Summary: Continuing from last chapter. Faith has fled Spike with Angel because she fears what his soul-burning powers and the remainder of her Slayer/Shadow demon will do to her. Spike is still on the hunt for her, convinced it's destiny. This doesn't stop Faith from trying to have a good time with Angel. NO not like that! Angel talks about his future, but is still stuck on the past.

Author Notes: Thanks to Dutch! The # 1 Beta!! Please Read & Review!

GO TO MY SITE:

“I am still dreaming of your face. Hungry and hollow for all the things you took away. I don’t want to be your good time. I don’t want to be the bad guy. I don’t want to be your fall-back crutch anymore. I’ll walk right out into a brand new day. Insane and rising in my own weird way. We can live beside the ocean. Leave the fire behind. Swim out past the breakers. Watch the world die.” EverClear

Forget Me Not 15- Santa Monica

She looked awful. Well, as awful as she could look, which was actually pretty bad. She looked like one of countless girls Angel had seen out on the street that had just given up. No matter how much make-up they put on they were still exhausted from the inside out. Angel hadn’t seen Faith look this bad since she wanted him to kill her...the first time. He knew this time she was just going through a lot. She’d start looking better in a few days once she realized that he wouldn’t let anything bad happen.

In some ways she was the Faith he visited in prison. She was jocular, but it always went back to struggling to do the right thing.

“Spacious,” she whistled at the mostly glass house that was minimalist in its décor.

“I tell ya, if I knew that the W & H crash pads were this cool, I would have totally skipped that jail thing and dusted your ass. Ah, I’m a chick, so the quickest way to get here is to screw somebody, or be the damsel in distress. Seriously Angel, if you need to go fight the good fight feel free to jet and leave me with some muscle...I’d still get to stay in this house, right?”

“This is the good fight, protecting you. What’s the point of having all the means if I can’t protect the people I care about?” Angel tried to smile convincingly.

That was a good question. He had saved the world from a few slip-ups lately in the places where it seemed the most needed. He stopped a Hellmouth opening in Prague, there were those demons in Greece, and of course that secret gateway in Burma. Meanwhile, while he was away, a damned Hellmouth had reopened right under his friends’ feet. Now the town on this Hellmouth was where his son wanted to stay and fight, after everything he had done to give him a safe life. It didn’t matter how many times Angel traveled the world, no place would ever give him more anguish than Sunnydale, California. Spike had shut down the place with his soul- his life, but he was too stubborn to die, and that god-awful place rose with him. Angel had people working night and day to try to shut the Sunnydale Hellmouth down now, and so far there was nothing. This only meant more trouble for the future.

Angel would like to say that he had been misguided about saving the world with all this money, but what other choice did he have than to try to spread his resources as much as possible? He would be selfish if he chose to do anything else. He couldn’t believe that Connor had called him selfish after all he had done. What had the boy said? Angel tried to bury him in magic and money. He hadn’t really said that; it was worse, he had implied it. Until then Angel thought Buffy was the only person that knew how to cut into him with words. Cordy had hit him with words all the time, but they were only little slaps because they had been as subtle as a boot to the head. Angel preferred attacks to be upfront--verbal and otherwise. Maybe life in the suburbs had taught Connor how to be obnoxious. It did seem to be a thing with a lot of kids with good lives. No, Angel knew it was Spike’s influence, no matter how much Spike said Connor had enough good opinions of his own. The last thing Angel wanted to think about was Spike, as Faith kept insisting this was a vacation.

But this wasn’t a vacation. This was stopping Crazy-Spike-from-burning- Faith-up-and-somehow-ending-the-world-phrophecy. Faith had tied Angel’s hands. As much as she insisted it was a vacation she kept talking about Spike and asking Angel to make promises he would never keep for anyone else. Angel wasn’t to kill Spike, and he wasn’t to hurt him anymore than he had to. Angel owed Faith more than a few promises. Even though Wes said she “was off” about this and it was most likely best to kill Spike.

Angel was forced to do what he hated most—run. Worse than that, he was running and hiding from Spike, of all people. Worst of all, he was running and hiding from Spike for Spike’s own good! Angel knew Faith didn’t realize how much she was asking here.

What bothered Angel even more was that even if Faith hadn’t asked it of him Spike would still be alive. He would be alive because Angel wanted it that way. Of course. Spike had taken his son to beat on Wesley in the middle of the day in Angel’s company, while Angel was there. Of course Spike had some excuse; Spike said he was beating on Wesley in order to stop him from doing that spell on Faith because he thought it would kill her. Excuse number two, Spike said he was doing it for revenge because Wesley led Faith to her death when he advised her to take the Orpheus to save Angel, before Spike even knew her! Both of these claims were totally ridiculous, of course. Wesley would never put anyone in danger unless he had to...or if he thought he had to.

But this wasn’t about Wes; it was about Spike. Spike always made up his reasons to do what he wanted, and what Spike had wanted was to show Angel that he could still mess with him, his people, and his son! Angel should have killed him but he hadn’t because Spike had saved his son from a bullet. Granted, the bullet wouldn’t have been fired if Spike hadn’t put Connor in danger in the first place, but still the little limey had jumped in front of a bullet for Connor. Why? Probably because he didn’t realize he was going to get shot out of the window and almost die himself, but still.

Angel’s head was reeling as much as Faith kept calling this a vacation. He felt like he’d rather be “tromping all over this goddamned mud-ball to save its ugly ass a million times a day.” That is what Faith had been accusing him of doing, and she was partly right. But that wasn’t why he “looked as burnt out as a 60 year old hooker,” not completely. It was having Connor back in his life that set him on edge, more than any pending demon war or doomsday. Well, it was having himself back in Connor’s life that made Angel feel unsettled.

Angel had always known that he had given Connor a good life, and part of that was making sure Angel wasn’t in that life. Now, Connor still had his good life, but it had Angel in it- and worse than that, he had fights with demons and Spike. But then again he also had Faith, which seemed good. She never seemed to stop thinking about Connor. When Angel really thought he might want to take a vacation he suggested to Faith that they go to Vienna, but Faith insisted on staying in California for Connor’s sake. She said she had to see him during this “vacation.”

“You think Connor would fly out on your dime to go to Vienna where people are too snotty to pick up their own dog shit? Vienna is in France, right? Well, whatever. He wouldn’t. We are going to have to have a sit down with the kid, and he won’t go further than So Cal to do it. He’s with his family now, but I want to see him before this is over,” Faith said, as she ate a pint of Ben and Jerry’s like it was going to be her last.

She had no clue how much she had put him to shame as she said that while shoveling “chunky monkey” in her mouth, leaving rings on the $5,000 crystal coffee table. He was so proud of her, and so ashamed of himself. Of course, Angel knew Connor had gone to see his family. He always knew where Connor was, but he had never thought to stay near him. Maybe he was going to all these other countries because he thought the boy seemed happiest when Angel was away. And then here was Faith saying that it was a must to stay where she could be reached by his son. Was this what Angel should have been doing all along? Well, even if it was he couldn’t do it. He had his job as he always did, which was to save the world, and lately it really had required a lot of international travel. Angel was almost thankful when Faith said her next thing, which was totally off.

“Spike ‘an me, we told him to take a time out and go visit his family. Well not his--You know what I mean, the one you picked for him. It’s like, he really wanted to go and see them, but he needed permission to take time off from the mission. He needs to learn how to mix it up, his good life, and his mission life. Too bad we are the last people to help him do that. Spike is your best bet on that.”

“Um, Faith. Spike is the guy that I am protecting you from. He’s completely out of his mind and thinks it’s destiny that he burns you up. I don’t think he’s the right person to teach my son how to live a well balanced life,” Angel pointed out gently, because she seemed so determined about the whole thing.

“Yeah,” she sighed, “But this whole burning thing, that’s just something between me and Spike that we have to work out. Soon it’ll be over. It doesn’t affect how good he can be with other stuff.”

It took all his strength not to blurt out: All Spike is good for is screwing with people’s heads and other body parts! He made Connor beat the shit out of Wes because he blames Wes for not being able to screw you up. But Angel was really glad he had the strength not to say that because Faith had enough on her mind, and besides, blurting out something about Spike’s abilities to “screw” with people would have opened the door to many a topic Angel never wanted to visit with Faith or anyone ever again.

What Angel did say was: “He’s good with other stuff besides getting to Slayers- and other people- when they’re vulnerable?”

“Yeah, sure. Lots of stuff. I mean he’s not like you, he doesn’t have his shit together and he probably never will. He drinks a lot and he starts trouble and he makes most of his money on the fun side of the law, but, as much as he always says the last thing you want to hear at the worst moment, sometimes he says the best thing at the right moment. So, after he makes you feel like shit and you want to kick his ass- it’s five by five. Connor needs someone to kick his ass like that, not someone whose gonna treat him like he’s a bomb or a toy poodle that they’re afraid to touch.”

There must have been something going on with Angel’s face. He didn’t mean there to be. He made sure he stayed silent so everything in him stayed put, but something must have escaped.

“God, Angel!” Faith gasped, “I’m sorry. I did not mean you. That’s just the way people treated me and-- I mean, I didn’t mean that you handled your kid wrong. I think you did everything you could have done in a fucked situation. You did things that most people wouldn’t be able to do, and they were the best things.”

“It’s okay,” he said, but she went on as if he hadn’t even said anything. Her voice began to shake a little.

“They just can’t get it, but I do, okay? Believe me I do. Sometimes, when you love someone the right thing to do is give them up. Especially if all your love is doing is hurting them. It’s sad. How you can love people and put them through hell anyway, even though that was the last thing you wanted. Bailing is really the bravest thing, the best way to lay your cards down and show them the love. You just gotta hope one day they’ll read them right,” she sighed.

“Is this about that Robin guy?” Angel asked, “He seemed like a good guy. I’m sorry stuff didn’t work out.” “Does stuff ever work out for people like us, Angel?” she asked.

“Yeah, sure,” he tried to say convincingly, “I mean, sometimes, briefly. There are moments that make it worthwhile. Like when I saw Connor again for the first time and he saved Buffy’s sister from that vampire thing. He smiled at me, for a second. It was kind of like when I saw him again for the first time before, only better because he wasn’t trying to kill me.”

Angel had to come up with more than that. Faith needed to hear that things did get better, sometimes, that it was worth it. Angel felt that he was telling the truth, it was worth it but when he went to put the moments into words they lost their meaning somehow.

“I’ve been on a couple of dates with this woman Nina. She’s an art student, and a werewolf. That’s how we met, the werewolf part,” he said now.

A couple of dates? That was supposed to encourage her? No, no. He had to think of something better than that. It wasn’t a couple of dates, it was that he could feel something for someone, make a connection, and so far there were no horrible consequences. Nina gave him hope. But how could Angel say all this to Faith? He’d rather not. He’d rather not think about it. In fact, he hadn’t realized the whole Nina thing was so important until now.

“Go Angel!” Faith beamed, “So you screwed her, and it was all five by five?”

“Um,” Angel sometimes forgot how Faith could be. Well, at least he didn’t have to talk about connection now. Faith had taken care of that.

“We haven’t exactly gotten to that part yet,” he told her.

“Ah, you’re afraid it will be so good, you’ll bust a soul again. God, it must suck to be you. I could never stop myself from taking a piece of some fine---“

“It’s not that,” Angel said, “We just haven’t gotten to that point yet. I don’t want to rush things.”

He was a little hurt that Faith thought it was that easy for him to lose his soul, though he did stay mostly celibate to be careful. There were those three girls, well not girls, the three Furies, that one night. That was good, but he’d had to do that. It was the only payment they would take for reversing that spell.

“Rush into things? Angel, you’re a filthy rich CEO and a Super Hero for crying out loud. Trust me, you’re not going to scare the girl away,” Faith demanded.

“And a vampire,” he sighed.

“Um, hello? Welcome to the 21st century. Anne Rice, Brad Pitt, and that other guy that played Lestat who was crazy hot, and that chick that died a week before the movie came out. Vampires are really sexy now,” she said.

“That’s what she said. Only with less Anne Rice, thank God. But, you know it’s not really like that. It’s not glamorous,” he sighed. Faith knew. Buffy knew, and Cordy knew.

“You’re lookin’ pretty Glam to me, GQ,” she said as she gestured towards the lavish living room they were in.

“I never wanted any of this,” he muttered and looked down, “It was all for Connor, and look how great that worked out.”

“Is that why you walk around looking like crap? You think just because the spell screwed up; he’s screwed up?” she asked.

“You think I look like crap?” he gasped.

He thought that was one of the benefits of being dead, you always look the same as when you died. He thought he always looked good unless something on the outside changed him, like being in the Ocean for 3 months or getting the crap beat out of him by a rock demon. But now Faith could see that something inside of him was showing up on the outside. This wasn’t good.

“Angel, you gotta stop guilting yourself, dude,” she said, “I think everything with Connor couldn’t have worked out better. He has his cushy life with good stable muggle parents, and now he has his other life of kicking ass and taking names. It’s way better than being some suburban kid who has a double life with a needle in his veins or with a jones for picking up street hos. You know how many kids I came across who were from Ozzy and Harriet land but had some itching death wish?”

“No, and I don’t think I want to,” he said.

“The point is, Connor isn’t doing those things. He can pretty much take care of himself. He doesn’t want to be a junkie or a gangsta. He wants to be a hero, like his dad, and one day he’ll realize that you didn’t want to give him up you had to and—and he’ll understand,” she ended seriously. Angel smiled weakly, but then frowned. “That isn’t going to happen anytime soon, huh?” Faith would know better than him, as she talked to Connor more, but he was pretty sure of the answer.

“It’s good to be immortal,” she joked, “In the meantime Spike will have his back, and I'll do what I can to set things in motion now.”

“Yeah right!” Angel snapped, “Spike will have his back, pushing it into beating on my--- I don’t want Spike anywhere near my son, Faith. Just like I don’t want him anywhere near you. I know it’s not my decision to make, but I really hope that when this is all over you’ll realize Spike isn’t playing with a full deck.”

“From his point of view he is. It’s just stacked against him,” Faith sighed.

“And the Manson Family was just defending themselves from rich annoying people. We are not going to be the Manson Family, not again. I need you to watch out for Connor, especially if he’s around Spike. I know Spike cares about my son, and that’s the only reason he’s still alive. But I need you to have is back,” Angel said.

Angel didn’t want to understand what it was between people that he loved and Captain Peroxide, but he almost did. Angelus traveled with the jerk on and off for twenty years. Together they were the most brutal sadistic cavalier vampires ever. But Spike wasn’t cavalier when it came to his passion for people. When Spike decided on a loving, hating or feeling ambivalent about a person he would never stop with it. It was a kind of twisted loyalty that people who felt abandoned like Faith and Connor could mistake for a good thing. Of course, Angel never abandoned Connor, but Angel was sure Spike could make it seem that way.

“Um, Ange, I’m not the Slayer anymore, remember? Weak as a kitten. If Connor is going to fight in Sunny D on an open Hellmouth Spike is the only one who can guard his back,” Faith said.

“I meant you have to be there for him emotionally and make sure he doesn’t do anything stupid, since he won’t listen to me...And, you can’t honestly think that I’m not going to do all that I can, to keep that Hellmouth as safe as possible for all of you?” Angel said.

“Maybe you should rethink all of this. You’re asking me, Miss Criminal Insanity of 1998, to keep your kid sane, and you’re gonna send in some corporate stiffs to make the Hellmouth safe? You and Connor are going to have a little sit-down, with me as your family therapist. God help you. You’re going to learn how to get along in case I’m not around,” Faith sighed.

“I’m not really a believer in therapy,” Angel told her.

“Well, a quick rehab session then. I’ll be the warden.”

“I’m not sure how much I believe in jail either.”

“Well, you better believe in me, Daddy Warbucks, because I not only got rehabilitated, I’m going to try to rehabilitate your relationship with your kid for when I can’t be the peacekeeping warden between you.”

“I do believe in you, that’s why I want you to be there to help Con...Did you just call me Daddy Warbucks? ”

“Don’t change the subject. I already called Connor. He’s coming here. He’ll be here tomorrow. I’ m picking him up at noon. It’s my only chance to drive your Viper.”

Angel both dreaded and welcomed these ideas.

“Connor is coming here to reconcile with--- You’re gonna pick him up in my Viper? You know the Viper is a stick shift? How-how did you get him to agree to come and--- You can drive stick right?”

“I’m not gonna answer any of those questions because you already know all the answers and they’ll just lead to more stammering from you,” she grinned.

“Tomorrow?” he asked, “You mean you won’t be busy with what you’ve been doing the past couple of days?”

He felt an embarrassed smile come over his lips. Having Connor here would probably make Angel more comfortable than what had been going on here during the day while Angel slept. Since Angel had brought Faith to Wolfram and Hart’s Santa Monica beach house she had been taking lovers. He had been woken up by the sounds of love making yesterday and today. The first time Angel had busted in on them because he thought Faith was being attacked. It was more like she was on the attack. She had been on top of a man that looked like a sinewy version of Gunn. Her face looked determined to enjoy what she was doing. Angel really wished he had only seen her face and nothing else. She apologized for waking him up and said she’d be more quiet the next time. The next time? Yes, the next time came pretty quick with a lanky surfer that looked like he’d been playing too long with a piercing gun and peroxide.

“Huh? I haven’t been bus...” she was actually confused for a second, “Oh, that stuff. C’mon, I’m a single girl on vacation.”

“And here I was thinking they tanned and shopped. You know if you want shopping money...Shopping might be a little safer than making love with strangers,” he said gently.

“What’s love got to do with it?” she snorted and licked the ice cream spoon, “Carpe diem. The diem seems to be the only safe time to carpe ‘cause I don’t have to worry about Spike getting hold of me.”

“It’s not only Spike I’m worried about. The guy, or um, guys you’re ...carping. He could be anyone. He could hurt you.”

“No chance,” she scoffed.

“Well... physically then. You’re not a Slayer anymore. I know what it’s like to suddenly not have power after being so strong. You don’t realize how vulnerable you are until—until something happens,” Angel said.

“Believe me, everything that could possibly happen already has. The good thing about that is there are no surprises anymore, the bad thing, there are no surprises anymore,” she grinned.

“There will always be surprises, Faith,” he told her, “things you won’t expect no matter how prepared you think you are. So, you really have to stay as cautious as possible.”

“What’s the point of being so damn cautious if no matter what I do I’ll always get knocked on my ass?” she asked in earnest.

“You should—I think---The point is---Look, I know exactly how you feel, but—“

“Don’t sweat it, Angel. I’m just kidding,” she grinned, “You look out for me and make sure no one touches me when I don’t want it, and I’ll look out for you and make sure your boy doesn’t go nuts. God, I could have used you some years back.”

“And I you. Actually, I did use you a few years back, and you did more for me than I ever could have asked, ” Angel said.

“Whoa. Was this something that got wiped out in the W&H memory spell or was I just wicked drunk?” she laughed.

“You know what I’m talking about, Faith,” he scoffed.

“Yeah, that was my best coma ever. Seriously, your brain was fun,” she smiled sadly.

She was drinking his Scotch. Faith was now breathing on the window and drawing something in her breath—hearts. He didn’t have it in him to tell her to stop dirtying up his window. “Faith, no one will do what you did.... What you did for me...no one had ever done that for me before. No one will ever do it again,” Angel said.

“I would do it again for you, if I could,” Faith said sadly.

“You should never have done it in the first place. I...recently had a chance to really look that whole Orpheus situation over. You really were one hundred percent certain that you were going to die ...for me,” Angel realized he was stating this as if she didn’t know.

“Right, and you saved me again. You woke me up out of my death trip again...Only that time a bit more literally.” She was smiling.

“Yes and then you saved me again.”

“Vicing and versing... those were good times.” She said this seriously.

“A Slayer shouldn’t be sacrificing herself to save an evil vampire,” Angel sighed sadly.

“I was an evil Slayer and you were a good vampire—a champion!”

“Still...I wish you never had to go through that, Faith.”

“Are you kidding? It rocked! It was like a funky trip with an after-school special lesson. You can’t be all-good. You really taught me a lot. It really took the pressure off. I wouldn’t have tried to go help B if you never got all knowing-is-half-the- battle on me. And you battling Angelus...That was so cool!... Days like that make this life worth remembering!”

“You could still be a part of the mission, Faith. Just because you don ’t have any power doesn’t mean you don’t have...any power,” Angel reminded. “Look whose talkin’, Mr. CEO of L.A. Bad ass of Bad ass vamp. Yeah, you know what it’s like to be all weak and powerless and fight the mission- Huh?” she laughed.

“Actually, I do...and you’re right it kinda- it kinda sucked. My back really hurt. You forget about all that,” he said.

“When was this? I can’t believe I missed it. It’s sounds really funny,” she laughed again.

“Oh, it was only for a day,” Angel sighed, “One of the best days of my life.”

“Yeah, sure,” she scoffed, “Lucky for you, you got your powers back.”

“I really would give them all up for certain people. Like I keep saying, it does me no good to have all this power for the things I really want,” he said.

“I know exactly what you mean, and I know you think I have the power to get your kid on your side. I’m really gonna do my best, Ange,” she said seriously now.

“I know you will,” he managed to smile, “And we will find a way to get your powers back. You’ll be the Slayer again. I have connections to some of the most powerful sources in the world...And I’m sure they can give you Slayer- like powers. That is much easier than fixing my Perfect-Happiness curse... Who would think an old gypsy woman would be more powerful than the owner of PepsiCo.?”

“The owner of PepsiCo? Like Pepsi-Cola?” she asked getting that wrinkle between her eyebrows.

“Yes, he’s a really powerful Warlock, and a pretty decent guy. But he couldn’t lift my curse,” Angel sighed.

“Why don’t you just go to the soul-giver that Spike did?” She asked.

“I thought of that...” Angel let out a deep sigh, “I’d have to have this cursed soul removed and then fight all those challenges for the new soul.”

“Well, if Spike went through all those challenges, I’m sure you could.” Faith said.

Angel actually found himself smiling, until he realized what he had to explain to her.

“Spike was soulless when he made the decision to get his soul. I’d have to take out my soul to go through the challenges to get a non-cursed one... I can’t go in there and fight with my soul and then have it taken out and have the non-cursed one put in. ” He could barely bring himself to look at her.

“And of course Angelus isn’t about to go in there and fight those challenges for you,” Faith sighed.

He expected her to say she had to go to bed, or quickly change the subject as he was about to.

“I know!” she smiled, “I’ll go fight all the challenges for you...Oh wait, I forgot I can’t...Not now. Well, I’m sure you can find someone to do it for you.”

“It-it doesn’t work like that. You can’t have someone else do the challenges when it’s your wish,” he said slowly. She had looked so happy for a second. He HAD to get her powers back for her.

“But it would be my wish! My wish for you!” she insisted.

“It just doesn’t work, I’ve went through all of these scenarios,” He shook his head.

“Well, isn’t that a bitch!” She spat “What good is having all this if you can’t have the one thing you want?”

That was the question of the new mellinium.

“Don’t worry. I have a lot of things I want. I have good friends. I have my son, now, kind of. I have this really cool house, and this other one in Greece...It’s beautiful. You’ll see it. I have a ski chalet in Switzerland. I have a plane that takes me there and I don’t have to worry about the sunlight!... Of course, I haven’t really had any time to go there, but after we get your powers back I’ll make some time,” he said.

“You really would do that for me, if you could?” She smiled sadly now.

“I will. I mean, I’m sure there has to be a safe way to get you some Slayer power. You are still a potential, right, and Willow found that spell that-- -“

“I love you, Angel,” she said and she was hugging him.

He stiffened.

“Uh...”

Was she mistaking this for something else? Hey, baby I’ll show you a really great condo in Greece and get you away from the slimy vampire. No, she wasn’t. He smelled absolutely no desire in her anywhere, which was unusual. She usually always had a little bit of that smell on her, even though he knew it wasn’t due to him. Oh, he could tell she had just swallowed a sob. He was glad she wasn’t actually crying.. He really hated when she cried. She was worse than any other woman who cried. There was something so desperately sad and alone in the sound of her crying. Even when Buffy had cried she didn’t sound that way. Maybe that was because Buffy had cried more often, more easily.

“Don’t worry, Faith. Everything is going to be all right. I will make it all right, okay,” he said holding her softly.

He had this really odd paranoia that Buffy was going to come in and misunderstand it all. That would be his luck. The very moment Buffy had to do some dimensional jump or something she’d jump here to this. He had been thinking a lot about Buffy lately, more than usual. There was a report from a seer that there was a big dimensional jump of a powerful being that was going to happen soon. It was going to be a brief jump, which was good; you can’t have beings not in their proper dimension- it was bad news. So, due to the fact that this was some brief jump meant it was probably nothing to worry about. An angel from Heaven wanting to say ‘hi’ to the kids or something. It was just one of the 700,000 things that Angel kept tabs on these days. Only now Faith was number one in the 700,000.

“I know that you will really try to make it all okay for me, but the important thing is that it all works out for the best. I’m sorry, Angel. I don’t want to give you any more drama. I’m not really sure if I know what love is but--if I do, I love--” she was cut off by her own little cry.

“I—you’re not giving me any trouble, Faith. Helping you like this is very easy for me. After all you've done for me it’s no trouble. You are no trouble,” he said. “I understand what you mean, about-about love. I’m pretty sure I know what it is and I--” .

“No! I didn’t say it because I wanted you to say it! I said it because I wanted you to know.” she grumbled at him and went back to her cigarette in the ash tray.

It was complications like this that made it really easy not to tell your friends how you felt.

“Now you’re mad? I—I wanted you to know too,” he said.

She looked away from him. Then she turned to him and laughed. She had dropped some cigarette ash on the floor and then she stepped on it. Okay, he’d have to get someone to clean this place after they left.

“Poor Angel... He has to deal with all of us. Between that and the curse it’s too much of a punishment,” she was laughing now.

“That could be true,” he smiled.

No, it wasn’t and he knew it. She didn’t though. She didn’t realize. Couldn’t get her young mind around real evil. Hardly any of them could, even if they read everything that Files and Records had on Angelus (Thank God they didn’t.) None of them even knew the real Angelus. Not Buffy. Not Cordy. Not even Faith. What they ’d seen were just brief cameos. To really know Angelus he had to succeed in shaping your life forever. Holtz knew him. Connor knew him. And then there was Spike.

“Why don’t you go to bed?” Angel suggested.

“I will if you will. You look like shit,” she said.

“I should keep watch...Spike—“

“Has no idea where we are. The only people that know hate him and aren’t going to tell him...and he’s not invited in,” she said.

“He can come in here...A vampire can crash another vampire’s lair. You don’t know how much crap that has caused me!” he grumbled.

“I can imagine...But, it’s not gonna happen now. No one knows about this awesome place...I really didn’t want to give you more drama. It’s five by five. Get some sleep, please...You don’t want to lose those GQ looks,” she smiled.

“There not doing me much good...Why? Do I really look that bad?” he asked.

Did he look as bad as she did? You never knew when it was you, did you?

“Yes! Hurry. Go to sleep or you might age like the rest of us. Oh, the horror!” she laughed.

“I guess I could sleep for just a little while... I mean, the sun is out ;how could Spike travel,” he said.

It made sense to sleep, especially if his face was showing that he needed it. He had those pills so he could fall asleep and stop going through scenarios of ,battle plans, getting along with his son, and trying to think if he could in fact ever get rid of his curse. The pills were safe, with no weird draw-backs, he had Fred make sure. But in order for the pills to be safe, they couldn’t stop his dreams

“Angel,” she said in her high raspy voice. The one she used when she needed him. Now, of course, she only needed him in these dreams. These dreams he'd been having.

“What is it, Buffy?” he answered. He stroked her silky hair. It was almost as long as when he had first seen her, but now it was the color of sand—the beach. Weren’t they on the beach now? No, he was here with some other girl, but he wanted to be with her. Didn’t she know that?

“It’s up to you. Let them go,” she whispered into his chest.

He hated these dreams. He could never see her face. She was just a tussle of blonde hair. Usually, it was much blonder. The color of summertime lemonade that was so sweet like those two-hour kisses she’d give him. Her hair had been golden then, all of his time with her, and now, now it was lackluster, almost copper.

“Nothing gold can stay,” she laughed. Still her face in his chest.

She was grinding into him as usual in these satisfyingly torturous dreams. She was always clothed in these dreams too. She was wearing a creamy silk top. He tried to find the buttons on it, to no avail.

“Let them go, that’s what you do, for their own good,” she seemed to compliment him.

“Yeah, I let you go and my son. It was because I loved you both. I told my son I loved him, and I think he knows it’s true. There are other people I take care of now, and... I think I’m doing a good job. I’m at least doing better than my father...and my father didn’t have to worry about the fate of the world, though he acted like the market was the fate of the—and I’m sure to Connor I seem-- It’s just so complicated, Buffy, and I’m tired.,” He could talk to her like this in his dreams.

“You let them go,” she said, and she actually did look up at him with those beautiful round eyes, “But go get them back. We all come back to you. Out past the breakers.”

“Right,” he sighed knowing it wasn’t true, wasn’t real. It was all just a dream. No one came back to him. Not Cordy, not Buffy, well, Darla had, and so had Connor in a way but...

“It’s not fair,” Buffy sighed, “this keeps happening to me.”

She had pushed him down on something soft. Angel didn’t care what it was. She pulled him out of his pants.

“I’ll be here to watch the world die,” she told him plainly right before they were about to make love.

Then he was on fire. These dreams never ended well, and Angel just took them in stride now. No! Buffy was on fire, she was burning like he had seen her do before.

“Buffy!” he yelped. Yes, for a second he forgot it was a dream, and then he didn’t care that it was. He couldn’t bear to see her die or ever suffer, that was why he let her go, and she couldn’t come back.

Spike was looking for an ex-slayer in a haystack. How many bloody places did Wolfram and Hart own that Angel had access to? Oh, only 437. That was only in this dimension of course. Spike doubted that Angel was stupid enough to travel to another dimension with Faith. Granted, it would be a good way to get away from Spike, but in Faith’s state the trip could kill her. Spike had narrowed it down to 26 places where Angel had most likely taken her. Spike had been to the four in Vienna. Peaches loved Vienna. Faith would hate it. All that bloody pretense. Spike had almost gotten killed by the old Carnage demons that guarded Wolfram & Hart’s place there. But, they were old and out of practice. He guessed no one was interested in doing evil business in Vienna anymore. Spike then began to think that Faith had suckered Angel into going back to London. She had been there briefly via the Counsel, but she had missed out on “partying in the punk scene.” So he would go there next. He’d also go to Greece, Mexico, New Amsterdam, and Brazil. Faith would like any place where they ran about naked or certain things were legal.

All of the magic that Spike was using to travel had very nasty kick backs. He was angry that it made him hung over and sleepy. At one point he slept for thirty hours straight. He had begged Red for help of course. He had told her that he had to get to Faith. It was destiny and it was what was best. She wouldn’t believe him of course. Faith had told everyone that Spike had gone around the bend, and if he got his hands on her that hell would be unleashed in her, or some such. They all believed her. Spike was sure that the fact that the magic had made him look drawn and shortened his temper only proved Faith ’s story true to them. Kennedy and Harris seemed to pity him. They told him to stop looking for Faith, that the sooner Spike stopped with this, the sooner Faith could come back to Sunnydale. Right.

Even Amanda had sought him out in the demon bar he was in, and told him that he was welcome to come and sleep at her house, because her mother was away. Red, Kennedy, and Harris wouldn’t let him crash at their flats anymore because they would not abide him looking for Faith.

“You really should rest,” Amanda frowned. Her young freckled face looked very serious.

“I know how it is,” she told him, “One time, the marching band was having a night practice, and then after the practice I went to this party and drank all this peppermint schnapps and hooked up with Kevin Dorsen and that ended up lasting all night. Then the next night was that night when we chased that vamp with the gun. Remember that?”

He had. But she didn’t wait for an answer.

“So I had no sleep and I had to do this thing in debate club and I don’t even remember what I said. But someone said I talked about how Hello Kitty is a bad role model for girls because she has no mouth. I mean, I didn’t even realize that I realized Hello Kitty had no mouth. Dawn was there and she told me I just went on and on,” Amanda told him.

“Imagine that,” he said, “So where is Dawnie? Shouldn’t she be part of this intervention to get me to sleep. It has to be the only intervention where underage girls come into a bar.”

“Well, she’s been kind of tired herself, with the dreams,” Amanda said.

“Dreams?”

“Of Buffy,” Amanda nodded, “It’s funny I thought she finally got to the acceptance stage- not that Buffy is dead. She’s in that dimension, but maybe dying is just like going to another dimen— “

“Dawnie is having dreams of Buffy?” Spike asked rawly.

“Me too,” Amanda told him, “I thought it might be one of those Slayer connection dream things, but maybe it’s just a Dawn connection thing. She is freaked about having them so I have them too. It’d be nice if I could take the dreams for her like that.”

“Yes, it would, wouldn’t it? So the dreams are not of the pleasant Buffy is in a garden variety?”

Amanda only shook her head.

“Well...what happens?” Spike grumbled.

“She dies,” she said.

“You pick now to be reticent. Tell me what—You know what don’t tell me,” Spike tossed his hands up in dismay.

“’Reticent,’ that’s a good SAT word. I should write that down,” she said, “If you want to know about the dreams I’ll tell you. There isn’t much to tell.”

She sat down next to him at the bar table and grabbed his beer.

“No,” Spike sighed and grabbed his beer back before she could drink some, “What difference does it make? It ’ll just be another thing I’m strung up and can do nothing about. I can’t take any more of those. I can’t take one more bloody thing.”

That was when Spike’s mobile rang.

“Maybe it’s Faith. Tell her you guys really have to stop this fighting before The Warped Tour comes to town. Linkin Park is headlining,” Amanda said.

“Hullo,” Spike grumbled.

Amanda had hold of his beer again.

“Spike,” a voice whispered, “I don’t know what happened. I was standing--- my grave. Help me.”

“Faith?” he yelped, “Where are you?”

“No,” she whispered.

“Oh God,” Spike’s voice shook, “Where are you, love?”

Amanda smiled sheepishly at him as she had drunk half his beer.

“Spike,” she whispered her eyes were huge and her lips were pursed, but still trembling.

“It’s really you! This isn’t some let’s fuck with Spike charade! I knew you’d come back. I just knew it.”

He wasn't asking, he stated it. He could recognize her anywhere, even if a hundred years went by. She nodded and he grabbed her up in his arms. She stiffened. He forgot, she wasn’t like Faith. Buffy hated sudden affection. Faith loved it no matter what she said. Faith loved being touched no matter what. Except now, she’d rather die than be touched by him. How the hell had it come to that? Oh yeah.

Spike still held tight to Buffy who didn’t push away, but wasn’t exactly embracing the embrace. He was a greedy bastard in that way. Buffy seemed to soften in his arms. Then she was shaking. She was crying.

“It’s okay, Love. I’m here. Spike’s here,” he said tearfully.

He couldn’t believe he hadn’t already been crying. Maybe he had already spilled so much salt over Faith running away that he needed something to jump-start his water-works. He had so much to tell Buffy. In the world where she had been Faith was already dead. This made him whimper as he cried now, and he thought he learned to do it quietly.

“Of course, my being here bawling may not be very comforting... considering in your world I was evil and probably trying to kill you. Would it be more assuring to give me a good ass kicking? Honestly, I could use one the way I bollixed everything up,” he said.

She backed away from him. Oh, so it was true. She had seen him as that evil disgusting thing for two years now. All he could do was prove that wasn’t him here. But she smiled and then laughed. So she remembered him here too. The comparison was funny.

“I’m surprised you didn’t go to Angel. He’s pretty much the same in every dimension with the soul, I’m sure. I know when he loses it here, you’ll be able to take him down with Faith. At least it won’t be dull. But with that soul, human or vampire, he’s as dull as a table-lamp... How was it being his ball and chain?” Spike asked.

“Angel,” she squeaked.

He really wished she was not so taciturn . It reminded him of when she came back from the dead. She was crying again, or on the verge of it.

“Oh, Buffy!” he gasped, “Of course you miss it there... you miss him. I ’m sure you could be with him here too. You just couldn’t shag, but no big loss, eh? Just a life of devoted celibacy. Ain’t love grand?... Actually, that sounds bloody awful, but that’s just me. I’m sure e you could manage it, for love, right?”

Actually, he wasn’t sure how Buffy would do that knowing her sexual appetite, and he was sure Angel would become Angelus somehow. He knew Buffy would do the right thing. Perhaps Peaches could just suck it up and do the heavy petting. There was nothing she loved more than a good...All right, this was probably one of the reasons she loved the sod and not him. Peaches mind wasn’t in the gutter, it was off somewhere on himself, and Buffy too, he supposed.

Yes, Spike realized he was being a total poofter about not only giving up, but accepting that total sods were to get his girls always. It was his curse. He wasn’t one to believe in fate, but he wasn’t a total idiot either. When the light was bloody green and the clock was winding down what else could he do but go. Buffy was back, Faith would be saved by Spike. Spike was to do his job as always, and it was it’s own reward. That is where Faith was wrong about him, he always got the job done. He just did it his own way and didn’t take what was handed to him like Angel, as if Spike would have Angel’s luck and get handed a multi-billion dollar corporation.

“I thought of calling Angel,” she told him, “But I couldn’t. He couldn’t handle it. He’ d want to know how everything was there—with our life. And I wouldn’t be able to tell him a thing. It’s just like coming back from Heaven, Spike. I don’t remember it. The only reason I know that I was with him is that Willow was able to tell me what the dimension was going to be like before I left, remember?"

"Yeah," Spike sighed. He bloody remembered. He was actually the one that thought of asking that ruddy Beljoxa's eye to find out what dimension Buffy would be going to in order to be safe from the First Evil. Spike had already died and been resurrected, and accepted it. He knew that Buffy didn't love him, not like he wanted. And if a bloke could pull off dying and rising up again, and the girl still didn't fully love him-- it was time to bloody well accept that there was nothing else he could do to make her love him. But he never did fully accept that Buffy had to go be in a dimension to be with a human Peaches because that was her rightful place. It looks like it hadn't been her rightful place after all. Of course, it was a bit late for ol' Spike to be finding this out.

"I just know it was good there," she said, "Why does this keep happening to me?”

“I don’t know, love. I guess we just love you too much here. I swear I’ll smack Red upside the head. I really thought she learned from last time,” Spike grumbled.

“It wasn’t Willow. It was something much bigger that brought me back this time. Something good. Something that was trying to do good, even though I don’t feel good right now,” she said.

So, being married to human Peaches had been like Heaven, and this was...

“I hope you don’t feel like you’re in Hell again. Because you’re not, Buffy. The world is decent here... It’ll be better once I save Faith. We all love you Buffy...me, the Scoobies, Dawn, Peaches, Faith,” Spike said.

“I don’t feel like I’m in Hell... I just feel like a huge chunk of my life slipped away without me and I want it back. I don’t know where I fit... You won't tell them that I’m back, okay? I need time. Time to myself. Time alone, okay? You have to promise you’ll tell no one. Please, Spike.”

“Of course I promise, but where will you go? How will I know you’re all right? ” he asked.

“I’ll come back. I’ll be all right. I could really use... I could really use my Mom right now... So, I’ll probably go to the next best thing...I’ll go to Giles in England. Then I’ll come back. It’s not like I’m greatly needed. Faith is the Slayer now,” Buffy smiled sadly.

“No!” Spike suddenly gasped in realization, “You are needed. Faith isn’t the Slayer anymore thanks to her man and her imbecile Ex-Watcher who I beat on. As much as I have my resentments towards Rupert; he’s a good dad to you. You were lucky to get him. Wyndam-Pryce needed his own Da to smack him around some more. So, I volunteered to do it instead. Angel’s kid came along with me and went a little overboard. He’s a boy after my own heart. But kids with a bit of power can be a dangerous thing.”

“Angel’s kid? You can’t mean literally. That’s like a nickname you gave someone, right? One of the people in his detective agency? Faith isn’t the Slayer?” she asked confused. Then she smiled, “Wait...You and this kid beat up Wesley?”

Buffy was smirking.

Faith really wasn’t the dark one.

“Yeah, then Angel came and busted up the party along with a few good men,” Spike sighed.

“I didn’t think Wes gave you those bruises,” Buffy laughed.

“Actually, he did give me some at the time. Wes may be a git, but the boy’s got bite. I’ll give him that,” Spike said.

“Wes? Oh, God... The world really did change!” Buffy sighed with a smile.

“He arranged it so Faith is no longer the Slayer... He and Angel think they’re protecting her, but they’re not. She’s lost her powers, and she needs me Buffy... She needs me or bloody awful things will happen!” Spike said.

“I’ll find her for you,” Buffy said.

“No, love,” Spike said, “You need to hide away a bit, and this isn’t going to be pleasant.”

“Oh no,” she rolled her eyes, “Not unpleasant, I can’t take that, and I don’t need to hide a way. I just...want to. But I don’t have to!”

Her hands were on her hips now.

“You should be able to do what you want for a change,” Spike said, “This one is a bit personal for me. I’ll find my way. I have a big ol’ brain, love,” he smiled sadly.

“Oh God! The world has changed,” she joked.

“Well, it helps my brain to not be consumed by you for twenty-four hours a day now,” he laughed.

“You haven’t really been thinking about me much? What about everyone else, are they...okay... without me?” she asked, her voice rising up in misery.

“Oh, we’re all smashing. We hardly even talk about you at all anymore... It’s down to barely ten mentions a day of you, and Faith took down that shrine she had for you. It was bloody dangerous with the candles and everything... Now between the two houses there’s only twenty pictures of you up... and we scrapped that second Buffy-bot because it just kept talking about shoes all the time,” he said.

She smiled. “I really want to see them...I’m just not ready. I know they’ll want me to be happy, and I don’t want to put them through what I did before...You are kidding about the robot, right?”

“Yes, but there really are twenty pictures. But we can just stare at them instead of the real thing a bit longer. You’re the best friend anyone could have, love. But, you go off and take care of yourself. Go to Rupert in the mother country and get some mothering or fathering or which ever he’s better at,” he said.

“But Faith is not the Slayer anymore, and she’s in trouble. What the hell is going on? I really should--”

“She won’t be in trouble for long. I just have to find her. There was a whole big misunderstanding and a brawl involving black bloody magic and now everyone blames Spike for everything. You know how these things go. But in the end they always work out,” he sighed.

“Can you find her?”

“Oh, I will. She only hates my guts and will do anything to stay away from me... It’s only Peaches that has her hidden under lock and key. It’s how things end with all the women I love, but I do always get around it to get up in their face a final time, ” he smiled.

“You’re in love with Faith?” she asked her face falling.

Yes, there would always be that piece of him that she owned. And there was that brat in her that was brassed off that Faith had taken the rest of the pieces away. Faith had taken the rest of the pieces away? Bloody Hell! She had hadn’t she? Here he was with Buffy. Buffy! The woman he loved, who he’d thought he would never lay eyes on again. He was overjoyed and tortured that she came to him as usual, but he had to, no he wanted to be somewhere else more. Spike knew he loved Faith, but he thought it was in the way that you loved a shag-buddy, that you couldn’t shag, that you knew inside and out, that you never wanted to see the slightest bit unhappy. And you knew they were often unhappy because you knew them so well, but you could never say they were unhappy because they were as tuff as nails and would deny it, but they weren’t as tuff as they thought and if they thought that he was going to let them....Bloody Hell!

“You are, huh?” Buffy smiled her wry stiff-upper lip smile. The one she did with the eyes that were glassy, while it looked like the glass in them was cutting into her.

Oh bugger! He had failed her again. He hadn’t meant to. He hadn’t meant to fall in love with Faith. He had accepted that he was going to love Buffy and only Buffy and never have that love returned in full. However, he had always known one thing in all his lives: You couldn’t control who you loved.

“Would it matter if I was? I buggered everything up beyond repair, and she’s hiding behind Angel. Now all that matters is that I save her... God, it really is a bloody rinse and repeat with me isn’t it? And it gets thicker every time,” he laughed. He supposed he should be tactful about it, that is what Buffy liked—tact. She wasn’t Faith.

“So...Faith and Angel are together?” she asked, her face now looking like stone.

Yes, and there was the piece of him that was a hurt little boy that wanted to scream because it all led back to his sire with her. Who knows, maybe Angel was the only reason she could never...

“Faith is the only one of you who knows how to treat Angel properly. He’s a good Daddy—to you women. He’s from the old school, so he’d die to protect you. She’s gone to him for sanctuary just like you’re going off to Rupert. But he’s no lover. He could never be a worthy lover for any worthy woman with that curse. We all get what we deserve.” Spike smiled, “But even if that curse was lifted tomorrow, Faith wouldn’t shag Angel anymore than you’d shag Giles...Sorry, I didn’t mean for that to come out so bloody crude, or maybe I did, but sorry.”

“It’s okay,” she said, “I never knew I could be so grossed out and relieved at the same time. You always knew how to make me feel better...and worse.”

She turned away from him. He always had failed miserably at tact, in his life as a little Nancy-boy git he was often stumbling over his words to be tactful because there was the man inside him that longed to tell the truth. He tried to do it in poems, but all they turned into were feelings that were crawling along to spill out.

“Right,” he said swallowing back that familiar lump, “So, I guess you’ll be off to your sanctuary then? The old Englishman is gonna give you a nice cozy bed, keep you locked away with him.”

“Spike, I can’t—I mean we can’t...”

She looked at him bemused like he said something totally mad.

“England? Rupert? You gonna tap those cute sandals together and call on the Goddesses to bring you to the mother country? ” he asked.

“Oh...yeah,” she shook her head, “I guess so.”

“You know Buffy... I would love to stay with you. I would love to be the one to help you feel better and do it right for a change. And I would if I could. I’d give up anything to stay- with you and only you, I’d give up my life. But it’s not just about my life anymore, so I’ve got to be off,” he said stepping close to her.

She gave him that look, the one that she gave him when she came to get him after he had been tortured by the First Evil. Buffy looked at him like he was the sorriest man on earth. She bit her lip, and he knew she was going to say that she didn’t want him to stay with her that she was only telling him this because he wasn’t one of them- one of her friends- and her friends could not know that she was back, that she was suffering.

“That’s how it is being a hero, a champion, it’s not just about your life anymore. It’s never about your life anymore,” there were unspilled tears in her eyes.

“I never told you I was sorry before, not really,” he said, “But I am sorry. Sorry I failed you now of all times.”

“You didn’t fail me. You’re exactly what I expected. You haven’t changed. You’re still a champion,” she said.

“You still believe in me,” he beamed, “Let’s hope you’re right. If anything should happen, you know I love you... You’ll always be the one that made everything possible for me. But even if that wasn’t true I’d still love you. You remember that.”

“What would happen? It’s boring in England. It is, right? Because that’s what I want,” she said.

“Dull as rain. But I don’t know when you’re coming back, so I wanted to say good-bye,” he smiled.

“Oh, yeah,” she said, “But, I’ll be in touch. If you need my help with this whole Faith thing I guess I could talk to—But, I really don’t want anyone to know I’m back so, don’t tell anyone, unless you really really need me.”

She paused an inch from his face.

“You know how good I am at keeping secrets, love,” he said softly.

Bugger this! He leaned in and kissed her. He knew he’d get more bruises, but he’d so rather get them this way than from her better half. She grabbed his arms, but didn’t push them away. She used them to stand on her toes. She always loved his tongue, his mouth, his body, it was too bad how she felt about the rest of him, or he had thought it was too bad once. He broke away from her.

“Good-bye,” she said.

Her tone didn’t convey that a thing had happened, but her face and body gave her away. She lurched forward hungrily and looked bloody miserable.

“Good-bye, love,” he said and tilted his head to get a good look at her.

He let go of her hands and turned away.

“Wait,” she said.

Of course he turned around.

“That was better than the first time with the musical as an excuse. The musical! God! I know how to get to Faith!” he beamed, “I’m a sodding idiot, you know? Don’t answer that.”

“I need...I need—“she sighed miserably.

“Don’t say you need me. We both know that isn’t true,” he smiled.

“I need a ride to the airport... and some money...Lots of money? I mean I could get Giles to wire me some, but the Powers or whoever they—uh--just left me here. Maybe they had no inter-dimensional traveler’s checks to give me... I had to borrow some change for the phone. I was so relieved you had the same number,” she said.

“Is it all right if I just give you a huge chunk of cash and you take a cab? I really need to go on with finding Faith...I can’t believe I didn’t think of this right away. I swear love makes me soft,” he said.

He handed her about three thousand dollars in cash and watched her hazel eyes bulge.

“You’re not the only one that loves to push me down and throw money at me. I’m your boyfriend’s expensive whore too. If I stuck around you’d have to work out some schedule to share me,” he laughed and her mouth opened in confusion.

“Don’t ask.... Just thank Angel when you get back. I’d give you the rest, but I need it to get to LA,” he said.

“The rest? I—um---thanks,” she was dumbfounded, but then she smiled.

“You always have my back... I knew that wouldn’t change, and you always have a mysterious chuck of change around,” she said.

“That’s nothing. Wait until you meet up with your boyfriend again,” he said.

“What boyfriend? You mean Angel? Angel isn’t my boyfriend. God, I’m right were I left off with this too. He thinks you're my boyfriend, you think he’s my boyfriend. I don’t have a boyfriend. I don’t want a boyfriend. I’m taking a huge break from guy—“She had her arms folded and her little mouth was a straight line when he kissed her again.

“Sorry...sorry,” he scoffed, annoyed at himself, “I really have to go, love. Bye.”

He actually turned and ran realizing how little time he had to beat the sun to LA.

“Bye,” he heard her say softly as he was almost out the door.

“J, for the last time you can’t get rid of your ass, that's what people love about you,” Lorne sighed into his phone as he looked out at the all- embracing LA skyline.

His ruby eyes rolled at the hysterical chirping of the woman on the other end of the phone.

“I didn’t mean it like that, honey. I just meant that your ass makes you who you are in this business and if you suck your back side out the back door--- No, of course you’re more than an ass. Look, I’m sorry baby, I’m the ass. okay. You have to forgive me, my heart happens to be in my ass literally, so when I said that is where the people’s hearts are--- Don’t worry about it honey, I would never accuse you of being culturally insensitive,” Lorne dismissed her apologies with a laugh.

It had been a long day, so it was nice to end it with some talk about where his heart was. You could easily lose it in this business. Lorne understood that. What the people who did lose their hearts or souls or what have you forgot, was that all people had something that kept them up at night and all people had something they burned for, that they cared about more than their very lives. What it boiled down to-it was all about what people feared and what they loved. Most people feared being alone and most people loved other people, or at least they wanted to. That was why Lorne could talk to this beautiful little fox about something as trivial as her ass. Because, it wasn’t really about her ass, it was about where her heart was. True, her heart probably wasn’t as big as her ass right now, but it had been broken so many times.

“Look, just think about what I said. I hear my late night espresso and facial calling. Okay, love to Ben, I mean Marky- Mark,” he grimaced and gasped at his mistake. He really thought he was going to sense how hurt she was without her belting out any of her platinum songs (he hoped.)

Then his mouth opened in surprise at what she said, “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that, with Charlie Sheen, huh. Please tell me you got a mystical cleanse after you found that out. I don’t even want to think about the creepy crawlies in those shorts.”

God, her taste in men was as tragic as her box office receipts! But he didn’t sense that she was hurt anymore. Her heart didn’t give a rat’s ass anymore.

“Good. Good,” Lorne told her as she told him who she went to for a mystical cleansing of her latest nasty one. “Oh yeah. Sharon Stone’s mystic is the best, and so nice. He’s from the Bronx just like you, and single. Maybe that’s what you need, baby. Go back to the people who keep it real.”

Lorne walked over to his espresso machine. That was her problem. She liked bad boys, but doing the bad boy thing in this town was hopeless. Sometimes women thought men where like onion wraps with the layers of toughness with some sweet surprise inside, but 99% of the time they were a huge rotted onion “Yeah, you really need to go back to the real men, sweetie. Forget these performers, you need a man that’s going to....,” Lorne looked up from his little espresso cup and let out an inaudible gasp, “be standing right in your kitchen who may not be as physically looming as some other ones you know, but he has the eyes of an all- to-intelligent animal that lets anyone know in a sixty mile radius just exactly how much pain he could put them through if they kept him from you. Hold on a second, J.”

“Hi, please don’t kill me. I don’t know where she is, ” Lorne gave a friendly laugh to the bleached blond vampire. Why was Lorne such a horrible liar? He was in the entertainment business, for God sake!

“J baby, I’m gonna have to call you back. It just got a little too real for me....No, it’s not an unexpected ex, but I may be calling you back for that plastic surgeon’s number when I can dial a phone again,” Lorne said cheerily and hung up the phone.

Spike’s clenched jaw was really outlining those amazing cheekbones. If Lorne didn’t know it he would think those were implants.

“Hi, mate,” he said dully, as he stared at Lorne with the fierceness of more than a vampire. He looked like a warrior ready to flip past all the machine gun bullets and break a few necks. Of course, Lorne had no machine gun bullets, or even a machine gun. He only had one tiny little green neck.

“So, aren’t you stealthy,” Lorne smiled in a panic.

“I get around,” Spike shrugged.

Oh, the poor baby! His heart was broken just like Lorne sensed it would be when Faith made him sing that time. He didn’t have to sing for Lorne to get that now. Lorne’s fern in the corner could probably pick that up.

“Yeah, what did they say about you? Second to only Angelu—I mean how did you manage to get in here uninvited and all,” Lorne stammered as he hit some buttons on his phone.

Just because the kid had a broken heart didn’t mean that Lorne was going to get a broken ass, and heart—literally. Angel said that Spike had gone insane over Faith, and Lorne could see very well that he was that kind of guy that wanted to possess a girl so bad that he didn’t realize he was killing her. Of course, in this case that was all literal.

“C’mon,” Spike said grabbing the phone out of Lorne’s hand, “You know that doesn’t work with demons. I really didn’t want to have to do this. It’s nothing personal. I just had to go to someone that I knew would see things from my side. I knew there was no use even trying to explain it to anyone else.”

Spike said this as Lorne slowly backed away. Lorne had to think. Hitchcock. Jimmy Stewart was always so good at dealing with the homicidal maniacs. Lorne used his best steady voice. “Right, buddy. I am totally on your side. That’s me good ol’ Lorne. Silly Slayer, who doesn’t want you to touch her when you’re on fire...Just because some stupid book that has been passed down from generation to generation says that it will end the world.”

“Right,” Spike said. Oh good it was working, and to think Martin told him to give up on acting.

And now a little something from Throw Mama From the Train. Lorne grabbed a frying pan and smacked Spike on the head with it.

“Could you not do that again, mate?” Spike grumbled as he rolled his eyes and clenched his jaw. “I already have an awful headache from the magics and this whole rub.”

Lorne couldn’t tell if the vampire was in pain or just annoyed by the frying pan to the head. Lorne however could tell that he didn’t feel like Jimmy Stewart anymore, he felt like Janet Leigh.

He turned to run, and he bumped into someone else.

“Hi,” Connor said.

“Oh,” Lorne winced, “Oh god! I never thought I’d be this miserable to have two sexy looking things in my house.”

“Thanks,” Connor smiled.

Lorne hadn’t been sure the kid had teeth until now. Why was he smiling? Because he was about to break every bone in Lorne’s body maybe.

“Don’t be miserable. Everything is going to be okay...Kind of,” the rail-thin kid said. The kid was hard to read, too many memories ,lives ,feelings.

“What took you so long?” Spike asked the kid.

“Well, it wasn’t like I could park in visitor parking, could I? ” he scoffed, “Nice condo, though. I thought you would live in a private house with the whole green thing. ”

“I had a friend on the board who got me in...Look, I was totally against Wesley giving Faith that Orpheus!” Lorne said this firmly somehow, even though his voice shook.

“What?” Spike said.

“It’s true,” Lorne insisted, “To tell you the truth I thought he deserved a good ass-whupping for giving her that stuff. Faith couldn’t have known what she was getting into, as much as Wesley wanted to believe she did. Of course, I wouldn’t have gone as far as you two. You know he was only able to fully heal from the beating you gave him because of our excellent medical staff at Wolfra....”

Lorne made his own voice trail off as these two boys with their two sets of baby blues gave him unreadable glances, which most likely meant that he was going to be meeting with the medical staff soon. Maybe it wouldn’t be a total waste; he’d have them to a nip and tuck while they were putting his head back on.

“I mean,” he began strongly again, “I want you to know I didn’t let Wes get away with trying to sacrifice that special little girl like that. I-I gave him a stern talking to, and I could tell it really had an impact. I don’t think he’ll be risking her life again, and I won’t either. So, I’m not going to tell you anything about Faith, because you both may be too jacked up with hormones to know it, but I know- fire bad.”

“You really are all right, mate,” Spike smiled.

“Oh, I bet you say that to all the people you’re about to torture for information, and I bet they give in too. Well, I’m not. You think I haven’t been through this before. I’ve stiff upper lipped my way through countless unspeakable tortures,” he said.

“How do you feel about the Buzz Cocks then?” Spike smirked.

Now there’s two words that should never be mentioned in torture together.

“Help! Help! Help me!” Lorne screamed as he took off running.

Connor grabbed Lorne and covered his mouth. Of course Lorne didn't remember himself, on account of Angel's handy little spell, but he heard it through the file and record vine that the kid was a real demon-hater. They even had some name for him-- the Mutilator- or something. Great. Lorne had to live in the hills. He could have screamed that Richard Gere was here with gerbils and the only people who’d come wouldn’t be there to help. They’d just want pictures. Maybe Lorne lacked the Die-Hard gene, but he still wasn’t going to let this leather clad Fagan and his little Artful Dodger get near that girl.

“Shhhh, listen,” Connor said gently to Lorne. He thought Connor had been the bad cop. At least that was what he had heard about Wesley getting the bejasus kicked out of him by these two over Faith.

“I just want a lover like any other...What do I get? I only want a friend who will stay to the end...What do I get? What do I get?...Oh oh what do I get?...What do I get...Oh oh what do I get. I'm in distress I need a caress...What do I get?...'m not on the make I just need a break...What do I get?” The vampire was singing.

Spike was singing? Damn straight the Champ was singing. Singing his still beating heart out. Oh God! Lorne remembered that this whole thing was going to be a tearjerker. But he hadn’t thought it would be like this. It wasn’t fair! He’d finally been in a good mood, and now he realized his ass wasn’t going to get kicked, his heart was going to be broken by this punk version of Romeo & Juliet. Look out, Westside Story, the female lead was much stronger than Natalie Wood and forget about the guy who played Tony all together.

“You just can’t catch a break, huh honey?” Lorne sighed to Spike.

“It looks like I just did now. Will you help me? I have to get to her. I think time is running out,” Spike said.

“I swear, I hate you people,” Lorne chocked back tears, “You are worse than all my clients put together. Can’t you have at least one love story that works out around here? Is that too much to ask? Can’t we have one Jerry Maguire after the four Casablanca’s?”

Angel was woken up by the sounds of some clumsy wall bumping.

“You okay there Billy-boy?” Faith laughed in her room.

“You know my name is Jake, right?” a young male voice asked her.

“And you know you look like Billy Idol, right?” Faith shot-back.

Angel could smell the sex wafting over to him like an ocean breeze, if an ocean breeze had a kind of salty, sickening as well as stirring undertone to it. What was she doing? Sleeping with people that looked like Billy Idol? Wasn’t he in style when she was a toddler? Maybe it had been later than that, all those gutter years were blurred.

“I don’t look like Billy Idol!” the kid huffed, “This is my own look. If I was influenced by anyone, not that I was, it would be Art Alexakis from Everclear.”

“Whatever,” she said, “It works for me.”

And Angel could now smell Faith’s desire, which had been completely absent from the hug she had given him earlier. He remembered the smell from years ago when she’d lain on top of him kissing him, as he threw himself into the part of Angelus. He remembered being surprised at how much desire she had for him after he had hit her hard in the face, holding nothing back. Of course, she had deserved it then, but he was still surprised that Faith wanted him after that hit. He remembered thinking at that moment that he was going to have no problem fooling her that he was her bad boy.

“Oh yeah, baby,” the kid groaned with abandon now as Faith remained quiet.

Shouldn’t Angel be smelling more of her desire....Whatever, he didn’t want to know! Angel was forced to recognize that this was the kid from last night that she had, back for a repeat mediocre performance. Angel was surprised that Faith seemed so quiet and removed. It was the opposite direction of surprise he had heard Fred at the hotel when she was with Gunn. I mean my God, Fred was so sweet, but behind closed doors...Okay, Angel did not want to be thinking about this—any of it. Everyone knew it had been so long since he had any real love making himself, and yet time and again he was forced to hear and smell everyone he knew.

He could kill Faith right now. How could she not realize...Well, of course, he wouldn't kill her, or even really criticize her. He had no right to, but still, there was some part of him that knew that this wasn’t acceptable behavior. Someone should smack that girl on the ass...It sounded like maybe someone might be, but that was probably her smacking...Oh, God! Angel had to get out of here. He wasn’t thinking straight. He WAS stressed. Burma, Greece, Sunnydale, the world was dying and he had to save it. He was the only one. The only one, she said, who said? Buffy! Buffy? Buffy had visited his dreams again. She had come back—come back only to die. He kept having this dream. People would call it an “anxiety dream” because he was worried as to whether he could save the world with all of the resources given to him. He had billions of dollars to save this ever-ending world, so he had more of an opportunity to save it than ever, although no one was going to walk up to him and tell him how to do it. But with all these resources there had to be an answer. It had to be possible—a final solution. Of course, there was the small fact that all of these resources were formerly used for evil, but no pressure.

But, Buffy, Buffy, why was he dreaming of Buffy. In the dream he and Buffy were just about to make love. Angel knew that this only was inspired by Faith’s escapades next door. It had been so long for him. He really wanted to try to do things right with Nina, and of course the right thing meant never being perfectly happy...

Angel woke up with a gasp. He must have fallen asleep again, but he sensed something was wrong.

He heard someone screaming. Faith! He warned her. He warned her not to take in strange men and ...No. It all hit him he came to the doorway of Faith’s bedroom. It hit him before he could hear Spike say:

“Get out,” to the boy in Faith’s bed.

Angel heard the kid’s heart racing as his bleached blond head went by. He kind of looked like Spike, didn’t he? He was relieved that Spike hadn’t hurt the kid, but that relief was temporary.

“I don’t know how you got to me, but I won’t let you make me a killer!” Faith growled as she backed up with the down comforter around her.

“Is that the best you think you can do now that Wood is gone? All I had to say was ‘Get out’ in game face and the bloke takes off and doesn’t even try to—Hey, are you naked under there?”

“Is this the part where you say she was asking for it,” Angel said as he jumped on Spike.

That was when Angel sensed him, the other one, running at him. When would they learn they could not sneak up on him. He wouldn’t let them wreak havoc just because it was justified in their little minds somehow. Angel kicked Connor off .

“How stupid can you be?” Angel demanded.

That was something his father would say. But Connor was being stupid! Angel glared at his son as he sprung up from the cracked wall.

“Not as stupid as you. You knew Spike was looking for you and you have, what? Like a matrix load of security men? Where are they?” Connor sneered.

“I wasn’t about to waste any of my people on Spike,” Angel shot back.

That wasn't exactly it. Angel felt that this thing with Faith and Spike had been a private matter he shouldn't trouble employees about. Besides, if Angel couldn't handle Spike on his own he didn't deserve Wolfram and Hart's resources to save the world. And now, the reason he had taken the Wolfram and Hart deal was here.

“So do you just follow anyone blindly to betray me or do they all have to be deranged?” Angel demanded of Connor.

“He’s not deranged, Angel Cakes,” Lorne came into the room sighing.

“It’s time, Fi,” Spike said.

“Stay the fuck away from me, Spike!” Faith roared, “This isn’t the way, please. You’ll make me evil again.” Her voice became softer.

“You’re not touching her,” Angel growled in vampire face and they began exchanging blows.

“Look, if we could just all...” Lorne began.

“Bastard! You’re the one that’s betraying everyone! You never fucking listen,” Connor yelled and jumped on Angel after Spike hit him.

“..talk,” Lorne finished.

Angel went back into human face as he felt the blow of his son. He turned to his son as Spike was down.

“It’s you who doesn’t listen, accept for what you want to hear; you’ll follow anybody who tells you what you want and if it wasn’t for me you’d have killed us all.” Angel grunted as he held Connor and hit him.

Angel had let Connor get away with beating Wes, only to have him trick Faith into telling him where they were by saying he wanted to reconcile with Angel. It was all a lie, Connor only wanted to do Spike’s bidding now.

Angel knew his son would never want to hurt Faith, just like he never wanted to hurt Cordy, or anyone, but he had. After all Angel had given him, Connor wasn’t supposed to be this way anymore. Instead, he insisted on being impressionable, to everyone but Angel. He was cunning, Angel would give him that, and he was proud of it. He was also completely reckless, and easily influenced by anyone who would indulge him. He was just like Spike.

“You’re the one that lets girls die, and we won’t let you!” Connor roared.

“’We?’ Angel snapped back into vampire face, “I swear to God Connor, I w ill not let you go down this road again. If giving you what you wanted hasn’t worked, I’m sure there are other ways of keeping you in line.”

He hit his son across the room, and ran over to where he laid.

“Okay, maybe the talking isn’t such a good idea either, as it just leads to more violent rage,” Lorne said.

“One day you’ll thank me,” Angel said as he hit Connor again. He felt his own eyes sting.

“I didn’t let you kill Cordy and I won’t let you make Faith evil. That’s what you’d be doing if you let Spike get his hands on Faith...he’d be putting his evil into her. Sound familiar? You gave Cordy that demon baby that turned out to be Jasmine, that’s when I really lost her...You two really are ali—“

Angel heard a familiar roar, Spike’s. He felt his arms get trapped in a vice-like grip.

“You’ve been hitting the gym, Spike? Feeling a little inadequate since Buffy left to be with me?” Angel laughed and grunted as he struggled to get out of Spike’s grip.

“Buffy isn’t with you in this dimension, Peach,” Spike said right in Angel’ s ear, “Maybe that’s why you’re a little tense. You should hit the gym yourself. Much healthier than hitting our boy.”

“He’s MY son, and I’ll kill you! I’ll kill you for twisting him again, just so you could get to Faith. You don’t care about him, you just care about what he can help you get. But you’ll never get to her, you’ll never get to hurt Buffy!” Angel said as he head-butted Spike.

“I may’ve hurt Buffy, but I have to get to Faith all the same,” Spike insisted as he got up off the ground from Angel’s head-butt.

Angel turned to jump on him. Yes, he realized he meant to say "Faith" and he said "Buffy" and now Spike would humiliate him for it. But not if he beat him to death first.

“Faith,” he heard Connor say painfully.

Yes, Faith didn't want Spike killed, or even hurt, but now Connor was hurt. Angel turned to his son and saw that Connor was bleeding, more from the mouth than from the nose. It seemed like he had held back a bit, even though he felt like he had lost it there for a second. What else could he do? Connor wasn’t leaving him with many options. He would be in worse shape if Angel let him turn Faith into some evil hell-fire thing with Spike.

“Where is she?” Connor asked.

Angel turned and saw that Faith was nowhere to be seen, her scent of fear and sex still lingered in the bedroom.

“What did you do with her?” Angel snapped to Spike.

“She’s putting on clothes in the loo. It’s not like I’m not going to be a gentleman about all of this,” Spike said.

“Yeah, you wouldn’t want to take advantage of her while you were forcibly burning some kind of hell into her. Getting a soul really did make you crazy after all,” Angel laughed bitterly.

“It sure did. You’re still alive, aren’t you? Shoulda killed you for all this mess,” Spike rolled his eyes.

“You—“Angel began furiously.

“...are going to save Faith’s life tonight,” Lorne finished.

“What?” Angel grumbled.

“It’s true,” Connor said, “We knew you wouldn’t listen, so that was why I had to come. Plus, I wanted to be here to say goodbye. Something I never got to say to you.”

“What? You want to say good-bye? Why? Where are you going? Back with your fam—your other family for good. Why? I mean, I thought you wanted to stay and--- Well, good, that’s how it’s supposed to be,” Angel insisted. He was a little confused about everything, but at least Connor seemed to be not completely crazy.

“That’s not how it’s supposed to be,” Spike said.

“Nothing is ever how it’s supposed to be,” Connor sighed.

“Skip the melodrama,” Angel said, “Now, are you or are you not here to turn Faith into something evil with that Fire-starter thing you have now? And what are you doing here?”

He turned to Spike and Lorne consecutively.

“Faith is dying, and I’m here to do what I’ve been doing since she first got that shadow demon inside of her, which is to heal her,” Spike said.

“And I’m here to tell you that’s the truth, Ruth,” Lorne said.

“But Wesley said--- The Rhoshobi demons said---That prophecy said that you burning with Faith was evil. The end of the world,” Angel insisted.

“Oh, like we’ve never known prophecies to be wrong,” Lorne sighed.

“And I know Head Watcher Boy has been wrong before,” Spike said.

“I know Wes has been wrong about prophecies before,” Connor said.

“Wes was wrong about a fake prophesy, and we cross-referenced this with our new resources, so the chances that it's fake... and you’ve been wrong before, Lorne” Angel said.

“I’ve been off in off circumstances, but I’ve never heard ‘I will survive’ when someone was singing ‘Disco Inferno’ at the top of their lungs right in front of me,” Lorne said.

“Spike sang ‘Disco Inferno’?” Angel’s head was spinning and it wasn’t from the fight earlier.

“No!” Spike barked, “I sang...It doesn’t matter what I sang. I sang to Lorne because now that we’re in the thick of it, I knew he would see clearly that I’m not going to hurt Faith. I’ m going to bloody well save her.”

“Ah!” Angel exclaimed, “You’re crazy. You think you are going to save her, but you really are going to do something evil to her, but you don’t realize it, and that’s why I’m not allowed to kill you. Lorne, you’re just seeing what Spike is thinking, and it’s wrong.”

“No, I see Spike’s life path, not how he sees it, but how it really is. If I only saw people in their own little realities I wouldn’t be much of a seer. I bet I would make a lot of money in LA, though, telling people how great they are,” Lorne said.

“But that prophecy is so clear,” Angel continued.

“Not really. The one in Russian, it’s really worded like when Spike and Faith join it’s the end of the old world and the beginning of another. I mean, I suppose if you’re a pessimist you could see that as the end of the world or hell on earth, but we all know you’re such an up person,” Connor said as he wiped blood from his face with a hanky Lorne had given him.

“You read Russian? I thought you were a computer person. Computers are the future,” Angel said.

“I have a multitude of interests. That’s what you ordered for me in that spell. You told them to create memories of liking school and to go heavy on the tech stuff, but I could develop any interests I was inclined to. At least you didn’t totally erase my free will, but some would say free will is an illusion anyway,” his son smiled bitterly.

Angel looked at him speechless.

“What?” Connor’s smile continued, “You think I wanted to work at Wolfram and Hart just to be near you? I wanted to know all I missed, and now I do. Including stuff about this prophecy.”

“No, I thought you wanted to work at Wolfram and Hart so you could gain my trust and then Spike could beat on Wes, ” Angel sighed.

“Like he would have been worth that,” Spike scoffed.

“Well, if it’s not the end of the world, and nothing evil, what is happening then?” Angel asked “Why would it upset a passive demon clan so much?”

“Don’t know, don’t care. Faith is dying, Peaches, and I’m going to save her,” Spike said.

“Do you have any idea, Lorne?” Angel asked.

“I don’t know. I’ll go with what Spike said. Maybe they just hate brunette Slayers,” Lorne said.

“So, they want Faith to die,” Connor said, “Maybe she’s destined to kill one of their leaders, like I’m destined to kill that Sahjahn guy.”

“You know about that?” Angel gasped. Oh, right. He had been reading around files and records. He probably knew more than Angel, who sadly felt like he knew very little right now.

“But Faith isn’t the Slayer anymore thanks to that bloody awful spell,” Spike said.

“Maybe that’s it. Faith got the power sucked out of her, so she isn’t the Slayer, so they want her to die in order for there to be another one,” Angel said.

“Ha! Nothing that could be after Faith as coldly as they’ve been could be any good. Maybe they think killing her when she has no power will end the Slayer line forever. Someone should tell them it doesn’t matter. Either way, there’s a Slayer here now,” Spike said.

“But the prophecy is about you too, about what you do to Faith,” Connor said.

“What do you mean there’s a Slayer here either way?” Angel asked.

“Yeah, they say it's about us both when they come after us. We must stop the joining. The joining will bring about the lawless one and all that rot. But they’re really always after Faith. I’m just her healing agent---second fiddle—story of my life,” Spike laughed sadly.

“How do you know you’ll be healing her and not killing her or whatever? How do you know that fire inside you is something good?” Angel asked.

“I know because I’ve never been surer of anything in my life. I know because when I close my eyes I see that this is my purpose. Like Lorne sees that’s it’s Disco bloody inferno. I feel it. You should try it sometime,” Spike said.

“But then why doesn’t Faith feel it? Why is she so insistent that you’re going to make her evil?” Angel insisted.

“She does feel it. She’s been lying to you,” Spike said.

“Manipulating you. Sucks doesn’t it?” Connor smirked.

Lorne only nodded.

“She wouldn’t do that!” Angel insisted, “Why would she...Oh no! Is she suicidal again, because she killed those guys? Of course she would come to me when she’s suicidal! All the things she’s been saying... But why would she get suicidal over killing those pieces of—“

“She’s not bloody suicidal—not really,” Spike scoffed.

“But that makes no sense---Why all this then?” Angel demanded.

“Oh, I can’t believe we haven’t told him his favorite part,” Spike laughed.

“Shut up, Spike,” Connor muttered to Angel’s surprise.

“Oh, c’mon!” Spike actually giggled, “You know it will be his favorite part. I bet Angel loved Disco Infernos in his day.”

Connor seemed to smile in spite of himself, while Lorne looked uncharacteristically gloomy.

“I did not like disco--- What the hell are you talking about? I think I ’m owed an explanation after I’ve been lied to,” Angel snapped.

“I wasn’t the one lying to you, Daddy Warbucks. I’ll let Annie come out and tell you. I’ve given her enough time to cry it all out and think up all the dirty names she’s going to call me to hide the tears,” Spike said as he rose and walked to the bathroom door of the bedroom.

“The doctor will see you now, Fi,” Spike said with mock cheeriness as he knocked on the door.

“But why would she be so upset about this? You’ve done this healing thing before, only this time she said it would be bad. Something huge would happen and it would make her evil, if that’s not true then why is she...” Angel’s voice trailed off.

Faith had kept saying what Spike wanted to do to her would make her evil, like she was before. She would be a killer again. Was she afraid of killing Spike? It seemed you couldn't kill Spike. The last time he died was when he stole the Sanshu from Angel and he couldn't even do it right. He came back but as a vampire, his soul corrupted... and now he was doing this damned annoying burning thing with Faith. Oh. The burning thing. It had been the only thing that kept Faith from dying from the Shadow demon she had in her, even if Wes wasn't sure about it. Spike was going to burn out his soul to heal Faith, and she...didn't want to be a killer again.

“C’mon. You had plenty of time to get your paper gown on. I wish I got to shag somebody before we did this,” Spike pounded on the door.

“You have to come out sometime, and you know you can’t get past me,” Spike said.

They all waited in a moment of silence now. It was like a pre-memorial, Angel supposed. It only lasted about twenty seconds before Spike lost patience and kicked open the door.

The bathroom was empty with the little window wide open letting in the nippy night beach air. The candlesticks that were on top of the toilet had been knocked off from Faith climbing on it to get out the window. Angel could have never fit through that window no matter whose life depended on it. He was always forgetting how small Faith was. She seemed larger than life so much of the time, and when she had hugged him earlier, he just thought how she was bigger than Buffy. Faith had hugged him, said she loved him, how could he not have known that something was very wrong. He thought he was protecting her. Angel actually had been protecting her. He had been protecting her from hurting someone else. Angel had done this with Faith before, but he didn’t want to protect her from this.

“Balls!” Spike growled and smashed various things in the bathroom.

Angel couldn’t help but roll his eyes. That wasn’t really necessary. It was an Ethan Allan bathroom, and they would find her. She was only human now. How far could she get? How many human girls had gotten away from Angel and Spike together?

“Time to track, b—“Spike began when his little tantrum was over.

“I’m on it,” Connor said.

“I swear, I’d kill that girl if she weren’t the bloody death of me already,” Spike grumbled.

Angel allowed Connor to race ahead. Spike was about two steps ahead of Angel. Angel really wished Lorne would start spouting some of his golden aphorisms by now, but he tromped quietly behind in the rear.

“You’re the world’s best tracker, Blade. You keep at it!” Spike called to Connor.

“You’re so interested in him?” Angel whispered, “You want to know how he so good at tracking? The maniac that took him would tie him to a tree and leave him so he could practice tracking the minute he could walk.”

“Aw, and here I thought Blade got one good thing from you,” Spike said.

“If you really cared about him you’d see why I’d want him to forget all that! And could you not call him Blade? This isn’t an action movie where we always win, people die,” Angel demanded in his whisper.

“You don’t say?” Spike raised his eyebrow.

“I’m sorry,” Angel scoffed.

“Oh c’mon, no you’re not,” Spike laughed, “If I go you have it all to yourself. The only vampire with a soul with your little family and the Slayer.”

“I meant I was sorry to remind you. I’m glad. I mean, I’m glad you got a soul, and ended up dying —again—in order to save the world, and now Faith....and you were never a threat to anything I had,” Angel told Spike.

“Never thought it would end like this, huh Peach?” Spike smirked, “You an’ me trackin’ the most beautiful girl this side of the world. Like old times. It comes full circle. Together again.... Hope and Crosby. Stills and Nash. Chico and the kid. But I suppose the real kid is up there helping us do our tracking. I’d say good job with him, but it doesn’t really seem like you had much to do---

“Would you shut the hell up!” Angel growled.

“Yep, like old times,” Spike continued, “if we hadn’t been evil then, and had two side-kicks instead of two psychotic bints, and one of the side kicks was a green guy who could tell the future.”

“My son and Lorne are not your side-kicks!” Angel grumbled.

“Oh, Spike can call me Kazoo if he wants,” Lorne sighed.

“See, I can call him Kazoo, like I call your son Blade. I’m the hero tonight, Peach, ” Spike sniffed coyly.

“Yeah, and hopefully not for very much longer,” Angel grumbled.

“We’ll be there in a minute. She’s gonna be on the edge of this cliff,” Spike said.

“You can smell her from that far? Oh, I guess you can feel her with you’re super-nurse senses,” Angel said.

“No, I just know her with my shadow-always-knows-senses. She’ll be wanting to jump.”

“She would do that for you?” Angel demanded, “Sacrifice her life?”

“What? You think you’re the only one she’d do it for? Don’t get all blocked up. I’ll talk her off the cliff. How hard can it be? You talked her out of dying for you. She has a hard desire for life as much as she tries to push it down at times,” Spike said, “That is what she’s been trying to do all along. She was using you to guard me from touching her, because when I do it this time my soul burns and I die, but if I don’t get to her in time the shadow demon ‘ill kill her. I thought you got this back at the house. You’re too old, Si. They say short term memory is the first thing to go.”

“I know all that, Spike!” Angel snapped, “But, I thought she really came here to bide some time for you while maybe Wolfram and Hart could find a way to bring her powers back and then she would be fine.”

“Pfft,” Spike rolled his eyes, “Yeah, that would have worked. Don’t you just fancy yourself the bell of the ball? It doesn’t matter how much money or magics you have, Peach. When will you learn that? The only thing that can save Faith is what is meant to be---Me.”

“You dying,” Angel confirmed. He thought it would sound better, especially considering how obnoxious Spike was being, had been, and always would be.

“Always a price and all that....Your price for giving Blade the white picked fence was a multi-billion dollar company, my price for saving a heroes life is death,” Spike said.

“That’s how simple this all is too you! You think I’m the lucky one. Well, I’m not. You get to have peace—absolution. Not to mention you made sure you made an impression on everything that was mine,” Angel grumbled.

“MMM,” Spike said in a calm way that just made Angel angrier. Wasn’t he supposed to say something that would force Angel to hit him now?

“And I have another favor to ask. After we save the girl I burn for, you make sure she’s goes off with the boy,” Spike said.

“What?” Angel grumbled.

“Connor,” Spike stated, “Thin kid. Hellva left cross. Your son. You let that boy stick around for her, for as long as he wants to and he’ll always want to, no matter how much you’ll want to throw him back into the suburban tank you’d watch him in. Connor will want to stay in the real world, for Faith, and even if you don’t care about what he wants, you’ll let him stay—for her.”

Faith was the one that was supposed to be there for Connor, not the other way around. Connor had already suffered in “the real world” enough. Connor was Angel’s son and Spike couldn’t possibly understand what that meant, and Spike had no right to order Angel to do anything.

“I will,” Angel sighed, not because he wanted to listen to Spike ever, but because he wanted to do what was right.

End (of this chapter) TBC... If you want to send feedback send to: GO TO MY SITE: