Ch 26 Another Life

Yue closed the door quietly. He stepped out into the night. "What are you doing here?" he asked Nadeshiko softly, warily. He walked quickly toward her, still bemused that he had known she was outside the house merely by a feeling. "I awoke with the thought that you were outside in the night."

"The house was dark," answered the Star Guardian cheerfully, "and I didn't know how let you know I was here."

"What did you do?" Reaching out to touch fingertips to her elbow, he assured himself that she was not a figment of dreams.

A giggle, which she tried to keep low because of the late hour, bubbled up with her answer. "I could sense something of you, both you and Touya, a little. I know it sounds silly, but I thought at you. Just you. I don't want to wake my Touya up. It worked!" Yue continued to look at her without answering. Nadeshiko took his silence for disbelief. "It's not that strange. I used to know when Sakura was awake in her crib even if she didn't cry, and if Touya got hurt at school, sometime I felt it happen."

"As I am here, now," replied Yue, "I believe you. Though it is strange." Yue would not allow himself to think about the confusing feeling of connection that he had with Nadeshiko. He knew that an awareness of presence happened with his sibling Keroberos, as it had happened with their maker Clow. Later, Yue had sensed Clow Reed's magic from Eriol Hiiragizawa. Yet, it was not a thing universal to magical beings, since he had never felt the same from Eriol's Guardians. No, when he thought of Nadeshiko Kinomoto, it was not as Sakura's Star Guardian. He felt the sense of her like a warm touch, like an embrace he wanted to surround him more tightly. Like being with Clow. If he let himself think of it, it moved in front of the grief of his loss. He would not let himself feel as he had with Clow, and not with someone so completely inappropriate. Yukito, at least, could have some happiness.

"I haven't seen you in some time," the woman said sweetly.

Yue answered without inflection, "No."

Nadeshiko lost her smile. "I'm sorry that I've been so busy, lately. You understand, don't you?" She put her hand over his fingers, which were still hovering at her elbow. "Would you like to make up for lost time tonight? What would you like to do?"

"You have no obligation to visit me," Yue murmured. He almost wished that she would leave.

"I like to spend time with you!" She fluttered her wings. She glanced around their surroundings. "We could go flying somewhere."

Yue met her eyes with his own. "You have been neglecting your training."

"See?" she offered coquettishly, "I need my teacher, and I need some exercise. You are right. I haven't been flying, and I'm already rusty."

On safer ground now, Yue nodded.

"But maybe we can stay nearby," Nadeshiko interrupted. "Just in case I am needed at home."

"There is a wooded area with a ravine, at the edge of a park near here." There were no residences on that side of those woods until well beyond the small, rarely used road. "We can take your practice there."

"Do you mean Penguin Park, at night? In the woods? But there are ghosts there!" Nadeshiko gasped. Her eyes were large with trepidation.

Yue raised his eyebrows. He crossed his arms across his chest. Disbelief was evident across his face.

"What?" squeaked the Star Guardian.

"Do you not see the…" he searched for a word other than "absurdity," or "nonsense" to put to her – of all people – apprehension of spirits. "Nadeshiko, that is… ." Again, he sputtered silent. He sighed.

"It's okay near the playground," she offered in a small voice.

The Moon Guardian sighed again. "Perhaps lessons can wait," he soothed, "and a short flight will be all for tonight. It has been some time since I have visited Tsukimine Shrine. Would you care to join me?"

"Oh! The shrine is lovely," exclaimed the woman. "I haven't seen it since Sakura was a baby!"

They walked almost as much as they flew, across Tomoeda and up the hill to the Shinto shrine. Yue was unused to keeping his feet on the ground. His mostly-bare feet prickled – not entirely unpleasantly – against pavement. Even flying they kept close to the surface, gliding like spirits of the air until they came to the torii that marked the entrance. Nadeshiko cooed her delight at the sight of the traditional gate. Because Tomoeda - to the best knowledge of her ordinary citizens - was a quiet suburb, the shrine grounds were not closed up at night. Only the buildings would be locked.

This was the sight of Sakura's confrontation with Eriol, Clow Reed's primary reincarnation. It was also where Yue and his leonine sibling fought, hindered, against Eriol's creations, Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun. Now that the danger was long past, Yue found the memory of it irritating. Twice, he had been trounced at Tsukimine Shrine. The first time had been during the Judgment, betrayed by Clow's planned use by Mizuki-sensei of the Bell of the Moon. The second time, it had been necessary to protect Sakura against Eriol. That second time… in a way, had that not been Clow's doing, as well?

On that night when the last of the Clow Cards became Sakura Cards, Yue – and Keroberos, too – had been functioning on a mere fraction of normal power. Boosted by Eriol, Ruby Moon and Spinel Sun pushed their advantage. Still, Yue and Keroberos had blasted through the other Guardians' blockade when Sakura had been threatened. With Sakura's magical strength growing, Yue contemplated, a rematch against his lunar counterpart would be in order. Yue made a handful of his sapphire flechettes. The small, sharp daggers glittered, resting on his open hand.

"Yue?" Nadeshiko asked hesitantly. Her eyes were so wide that he could see his menacing reflection in them. He was slightly glowing.

He dissolved the blades apologetically, dispersing both the glow and the unintentional appearance of malice, yet did not explain himself. "Would you like to see the reflecting pool?" he offered instead.

His companion mustered a mystified smile and went ahead through the gate on buoyant wings. Yue followed, caught up quickly and drifted alongside her. They glided, unhurried toward their goal, through the courtyard.

"I would like to see a festival here," sighed Nadeshiko. Wistfully, she took in the shadowy shapes around her, imagining them strung with lanterns. "To see everyone dressed up. Would you come to a festival, Yue?"

. "Yukito would," he answered. "He enjoys attending festivals." His resistance to saying more failed. "Festival yukata would suit Nadeshiko well."

Like Clow, she would look comfortable in long sleeves and flowing cloth. Clow was a little vain about his wardrobe, enjoying embroidery and layers of heavy silks. He loved finery. Yet he never did anything with his hair, shunning ornaments and choosing the simplicity of tying his hair back with a string or ribbon. He was haphazard about tending his hair, just as likely to crudely cut it back with a knife at hand as to allow a proper haircut. On Yue's tresses, however, he lavished his attention.

"And Yue, too," insisted Nadeshiko.

On the grounds, a large cherry tree stood in a place alone. It had a thick foliage of new leaves, a thin scattering of pink petals still littering the dirt at its base. It was a beautiful old tree, potent with natural magic. The tree had grown up on a nexus point of natural magical streams, drinking the spring of power with its deep, thick roots. It was not the kind of power that Clow's creation could have absorbed to sustain himself. It was Yue's nature to take reflected power, power from a human being. Unlike his Mistress, he could no more use the power of the tree than he could use the Return card. The past was closed to him.

Nadeshiko put her hand against the cherry's knobby trunk. "It feels peaceful here. A good place," she said.

Yue moved on wordlessly. She followed, and they came to the shallow reflection pool, moon and bright stars mingling light in its waters. A gust of wind that rippled the water blew Nadeshiko's black hair forward. Yue saw her distorted reflection as a black haired shadow with a featureless pale face, and despaired. I am telling myself lies, he thought. She is no more like Clow than that reflection is he. She looked at him, pushing her hair back from her face and smiling beatifically. Yet, she soothes me. As no other.

Looking at him, her smile dimmed, though it did not disappear. "I enjoy my time with you, Yue," she said sweetly.

Yue nodded. He gazed only at the dark bottom of the pool. "I, too."

She put her delicate hand onto his arm. "What can I do," she asked in a soft voice, "to bring you happiness?"

"Happiness is not for me," said Yue. "Mine is past."

"That's not true." Worry colored her voice. "There is so much happiness for you, still!" Yue did not turn to look, but he could hear the emotion of tears in her words.

y.y.y

Touya was sitting at the table drinking tea when Yue returned to the house. His eyes showed that he could have used more sleep. The sun was just coming up, spilling creamy light through the house, and the dark eyed man looked, despite already being dressed, like he had recently woken up and stumbled down the stairs. "Everything okay?" he asked Yue.

"Yes. I am sorry if I woke you." Yue hesitated. Within him, Yukito continued to enjoy peaceful sleep, and Yue was not sure where to go.

"Tea?"

As awkward as it was, good manners prevailed over indecision. Touya poured. Yue joined Touya at the table and accepted the cup that Touya slid over to him.

Touya yawned. "I was worried that it was something with Sakura." His statement didn't hold any accusation.

Yue shook his head. Looking at the tea softly steaming in its mug gave him an excuse not to meet the other man's intensely dark eyes. "No. All is well."

"Were you out with my mom?"

The question felt carefully worded. Yue felt himself react with a matching caution; he answered only with a short nod, glancing up to look at Touya. This should not be dangerous territory for comment. If not for his troublesome feelings, if not for the precarious footing of emotions at all, it would not be.

"It's weird," commented Touya, causing Yue to look up again. "It was tough growing up without her," Touya continued. "I needed my mother. I had… something, knowing that she was watching over Sakura. Over us. That's not having a mom. She was still," he shrugged, "gone."

Yue could not help thinking about Clow. "You do not expect…" he murmured. "Someone who was there before you, who was always there… you do not expect to be suddenly without him. Without," he corrected, "that important person."

Touya was looking at him, for once without the piercing quest for unspoken thoughts, but with a milder look of understanding. "Even though she came back, I still feel that loss. My mom died." He didn't look away. Yue could not avert his eyes, either, so their gazes stayed locked together. "I did a bad job of grieving. 'Tousan never got angry about it, so I was angry for both of us. Later I met someone who helped me be less angry. And then Yuki." He smiled. "He was the first person who didn't say 'I'm sorry' when I told him about Okasan." Still smiling, he picked up his mug and gulped tea. "It's weird," he said again. "I am happy she's back. I get to have a mother again. But—," he stopped. "You won't say anything to her, right?"

"Of course not," answered Yue softly. This was a bewildering amount of conversation to be having with Touya.

"I had to learn to live without her there. I really am happy that she is back, but I don't need her." He frowned pensively. "Sakura does," he said definitively. "I think 'Tousan does."

Yue wondered if he could ever say he would not need Clow. The thought engendered almost a feeling of relief. Flustered, he shut it down, filling the space in with horror and guilt.

"Yuki still sleeping?" asked Touya, rescuing Yue from his emotional discord.

"Yes. Do you want me to go?"

"Yue. Don't run away," Touya responded, a rueful smile and a look cast at the silver-haired man of teasing challenge. "Let Yuki sleep. I don't have to leave for class for another hour."

"Ah." Yue's tea, which he had not tasted, had stopped steaming. It seemed wrong to him that he had not consumed the drink. He had not eaten anything since his release from the Clow Book, so why did it, this time, feel wrong? "I apologize that my absence caused you to wake early, and worry."

Touya shrugged and stood up. "I can't tell anymore if something strange is happening, so I couldn't tell if you were out working." He smirked and joked, "You could leave me a note, next time." He picked up Yue's full mug to carry to the kitchen with the empty one, casually draining to contents as he walked. He had noticed, of course, that Yue had not touched it.

Yue would have taken the opportunity, when Touya briefly left the room, to trade with Yukito. It would have been running away. Had Touya not said anything, he would have escaped into solitude. He owed Touya. Touya had sacrificed his magic to save his beloved, not Yue, but Yue nevertheless owed the man far more than the courtesy requested.

"Do you cook?" Touya called out from the kitchen.

Yue would not raise his voice to shout back an answer. He had no choice but to rise and follow the other man into the well-used cooking area. Touya had more water boiling for tea. From the oven, he pulled out a metal bowl full of a slumping, shiny dough.

"Cinnamon rolls sounded like a good idea at four in the morning," explained the man while opening a container of flour. He took a glass bowl filled with cold, cubed butter from the refrigerator. "Put some flour out onto the board so we can roll out the dough," he directed.

"I don't think…" Yue started to protest, but Touya turn on the food processor to blend butter and brown sugar for the filling, and the noise drowned out Yue's response. He looked at the flour, then looked at his clothes. He thought about the incident that left Keroberos covered in a heavy, white dusting of flour.

Touya heard Yue leave the room. He didn't turn to look. It was disappointing, but not unexpected, he thought. What was unexpected was when Yue returned a few minutes later, his loose formal clothing exchanged for slacks and a t-shirt, and began to do as asked. Casually paying attention, Touya watched Yue's fair, long fingers sift the flour out in an even dusting across the wooden board. Yue rubbed floury hands over the French pin, too, to prepare it for rolling out the dough. Without comment, Touya pushed the dough out onto the prepared surface. Then he went back to mixing the filling, which needed walnuts and cinnamon.

Yue rolled out the dough. Touya measured and even layer of filling, and the two young men rolled up the sweet dough standing close together. They were both more comfortable with the silence than with talking. Occasionally, Yue tossed his hair out of the way with a short shake of his head, and Touya did not push the offending locks back as he would have with Yukito's wispy bangs.

When the cinnamon rolls went into the oven, it had been at least ten minutes since either of the men had spoken a word. Yue, thinking about sweet rolls made in another kitchen long ago, and his sibling's taste for bountiful sweetness, found himself with droll uncertainty. Yet the wordless quiet was too pleasant to give up for it. He gave Touya a tacit query with a flick of his eyes, wondering if Touya would guess his question. For some reason, doing so quickened Yue's heartbeat with a thrill like nervousness.

A few moments of assessment and then Touya's relaxed expression turned into a smile of understanding. He turned, reached into the refrigerator, and brought out milk. Vanilla and powdered sugar followed from a shelf. His expression turned speculative. "Yuki likes icing," he yielded. The unspoken question was now Touya's.

Of course, Yue considered, he would know whether his other self preferred icing or frosting or nothing at all, and even which Touya preferred, if he had given it thought. Shouldn't he know everything about his other self?

Did he not know everything about his other self?

Yue nodded, to cover his confusion.

Touya served himself and Yue another pour of freshly made tea. He served Yue's in a clean mug, not the one that Touya had drained for him. "Tell me something," he asked, causing another trill of nervousness sing through Yue. "Everything that Yuki could do when I met him – you can do, right?"

"Yes."

A familiar smirk popped onto Touya's face. "He couldn't ride a bike," he said.

"I never have."

"They didn't have them Edo," joked the dark haired man. "Or in Camelot."

Yue effected a stern countenance. "I am not so old," he countered.

"Yeah?" Touya didn't say anything more for a long pause. He drank his tea. This time, the silence was less easy.

"How old are you?" Touya finally asked.

Yue considered his answer. "Does it matter?"

Touya did not reply.

Yue sighed. Intentionally cryptic, he supplied, "I have not known the reign of Arthur, but I have lived in the time of Elizabeth." A tiny crack in his expression yielded the edge of a smirk of his own.

"British monarchs reuse names. There is a Queen Elizabeth in England, now."

"Yes," Yue agreed.

"Ha ha," said Touya, and Yue smiled without realizing it. Touya pretended not to notice, but he did.

y.y.y