I've not slept in a while, like really goodly, and I have had too much
caffeine, and sometimes, this is what happens.
I don't own.
Hamster Boy Strikes Back
Hamster Boy sang to himself quietly as he kicked his legs under his Uncle
Clark's chair in the Justice League's grand and glorious headquarters on
the moon. He scratched away with his crayon and colored the dinosaur
purple. First he had to draw on feathers, because everybody knew dinosaurs
had feathers, but now he could color them purple, because no one knew what
color dinosaur feathers were, so they might be purple.
"Ham-ter Boy, Ham-ter Boy, you're da bestest of the restest. Ham-ter Boy,
Ham-ter Boy." he started humming. It was good to have a theme song.
"Do I want to know?" Green Lantern asked incredulously, leaning against the
table and glared at Batman.
"Don't say anything, Kyle," Batman snapped back.
"There's a no-kid rule up here," Green Lantern pointed out smartly. "I
blame you for that, mostly. So what's this? Your new sidekick?"
Batman glowered, in that special way that Batman always did.
"No way, Jose. Ham-ter Boy works alone!" Guiltily, he dug into his pocket
and pulled out the school's hamster. "Ethept for Mr. Styx, my faiful
Batman snatched the animal from the boy's hands. "WHAT did I tell you?"
Batman asked, gravel chipping at the words. He placed the furry animal in
an empty softdrink cup for safe keeping.
Hamster Boy looked down at the floor and blushed. "I'm not allowed to thu-
date Mr. Styx so he won't run away."
Kyle blinked, then folded his arms over his chest. "And just what do you
think YOU are doing here, little man?" He remembered his first introduction
to Hamster Boy, with the oversized domino mask, polo shirt and beach
towel, and wondered why anyone was taking this seriously.
"Well, after you save the world (and I saved it from the aliens at the pee
skool), you get 'saved the world' dinner that Alfie makes, and I said I
wanted mac n cheese for dinner." Hamster Boy neurotically organized the
crayons in his box based on their light temperature and position on the
color spectrum before continuing. "And you get whatever you want for
dinner, and for dessert, and I said that everyone hadta come to dinner,
even Mara, who's stupid and sometimes she smells, sometimes."
"He said he wanted to come to the Justice League meeting for dessert,"
Batman finished for him.
Kyle grinned. "Aww, it's cute. You two're bonding."
"It aint bonding!" Hamster Boy protested. "He's a neth-ith-ethar-ithy.."
"Necessary," Batman prompted.
"Nethitary. Fanks. Ebil. Momma doesn't come up here, and daddy's a Lame-Bot
who aint in the Justhis League, so I hadta come wif Batman, cuz I'm not
allowed ta use the thransporter cuz of that time wif the whipped cream an'
fillin' up the monitor womb, an' stuff.Anyways, Batman's ebil, but he's
good cuz he listened to me even when Oracle didn't."
Batman turned back to the monitors, not even gratifying the young man with
Kyle gave the boy an indulgent pat on the head then went over to torment
Batman. Kyle didn't have a lot of hobbies these days, with a second grader,
producing the animated series based on his comic strip, and saving the
world on a regular basis. This, however, he could always find time for.
"So, you guys have 'save the world dinners' often?" he asked snidely.
"Just for four year olds who need positive reinforcement," Batman retorted.
"Do YOU need positive reinforcement, Kyle?"
"Hah. He needs positive reinforcement? Kyle looked back at the young man in
the towel cape and mask, who was poking himself in the head with his black
crayon, thinking. He started drawing little people being stomped beneath
one of the raised feet of one carnivore, and drew more stick people in the
mouth of the dinosaur beside it.
"Dey need lasers." the young boy muttered. "Den ya can mathimize your
killing effintcly." The boy growled and began chewing on his black crayon
as he turned the page.
Kyle shook his head. "Nevermind."
A little construct Yoda popped out of his ring. "Mmm. sense great evil in
this one, I do. Much like his sister, I fear. Shall be evil before the age
of twelve, they shall.." Yoda disappeared as Batman swiped at the
"You have like NO fun in your life," Kyle reported. He was rather pleased
that Batman was scowling. "So why's the kid think you're evil," Kyle asked
Batman didn't answer.
"Come on. I'm sure you give little kids nightmares and stuff, but you can't
be THAT bad to him." Could the Bat be? His little sidekick seemed to thrive
on abuse, but certainly Batman recognized that this kid wouldn't. "Hey, Jim-
Hamster Boy! How come Batman's evil?"
The boy had started on another page in the coloring book, drawing laser
cannons onto the shoulder blades of the t-rex. He raised his head and spun
around in the chair. "Cuz he eats bugs," Jimmy said matter-of-factly. "But
he's still good. He made Thuperman and Marshin Madhunter come to my pee-
skool and get rid of da aliens. Da Dinosaurs should have tanks," he
concluded, pulling out some choice camouflage colors. "It's not good to
have pod people."
Kyle walked back towards Batman, both eyebrows arched, but Batman did not
respond. "That is the weirdest little kid I've ever met."
Batman sniffed. "He didn't come from MY gene pool."