A/N: Well, here it is folks. That time of year when we all gather around the sacrificial fires and set alight hundreds of plaid skirts as tribute to the heathen gods. ...no, wait. That was last Easter.
But it IS Christmas, which means that it's time for the annual barrage of holiday?themed Everworld fiction. Hopefully the mental damage caused by the sometimes extreme OOC?ness in this fic won't completely deter your enjoyment of the holidays. The song, by the way, is 'Green Christmas' by the Barenaked Ladies. Good times.

Ye Merry Gentlemen

The streets are filled with Christmas cheer
At least it's only once a year
Perfect parcels tied with perfect bows
And carols ringing in my ear
Bundled up against the cold
Lines wherever gifts are sold
Each shop window displays a Christmas scene
For everybody young and old
Icicles on eavesdrops
And tinsel on the trees
But it's a green Christmas for me

The lawns of Summer Drive were dusted with the fine white of a new snowfall, each glistening flake lit from above by rows of tiny, twinkling white lights that lined the roofs of each house on the street, making the whole street look as though it had been carpeted in diamonds. The night sky was a deep purple?black, swirled with clouds that drifted across the face of a full, white moon. Christmas trees decked with coloured balls and bright ribbons were visible every front window.

Jalil Sherman scowled down at the scene spread below him. The corners of his mouth turned down at the pretty lights and his eyebrows knit together at the sight of the new fallen snow. He caught a glimpse of his own refection in the glass of his bedroom window and began glaring at it too. It glared back, accepting his challenge. He snarled at it, which sent window pane Jalil scurrying for safety as he turned away.

He had never been fond of holidays. St. Patrick's day was bad enough, with its incessant beer drinking and green fetishes. Especially since Jalil thought he looked horrible in green. Valentines day was too sappy. Halloween put half his high school on a three week sugar high. And Easter was always annoying as hell, since his mother still insisted that he go to church and make nice with the pastor and his wife and not 'argue theology with the nice man of God.'

But no matter what other nationally recognized occasions threw at him, Christmas was always the worst. It wasn't just the canned carols played on every radio station, or the twinkly lights, or even the logic?defying, flying reindeer. No, Christmas had one extra thing: His relatives. This year, both his aunts had shown up, each with three brats in tow. And being the oldest, he had been forced to babysit all week And because it was Christmas, he was expected to chase the hellions around with a smile on his face and cheer in his heart.

Yeah, right.

So when his parents had suggested the whole Sherman family go out for a drive to look at the neighbor hood's light displays, he had quickly opted out of the idea. His father had seemed the most disappointed, probably because he had realized it would be his job to fill Jalil's role of babysitter until they returned. But he had left with the rest of them, piling into his car and leaving his only son alone for the evening.

At first the peace and quiet had been perfect. He had sat alone in the living room, simply drinking in the sweet silence. But after half an hour he had grown restless and turned on the television. And what had been playing? Christmas specials, that was what. Rudolph, the politically correct reindeer who brought toys to minority children. A show about a talking dreidel.

Then he had roamed from room to room. Turning on lights. Turning off lights. Hiding his eleven year?old cousin's favorite lip glosses in the dishwasher.

God, he hated Christmas.

His bedroom had proved just as boring as the rest of the house. Against his wishes, his uncle had plastered a disgusting holiday wallpaper on his computer desktop. It showed a small, fuzzy kitten playing in a box of ribbons and wrapping paper. The sight of it made Jalil want to projectile vomit.

Finally, with no where left to turn, he sank back down on the couch and turned the tv back on. The talking dreidel was now playing chess with the Abominable Snowman. Luckily for him, the doorbell rang just as he was about to go back to the kitchen and make himself a glass of hot chocolate laced with arsenic.

Couples skating on the pond
Making angels on the lawn
Five red mittens drying on the rack
And needles shedding tannenbaums
Red bows on the railings
And snowflakes on the ground
But it's a green Christmas in this town

The carolers were a spectacular sight. Each was dressed in full Victorian costume, their voices in near perfect harmony. Their faces were rosy from the cold, and their eyes were alight with the spirit of the season.

Jalil slammed the door in their faces, then stood there, glaring at the door as though it, too, were in on the Christmas plot to make him miserable. The doorbell rang again. And again. He pulled the door open again, allowing the full force of his glare to spill onto the poor, unassuming caroler trying his patience.

"What do you want?" he asked, prepared to launch into a full lecture on the meaningless triviality of Jingle Bells and Silent Night and, quite possibly, every other song ever sung in the history of mankind. But he didn't. Because when the door swung fully open, he was standing eye to bright red hair with April O'Brien, who wearing a hunter green velvet cap. It is nearly impossible to rant when staring down Victorian headgear.

April turned her face up to glare back at him with eyes that matched her cap. "That was rude, Jalil." She said, crossing her arms and waving her carol book threateningly. "It's Christmas time. Whatever happened to 'love thy fellow man'?"

"Did you want something?" he sighed, intensifying his glare in a silent challenge. Bring it, his eyes seemed to say.

"To sing and spread some holiday cheer, for one. Now are you going to keep the door open long enough for us to sing Jingle Bells and go on our way, or does this have to get messy?" There was a dangerous gleam in the redheaded girl's eyes. I can take you, it said, and then silently added a couple of nasty words. You didn't mess with that expression.

"Fine." Jalil muttered between clenched teeth, leaning against the doorframe. "Astound me." It was bad enough having to see the girl in Everworld every day. He didn't need her skulking around his house, too. She smirked at him for a moment, then launched into an impassioned rendition of Jingle Bells.

God, he hated Jingle Bells.

Green,
Cause of everything I miss
All this mistletoe no kiss
And with every Christmas wish
There would be no greater gift
Than to have this envy lift

Meanwhile, back in Everworld...

The dark skinned teen smiled peacefully, stretching under the thick down comforter that covered his bed in King Camulos' castle. After spending most of his time in Everworld being chased by some monstrosity or another, it was always nice to wake up and find himself unmolested, with nothing physics?defying in sight.

Unfortunately, when he opened his eyes, he discovered he was not alone. In fact, a strange, yellow, leering?thing was perched on his bed, leaning down so that its long, vicious looking teeth were almost touching his face.

So Jalil did what any sane, rational high school student turned adventurer would do. Screamed, "YAUGHHHHH!" and kicked the yellow thing in the stomach. It made a wheezing sound and toppled off the bed and onto the floor.

"Jesus, Jalil..." it whined. "I didn't think you were that touchy about personal space." Hm, that was funny. The creepy yellow beast wasn't snarling, yipping, or making any of the other noises he would normally have associated with nasty fantasy creatures. In fact, it sounded a little like, "Christopher?"

"You punch like a girl, Sherman." The other teen muttered, pulling himself to his feet. "A really strong girl. With a mace."

"What the hell are you doing in my room anyway?" He shot a quick look out his bedroom window. "It's still the middle of the night. Shouldn't you be getting drunk somewhere?"

"Come on, dude, lighten up." The blonde protested, "Is that any way to show your holiday cheer?"

He should have known. "I swear to god, Hitchcock, if this has anything, anything at all to do with Christmas, I will personally invite Hel up here for turkey dinner and then allow her to cut off that which you hold most dear." Well, if there was one good thing about the holidays, it was the amazingly creative threats that could be made around them.

"So you're saying this would be a bad time to wish you a merry Christmas, then?" Christopher got only a glare in response. It was a very good glare, too, since its owner had been practicing it for the last fifteen hours. The blonde held up his hands in a pacifying gesture. "Right, I guess not. You know what? I'll just leave then, and maybe go run for my life. Yeah. Sounds good."

Jalil continued to glare at him as he backed towards the door.

"Fine, dude. I'll go find someone else to share my good cheer with. Hell, David's probably up anyway. I bet I could get him to show some holiday spirit..." The blonde walked out, closing the door behind him, leaving Jalil alone in peaceful, blissful silence once more.

And then the door opened itself back up. "Oh, by the way..." Christopher added, sticking his head back through the doorway, "Merry Christmas." A candlestick hit the wall next to his head. And the dark?skinned teen listened?with much satisfaction?to the sounds of the blonde running for his life and, by the sounds of it, running into a few walls on the way.
As the silence finally settled again, Jalil Sherman, Everworld's first ever grinch, rolled over and went back to sleep...

Carolers are at my door
Don't wanna hear them anymore
Stockings on the mantle
It snows here everyday
But it's a green Christmas anyway

"Ow, watch the hair! The hair!" Someone wailed.

"It's not my fault. You're the one who wanted to wear the chains. More dramatic, you said. We'll be ominous, you said. Well I'm sick of falling down stairs!" The statement was punctuated with a clink, two rattles, and another whimper from the poor soul whose hair seemed to be caught in something.

Jalil groaned and scrubbed at his eyes with one hand. He was in his room?the real world one, that is?and the clock by the side of his bed was flashing 3:05 am. And even his cousins wouldn't get up that early on Christmas day. He hoped. Besides, the voices sounded too old to be one of the brats, but too young to be his father or uncles.

"Who's there?" he called, one hand fumbling to find the bedside lamp. A lone finger finally landed on the switch and he flicked it on, bathing both the room and the two figures standing in front of his bed in yellow?white light. All three of them sat or stood in their respective positions and blinked for a moment at the abrupt change.

And then he got a good look at the men in front of him, and kept on blinking.

Both were ridiculously tall and well muscled. The one on the left had clear blue eyes, the color of the sky just after a rainstorm and deep brown hair, almost as dark as Jalil's own. The other's eyes were an almost blinding emerald green, and his hair was blonde and curly. Both were ridiculously good looking, although the green eyed one was far more effeminate.

And, to top is all off, both were wrapped in foot after foot of chains and manacles, which seemed to make it almost impossible for the two to walk, since they were currently swaying and clutching at various bits of Jalil's bedroom furniture in an effort to stay upright.

But as odd as all this was, there were still one or two small thing that were odder still.

1: Both men were translucent, allowing Jalil a good view of the opposite wall through their torsos.

And 2: They looked awfully familiar.

"...Sir Galahad? ...Ganymede?" He asked, wondering if the eggnog his mother had forced him to drink had gone past its expiry date.

The knight flashed a dazzling grin at him, "The very same." Next to him, the dead immortal pretty boy nodded happily.

"I told you he'd remember us." Ganymede said, happily. "No one forgets a good party."

"Or a good fight." Galahad countered.

"I'm sure he enjoyed the party more." the ex-god sulked. "You're always going on about bloodshed this, and dragon?slaying that. Don't you ever relax? I know a few good nymphs who'd love to get to know you."

The knight of purity and chastity turned red. "I'm busy..." he muttered. "Paperwork to fill out. You know."

"All you ever do is work. It wouldn't hurt you to take a vacation. It is Christmas time."

"I don't think?"

"Uhm, guys? Did you want something?" Jalil wasn't sure what kind of procedure was required when kicking two dead guys out of one's bedroom, but he had a feeling that a simple 'scram' wouldn't cover it.

"Oh, yes. Of course," Galahad said, sounding as flustered as he looked. From somewhere in the chains he pulled out a pad of paper, then flipped it open to a page near the middle and began to read.

"It is required of every man, that the spirit within him should walk abroad among his fellow?men, and travel far and wide; and if that spirit goes not forth in life, it is condemned to do so after death. It is doomed to wander through the world and witness what it cannot share, but might have shared on earth, and turned to happiness!"

Jalil stared once again. "A Christmas Carol?"

"You will be haunted," Ganymede said, taking over from the knight, "by Three Spirits. Expect the first in..." he snuck a quick look a the beside clock, "Fifteen minutes, and then another in each hour's time. Look to see me no more; and look that, for your own sake, you remember what has passed between us." And then the god and knight began to fade.

"Wait a second," Jalil protested, "Get back here and explain things!" But the ghosts continued to fade, ignoring his demands.

"Well, that's one down." Ganymede said pleasantly, "Who's next?"

"Some woman." Galahad replied. "Senna was her name, I think..."

And then they were gone, and he was left staring at an empty room, with the ghosts words ringing in his ears.

Three Spirits... expect the first in fifteen minutes...

Red nose on the reindeer
And tinsel on the tree
But it's a green Christmas for me

_ To be continued...