A/N: A fun little ditty based on an inspiration from my good friend Dha. 3 you and your peverted mind. Anyway, the disclaimer: the characters are Tolkien's not mine, all rights to him, et cetera, et cetera. This is a parody. Giant monkeys come to suck out our brains. And so on.
By the way, I LOVE slash. It's just the bad slash that gets on my nerves sometimes. Just clearing that up.
On with the show!
-Manny

Bad Slash Hoedown-LOTR Style

Good day to you, I'm Faramir, a Man who's quite aghast
Since good ol' Mary Sue dropped by, the world's gone outta whack
Aragorn, he got home late and went to go to bed-
But Eowyn and Arwen were lying there instead. Hey!

Y'know that ol' dwarf Gimli, whose beard is really long?
Well yesterday, I found out he's a guy who wears a thong.
Walking in the moonlight, I thought my mind had gone-
Legolas was on the ground with Gimli going strong. Hey!

I figured it was just the castle driving me insane,
So I went out to see if the poor Shire was the same.
Merry couldn't stay long, he-the little fool be damned-
Rushed off to a four-way with Frodo, Pip, and Sam. Hey!

Well I pressed on to Rivendell, a home to elves and song,
I thought that I had seen it all, but this sure proved me wrong.
Hordes and hordes of people, their faces all the same-
Agent Smiths and Elrond, a humpin' bangin' train. Hey!

Deep in the Misty Mountains, I saw a calming sight-
There upon a rock, the clothing of the Wizard White.
But calmness turned to horror, when I saw what he'd done-
Boromir the Zombie and Gandalf having fun. Hey!

So now I'm back in Gondor, a sorry Man am I
It seems the world has gone to hell; I think I could cry
At least I would, if only I could tell which way is up-
It's awful hard to focus when Bilbo's on your butt. Hey!