Once again, this is unbeta-ed; I'm storing it here because it appears that I'm moving out of country and I want to have it somewhere incase I lose the orginal.

All disclaimers (of course) apply; the whole fancy spiel is in one of my other fics (probably several others) but the gist is: I don't own any of it, not making a profit, no infringment intended. Thanks for reading and please review, I would appreciate it SO very much.

On one further note, this is my first time trying to write a full piece in first person/present tense. Sorry if I use the wrong tense occasionally.

Please don't point out all the stupid spelling mistakes; if I misspell something more than twice (and they're not in the same para.) then point it out to me. Otherwise let it go.

If you really really really need to flame me, go ahead. Politely if at all possible.

Lady Shadow

The Destroying of Myself

Prologue: "It's not okay...it's not right. You're not right,"

"Ron, Hermione? Can I talk to you guys for a minute?" Harry asked nervously, stepping into an empty compartment. Both looked at him expectantly and Harry just stared at them, getting ready to reveal a fact he'd kept secret for years.

"I-I've been talking to Snuffles about this a lot, he keeps saying I should tell people, because-well, because it really isn't a bad thing in the Wizarding world...and um..." He suddenly froze, his own fears and nervousness overcoming him.

"Harry what is it?" Hermione asked gently, her eyes filled with concern.

"I...guys, I'm uh..." Harry closed his eyes and whispered the fatal word "gay." The car was silent.

"What? You were mumbling," Ron said finally.

"I'm gay." Harry said a little louder, his eyes glued to his shoes.

"You're what?" Hermione asked, her voice a little strangled.

"That's okay, isn't it? Snuffles said-"

"No, Harry, it's not okay," Ron interrupted and Harry looked up to see his friend looking at him in horror and disgust. His stomach made an unexpected collision with his feet and Harry's heart clentched. "It's not okay," He repeated, shaking his head in tiny jerky motions.

"But...Sirius said...I don't understand...Seamus...?"

"Seamus is gay, yes," Hermione snapped

"But..."

"But Seamus is also not Harry Potter. Seamus is not The-Boy-Who-Lived! Seamus isn't the savoir of the Wizarding world, Seamus isn't the star seeker of Gryffindor, Seamus isn't the most elligiable bachelor in the Wizarding world, Seamus isn't in the public eye. No one cares about Seamus Finneginn! But you! You're Harry fucking Potter! You're not supposed to be gay, you are supposed to grow up and get married and have children! You're supposed to be on the cover of Witch's Weekly and every other damn magazine out there! You're an idol...a celebrity, not some out of the way no body who has no responsibility to society! You're The-Boy-Who-Lived and you're not supposed to be gay! " Ron cut him off brutally, his voice raising with every point. Harry looked at them in hurt and confusion.

"It's not okay...it's not right. You're not right," Hermione told him, her voice filled with a quiet rage. Harry's jaw dropped and they turned and left without further words, slamming the door behind them. Harry blinked at the door for several minutes, expecting Ron and Hermione to come back in a shot 'got 'cha!', but they didn't. With his world tumbling down around him, Harry Potter, The-Boy-Who-Lived, the one that wasn't allowed to be gay, sank to his knees and wept.