A/N: Chapter done! This is the end, folks, I never meant this to be long. Into Sanzo's head we go. Hee, for a one-shot, this got long. This is set right around the time Gojyo wakes up in the beginning - it's morning-after time again.

If you caught it, kudos. The chapter titles are all songs from Dave Matthews Band's "Before These Crowded Streets" just because it's what I've been listening to all the time. And the titles fit ^.^ If you haven't heard "Dreaming Tree", here are some lyrics that I thought sort of fit this chapter.

"This thing I do / I do not deny it / All through this smile / As crooked as danger / I do not deny / I know in my mind / I would leave you now / If I had the strength to / I would leave you up / To your own devices..."

And thus, the mood is set ^.^ Enjoy the final installment.

P.S. Reviews are welcome - thanks to those who've already done it!

***

Sanzo:

*

Slow buildups are torturous. More for having to live through those days than anything else. I stare at the ceiling, counting the cracks in the plaster and half wanting it to crash down. Dust drifts down, illuminated by the sunlight, and the wall creaks. There is nothing ominous about it. For me, anyway.

When the hell did I manage to get myself to bed? My arms ache from being cemented to the windowsill, my legs are stiff from sitting motionless. I roll onto my side, using the cold to wake up. I reach up and grab the pack of cigarettes I left on the table, fumbling one out without looking at it. Hakkai warned me not to smoke in bed, but fuck Hakkai. Should I have?

The saru depends on me. I can live with that, because he's stupid and bumbling and I get to beat the crap out of him and he'll still dog my heels. That kind of dependence I don't care about, because he generates it all himself. He doesn't need my affection to always want to be with me. He never asks for an apology or gratitude. I don't owe him a thing. I fucking -hate- being in debt.

I roll back into the warm spot I left, coaxing life into the cigarette with a good puff, and toss the lighter onto the table behind me. Smoke rises to the ceiling, mixing with dust and hazing over the view of morning from my open window. Gravity does more than my own mouth, and I go back to absently probing for weak spots in the canopy above my head. The wall creaks again, and I almost get up enough anger to go and shut those two the fuck up. But I'm not furious enough to relinquish my position, or to bear the weight of walking in on them.

I congratulate myself, for what little it's worth. Goku is enough to deal with, without the two of them as well. It was merely for the sake of my sanity. I wince as a familiar voice screams and more dust is dislodged from the ceiling. Maybe it was a bad idea, giving Gojyo a constant, willing partner. Hakkai's not one to refuse physical comforts, and coupling that with the kappa's eternal horniness means I'm going to have to listen to this all the damn' time.

I put a hand to my forehead, knocking ash onto my cheek. I sit up, brush it off, and take another drag. Scowling is so natural I hardly realize I'm doing it anymore. Like a certain smile I'm getting sick of. Feet hit frigid floor. Fuck.

I can deal with the saru, but Hakkai never does anything wrong. He respects personal space, speaks calmly, is polite, -cares-. There's nothing wrong with caring, but I don't need it directed at me. There was something too special about the rain and being with him, and it ceased to be a private affair. I didn't mind so much at first; it was just the natural step up and Hakkai, more than anyone, understood. He doesn't know me because he can't. But he had a damn' good idea.

The saru doesn't expect gratitude. But, if I'm drunk enough, Hakkai begins to deserve it. That's all I saw, and this mouth that's kissed only cigarettes for as far back as I can remember was eager to comply. I was paying off a debt in the only way that came to my inebriated mind. I sobered when I felt him sob, and saw the tear that proved the circumstances weren't as simple as my logic had calculated. I caught it, swallowed it, and wondered how the hell I'd gotten so stupid.

He was perfect. A gentleman. In the face of it, whenever the rain was too heavy and memories steeped thick enough to really pull the trigger, I forgot to thank him and just let him in. I could never submit to anything more concrete than utter separateness, with only our lips connecting us. He never pressed the matter, never tried to hold me. Feeling prompts thought, and I couldn't have kept going if he had reminded me who he was. I never looked at him afterward, never opened my eyes when I paused to breathe. I didn't see anyone in my mind's eye, but I also never had to see him.

Clothes. I pull the robes over my head, teeth fastened to the filter of a shortening cigarette. I don't usually want to don the heavy sacraments so early, but the thin sheets just aren't cutting it. I shut the window, my fingers stiff as they close around the latch. Gojyo always jeers at me for being thin, making inane body heat jokes. I just don't get hungry any more. I never really had been.

Hakkai found meaning in the meaningless. The more time I had alone with him, the more I began to see it as well. For the sake of self-preservation, I did nothing more than shove him off onto someone who could handle it.

He let it slip once, and I doubt he remembers it or else he wouldn't have looked so stupidly surprised when I sent him away. He spoke of the kappa in such a strangely simpering manner that for a while I didn't believe him. But he never lies to me.

Meanwhile, the idiot redhead tried to flirt with me, went after any sapient female he could get his hands on, and fought with Goku. Hakkai was being taken for granted, and he knew it.

Getting him to assert himself was easy. I had the entire night to myself to think afterward, and shove inconvenient emotions back down where they were supposed to be. Contemplating all meanings of the phrase 'virtually nonexistent.'

The cigarette burns down to the filter and I rub it out in the ashtray. There is a knock at the door, followed immediately by it swinging open. He never caught what the knocking was supposed to be for.

"Sanzo! Come on, you're going to miss breakfast!" He runs out of the room, evidently going to find Hakkai. I grab the cigarettes and lighter from the table, stuff them into my robes, and follow in hope of getting a hot mug of coffee and a newspaper. They are a luxury I have come to depend on.