|A Not So Lonely Christmas
Author: mycherrywolf PM
It’s the first Christmas since Sakura passed away and Syaoran’s trying to cope with his loneliness. A visit from a certain someone helps him realize that he shouldn’t dwell on the past but look forward to the promises of tomorrow in ways he didn’tRated: Fiction K - English - Syaoran L. - Words: 4,288 - Reviews: 18 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Published: 12-18-03 - id: 1645595
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
A Not So Lonely Christmas
AN/ This is my Christmas present to all of you. This entire fic will be in Syaoran's POV. Please enjoy my fic. I based this fic on a story I read a few years back and I made some big changes in it. R+R!
Disclaimer: I wouldn't be writing fanfics if I owned CCS now would I?
Summary: It's the first Christmas since Sakura passed away and Syaoran's trying to cope with his loneliness. A visit from a certain someone helps him realize that he shouldn't dwell on the past but look forward to the promises of tomorrow in ways he didn't expect.
Today's Christmas morning and here I am all alone at home waiting for the days to pass. Bringing the mug filled with hot chocolate and marshmallows in my hand along with me to the living room, I sat in my forest green armchair and I watched the snowflakes slowly make their way down to the ground. Who am I you ask? I used to be the happiest man on earth but now that's all gone. Yes, that's right. I, Li Syaoran now sit in a three story house all by myself on Christmas morning, feeling depressed. I don't know what's wrong with me; I could be anywhere I wanted to. I'm not really the kind who sits around moping all day about things that have happened in the past and there's nothing I can do about it. I'm usually someone trying to make my time productive, trying to make the most out of all I've got. Yet here I am on Christmas morning too, moping around during the day about things in the past which I can never change. Of course if you knew me back then, you'd know why I'm like this.
You see, a few months ago, around 2 months ago, I lost the light of my life; the one whom I treasured the most above even my own life. If she was still here, I'd probably be attending that party Hiiragizawa Eriol had invited me to. Li Sakura, formerly known as Kinomoto Sakura the Mistress of the Sakura Cards is now dead. It took me quite a long time to accept that fact but here I am, lamenting over her death; my loss. Sakura was not only the light of my life, she was my life. Losing her was the most terrible thing that had ever happened to me. I had just married her two years before and now I was going to lose her.
Eight months ago, we had discovered that she had cystic fibrosis, a disease that took its larger toll on her breathing. Right then and there, we were given the option to either have a lung transplant or to wait it out. You see, both solutions had its downside. If she had the lung transplant she would then have a shorter life but a relaxing one. If she had decided to wait it out, she would have a longer life but it would be fitful and uncomfortable. Euthanasia was out of the question. She had to make her decision soon for at her age which was 24; it would be already very difficult and dangerous to prolong the operation should she choose to have the transplant. The decision then laid itself entirely on Sakura's shoulders.
Naturally I told her to wait it out. I wanted to spend more time with her and to be with her as long as possible. At that time it seemed like the mot logical choice but I was greatly mistaken. Sakura shook her head with that bright beautiful smile on her face and told me she wanted to take the risk. She told me that she'd rather have a short yet fulfilling and relaxing life rather than an antagonizing and painful life. I tried to make her change her decision and to make her see the way I did so that I would spend more time with her but to no avail did I win over her. She was already set on having that transplant and knowing her, there was no stopping her.
Two weeks later, we had the transplant done. A kindly old nun offered hers because she had a brain tumor and was not hopeful in her recovery. We had the transplant and it was successful. However, I only then realized that I had less than a year left with her.
The next five months became the happiest months of my life. I spent every waking hour with Sakura, seeing her brilliant smile and her beautiful emerald eyes. I was rarely seen out of her company. We dined in exquisite restaurants and we visited places I didn't even know existed in only the Tomoeda district. We watched people get together and we even attended the wedding of my best friend Eriol and his wife Daidouji Tomoyo.
Then came October 3 – the day Sakura died. I could never forget that day. Everyone was in black and I even remember crying when her body was cremated. She had asked me to have her cremated for she didn't believe that human bodies were meant to be buried in the dirt along with bugs. In a way, I'm siding with her on that. When I die, I wouldn't want my earthly remains to be buried in the soil as well. There were so many people at the funeral, I could understand that. Sakura was a woman who was well-loved by everyone she meets. She had that charm or rather, aura around her that made it impossible for anyone to hate her.
At first, even I tried to hate her to erase the pain I was feeling at that time. I tried to convince myself that it was all her fault; that she was the cause of all my suffering but I couldn't bring myself to do so. I loved Sakura too much to possibly hate her in any way at all. It was my fault really. If I had only admitted my feelings earlier and proposed to her sooner then I would've had more than just around two years with her.
I then remembered some of Sakura's last words to me. She told me not to reflect too much on the past for I might be blinded by my own attempts to appease my pain. Out of respect for her whom I loved very much, I decided to move on. Actually I was doing just fine until Christmas came for the one and only Christmas I had with Sakura as my wife burned brightly in my mind's eye. She said we'd be together forever... "Itsudemo." She told me but I should've realized that it wasn't entirely possible. One day one of us would die. It just so happened that she went first.
Now here I am a widower all alone on Christmas Day. Or so I thought. While I was reflecting on the past events, I hadn't realized that someone was trying to enter the house. Next thing I knew, I was staring straight into the face of Hiiragizawa Eriol. In my surprise, and to my embarrassment, I ended up falling off the chair. Of course, being the good and wonderful best friend Eriol was, he just pointed at me and laughed his head off. Brushing the dirt off my pants, I hastily got up. "What do you want?!" I asked him.
"Gee, you'd think a guy would be happy to have a visitor on Christmas day."
"Yeah whatever. What are you doing here? Should you be at home with Tomoyo and Sonomi-san?"
"Well yeah, I'll be going back in a while. I just came over to give you this." He said handing me a package wrapped in brown paper. I took it and carefully examined it.
"What's this?" I asked him, greatly confused. Eriol had already given me his Christmas present the day before. I motioned for him to take a seat on the couch. He quickly took a seat.
"Sakura…" he began. My head snapped up at the mention of her name. "She asked me to give this to you on Christmas day."
"When?" I didn't remember leaving her alone.
"While you were asleep, she teleported to my place and gave this to me – the day before she died." I saw his eyes become sober at this. I nodded, gingerly tearing the brown wrapper off. Inside the wrapper was a small green music box with silver trimmings on it and a card. My eyes softened at the sight of Sakura's delicate handwriting on the card. Placing the music box beside me carefully, I opened the Christmas card. I slowly read the card silently.
First of all I want to say Merry Christmas to you. I'm very sorry that I had to leave the world so soon. To be honest, I didn't plan to die so early. I wanted to stay as long as I could but... I didn't want a life waiting for me to die and still have the disease following me around like a more than loyal dog. Second, I want you to know that you mean the world to me. I want you to know that I never would want to see you sad, much less to be the cause of your pain. I also want you to know that I will always be watching over you. You became my wings to fly and now, I use them to protect you. Live your life well Syaoran, it's a gift and not a curse. You have so much to live for so please do not dwell on the past. Knowing you, you'd be at home on Christmas Morn lamenting about the past. You're not the kind of person to do that so please wake up and smell the coffee. I will always be with you. Though you may not be able to see me, feel me or hear me; know that I am always with you in spirit.
Last of all, I want you to know that I love you. You are the most important thing to me in the world. You are the one I love the most; never ever forget that. Never doubt my love for you; it will always be there for you.
Forever with love, Sakura
I closed the card and sighed. This gift made me somewhat happier but I still can't help but miss her. Knowing that I can never see her again doesn't help either. "Thank you Eriol," I told him. "For giving this to me. I appreciate it a lot."
"Sure, any time." He said. He took the card from me and read it. "Why don't you open the music box?" he asked me. "It says so here on the card." I quickly took the card from him. I didn't remember reading that line.
P.S. Open the music box before twelve noon either wise the magic will be lost.
The magic will be lost? What did that mean? I looked at my wrist watch: 11:48. "Thank you again Eriol. You should be returning to your party now." I told him. He nodded and without another word, he popped out of my house. Slowly taking the music box into my hands, I carefully pried its silver clasps open. A soft lilting tune came out of the box. To my surprise, there was a diamond in the center of the music box; glowing a bright pink aura. As the glowing got brighter, instincts took over and I placed it carefully on the coffee table. The pink glow became so bright that it was blinding me already. The next thing I knew, I was face to face with my wife: Li Sakura.
I couldn't believe it! Sakura was back here, alive! I felt my jaw drop a million feet as I looked into the same emerald orbs of Sakura that I had grown to love so much. She was still the same girl I remembered only she was in cascading white robes and she had two beautiful wings on her back. She was only a mere arm's length away. I then heard her melodious voice speak to me softly.
"Syaoran?" she asked. I felt my heart flip as she softly called out my name.
"Sakura?" I hesitantly called out to her and reached out my hand to her, scared that she wasn't real. That this was all a hoax; all fake. I felt her delicate hands take mine in hers and press it against her cheek. I felt my life return to me as I felt her soft cheek against my palm. In my happiness, I instantly swept her into a tight embrace filled with all the love I felt for her. I felt her hug me back and my heart leapt twenty feet into the air. "Sakura, I missed you so much!" I said as I hugged her tightly.
"I missed you too Syaoran. You have no idea how much I missed you." I suddenly heard sobbing.
"Sakura, what's wrong?" I said looking into her eyes.
"Nothing, I'm just happy that I'm here with you again." She said giving me another hug. I tiled her chin a little and kissed her on the lips softly. "Merry Christmas Syaoran." She told me, breaking the kiss.
"Merry Christmas Sakura. I'm so glad you're back." I told her. "This time I won't let you get away from me. I won't let you go." I heard her begin to cry again. Worried, I tried to wipe the tears away from her face. "Why are you crying?"
"Syaoran..." she began. Something in her voice told me that I wasn't going to like what she was going to tell me very much. "I haven't been completely brought back to life."
"What do you mean?" I asked alarmed.
"I will only be here until 12 noon. Kami-sama (God) gave me a chance to come back just this once as a reward for all the good we've done in concern to magic. The dead can never be brought back to life; we can only visit the living."
"B-but..." I couldn't believe it. I already lost her once and I was going to lose her for the second time on Christmas Day too.
"Don't you see the wings on my back? I'm an angel; your guardian angel. I can't abandon my duties."
"All this time you've been watching me?"
"Every waking minute, I've been by your side invisible. As soon as you can move on with your life, I can finally live in heaven and watch over you there."
"But Sakura, I don't want you to go. Please don't leave me alone!" I said pulling her into a tight hug once more.
"Syaoran, you are never alone. I will always be there with you in spirit. I only came back because I needed to tell you to move on. You can't just live your life this way. Move on, get married again, have a bunch of little grandchildren to call you grandpa." I looked downcast. I didn't think I could possibly do that.
"I can't do that."
"I can't just move on with another woman! How can I do that if I love you with all my heart?" I said already close to tears.
"Syaoran, please? For me? Please tell me that you'll move on with another girl and have lots of children and grandchildren to pass on the heritage of magic."
"Sakura, I couldn't-" I said with my eyes spilling out tears.
"Syaoran..." she wiped my tears away. "Boys don't cry you know."
"But men do." I told her.
"Will you at least try to move on? It's my final request." I kissed her forehead.
"For you, I will try my best." She suddenly started to dematerialize. I looked at my watch in alarm; it was already 12! "Sakura!" I cried out, trying to grasp her hand but all I felt was air.
"Syaoran." She said her body barely visible. "Move on for me."
"Sakura!!!" I yelled, too stunned to move and tears flowed out my eyes. She only smiled sadly at me.
"Don't cry; I don't want to see you sad. Remember Syaoran, I will always I love you." She said fading away.
"I love you too Sakura, itsudemo." I said and with that she disappeared from the face of the earth for the second time. I stared at the spot where she stood mere seconds ago. I will always love her the most no matter what but for her I will do anything, even move on with someone else. With my eyes dry, I picked up the telephone and dialed a number.
"Eriol? Save some food for me, it looks like I'll be joining you after all."
~54 years later; Christmas Day~
"Merry Christmas Grandpa!" My granddaughter jumped happily on my lap. Here I was, 79 years of age and handsome features still graced my face. It was Christmas Day and I was spending it with my wife Li Yingfa, my daughter, son and my grandchildren. I hadn't felt happier in years. If you're wondering what happened to me all these years, I'll tell you. Around two years after I had seen Sakura last, I met a girl whom I married a few years later. We then had one daughter and one son. They in turn had their own children making me a grandfather.
Sakura... I have often thought of her. To this day, I still loved her above all and I missed her terribly but out of respect for her last wish I moved on with Yingfa. Yingfa was a lot like Sakura in many ways and they looked similar too. The only difference was that her hair was a darker shade and her eyes were not emerald green but cobalt blue. I was blessed with someone like Sakura and I couldn't have made a better choice.
I smiled at my granddaughter. "Merry Christmas to you too little Himeko." I told her who pouted cutely.
"I'm not that little, I'm already six years old!" she said showing me six fingers. I laughed at her childishness, she was so cute. My daughter then walked in the room.
"Himeko, don't pounce all over your grandfather like that." She scolded her lightly. I shook my head.
"It's alright Sakura, it's Christmas. Let her do what she wants." I told my daughter who I named after Sakura. Sakura walked over to me and Himeko.
"Whatever you say daddy but don't say I didn't warn you." She wagged an accusing finger at me. I then noticed her stomach.
"Another one?" she smiled at me, obviously proud.
"My third one. The baby will be out sometime in the middle of May." I nodded. I was happy for my daughter. She loved having children very much.
"Thank you daddy." I motioned for Himeko to come to me. She quickly ran to me and jumped on my lap.
"Do you want to listen to a Christmas story little Himeko?" she nodded happily.
"Yes please grandpa, I wanna hear a story!" she said enthusiastically, completely ignoring the fact that I had called her 'little' again.
"Do you see that music box over there?" I asked her pointing to my night table by my bed. "The green one with silver on it?" my granddaughter bobbed her head happily again.
"Yes grandpa, I can see it! It's so pretty!"
"Will you please get it for me?" before I knew it, Himeko was bouncing on my lap with the music box in her hand. I laughed, pleased about her enthusiasm.
"Please tell a story grandpa!" Sakura drew up a chair next to my forest green armchair.
"Daddy, is it the one about the girl you loved who came back as an angel on Christmas day? The one whom I am named after?" she whispered in my ear.
"Yes." I whispered back. "Please be quiet, Himeko still hasn't heard this story yet."
"Okay daddy." She said. "It's alright, I love hearing this story anyway." I smiled at her. I then told Himeko and Sakura about what happened to me on Christmas Day, 54 years ago. It was funny seeing Himeko's reaction when I told her how Sakura appeared to me through the diamond. She thought at first that Sakura was a ghost but she later understood that she was in fact an angel; my guardian angel. My daughter listened to me with rapt attention. She clearly loved this story even if I told it every Christmas day to anyone who would listen.
"And this is the very same music box that Sakura gave me that Christmas day." I told Himeko, finishing my story.
"Wow..." she whispered. "It's such a pretty story grandpa! I like it even more than the ones grandpa Eriol tells me!" at this I sweatdropped. After all these years, Eriol still loved telling warped versions of the classic fairy tales. Remind me to give him a "friendly punch" later on for infecting my grandchildren's innocent minds. "Hey grandpa?"
"Yes?" I asked my granddaughter.
"Can I go play with Daddy now? He's in the kitchen making cookies!"
"Of course you can." I told her with a smile. She happily skipped out of the room.
"I really love that story Daddy." Sakura told me. "I'm glad you named me after Sakura. She seems like a very wonderful lady."
"She was indeed." I agreed.
"Do you still love her Daddy?"
"Of course, I will never stop loving her."
"Do you love her more than Mama?" she asked me, her eyes wide in curiosity.
"Sakura, your Mama is a very special person to me but..." I hesitated. "I could never truly love her with my whole heart as I did Sakura. But your Mama understood this and still married me."
"Sakura has to be one extremely special person for you to be loyal to her through all these years Daddy."
"She is very special to me. I wouldn't be who I am today if it wasn't for her." I told my daughter while looking at the music box wistfully.
"I see... I'll just leave you here to rest if you don't mind." She said standing up.
"Thank you Sakura dear." I told her as she headed for the door.
"Merry Christmas Daddy." She told me and then she left. I was all alone in my room now. I opened the music box and I listened to the soft melody play. The music box had aged over the years but the magic inside kept the sound clear and fresh. I closed my eyes as I listened to it. I then remembered all those times I had with Sakura. I missed her very much you know, but there's nothing I can do but wait.
I suddenly felt a presence. My eyes snapped opened, searching for the intruder. To my surprise, I saw Sakura the angel right in front of me; her eyes brimming with tears of joy. Then I realized it... my time to go has come. Sakura reached out her hands to me. I closed my eyes and smiled as I heard her sweet voice call.
"Syaoran, your time has finally come." I reached out to her spirit as I felt mine disappear from my body.
"Where am I?" I asked as my eyes snapped open. To my amazement, I found myself staring into extremely familiar emerald green orbs. In addition to that, I was in a place filled with blue and white fluffy clouds.
"Syaoran!!!" I felt my Sakura jump into my arms. I felt ultimate happiness come to my soul. Sakura was here with me! I then realized that I was no longer the 79 year old grandpa. I had reverted back to my age when I was 25. Not only that, I had wings just like Sakura's.
"Sakura?" I asked.
"Syaoran, I've missed you so much!" she said, her response muffled as she buried her head in my chest.
"What happened to me?" Sakura looked at me.
"You died silly. Why else would you be in Heaven and have wings?"
"You mean... I can finally stay with you forever?" I asked very hopeful.
"Yes Syaoran." She said hugging me. My eyes softened and I hugged her back. "Together forever." I closed my eyes, allowing myself to wallow in the happiness I was feeling at that time. I could finally be together forever with the one I loved. I was finally content.
"Together..." I whispered into her ear, pulling her closer. "Itsudemo."
AN/ Hi! How'd you like my very first CCS one-shot? I found it quite sad. Imagine, they were only able t be together in the after life. Actually I'm really proud of this! This is my Christmas present to all of you so please R+R!