Do you have any idea how much my life sucks?

Well, not entirely... I live in a nice house, complete with pool. I get great clothes and I'm blessed with a natural fashion sense. I go to the best private school in my are. My sister and I get along very well with one another.

But my life still sucks.

Why, you ask?

Let me tell you a story that will explain everything: Three weeks ago, I was talking to uber-hottie of the month Mush Meyers, and he was actually talking back. It was such a shock, you know? I'm the out-since-second-grade fag, and Mush is the I'm-too-sexy-for-any-article-of-clothing sexy beast... and he was still talking to me, walking me home from school.

I was ecstatic, to say the least.

"So, Snitch..." He says after a while, "is your mom home?"

I blinked at him. "What? Sure, I guess. It's her week off, but she might be at the spa." A strange look crossed his face and I frowned. "Why?"

"Dude, you probably haven't noticed for two obvious reasons that should not need to be explained," Mush grinned, "but your mom is hot."

I stopped walking. I was utterly shocked and horrified at the very idea that my school's current Mr. Popular would think such a thing. I mean, sure, my mother is a tall, blue-eyed brunette with a slim body and legs up to here... but so am I!

I just wanted to die.

So you see why my life sucks? Gorgeous guys at school talk to me, follow me home, and all this other great stuff, but it's all because my mom's got big boobs, and I'm their ticket to that. I mean, right now, my "best friend", Itey Asarro, is mowing the lawn in a horrendously curvy line because I was stupid enough to tell him that my mom gets a massage the first weekend of every month, and she's getting it outside in the sun. Puh-lease. He is so obvious.

Boys disgust me.

Damn their being so sexy (oh, and damn my being one. I almost forgot for a minute)!

But there's good news: a new boy at school. His name is Isaac, and he's soooo dreamy-cute! You can't even imagine. Some of the football players have taken to calling him Skittery, because he's so jumpy all the time (ah-dor-ah-ble!). He sat next to me in 2nd hour Chemistry, and we flirted. Like, majorly.

I think I've found a prospective boyfriend.

Take that, Mom.

But the best part? He doesn't seem to have been affected by the rumors of my hot mom. I overheard someone in 5th hour English telling him about her (isn't that so sad? I'm not at school for having a sexy mom. I'm a gay male teen who's known for his mom's boobs and legs. Someone shoot me), and I couldn't have been more surprised to hear his answer: "...So?"

Again, take that, Mom.

So, my life sucks, but I guess it won't be sucking for too much longer.

We'll see in Chemistry tomorrow if there's any real chemistry going on!

Luff,

Snitch

AUTHOR'S NOTE

DUN DUN DUUUUUUN. XD Wow, that was probably one of the stupidest things I've ever written. And shortest: it's only three pages long because of the lyrics and this author's note. Anyhoo... yeah. ; Whatever. I'm starving to death, I just wanted to post this before I ate. ; Then homework, then picc practice, then the financial aid meeting at school. Grah, damn all the universities in this state being CRAPPY. Now I'm forced to go out of state. Ah well. WVU! XD XD XD ROCK.

cough Yes. Eating. Now. Bye.