Isolation 15

“Hey Bailey” said John as he took the cigarette out of his mouth. Bailey walked into the dim lit bar where John was sitting in the far corner smoking. Bailey sat across from him.

“Since when do you smoke?” asked Bailey.

“I did a few times when I was 13” answered John casually. He stared at the cigarette sitting between his fingers. He lowered his head as he put it out. “These things are so disgusting”

“John” said Bailey as he grabbed both of John’s hands. John put his head on top of his and Bailey’s.

“What’s wrong with me?” asked John.

“Nothing your grieving” said Bailey as John picked his head back up red in the face.

“It’s not that” said John. “I feel different. I’m drinking and smoking and I hurt Sam the other night”

“What do you mean?” asked Bailey concerned for the two.

“I grabbed her and I shook her I wanted to hurt her” croaked John. “What kind of husband am I?”

Bailey got up and moved to John’s side. He could see John was breaking again and it was probably due to this afternoon”

“John you were frustrated” said Bailey. “Sam understands that. There’s nothing wrong with you”

“I’m turning into him” said John.

“Who?” asked Bailey.

John looked at Bailey. “Patrick, I’m going to be like him”

“Now John you look at me” said Bailey strongly as John stared at him. “You are a strong, gentle, caring, and most compassionate person I may know. You are nothing and I mean nothing like that bastard. You would never physically hurt Sam, and I know you will never hurt Chloe. They love you, we all love you and pulling away isn’t going to protect us”

“I can’t go back to the firehouse” said John nodding. “Not yet”

“Well you shouldn’t be alone” said Bailey. “You can come stay at the spare bedroom at my place”

“I don’t want to trouble you Bailey” said John.

“You never trouble me” said Bailey tightening his hold on his son’s hands. “Come on let’s get home”

***Bailey’s apartment***

John sat on his bed flicking through the channels. It had to be about one in the morning. He just couldn’t get his mind off of Patrick and no amount of pills were working. He sighed with frustration he felt that his memory was out of place. Everytime he saw Patrick he felt like something of his memory was trying to get out. He was frustrated.

***Next morning***

Bailey ready to go to work opened John’s door. He was still sleep and three pill bottles sat on the nightstand. Bailey sighed, his son still had to overcome such things.

He shut the door and headed off to work.

***Headquarters***

Sam followed Bailey into his office. He shut the door.

“Patrick has been released” said Sam

“What!” cried Bailey angrily. “Do you understand we need this Joseph to appear first to see if this was real”

“Bailey he had his lawyer come over” said Sam. “We have nothing on him. John is staying with you, right?”

“Yeah” said Bailey.

“I’m going to check on him” said Sam. “You know? I think Patrick is trying to reconcile with John and I don’t like that”

“Go Sammy” said Bailey.

***Bailey’s apartment***

John woke up to heavy knocking on the door. He groaned and got up from the bed. There was going to be hell to pay for whoever woke him up from his fantastic dream about Sam and Chloe.

He swung open the door and immediately tried to shut it but the guy held the door open firmly.

“Son it’s me Patrick” said Patrick walking in as John backed up. He felt frozen.

“You’re locked up” said John.

“They had to let me out” said Patrick. “They had nothing to hold me on”

“What do you want?” asked John who was getting a migraine.

“Just to see you” said Patrick. “Maybe talk”

“Well you can talk to me” said a voice behind Patrick. He heard a gun cock and turned around slowly.

“Dr. Grant” said Patrick. “Growing a backbone”

Sam sneered. “What are you doing here? Cause I don’t think Bailey would like it very much if you were here harassing his son”

“Bailey is not John’s son” said Patrick nastily. “I raised the boy I taught him what he is”

“He’s not a boy anymore” said Sam. “And you couldn’t have had any influence in John’s life cause he’s a good man”

She looked over Patrick’s shoulder and saw John on his knees clutching the couch arm and panting hard while closing his eyes.

“John” said Sam while pushing Patrick away and rushing towards her husband. She kneeled beside him.

“Just a migraine Sammy” said John.

Sam looked to where Patrick was standing and saw he was gone.

***10 minutes later***

Sam and John were sitting on his bed. John took a sip of his tea and set it down.

“I can’t be near him without feeling rotten” said John. “I want to kill him. If he didn’t kill Nathan he surely killed my mother”

“Come on John let it out” said Sam.

“Sam it’s hard” choked out John. Sam gripped his hands in hers.

“I won’t judge you” said Sam softly. “I’m your wife and I’ll stand by you. I’ll love you for you”

“It’s just that it’s my fault!” cried John turning red. “All of it! The victims last year. Dr. Johnson, Nathan. All because they knew me and wanted to take care of me. Now everyone has to protect me. Watch out for poor John. The mobster’s bastard. I know they’re sick of it. Sick of me, s..sick of having to guard me. I see h...how they look at me. So much pity”

He broke down and looked into Sam’s eyes that were full of unshed tears and shock.

“Sam I want to die” sobbed John hysterically. “It hurts, it hurts too much. Why should I live, I don’t deserve it. Please Sammy take the pain away, please”

Sam pulled him into her arms and down on the bed. They laid there John’s head on her chest where she felt his hot tears which pained her. Her own tears falling into his hair as she put her mouth to his head and kissed it. She had no idea his guilt extended to the point that he wanted to die. That made her hold on to him tighter and cry harder as his sobbing drowned hers out.

Her John was hurting so bad.

At least he got it out and now she could get to him from the inside. The question was What should she do now?

What can she do now?

A/N: Wow okay I don’t know if that was as emotional as how I played it in my head. Please tell me. I need the encouragement but I love the people who have been reviewing. You guys are my rock in this fic.