The Valentines Day Joke.

It was a sunny day in Colorado Springs and the ever so infatuated Colonel awoke with a start, it had been the third night in a row he had the same dream about himself and his 2IC. He turned to look at his clock.*crap* he thought, he was an hour late from work, he jumped out of bed, and raced to find his uniform, scattering his shirts, trousers, socks and other intimidating clothing over his floor, eventually he found his uniform neatly folded on his chest of drawers *Why do I never looks there* he thought to himself. He forced his pyjamas off and rushed to put on his uniform, he went past his kitchen, picked up a banana, his mobile and headed for the door, slammed it open, picked up his keys from the side, ran through the door to his car.then having to run back to close his door, finally got into his car and started off to work.

He drove along, somewhat disobeying the speed limit whilst the radio rather ironically played "Samantha" by Madness. He quickly changed the station as soon as the Chorus came on. "Well today's the 14th of February which spells Valentines Day! Now here's a song for all you have someone to love.and I hope you enjoy the romance of today." the radio started to play "My heart will go on" by Celine Dion. *Oh for cryin' out loud* Jack thought, he decided to turn off the radio altogether. *Great.Valentine's Day.the girls on base are gunna have a field day.* he pulled up to the gate of Cheyenne Mountain, showed the airman his ID, and drove into the car park, swiftly got out of his car, rushed through the ID checks and ran to the elevator.he only just got on after a while he wished he didn't, there in the elevator with him, was a bunch of giggly girls debating who had the better boyfriend/fiancée/husband. As soon as the elevator stopped at level 16 he quickly left and ran to the second elevator, which carries down to Level 28. Fortunately the girls didn't arrive in time to catch it on its way down so Jack was alone...

Level 23, the elevator stopped and Dr. Janet Fraiser came into the elevator.

"Hey Doc.how are you?" he asked.trying to hide the fact he'd just came in. He looked at her and saw she was frustrated, *uh oh* he thought, *what have I done now? * She forced a smile on her face.

"I'm fine Colonel, but I presume you are aware that you didn't turn up for your check up yesterday." She tilted her head to the side.*jesh for a small woman she can intimidate easily*

"Sorry Doc I forgot." he shrugged his shoulders and tried to look innocent.what he really did was doze whilst writing his report from his last mission.

"Colonel.I'm one step ahead of you this time.I've already spoken to Dr. Jackson, Sam, Teal'c and General Hammond so you can't say you were with them." The elevator stopped at level 28

"Love to stay and chat doc.but this is my stop.catch you later."

"If I don't see you before 1600 you're gunna catch more than just me." She shouted after him. As soon as he was out of sight she shock her head and walked out of the elevator after him.

**************************************************

"Where is Colonel O'Neill." General Hammond asked Jack's team. they sat, looked at each other and shrugged their shoulders.apart from Teal'c who did the usual routine of raising his eyebrows.

"I do not know GeneralHammond.Perhaps his journey here was delayed by an accident of some kind."

"Hey kids sorry I'm late.my alarm clock didn't go off and I slept in." he stood behind his chair. "General."

"That's the third time this week, I'm gunna have to send someone over to your house to wake you up, you delayed your own mission yesterday as well as others."

"Sorry Sir.It won't happen again.but does someone seriously have to stay at my house."

"Just for tonight Jack, we're having a visit from the Tok'ra and the Tollan tomorrow and you need to be here bright and early, wide awake and dressed in an appropriate manner." His 2IC, the archaeologist and started giggling.Jack looked at himself.his t-shirt was on inside out, not tucked in and his trousers were on the wrong way round.

"Sorry Sir" he said in embarrassment.

"Colonel go get yourself properly dressed.this briefings rescheduled for 1300, dismissed." At that he looked towards the stairs and Fraiser walked in, and walked towards the General's office.

"Maybe I should check you out sooner than I thought." She spoke through giggles. "1400 Colonel.or else." She walked into the General's office and the door was shut behind her. Jack quickly replaced his jacket, smiled at his team and ran out to the locker room. Sam and Daniel started to laugh; they had never seen him so embarrassed, they looked at Teal'c who sat silently; he pushed out his chair, stood up and followed the others out of the briefing room.

"Maybe we should visit him outside the locker room" suggested Sam, still smiling at the fact that the Colonel's trousers where back to front and showing his underwear.

"That would be unwise MajorCarter.I believe O'Neill is humiliated and wishes not to discuss this matter."

"C'mon Teal'c it'll be fun.anyway, he'll forgive us." Daniel said, looking at the locker room door, plainly seeing that the occupant has locked the door. Sam and Daniel sneaked to the door followed by the Jaffa, and silently waited until they heard the lock click.the Colonel opened the door and the sight of his team standing at the door gave him a fright. They humans laughed and Teal'c smiled.

"You were right DanielJackson.this is an amusing experience." Looking at Jack the whole time.

"Yeh very funny." he said sarcastically then turned to look at Sam and Daniel who were still laughing "Don't you two have anything better to do" he pushed passed Daniel and marched off to his office.

The three walked to the elevator still talking about the Colonel.

"Hey Daniel.It's Valentines Day isn't it.I've just thought of a brilliant practical joke." They walked into the elevator and Sam told them her plan.