Disclaimer: I don't own Roswell. Rights go out to Jason Katims, the WB, Melinda Metz, etc.

Notes: *hugs Alex*. Aww, Alex. Anyway, I've been doing this thing were I'm writing a journal thing from Alex's POV. Then I was wondering if I should include a past Maria/Alex relationship in that, but since that isn't canon, and I wanted to keep that fic as canon as possible, I just branched that off to here. So here we go. This is mostly about his friendship with Liz and Maria, but there's Maria/Alex mentioned, too.

I've been sitting here thinking about my friendship with Liz and Maria over the years. Now that it ended. This is not only because of the fact that when something ends, we as humans tend to go over it and reflect, but also because of the simple fact that I have more time now. I really should use this free time to put more effort in my studies, or try and get in shape (*snort*), or find members of the band I've been dreaming of having for ages. But this first.

So. My friendship with Maria started early fifth grade, and then I also got closer to her friend Liz. At first, if you looked at it from the outside, we could settle in to types. Liz the thinker, I the feeler, and Maria... well, Maria was the star, always singing and dancing and pretending. But of course, that isn't exact. People don't settle in to "types" in real life. We were all a mix of everything, I think.

So, at first, when we were young and still had our active imagination, we used that a lot. Maria and I had our favorite "pretend" games, and Liz would usually hesitate before joining us. But then once in awhile she'd think up a really cool scenerio, and we'd be stuck on that for weeks.

We got a little bit older, and found new games, and a lot of interesting things to talk about. End of sixth grade, we got all pseudo-deep and had conversations about "why are we really here?", "Who am I?" and so on. And then we entered junior high, and I started getting teased for hanging out with girls, getting nicknamed "Alice" and beng put down in locker rooms. Liz and Maria, mostly Maria, started getting teased for being flat. Liz was never big, but she devoleped sooner. Liz and Maria formed an "anti-boys" club, and instead of letting me be left out, they included me. They said it wasn't against boys like me, but only boys like those who called me a girl and Maria a wall.

There was a period when things got a bit weird, like when I'd come in the room when they were giggling about something, and wouldn't tell me what. And when I started going through some stuff I didn't want to share with them...

But it worked out in the end. We've been friends for years. Talking, crying, laughing, playing games, watching movies together. We had a perfect balance- I liked chick flicks as well as guy flicks, as did they. "You're not a guy," they'd tell me. And like I wasn'ta guy, they weren't girls. By that we meant that we weren't the stereotype we say in the halls. They didn't talk about guys and clothes and makeup all day, and I didn't rudely comment on their bodily parts or talk about sports and cars.

I guess all that doesn't matter.

You know, I'm more dissapointed in Maria. It isn't even our fight. It's me and Liz. And Maria... We used to be so much, best friends, and then those seven months in tenth grade when we dated, and now she's not my friend any more, just because Liz says so? I gave her more credit than that.

The thing is, I don't know what it could be. It can't be drugs. One of them might get sucked in to hanging out with someone who does drugs. But n bot both. One would convince the other how silly she was being. But what other reason do they have for not wanting the guy's blood to be seen? Unless the hospital is with some huge conspiracy. Which, you know, I highly doubt.

So, let's brood about Maria.

Well, it took us awhile to figure stuff out. Why we were so awkward around each other. And then that the other feels the same way. A lot of going back and forth. But we eventully did get together. And then we had awkwardness about meeting. Would Liz feel left out? But then Liz started asking us questions about out dates, so we started going on them. Then came the question of what to do when the three of us were together- do I sit next to Maria? Put my arm around her? But won't Liz feel left out? Things got better over the summer, when Liz started datig Kyle. She spent more time with him, and sometimes brought him along to movie nights. It all worked out great.

Well, until Maria and I started feeling a bit trapped. We weren't sure if we wanted to be friends or a couple. Each position had it's upsides. And we were afraid to break up, because we heard (damn movies) that people who break up can't be friends. Luckily, they were wrong, and we were as close as ever. Studying, talking, laughing, listening to music. I thought that accounted to something. That making them smile and hugging them as they cried and helping them work out their problems, meant they could trust me.

I was wrong. It's understandable; it's human nature. I just never thought I'd be wrong about this.