at the adjoining building. Sanzo crossed his arms, wondering how long more the break was going to take. He was getting a headache just hearing the little annoying brats screaming their lungs out. Of course, he was not being fair. He was in one of his overblown moods after all.

As if sensing his mood, the laughter and shrieks gradually simmered. Sanzo raised an eyebrow, wondering what had happened. He flipped back the covers and made his way to the window. Peering out to the courtyard on the far end side, he saw the thirty odd children standing in a compact circle around a tall man wearing a short sleeved white shirt and grey pants, listening intently. Sanzo wondered what the green eyed man was telling them. Looking at how Hakkai commanded attention from the children, it was obvious that he was a natural with them and they would most definitely obey whatever he said. The children obeyed him too, but they obeyed Sanzo-sama out of admiration and awe whereas for Cho-sama, it was out of love.

Sanzo wondered what Hakkai told the kids. He did not have to wait long for Hakkai suddenly looked up and gazed at him from across before turning back to the children, said a few lines, and walked out of the courtyard. Once he was out of sight, Sanzo retreated back to the bed and began to slowly massage his chest that was starting to ache. He took long, carefully inhaled gasps of air and soon, the pain eased. And he was just in time too, for the door swung open and in came Hakkai, balancing a tray in one hand. As the youkai placed the tray on the bedside table and took his seat, Sanzo saw the youkai's eyebrows slowly knitted into a frown.

"Daijobu desu ka?" Hakkai asked.

Sanzo deliberately scowled, a sure signal that meant 'there's-nothing-wrong-with-me-so-drop-the-subject'. Hakkai knew it well, for his lips stretched into a thin line of displeasure. He knew Sanzo had been in some sort of pain, judging from the latter's hand that was positioned on his chest and the slight flush in his cheeks, which meant he had been experiencing some kind of adrenalin rush. But knowing it was unwise to pursue the matter further, Hakkai sighed dejectedly and reached for the bowl of chicken broth on the tray. He stirred the broth gently and blew ever so lightly, sending wisps of steam curling over the rim of the bowl. He looked up to see Sanzo gazing at him intently. "Dozo," he offered with a smile as he handed Sanzo the bowl.

Sanzo scooped a spoonful of broth into his mouth, savoring the exquisite taste. It was prepared just the way he liked it. The broth had a thickened texture to it and was delicately seasoned to perfection. The meaty chunks of chicken and soft potatoes added dimension.

"What did you tell the children?"

Hakkai leaned back in the chair and let his muscles relaxed. "I just told them that you were not feeling well and they should play indoors. Saichi-kun asked whether you were really sick or just plain moody." He let out a chuckle that sounded strained to Sanzo.

For a few minutes after that, they sat in silence; Sanzo concentrating on his broth while Hakkai was deep in thoughts. Noiselessly, Sanzo replaced the empty bowl on the tray and reached for the glass of plain water. "How long do I have?"

The question seemed to startle the youkai. Sanzo watched as the widened eyes seemingly relaxed and a rather wobbly smile began to form. "What do you mean?" Hakkai asked nonchalantly.

The last thing Sanzo felt like doing was playing games. "You know what I mean. Just tell me the truth."

Hakkai cast his eyes down, while unconsciously wringing his hands. He would have stayed in such a position for a long while if not for Sanzo coaxing him with such practiced patience. "Tell me, Hakkai," he had said.

Heaving a sigh, the youkai looked up and locked eyes with the man before him, who had aged before his time. Sanzo was only 53, no, 54 in three months' time. Life was unfair at times.

"Three months..." Hakkai answered quietly. "Three months are all you have."

To Be Continued

Side points: Doctors in Togenkyo had recently made the discovery (lung cancer) but no cures or treatments had been found as yet.