Summary: Basic Summary of this chapter: Now that Faith knows the Spike killed Robin Wood's mother Spike is in Xander's apartment--NOT brooding, but planning. He wants to get Faith to abandon the plan of removing the shadow demon with magic he feels is dangerous. Faith continues to work on her relationship with Robin, and thinks about what she wants to do with her life once her demon and Slayer power is removed. Connor reveals something about Faith and Wesley's Watcher/Slayer past that makes Spike really really mad. Rating: R Author Notes: Thanks to Jill and Dana for Betaing & everyone for their support Story Notes: Reedited recently. Thank God! Disclaimer: Not me

For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation.
--Rainer Maria Rilke

"Welcome to the workin' week.
Oh I know it don't thrill you, I hope it don't kill you.
Welcome to the workin' week.
You gotta do it till you're through it so you better get to it."
Elvis Costello

What to do? What to bloody do? He had to reason with Faith. Reason with her? Who was he talking about here? No, no, no... He had to demand that she listen to him. Alistair Crowley was evil. The last thing she wanted was evil near her -- touching her. No, that wasn't it either. She could have evil all around her and she wouldn't flinch. She didn't want to be evil, as if she ever was. If only he could convince her that that doing this spell, taking away the shadow demon was evil. Then she wouldn't do it. That was the key. Not that the idea of taking the demon out of her was evil it was just a very horrible idea, and if Alistair Crowley was behind it evil was somewhere in the mix. So, it WAS evil. Spike wouldn't be lying to the Firecracker. He had never lied to Faith. So, that was all he had to do. He was going to put effort into that plan. But first he was going to drink this bottle of Jack and go into the sleep of the Damned in Harris's gleaming white-walled yuppie flat.

It wasn't as if he could convince her of this tonight with Wood and that bugger of a Watcher around her. Actually, they weren't there either. She had thrown the lot of them out. Spike smirked in Harris's surprisingly nice leather chair as he realized Faith had thrown out the buggering Watcher too.

What were Watcher boy and Wood thinking with this bloody spell? With Alistair? They were thinking this was a quick fix. Little Miss Wesley didn't trust Faith with the demon inside her. He was afraid she would go dark again and die maybe taking Wesley boy and a few others with her. How could a man be so ignorant about his own Slayer? Wood, Wood was a different story. It made Spike's head hurt to think about all the strings that were being pulled in Wood to make him put Faith in danger. They were the same strings that had pulled at him to almost kill Spike before. Spike laughed bitterly to himself.

"I've always been waiting for this day. The day that Faith would find out about me an' her man. S' not how I pictured at all. I suppose he was a smart bugger waiting, the longer he waited the more I had to lose. But, I was never playing for keeps! It's not about me! It's about her. It's all for her -- can't he see?" Spike grumbled as he stared at the off flat screen Telle.

"Oh, no!" Harris exclaimed as he entered his place, "Invisible people again. Look, I don't know why you show up here whenever you're insane...I'm no Doctor Phil, but you probably need Hannibal Lecture anyway. You and Hannibal together in a room, I'd pay to see that."

"I'm not talking to invisibles. I was talking to--you-- I suppose. Not that you have a clue as to what is going on as usual," Spike said.

He had smelled the boy before he heard him come in. He knew the boy long enough to know his scent, which was a disturbing fact.

"You're right I am clueless as to why you wouldn't tell Faith that you killed her boyfriend's mother, and then be pissed that she sided with him on the issue. Though, I do have my theories as to why you're upset she wants to take the Shadow demon out leaving her with zero Slayer power. Wanna hear them?" Xander said. Spike turned to look at Xander in surprise.

The boy looks misplaced in that suit. He was growing up, or had done it. It was odd.

"Willow called me. She didn't want me to be all surprised when you showed up here drinking... Isn't she considerate?" Xander said.

"It's way more complicated than what you know," Spike sighed.

"Is this the part where you go into your national geographic speech ... survival of the fittest? Kill or be killed. Dog eat dog. Me vampire, them Slayer. Mi casa, su casa... Oh no wait that last one was my speech. The one I never gave to you about saying it's okay to crash here whenever you screw up," Xander said.

He took the bottle of Jack from Spike sniffed it and decided against it and got a bottle of "Yohoo" from the fridge instead.

"Faith is in danger. Wood is being a jealous brash Git, but I think he really believes he's doing the best thing for her. It's that Nancy Boy Watcher that's the real Git. He should know better than this! God knows he seems emotionally removed from Faith enough. Maybe he WANTS to hurt her. Maybe he's so convinced that she would go dark with the demon inside of her he'd rather see her pay the price of Black Magic," Spike went on.

"God isn't he paranoid," Xander snorted, "Look, Wes may be a made-over Giles on a day where Giles took a stupid pill, but he would never hurt Faith. Not now, after all they've been through. This sounds like a let's-blame-everybody-who-isn't-Spike-speech...They're my favorite."

Spike glowered at Harris who continued talking as he sat across from Spike on the couch. Spike would feel like he was at a job interview with the boy in that suit if it wasn't for the bottle of Jack and the Yohoo, and if Spike had ever went to a typical job interview.

"Did it ever occur to you that everything is going to work out? That Faith just won't be the Slayer anymore and she can live a normal vamp free life, which includes being free of vamps who killed boyfriends' mothers? What this is really about is that you screwed up with another girl that you were close with because you were trying to be something you had no right to be to them?" Harris said.

"Had no right to be," Spike repeated numbly.

Damned boy! Of course most of what he said was complete bullocks, but he always managed to get a zinger in there.

"How could you let it happen this way? Why did you have me remember it in bits and put it all together when it was too late? Why? You can't expect a man to go into a mission blind! I would have done it right if you bloody told me!" Spike shouted knowing that they could hear him-- or at least half-knowing.

"I'll take that as a 'no' then... A guy that goes crazy rather than admit he's wrong, and I thought Angel was bad," Xander sighed.

"I am NOT talking to invisibles, Harris. I'm talking to the Goddesses...or whatever you bloody are!" Spike yelled and looked up.

He knew they weren't in the sky with harps or anything, but he had to look somewhere.

"Of course, the Goddesses that live in my ceiling. I didn't mean to disrespect your chosen faith...in crazy world! What the hell are you talking about?" Harris demanded.

"Apparently, when I burned I decided to come back and play a Superhero. Don't know what I was bloody thinking!" Spike scoffed falling back in the chair.

"Well, maybe you were thinking it beat burning in Hell, but I have no idea how these things work. So, the world was created by Goddesses in my ceiling. This ruins Christmas. Are they hot?" Harris asked.

"I don't know," Spike grumbled knowing that Harris believed him regardless of his prattle, "I only saw one. They...She ... didn't seem like the only one, and I don't think they are necessarily the supreme rulers of every--- Bloody Hell, could you not distract me from my story. Things are bad enough!"

He leaned forward as roughly as he leaned back and looked at Harris earnestly as the boy swallowed his last gulp of Yohoo and waited.

"I wasn't going to burn in Hell... I was going to get to be human, live another fifty years or so... It was my reward for saving the world, getting old and dying slow rather than ending with a bang -- not really my style," Spike told him.

"Wow!" Harris said, "I saved the world. Does this mean I'll get a prize too? Hey, if you had like 100 years of murder under your belt and got a prize I can't wait to see what I'll get."

"You are a horrible listener you know," Spike said. He got up with a sigh and lit a fag.

"Am not...Goddesses-you weren't going to hell, you were going to be a real boy and end with a whimper not a bang, but you chose hero," Harris said.

"I wanted it to be a selfless act. I wanted to prove to myself I could bloody do it...But, I guess that's a paradox...I wanted to do it for them...all of them," Spike said as he paced waiting for something, anything -- change.

"The ceiling Goddesses?" Harris asked.

"No!" Spike snapped, "For all of the women in my life. The only people that taught me about goodness and love...The only people that ever wanted me, needed me, loved me...For all of the women I tried to save and of course only destroyed because I'm nothing but a buggering, selfish weak Git."

He could list them all: his sister, his mother, Dawn, Buffy, even Drusilla, and now, now...Now he sank down the clean white wall and sat on the nice white carpet.

"This is definitely a new speech," Harris said.

"And now it's happening again ... Did you want to teach me a lesson? Remind me of what I really was? Fine! But, you bloody leave her out of it! She's the kindest one, the most loving! You're wrong to not want your Slayers that way!" Spike yelled to them.

If only one of them would at least speak to him it would be worth making them mad.

"Okay," Harris sighed, "Can you please stop doing that? Not only is it insane and loud, it's confusing. What does this have to do with Buffy jumping dimensions?" Harris asked as he had turned to face Spike.

"Buffy jumping? Nothing, at least, I don't think. I was talking about Faith. Faith is going to pay some horrible price because I bollixed up again. It's not fair!"

"Loving? Kind? Those are interesting adjectives used to describe Faith. I'd go for prickly and sassy," Harris said.

"You people," Spike laughed, "you're so blind."

"Only half-blind," Xander said.

"When Buffy left we were all out of sorts... Buffy told me to help Faith, but I was in no shape to do it. Sure you an' Red checked in on Dawn, but you were all falling apart," Spike said.

"How would you know? You just crawled into some hole somewhere," Xander said.

"But, I came out enough to know that you all crawled into holes here. Did you ever want to fight again? Did you ever want to do anything again?" Spike asked.

"The woman I loved died, and my best friend went away...forever...So, I really wasn't up for any house parties or fists to cuffs," Xander stated.

"Who was it that dragged us out of our holes?" Spike demanded.

"I dunno it just happened, people get better -- move on. It's what we do," Xander said.

"That's what she wants us to think," Spike found he was smiling.

"She? Is this a specific ceiling Goddess?" Xander asked.

"My God. It's a miracle that I never destroyed you all...Go over what happened. Why did Dawnie even start talking to me again? She was still very mad at me. How did you and Red get started up in it all again? How is it that I'm sitting in your apartment now that Buffy is gone? What holds us together?" Spike rolled his eyes.

"You don't have anywhere else to go because you killed people and lied...and I don't have a date tonight so I might as well listen to this?" Harris mused.

Spike had learned to wait for a real answer.

"Well, Faith was training with Amanda who was friends with Dawn, so Dawn started to get out there again. And Faith wanted you to train her because your the only ensouled vampire in town......Then Kennedy was friends with Faith and Faith needed Willow's help with magic...and I was just -- just being--- being totally depressed and Faith suggested that we go to that Strip bar...Alas, she didn't strip like I was hoping. But she liked to watch the strippers. It was cool. Anyway, we came across these vampires and I helped her fight them, and I remembered how cool it could... heeeeeeey...Faith tricked us!"

"Wasn't that hard with the lot of you, apparently. But, me, I figured it all out. I told her. I said: 'I know what you're up to.' She looked at me all hurt at first," Spike smiled, "She argued about how she was really only looking out for number one. She said we were all bloody assets to her...as if you are an asset!"

"Hey, I saved the world just as much as you! You break things and I fix them, and I didn't murder any of her boyfriend's family...I think I win the asset game." Harris scoffed as he walked over and grabbed the bottle of Jack from Spike and drank now. Mentioning the lost women they shared in ways made the boy jumpy. But, Spike had to do it to make Harris see the girl they had now, right in front of them, was divine, and in danger.

"We argued about it some and finally you know what she said... She said: 'What do you want from me?'... Why couldn't I want nothing?... All of this could have worked if I wanted nothing, don't you see?" Spike spoke slowly and lifted his head and then let it fall back against the wall.

"Um, no...I'd like to blame it on the lack of an eye but..."

Spike sighed and rolled his eyes. Why was the boy so slow? Was it part of his comedy routine? No.

"I came down here to heal Faith so she could have that demon. I chose to. I've slowly been putting the pieces together from dreams or recurring memories or visions or whatever it's fashionable to call them these days. I understood that it was not Buffy I was going to be saving. I really don't remember if I understood that the one I was to be saving was Faith. I just knew it was a Slayer -- The Slayer -- as I understood there could only be one even when there were two or hundreds. It was all so clear up there, or wherever it bloody was. It was my choice and I chose it, not for a prize, but because I wanted to be apart of something greater and better than myself...Besides, I could never turn down a chance to help a lady...even in my big bad days when I was helping them to their deaths it was because a part of them called for it. Do you understand now?" Spike said.

"Yeah, and it was all good until that last part about being all gentlemanly and helping women by murdering them. That kinda ruined it," Harris said.

"Well, there's something we have in stuff up with women," Spike sighed and reached for the bottle of Jack like a lumbering zombie.

"Why is it screwed up? You came down here to heal Faith when the demon comes out and you've done that. Now they're taking the demon out... It looks like someone doesn't want their 'Highway to Heaven' mission to be over...And at least when I screw up with women they let me back in again. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that my screw ups don't involve attempted rape and murder," The boy handed him back the bottle.

He had barely drunk any. It was just a gesture. A toast of misery to women dead or lost. There would be one more to drink to if Spike didn't get his ass in gear.

"Probably, because it sure as Hell isn't your charm. And I did screw up. One of the bits that came back to me is that this is a job that is to be completed and it isn't completed. The demon isn't meant to come out. I'm supposed to put all the healing in," Spike explained.

"So, just put all your white-lighter stuff inside of her after they take the black shadow demon out. Maybe it'll fit better...God, that sounded really wrong...I am beginning to see where Wood has a problem with this. Well, besides the fact that you killed his Mom."

"No, it's not like that. It's a balance. The healing and the demon work together one pulls on the other...There's no telling what will happen if they try to remove it...and I know it's important that I give her all the healing I have. That I finish the job."

"How do you know you're not done? Maybe you did put all of the healing in."

"No, I'll know when I'm done...Trust me there would be no way of mistaking it. Watcher boy figured out all the right numbers but he doesn't understand the point of the math problem in the first place. He figured out I was using my soul to heal her, but he doesn't realize I'm not forcing anything on her. I'm just giving her the power that is rightfully hers...giving it back to her. Like I used the power of my soul to close the Hellmouth. That's why I didn't come back as bloody human! I needed the power to do that from somewhere. Couldn't very well get in from my balls if I were just human...All power has a price, so I still had to be a vampire. I would have been done soon. It was almost time...Now this. I just have to touch her once more after she brings the demon out to play," Spike sighed.

Then he looked up at Harris.

"You. You have to find a way to help me...Get her to see this is all wrong. Maybe we can set something up where you're in mortal danger. Then she'll pull the rabbit out of her hat. Since she goes down after the demon comes out she'll have no choice but to let me near her," Spike gasped in hope now and rose quickly.

"Ho' whoa there horsey! As much as I love to be in mortal danger, I'm really not the one to help you in your continuing quest to get your hands on women who go down and don't want your hands on them," Harris snorted.

"I really thought you were passed being such a petty bugger, boy. You'd be saving her. That spell is no good. Once I'm done with the healing the demon won't be a danger to her anymore," Spike sighed and ran his hands through his hair.

"Let me get this straight. I'm going to risk my life so Faith will come and save me, and then you can jump out and heal her. Why do I have to risk my neck? Can't I just call her over here and you two can fight it out?...Actually why don't I call her somewhere else? I like fixing walls that aren't mine," Harris said.

"That won't bloody work. We need to get the demon out for me to finish healing her... and she's getting more control over it, but it will only come if someone she loves is in mortal danger. She needs me to do this. I have to do this for her or things won't be right," Spike explained wearily.

"Well, that makes sense in a remains-of-the-Hellmouth way. But, we know all these lies and deceit are absolutely necessary because..."

"Because I know it. I know it like I know the magic will go bad if they use it to get the shadow demon out. You can't remove the essence of the Slayer from the girl... I'm sure it's like removing her heart - - her soul. And Wood and Nancy boy think they can do that. Huh, I try to do the respectable bloke bit. I never said a word against Wood. I worked her hard so she could stay alive to be with him. Love is sacrifice. That's what I learned from Buffy. But, I was wrong to think I could ever do anything good for any woman I loved. Even when my love is pure it destroys them. It's poison," Spike sneered, but it wasn't at Harris who he was looking at.

"Okay, number one, it sounds to me like you don't really KNOW anything. Big surprise there. You just feel it. Everything could work out fine. This spell thing could be how it was all supposed to go down. Number two, love is never poison. Love can't be anything but good, if it's real. It's the idiot actions that we do out of fear of losing something we love that is the bullet. And that leads me to point two A, if you follow along in your manual. If you feel that your love has destroyed all your women it was really your idiot man-boy actions that did it. So, in conclusion: Why not just stop acting out, Mr. ADHD and start listening to your teachers?"

"The teacher is you here? No thank you! I've seen what your lack of action did. Not marrying Anya was the biggest bloody mistake you ever made...At least I never went that low!" Spike scoffed.

"No, not me!" Harris scoffed back, "Faith is the teacher here...with a big ruler or a paddle maybe... Anyway, if she wants you to leave her alone...Here's a brilliant idea -- leave her alone. Let her try this spell with Wood and Wes...And what do you mean you never went that low! There are a million comebacks I could have for that, but they aren't coming to me. Wonder why? Maybe it's because you mentioned my dead fiancé.'"

I can tell when I'm right. You become a total bitch and pull no punches. Why don't you just let things happen with Faith? If something goes wrong we'll be there to help," Harris said as he now was turned away from Spike looking out the window.

Looking for his own second chance perhaps.

"You mean when -- when -- something goes wrong you don't know the man that they are doing this spell with. Imagine Red gone dark and turned into an old man that looked likes Saint Nick."

Then there was a banging on the door. An obnoxious banging, perhaps, Harris was dating after all and this was his newest needy one. This was much more bloody important! And, what a surprise the boy didn't get it. Or perhaps he did get some of it with the whole "Love is never poison" deal. That had been oddly comforting. But that and $3.05 would get Spike a mocha. He didn't want mocha, unless he could get one for free from best friends he no longer had. He wanted to get The sweet Slayer with the attitude away from the evil mastermind.

POUND POUND POUND

POUND POUND POUND It sounded like the door was pounding in Spike's head.

"Who is that? Some honey you've been hiding. Tell them to go away this is important!" Spike grumbled as his eyes burned into the door.

"If I was hiding some honey do you think I'd tell her to go away for this?"

Harris rose slowly. What? Was he expecting Spike to get the door because he was right near it? This wasn't his flat. The last thing he wanted was some whiny bint in his face.

Who are you? Where's Xander? So, Xander would rather have a night out with the boys than call me!

POUND POUND POUND...Pushy little Bitch.

"You'd drop anything for Buffy. Faith isn't Buffy, but she deserves at least what she's given to you! You always manage to get pretty ones, but somehow they are always so needy. Your friends become magic addicts, or are robots and you are too busy to notice because your girl wants to know why you never bloody talk!"

"I always did what Buffy wanted. I bet if I did what Faith wanted right now it wouldn't involve listening to the guy who killed her Man's mother whine. She'd probably want you out on your ass. I think I'm liking this plan, as I'm guessing these are my new bitchy neighbors that will want to know why there is a yelling English guy in here keeping up their brat... Believe me when I say it's not some pretty girl...in need," Harris babbled as he pushed past Spike.

He strolled to the door and opened it. Spike decided to crash on the couch hiding away from whatever was on the other side of the door.

"Oh, bugger! What now?" Spike demanded. He smelled a small amount of blood.

No one's blood he recognized. Whoever it was they'd live and he didn't want to see them.

"Spike! I need Spike! Is he here?" a young voice demanded gruffly.

It was Connor. Blade would have to wait if he wanted to go out and pound some demons. He was more than a decent fighter. Spike hoped he realized everyone bled a little from time to time.

"Wha--" Harris began.

"I smell him. Move!" Connor spat.

The boy knew Spike's smell? He must have been trying to get it down to know it already. The only smells Spike knew now where Buffy's, Faith's, the Scooby's', and sodding Angel's. Faith. Her smell was mixed with the Boy's. He must have seen- -

The boy pushed Harris aside and Faith was lying in his arms. She was down again. Her long hair tangled in the boy's arm, and some hung over it. It was a chocolate honey whirlpool dark and light brown mixing about. She looked like she was sleeping, but her heart beat was weak. She had let the shadow demon out again. Spike rose.

"She brought it out again? After all that talk of wanting to be rid of it? Why?" he demanded.

"You've-- You've gotta fix her. Just fix her, please. I fucking did it again. I can't-- I can't even--" The boy's voice broke.

His voice was as weak as it had been rough with Harris. Connor couldn't look at him. It was as if Spike was some great king and the boy hated himself for not being able to stop this. The boy should only know how Spike was thought of by the rest of the world. The world being made up of Faith and the Scooby's now.

"This isn't your fault," Spike said as he grabbed Faith from the boy. She was cold and light, but solid. Always solid.

"Yes, it is...Again. Just, please, please, do it. I promise after I see you do it...I'll be gone," Connor cried.

Spike had no time for this adolescent mellow drama, but he should say something to get them ready for what he needed to do.

"Don't you go anywhere! She'll need you. She needs another fighter on her side... and you're gallant. She needs someone gallant. I thought Wood would do, but he's lost in his own needs, like I was."

The boy looked at him with only worry for The Firecracker in his head. He hadn't heard a word Spike said. Good. He would do brilliantly. Spike turned to Harris who was probably going to be figuring all of this in his head for a while.

"And you...I know I was saying you get distracted with the girls, but you are always there. You always do what's right. Just keep at it, even though Faith is only your drinking buddy."

Spike stood there with The Slayer in his arms and brought out what she called for. The healing fires that only his soul could get burning.

"It's time, love. It's for you this time."

Hot. Hot. Hot...After being so cold. Wake-up, bitch! Wake-up you stupid whore! Can't you hear him? I KNOW you feel him. You always feel him, though, don't you? You're always a slut no matter what you do.

"Bloody stop it! This was my choice, and it's right. You call for me and than you fight me!"

That's our girl. She always was a little cock tease. WAKE-UP, FAITH! But she does want this one doesn't she? Yes, she does. She's a selfish Evil bitch. DO YOU HEAR ME? Are you just gonna take that? WAKE-UP and FIGHT!

This is what you wanted to wake up for. This is what you kept this bit of me around for. Go 'head sleep -- sleep and burn. I don't care. You don't really care. All the more power to you. It's your right. It's what you deserve. This fucking lying monster burning his power into you! Another one that could only love blondes. No one would blame you if you just jumped into the fire...of his soul. He's back at you. He wants things from you. He's got his hands on you while you're weak. Don't they all do that? Isn't that what they live and die for? You're gonna listen to him. Be a good girl, Firecracker. HA! That's it! Wake-up and push it out. You tell him about choice. No means no, my brotha!

Faith screamed or at least she thought she had. She opened her eyes to Connor standing above her. He fell to his knees when he saw her look at him.

"You're alive," he sobbed.

"Fuck me. You brought me to Spike, didn't you kid? I told you to bring me to Red instead," Faith grumbled.

"Red!" Spike squawked from where ever he was, "Are you mad? And why the hell are you throwing me off? And more importantly how?"

"Fuck you, Spike!" Faith spat.

"Right. But, at least you're alive. You wouldn't be if you were away from me much longer like it or not. Magic isn't going to take that away. Not Red's magic and especially not Crowley's . But, you're alive and that's all that matters."

Uh, yeah. She was and she had a huge headache and it wasn't because Harris was saying:

"Umm...my couch is on fire. That's good, right? I mean, my couch is on fire and you guys just flew to opposite ends of the room, so it seems bad, but you're alive and you're okay. So, can I put the fire out?....Anyone, feel free to answer...just shout out at anytime."

"Yes, put it out! Are you a moron!" Faith snapped as she confirmed where she was and what had just happened.

"Ah, Miss Loving-Kindness is back," Harris sighed as he went to grab a fire extinguisher.

"Well, why wouldn't you put a fire out in your place?" Faith snapped knowing Harris had meant her and that it was some kind of joke.

"Well, I dunno. Maybe it's like a magic fire and if you put it out you would die. I've just learned the hard way to touch nothing." He said as he put the fire out.

He looked like he could be a fireman if he wasn't wearing that monkey-suit. He was a real grown-up now who had a fire extinguisher in his kitchen.

"Good idea for all of you!" Faith snapped as she rose.

"So, what's with the fire? That's new, and hmm...Fire's not so pretty when it's on my couch. It's more of an outdoorsy thing," Harris was sighing as Faith forced herself to run to where Spike was laying.

"You!" She kicked him in the balls.

She was only at human strength now and she had seen him take more. Besides, she was a bitch.

"You keep your fucking murdering lying hands off me!" She screamed.

He looked up at her with that face. The one where his dog just died, or B had just gone away forever. The one where his world was sinking into quick sand and all he could do was go down with it. She looked away from him.

"I didn't see that coming," Harris sighed knowingly.

But there was no way he could know what it was like for someone to choose something without having your say. Oh wait, he did know what that was like. Faith had showed him. She WAS a bitch.

"But, you'd die without him," Connor pleaded.

He was at the door. He had been going to make a silent disappearance. Just like his Dad would.

"Where do you think you're going? I ought to beat your ass into the ground!" She slapped the little shit across the face.

"Okay, I really didn't see that coming," Harris said seriously.

She didn't have time to explain to Harris that Faith wasn't picking on the kid. The kid and Faith were cut from the same cloth, and she had to tear a piece of it out of him or else.

"I-I am sorry. I never thought you would be there. I thought you would be home getting better. Your friend said you didn't want to see anyone. But I knew-- I knew it was just me. I knew Angel and Spike were there with you. That's why I picked tonight to do it. You weren't supposed to be there," Connor cried.

"Well, you're sure damned lucky I was there!" She roared.

"No! I knew what I was doing! This has to end! I'm dangerous...I've gotten you almost raped and killed. Ask me what else I've done to other girls? Angel knew, but he didn't have the balls to kill me." Connor said.

"No balls! You're Dad practically sold himself to the devil so you could live. And you want to throw it all away. I think I know who has the lack of balls. Sit the fuck down!" Faith felt the rage thunder out of her throat.

"Apparently, you know I have them. Bloody hell!" Spike coughed and rose. Maybe that statement had more than two meanings. Did Spike know what he was trying to do to Faith? Did he know Faith knew?

"I was really hoping that would keep you speechless a little longer. Too bad I'm at human strength," she sniped.

"Well, if you do that spell you'll be there forever. You have no sense! At least the boy does. He brought you to me," he sighed, still in pain.

She knew when he was in pain, his body got stiffer, his eyes narrowed. It was the same as when he was pissed.

"Ha, I wish one of you had sense. I think Blade has even less than you! He was trying to off himself. Luckily, he was doing it in this wicked retarded Gladiator way. He took on like 50 power house demons. They were on there way to beating him to death when I got a call from Willy. At first I thought it was just Blade being stupid biting off more than he could chew. But, I recognize Kamikaze when I see it. Like looking into a mirror. I just let my demon rage and I killed them all. Lemme tell ya, I'll be glad for the days when I see taking on a bunch of demons as a good idea as a distant memory."

"Is this true?" Spike demanded.

If Spike was going to get on Connor about putting Faith in danger she would lose it. She could take care of herself. She was the Slayer, and even when she wasn't she had done it.

"Bloody Hell, Blade--- Connor. Look, I know I said not taking the pills to forget the truth took stones, but if you're that torn up about it take the damn things. Why do you think I gave them to you? You are a good kid with a good family. You protected your sister. There's no shame in who you were," Spike said.

"But, there's shame is who I really am. Shit loads of shame, which would be fine if it was just about me. But, if I go back to Boston, or Sacramento and make myself forget it'll just come out in some other way. How long do you think it's gonna take for me to hurt someone else? I thought you were the one that understood that magic doesn't work. But, you don't get it either," Connor said.

"Why do you think you are so bloody special? 'Oh boo-hoo no one could possibly ever understand me or been through what I have. I'm the only boy that has a killer in me. It's too hard' Hello, vampire here! You think it's easy having a soul remembering who I was and what I was and what I still am? You don't think part of me smells your blood and wants to suck your pretty boy ass dry? I'm getting right sick of this teen-age crap from you, Blade. You're just like your old man in that respect."

Spike DID NOT want to suck Connor dry. Did he? No, he was just exaggerating to prove his point as always. He walked over and stood next to Faith just close enough to not touch her. But, his eyes never left Connor. Faith and Spike were both bitch slap distance from the kid. He hadn't moved away after Faith hit him. Faith knew part of her wanted to beat the kid's ass for what he tried to do. She probably would have if she was at Slayer strength, but had to settle for the bitch slap. She WOULD make a horrible Mom. But Spike... He could actually pay attention to more than one thing. Good to know.

Sometimes it seemed like he couldn't. He just got mad obsessed with one person or thing. He was crazy into B, and now he was crazy into Faith and this demon thing. Not that he was into Faith, he was just into getting things his way with the demon and all. It was his new thing he was mad obsessed with. Faith could see it because she was that way too. She'd get an idea in her head and would die to see it through because she was sure she was right. But, she knew now she could be wrong, like when she got that "I am evil" thing in her head.

Spike was wrong about Faith's demon. But, he could be wrong and obsessed about Faith's demon and care about Connor while he did it. When she got the revenge idea in her head she didn't even care about herself, let alone anyone else. Spike was better than Faith had been, even if he had killed Robin's Mom... And lied. He fucking lied.

"Don't you see that I am like Angel...in many respects. I've been reading while I've been in that company of his. It's all exactly like I thought -- like I remembered. I was born to create nothing but destruction. Look at what I'm doing when I try to do good. Imagine if I actually went to the dark side of the force! It's gonna happen. It was happening when Angel did the spell and put me with my parents--- not my parents--- the Fox's who never asked for me. Angel couldn't handle me. How the hell could my family handle any of this? That's why I'm trying to do what he couldn't. End it," Connor said.

Great. Connor was another one. Not exactly like Spike with the face, but definitely not like Dad in this department. He was telling them all this with tears running down his face and more unspilt ones in his eyes. Maybe he thought it would help if he managed to keep his face looking like stone like his Dad would. It didn't. Not with the tears and the voice giving it all away. It would have hurt Faith less if that bunch of demons had beaten her up. Even in human strength she'd be less thrown. She could totally see the value in being obsessed with one thing at a time. Caring about all these different people sucked. The needs of one of them always seemed to get strung up and tangled in the needs of another one. It was like a car wreck.

"Okay. Fine," she heard Spike say, "You want to end it. I'll bloody do it. At least I get to put an end to something."

"What?" Faith roared.

So, Spike was turning on Connor too, like Faith had turned on Buffy. Spike stepped up even closer to Connor. He did it bow-leggedly probably because his balls were still hurting. He hadn't even begun to know hurt.

"Fine. You should have done it when we first met like I told you. Look at all the trouble it would have saved. Faith would be fine," Connor sneered at Spike now.

She didn't know he could carry such a hateful expression on that baby face.

"The only people who aren't fine in this room are you two pricks! Spike you aren't touching the kid!" Faith commanded.

"He's asking for it. So, I'll give him what he asks. He knows I have more stones than dear old Dad," Spike said not taking his eyes off Connor.

The two of them were in some kind of testosterone staring contest. Of course, women had some testosterone in them too. She had been in a similar staring contest with Angel when she was about Connor's age. Angel.

"Spike! You mother fucker! I really don't know you at all, do I? All you care about is hurting Angel. Is that the only reason you decided to wake-up from the dead?" she demanded.

"I didn't wake-up, Slayer. I rose out of bits of ash. I burnt up backwards... It was a bit more painful than jumping out of a cozy bed. But, I bloody chose it. And I chose it for a good sodding reason and if I don't get to do what I set out, I'll be damned if I'm not gonna do something else just as fun."

"Okay, but can we not do it in my apartment. The rugs are white," Harris said softly.

"Do it." Connor spat, "Angel really won't be pissed. He'll just wear his pissed off mask because he'll think that's what's right...Then he'll have an excuse to kill you. Both dudes that took his women gone. It'll be nice and neat how he likes it. Maybe that was his plan all along."

"And I thought you new the old man," Spike giggled, "He's not capable of that kind of planning. But, we are, aren't we?"

"Shut-up!" Faith yelled at stuck her face between the two men. She wasn't even going to try to push them apart. She couldn't in this state.

"But, honestly, if you had planned ahead then this wouldn't be taking place in my apartment. He's like half-vampire, right? Will he dust?" Harris asked.

"We'll find out, Dude," Connor said not taking his eyes off Spike.

He laughed crazily.

"Do it, Soul-boy Junior. Stake the day-walker. I'll be a great notch in your belt."

"Oh, who's the real junior with this Drama Queen crap? And you aren't a bloody day walker. You were born with a whole soul and you're still holding on to it," Spike grumbled.

"And you think you're gonna kill him? You think I'm outta the game because I don't have Slayer power? I won't be ignored. If you want to kill him you'll have to go through me with that stake first and if I get left alive I'll kill you myself," Faith yelled and made Spike look at her and got her ass between them somehow.

"C'mon Faith! You just set my couch on fire. Now you want to bleed on it too. New house rule: a person can only manifest one damaging substance in my apartment per visit, and that includes blood," Harris said.

"It's what I want, Faith. It's Okay, it's better," Connor said gently to her.

"No, it's not! Even if you think it's better for your sorry ass you are wrong," Faith spat.

"It certainly wouldn't have been better for Dawn if I had done it the day I met you," Spike sighed.

"That's not true. I do nothing but upset Dawn. We may both have fake memories but, she knows how to be a real good person," Connor said.

"I don't give a toss about your false memory trauma! So, you have your life and a couple of pleasant memories that never happened, like a good dream. I'm wasting no tears for you, Blade. I meant you saved Dawn's life. You killed that real big bad vamp that was after her, if not for you Dawnie would be a real memory for the lot of us," Spike said.

Faith looked at Spike with a furrowed brow. What was his dead-brain on now? Faith could feel her pounding heart slow. She felt a zing of that feeling of when you found something you thought you lost forever. Faith did know Spike's style. He was a talker, but if he was going to kill he didn't start bringing up something heroic the killie had done.

"Great.. And I'm sure they'll be more good times when something happens and I get her killed," Connor said.

"You think you got it in you to go dark like the old man," Spike stated this.

He didn't ask it.

"That's bull--" Faith began.

"I know I do. I have...I'm worse than him. All I've ever been is a dupe, set-up to bring about darkness. I'm just destined to bring bad things out. Look what happens even when I'm on the right side? You have no idea."

"Umm....Son of Angel, I forgot your real name. You have met Spike and Faith, right?" Harris said cautiously.

"Destiny is crap!" Faith said.

"Even if you think that it is, what about heredity and nature? Over fifty percent of people born from schizophrenic parents get it too. I've had time at Wolfram to look up the stats on people born of evil parents. My odds aren't good, Faith," he sighed.

"Well, if you think like that a prophecy is gonna come true," Spike said.

"There is another prophecy about me? A bad one, right?" Connor asked. "There sure is, and it's the kind that always are dead on...a self fulfilling prophecy," Spike said.

"That's cute. You had me there," Connor laughed sardonically.

Self fulfilling prophecy. Faith knew what that meant. Her prison shrink had taught her a lot of cute phrases.

"I went to university too. I can bring out the introduction psych. stuff just like you. Of course, when I went they thought all crazies came from bad breeding. It was bullocks then and it's bullocks now," Spike said tapping his head.

"You went to college?" Harris asked.

Faith looked at Xander in surprise. Of course Spike had gone to college. He had went to some fancy one too. But, he still stayed home. His Mom was sick. Didn't the Scooby's know anything about Spike?

"Don't start with me, okay? I was bored in college and now I'm bored with you. Nature versus nurture...sociobiology or deconstructionism...evil or crazy it all leads to the same road for me, Chief. Just shut-up and kill me," Connor said walking around Faith to push Spike.

"Sorry I am so boring, but you have to work for what you want. Daddy spoiled you by handing you those memories," Spike said.

So, of course the kid clocked him. That familiar smacking crunching sound. Spike smiled that crooked stiff chinned smile as his mouth bled.

"Not happening!" Faith ordered as she stepped in front of Spike.

Spike had reached behind her and grabbed something. She turned and saw it was Connor's fist that would have hit her in the back of the head. At human strength it would have knocked her unconscious. Hey, if that's what it would have taken to break whatever this was up, she'd do it. It wasn't like she hadn't been comatose before. This would only be the second time today.

"See!" Connor yelped now his voice filling up with emotion. "Even when I'm trying to do the right thing I hurt the people I'm trying to protect. I'm dangerous. Kill me, or I'll just do it myself."

"Sweetie--" Faith began turning back to the boy and touching his face.

The boy softened and was hugging her bone-crushingly hard. So, this was how it would feel if she ever used her strength and over hugged someone. She kind of liked it, but she was a freak and had to remember most people wouldn't. But, in a few days it wouldn't matter.

"Just let me go, okay? It's what my father really wanted. I'll do it. Just let me go," he cried.

"No," Spike sighed coolly, "I'll do it."

"Spike!" Faith hissed.

She felt something in her draining -- dying. It was a familiar feeling. It was a feeling she had learned early. She had it every time her Mom fell off the wagon. But that was nothing, the things that caused her to feel it after that made Mom's drinking look like a trip to Disney Land. Faith didn't even know she had anything left to drain, until tonight when she had found out Spike had killed Robin's mother. Now she was leaking fluid all over the place she didn't know she had.

"I'll do it, when you go dark. When you turn evil; I'll kill you. It's only fair. I promised your Dad the same, and I don't even like him," Spike sighed

"You don't understand. It's not about choice for me. It'll just happen. I'm hurting people now. Angelus is my father. Darla is my mother. I know you know them, Spike. I read about the things you did with them," Connor said as he still was clutching Faith.

"You did, didn't you? I prolly was the best killer of sassy young cuts of veal like you in my day. I was a serial killer of teens long before they had the term 'teen'... or the term 'serial killer' come to think of it. Bloody Hell! I never get any notoriety and I bloody worked my ass off for it, boy" Spike smiled fondly.

"You fucking asshole! Was Robin's Mom sassy?" Faith grunted and punched him.

She sort of surprised herself. This was nothing she didn't know. Nothing he hadn't told her. But, it wasn't what he was saying. It was how he was saying it. Spike could say the same thing in more ways than any person she had ever known. This probably wasn't a vampire skill. Angel didn't seem to have it.

"Ah, ah, ah Firecracker. If you tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine. How are you able to throw me off of you like that when I am trying to heal you? Why are you doing it?"

"I'll kill you before I let you heal me again," was all she said.

"I heard that one already. It explains nothing. So you get nothing on me an' Nikki accept that, yes, she was sassy even though she had just said good-bye to her teens...like you. It's a pity so many Wendy's leave Never-Never Land and lose that fire," Spike said.

Nikki. He called her by her first name. Darling Nikki. Was that how he saw her? Faith really wished the Prince song about the nympho named Nikki would exit her head right now.

"Why-why are you guys fighting? It isn't just about me?" Connor asked in confusion.

"You mean Watcher boy hasn't printed the newsletter? Back when I was a big bad I killed Faith's Man's Mum--- a Slayer," Spike snipped.

"Your blaming Wes! You had two fucking years to 'fess up!" Faith said in shocked rage.

"You--you killed the Principal's mother?" Connor gasped.

"Aw, c'mon, Blade. You musta read all about it. Don't you think all of the people I killed had family? You may be the only one with two sets of parents, but...actually prolly a lot of them had two sets of parents. Unlike Angel I was killing into the nineties and everyone seems to have a step parent or two nowadays. I was a horrible man not too long ago. I could have stayed on that path, but I chose to be good. I fought to be good even...Albeit, I did it for completely selfish reasons, and as you can see from Fi's pretty face all twisted up in hate-- I screw up. A lot. Sometimes my decisions could be better."

"Amen to that!" Harris said.

"But, unlike some vampires with souls who are fighting on the side of good, I always seem to make the right decision when it really counts. I'm sure I'll bollocks up again, but I try, I chose, I bloody work... and I always seem to end up doing more good than harm. As long as that's true I'll stick around this mud ball..And so will you. Until you choose to go the other way and really become the big bad, I'm not touching ya. You want me to kill you- you have to bloody work for it. I'm not your rich Daddy, none of my candy is free. And since I'm so busy working my bloody ass of to be the big good now, I'll prolly work to keep your whiny ass alive, " Spike smiled.

Everyone was actually quiet for a second. But, Faith knew silence didn't stand a chance around Spike. She had to gather all she was going to do and say fast. It wasn't fair. All of these plans and words and annoying smart ass Brit phrases just came flying out of his mouth with no effort. Worked for it, her ass! Faith was the one working off that ass just to keep up with him. And she had to do better than that, she had to stay a head of him.

"And what of you?" he began.

"What of me?" she snarled. "We aren't gonna talk about me. We are gonna talk about you and Blade,"

"Oh really?" he said with folded arms, "And who will be leading this discussion? A twenty something year old cashier that is destined to be a housewife popping out pretty little babies in her pretty little house in the valley?"

"I don't believe in destiny. But that one sounds pretty sweet to me compared to anything I ever expected. I'd take it with a coke and a smile."

"Well, you're not gonna get it. Magic doesn't work like that. Can't you learn from others' experience like Red with bringing Buffy back and the Slayer sharing spell.. And right in front of you is Connor here with the memory spell."

"She doesn't need other people's examples. She could learn from her own experience with Angelus and the Orpheus." Connor said.

"Wha? Orpheus? What the--" Spike began but Faith quickly cut him off.

"I have another great experience I'm learning from. Give some people an inch and they'll take a mile. Ya know, when I realized I was gonna be on my own with this Slayer gig, I was really bummed. I was never the class president type. I really wanted the couple hundred of us running around out there. We could break up into gangs and roam all around, like the little rascals, or the 'Goonies', only all girls and way more hot and kick ass. But, then that didn't happen. I felt really alone. Again, I wasn't the born-leader type...I was more of the loner in the back of the room carving the desk up with my knife, or the one that made the obnoxious comment to the teacher," Faith said.

"I admi--" Spike began.

"SHUT-UP. You had your little scared straight speech and now I'm gonna have mine! You owe me at least that much!" Faith yelled.

"I saw what being Lone Slayer girl did to B, and I know I'm no B. She was fun, sweet even, but she got hard all the years on her own. That was probably more my fault than I realized until now. But, me being out for me, as usual. I didn't want to get burned out...So, I thought me and all the other green Slayers could be nonhierarchical, anarchistic, in the political sense of the word. Not the going crazy party sense of the word, like I would wish. See, you don't have to go to college to learn these big words you can just hang around smart people or watch the History channel and some of it will stick," Faith couldn't help but smile when Harris raised his hand.

"What if you don't do any of those things? Then how do you get what's going on?" he asked.

"Well, I know you've had sex, Kitten. More importantly, you've had sex with me. So, I'll put it in a way we all will understand," Faith smiled.

"You had sex with him?" Connor gasped.

"I was stupid to forget that real life isn't a Steven Spielberg movie. Real life pretty much boils down to the elements of screwing. There always has to be someone on top, and that means there always has to be someone on the bottom. And while I'm not claiming to be chairman material, I will NOT be topped. No one makes my decisions for me! I've been makin' my own almost all my life, and I made mistakes too, but they were mine. And I will not have you-- a person who has fucking lied to me from day one, make my decisions!" she growled at Spike.

"I'm not, Love. I would never---"

"There was this one time though. This one time, where I wanted to die. But, I wanted it to be in a way I thought I deserved. So, I chased down this vampire to kill me, and he wouldn't do it."

"A vampire wouldn't kill you?" Harris asked bemused.

"It was Angel, you drooling Sod!" Spike said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, yeah, this story," Harris affirmed.

"It was the best decision I didn't get to make...So, I'm not going to let you make it either. Now, I want you to stay here with Harris. I'm going in the hall to have a talk with Spike," she said firmly to Connor.

Faith went out into the apartment hall. Until this building, she didn't realize apartment halls could be so big, yet clean and homey. Until this apartment, she didn't realize this about apartments either.

"What was that about Orpheu---" Spike began yet again.

"And I'm not letting your lame ass make that decision for Connor, but I am going to tell your ass what to do, and you're going to listen! If either Connor or Angel turns evil I'll be the one to decide when they go down-- not you! Do you understand me, Spike?"

"No, how are you going to take them down if you have the demon removed...your Slayer power? It's gonna take more than a kick in the stones and a commanding voice. Unless you're not removing the demon after all," he smiled triumphantly for a second, "I knew you couldn't leave the game, Love. I know you."

Yep, he could be really really thick sometimes.

"Oh, no you don't. I can't wait to get this murderous thing outta me...just like I can't wait for your lying ass soul to stop touching me. But, I am staying in the game. I figure I was chosen for a reason. Who knew it was for my wonderful idiot watching skills to make sure you boys don't fuck everything up?"

"I'm fucking up? I'm bloody fucking up? You're the one going to The Master of the Dark Arts to have your power taken away from you to please your man! How are you going to stay in the game powerless? Let me tell you something about Alistair Crow--"

"I am NOT doing it to please anyone but myself. It's my choice -- mine! My body! My life! Do you understand?"

She had went to shove him against the wall and it felt like she was trying to shove the ground away from her feet. So, she grabbed at him and started pinching. That's what she learned in her first foster home. To her surprise the parts she grabbed were his nipples.

"Ow! ow! OW!" he yelped.

Okay, good. Whatever worked.

"I'll take that as a 'yes.' I figure I was chosen, so I choose to take the shadow demon out of me and I choose to stay in the game and watch over you beef jerkies and have my input, my say...Harris does it. Wes does it. Gunn does it. That skinny girl that used to be with Gunn does it," she told him this firmly.

She had been thinking of all these examples in her head.

"Don't get me started on Watcher Boy and no one listens to Harris, Love... and Gunn seems to be messing around with magic like you which will only lead to trouble, and, well I guess, there is that cute Fred. But, she has some kind of science brain," he retorted in pain.

Of course he didn't think she was smart enough. She could understand that, but she always did have something before Slayer stuff. It wasn't smarts but it would do.

"Well, I have a making--men--do- what-- I--want brain and you ARE gonna listen to me. You aren't to leave Connor alone for a second until I say so. You aren't going to let the kid hurt himself in any way, shape, or form. You're not going to sit on your ass waiting for him to screw up so you can pounce on him. You're going to help him!"

"Of course, Love. I told you I have the boy's back," he said and took her hands off of his nipples, "Bloody Hell!" he sighed in relief.

Of course, the getting men to do what she wanted trick only lasted so long and they always copped out in the end. Also, it didn't seemed to work with ensouled vamps.

"Why should I fucking believe anything you ever tell me?" Faith heard her voice become shrill in that way that she hated.

He was still holding her hands as she was trying to pull them away.

"I never lied to you, Faith! I told you I killed two Slayers," he said seriously.

Some woman went by with perfect blonde hair and a gray suit. She had a baby in a stroller. Faith recognized them from Starbucks. The woman was a Grande half-cafe non-fat latte...God, she had to find another job. The woman did that thing that type of woman does where she was glaring at them with her body but not her eyes.

"S'Okay, it was a long time ago," Spike smiled at the woman uncomfortably.

Was that his idea of undercover? He really couldn't lie. Wait, yes he fucking could.

"It is not Okay. You killed the man I love's mother. You ruined his life!" Faith snarled.

The woman had slammed the door.

"But, I never lied to you. And I couldn't have completely ruined his life. He has you, hasn't he?" he said this softly now.

"Very charming, English... But, I can't trust you anymore," she laughed bitterly.

She could see the type of serial killer he had been. Ted Bundy. You do be the pittyest dark haired girl. May I walk you home? At least Angelus gave it to you straight.

"Then how can you trust me to do what you say with the boy?" he smirked.

What did he want from her? Always something. Did he want her to admit she trusted him with Connor? He knew she did, but wanted to hear her say it. He wouldn't win this game.

"Because if you don't I'll kill you," she told him.

He jerked his head back like she had tweaked him in the forehead. Then he seemed to recover and return her glare.

"I'd like to see you try. After you take the demon out you can do it with your icy glare," he snorted.

"If the kid has a scratch on him and I have no more Slayer power, I know a really powerful vampire with a hell of a lot of money that would love to take you out for it...or for any other reason that I say," she said lowly and steadily, even though something was high and shaky in her throat.

"Well..." was he actually searching for words? "There is that."

"See, I have this world down. It's not what you know; it's who you know, and I'm sick of knowing you," she told him.

He actually stood there speechless, and-no-she was not going to turn away from him even if he had that my Mama-just-died-face on. He had killed Mamas, hundreds more than Robin's, and he had lied. Nothing else should matter -- did matter---except for...

"But, I'll stomach knowing you for the sake of Angel's kid," she said.
This was when she turned away from him and walked down the pretty hall that she had been carried down by Connor before. There would be no more of that.

Connor was listening to Faith and Spike shouting in the hall. Spike thought Faith was wrong to want to take her demon out with magic. Faith was mad because Spike never told her that he had killed the Principal's mother, who had been the second Slayer Spike killed. Yes, Connor had read about Spike killing that Slayer, skimmed really, he had read about the first Slayer Spike had killed in more detail. He had wanted to read about that one because his mother and father had been with Spike then. He read with hungry horror about how his parents fed off the chaos of the Boxer rebellion. Connor's mother seemed to like men to eat -- men and the occasional pretty prostitute. Angelus was a bit different. He seem to have a thing for young girls -- nuns and virgins. The girl Connor had killed to bring what he thought was going to be his child into the world had probably been a virgin. He had recovered the memories of that girl in full -- how she kept asking for her Mom.

Spike had just reminded him how everyone he killed had a family-- a Mom. He had even made a joke about how a lot of his victims had two sets of parents like him. It had pissed Faith off. She was so pissed at both of them. Maybe part of the reason Faith was pissed was because she knew that Connor didn't care about all the people Spike had killed. Not really. He had read the files over and over about his parents and Spike being monsters, and he had read over and over how Spike decided to get a soul, and how Angelus was cursed with one, and how his mother had shared his ... and it made her kill herself. These were the only things he seemed to care about. He wished he could make himself care about more. He wished he could care about his parents -- The parents Angel had given him -- not Angel and Darla. He had loved Cordy, even when he couldn't remember her. His dream girl. But, he knew that love was twisted and wrong. Nothing good came out of it.

Angelus had reminded him how Cordy was like a mother to him. So, you want to screw your mother and kill your father. There should be a play. At the time Connor being the backwoods inter-dimensional idiot he was didn't get the reference. Of course he did now. Good one, Dad. Who knew Angelus read Greek tragedy in his spare time. Oedipus, the dude had done everything he could to change his fate, and that was what made it happen. Yeah, Connor had more parents than anyone, and yet he had none.

"So, um, Yohoo?" the guy whose place he was in said.

It took Connor a second to realize the guy was offering him the drink, and not just trying to get his attention. Connor had a Pre-fake-memory Pop-Culture Retard moment there for a second. He shook his head.

"Good. I just realized, I'd have to make you promise not to break the glass and cut yourself. Not that that would work," The guy said nervously with his hands up.

Connor had nothing to say to this guy. His ordinariness annoyed him. He had a nice place, probably a good real family somewhere. He obviously had no problem getting women. This guy had sex with Faith! Why was he involved in this? To get cool women? Connor just glared at him.

"Sorry, sorry. I'm not used to dealing with suicidal people. I mostly deal with the homicidal. Although sometimes they are both...They want to take out the whole world and themselves with it...You know how it is," The guy was still talking.

Yes, Connor felt he could become suicidal/homicidal if this guy kept blabbing.

"You took down someone that wanted to end the world?" Connor snorted. "Yeah," the guy shrugged, "well, I didn't take them down. I saved them...along with the world."

"Why? Why would you save someone that was trying to end the world?" Connor grunted.

"They were my best friend. Still are. Some people just get a little off track, but that doesn't mean they're lost forever... Unless, ya know, they destroy themselves, or the world. If they do either of those two things, forget it, then you really can't save them," he said.

Spike came back into the apartment. He actually came in quietly and shut the door with barely a sound. If Connor didn't have the hearing maybe he wouldn't have heard it. Spike's face looked tense, but at the same time he was slumped.

"Where's Faith? Is she okay?" Connor demanded.

"For now. She went off to be with her man. She has preparing to do for the big day, I imagine," Spike sighed.

"She's going to have the demon removed with magic? Why? Because she's mad at you?" Connor asked.

Spike and Faith's fighting had shaken him in a way he thought he was too numb to feel. "Partly. I admit I screwed the pooch on this, Kid. But, it really doesn't help that I have her man and that poncey Ex-watcher against me takin' her to the darkest warlock this side of the world," Spike said.

"Wesley? Why would he do that? Why does he care if you are healing her?" Connor asked.

"All Watchers have a thing about control. This is one lesson I didn't bloody need to learn twice. Who the Hell does that ponce think he is? I've been working with her for nearly two years and I've never seen his face until now. He comes in and turns her against me so he can fill her up with black magic." Spike said.

"He's not filling her up with black magic, that Alistair guy is...I mean, Wes just wants to take the demon out or Faith could die. Let's not forget that the Slayers that had the demon put in them before went on a killing spree before dying. Looks like tonight has a suicidal/homicidal theme... I say tomorrow should be movie night," the guy said.

"Harris, Faith isn't going to go dark and she isn't going to die. She isn't like the other Slayers. They did all that in weeks of getting the demon. Faith held it in her for a year and a half. And now that it's out she has me to heal her," Spike insisted.

"Well, you know I never doubt your super-kiss-it-better-abilities, but maybe Wes does. Maybe he'd rather play it safe, and just get the demon out of her while she IS alive and not killing people," the guy said.

"Playing it safe, my ass! How many times do I have to tell you all the man they have called in to do this is bloody evil with a capital 'E?' That rhymes with 'T' that stands for 'trample'....which is what I want to do to bloody Watcher-Boy's head!" Spike roared as he gripped the back of the couch.

"I can't imagine why Wes wouldn't trust you, and why he trusts Faith's boyfriend, the guy who loves her, who doesn't want to do any head trampling, to bring that Alistair guy in to do the magic thing, " The guy sighed sarcastically.

"It doesn't matter! Wesley should know better than to use magic on Faith again. The last time he did it she almost died. I tried to convince myself she was doing the right thing like you. But, she wasn't. Magic just fucks with you...I can't believe Wes is taking her back to it," Connor spat.

"Back it up there, boy. You mean the ponce has played with Faith and the magics before? Why?" Spike demanded.

"Yeah, he shot Faith full of Orpheus and she let Angelus bite her, so he'd go down. It worked. If it hadn't we'd have had to kill Angel. The problem was that Faith went down with him. Literally and figuratively," Connor grumbled.

He remembered Wes carrying Faith into the hotel bitten and bleeding. He had this stone face on as if he had nothing to do with it.

"WHAT? He shot her up with Bloody Orpheus and had her get Angelus to bloody--- I should have known that HE had his hand in that...Angelus's teeth on my-- on Faith. Sodding Orpheus, Enough to make Angelus go down after he bit her...That would kill a motherfucking elephant!" Spike roared.

He was in demon face. Connor didn't flinch or turn away in the slightest like he had the first time he'd seen it.

"Okay, I'm really beginning to hate suicidal /homicidal theme night even more. Maybe you guys could stop with this theme? I really don't need to hear about Faith going down on Angelus because EW! Was she trying to give him a moment of true happiness so he'd turn back into Angel. It doesn't work like that, does it?" The guy said calmly.

Connor noticed he hadn't flinched from Spike's demon face either.

"The boy doesn't mean that Faith had any kind of rough and tumble with Angelus...he means that Angelus followed her down into hell and toyed with her as she was bloody dying! I'd almost rather them shag,..Oh, and get your mind out of the gutter you bloody idiot!" Spike roared.

"Right, I didn't mean Faith went down--- God! But, she did almost die, and she did battle Angelus in her mind or something...Magic is really all just a mind fuck, isn't it? And Wes and Angel love using it. I wonder if Wes helped Angel use the memory spell on me," Connor sighed.

"I think it's time me and Angel's head-boy had a little talk," Spike smirked now.

"Right, because NOW's a great time for one of your swell brash moves. Faith will love that. Speaking of Faith, I really don't see her as saying 'yes sir' to Wesley's orders on killing herself to save Angel. I also really don't see Faith taking orders from anyone on anything, even if it was to NOT kill herself for Angel. One thing I know about Faith, she knows what she wants and she'll do anything to get it," the guy said.

"But, she doesn't necessarily know HOW to get what she wants...What girl fresh out of a non-mystical jail knows about bloody Orpheus? What would she know about how to take down Angelus after years of being out of practice? Bloody nothing! Accept what her deadbeat Watcher tells her!" Spike spat.

"Well, Wes did have to know something...I mean it all worked out okay. We have Angel and Faith, alive and all big and bad. Well, we have them all big and good...and Angel isn't technically alive, but--"

"The only reason that Faith is alive is because she is special. Everyone thought she was going to die, including Wesley. He thought he was sacrificing Faith to save Angel. I don't know why..... Faith is as much a champion as Angel," Connor grumbled.

"Maybe even more considering she manages to keep track of her soul at all times...though she does go a little postal with it at times, and Angel has helped her out with---" the guy was interrupted by growling and smashing glass.

It was Spike throwing a bottle into the wall in demon face again.

"What I say? Why are we going all pissed off rock star? Not that it's a great leap for--- Oh pooh, you are totally going to kill Wes, aren't you? I guess it wouldn't help to mention that Faith wouldn't like that being that Wes was ready to sacrifice her for Angel, and that he now has he another risky plan...would it? " The guy asked.

"Stay here," Spike said to Connor in demon face.

Stay here? With this dude? No way. If Spike was gonna do something to stop Wes from hurting Faith, Connor was going to be a part of it.

"Whoa. Whoa. Whoa, Charles Bronson!" the guy said leaping in front of Spike, "and I mean Charles Bronson not as cool kick-ass-guy, but as in 'Death Wish' guy, if you kill Wes there is the matter of Angel to deal with...I heard he has a very hands on approach in vengeance as well if you off one of his employees."

"Doesn't matter anymore. Faith is all that bloody matters," Spike said.

"What an odd time for a religious epiphany. Oh Faith the girl, right! The one you are trying to save, and doing this will accomplish that how exactly? Let's see...Wes and you, her only kind-of-Watchers dead, leaving her with a demon inside that you say you're the only one that has the ability to help her with. That leaves Faith left with the option of removing the demon with the capital E evil Alistair guy. That kind of sounds like all your idiot actions to save Faith will only end up destroying her. It reminds me of a conversation I had with a guy...oh, a half hour ago. Takes you back, doesn't it? Does repeatedly rising from the dead give you short term memory damage? Is it like being high all the time?" the guy said.

Spike went back it to human face.

"He needs to hurt...He can't do this to her again. He can't destroy her!" Spike seemed to be pleading with the guy now as if he held any power whatsoever.

"Spike, Wesley is only trying to help. He did end up helping before with the whole drug thing, and maybe this will end up helping again...so they have to mess with the forces of darkness a bit, who hasn't? Sometimes the only way out has a price. It's like this guy I know says, there is always a price, but I don't know about him he seems high a lot of the time," the guy sighed.

"There doesn't have to be such a huge bloody price! Not if you don't use magic. The Watcher bloody knows that, I know he does! Why is it his help must tear at my girl?" Spike asked lowly and fiercely as if the guy was hiding the answer.

"Maybe he has your awesome lack of ability to look at other options in times of stress or, maybe he's still resentful about that whole torture thing. I mean Faith did string him up and beat on him, but I think that he really means---"

"That's it! Isn't it? He was the one that she cut up. She told me that was the worst thing she did. Never told me who it was. She knew I'd want to finish where she left off. Except now he's startin' on her. Getting' revenge. Sayin' 'Daddy's here.' again and pushing her into the slaughter. But, he thinks he's the slaughterer...and he's gonna look and find it's me!" Spike didn't go back into demon face. He smirked instead like Wesley was already dead.

"Oh crap! I gotta learn to shut-it," the guy gasped and covered his mouth, "Is there anyway you'll start to feel bad for Wes for being tortured by Faith instead of thinking that he is going for payback with these dangerous plans?"

"Watcher boy is going to know the meaning of payback...and after that he's going to learn the meaning of the end justifying the means," Spike smiled.

"Didn't think so, but I can't let you do this Spike. I'm gonna have to try to stop you," The guy sighed as if he was bored of the idea.

"Relax, Harris. I'm formulating a what-do-you-call-it, a plan. It's going to be very well thought out and methodical. My legs might start cramping in the meantime, but I'll handle it...Do you have anything we can do in the meantime?" Spike sighed now.

How could he be so relaxed all of a sudden? Connor found that he was all wound up and angry. His stomach was in a bouncy tight ball.

"In keeping with the suicidal/homicidal theme we could play Resident Evil," The guy said. Spike nodded and plopped on the couch next to Connor.

"I'll need your help gettin' at Watcher-boy. So, don't get any funny ideas," Spike whispered to Connor.

Funny ideas? Oh with killing himself. All Connor was thinking about now was helping Faith and how he couldn't do it before.

"You're exploring too much and not going after the zombies. Don't waste time exploring just kill the zombies or they will get you," Connor said to Spike who was now playing Resident Evil.

"Hey, you've done this before," The other guy said.

"Yes, and no and Yes," Connor answered with his own smirk.

Connor expected the guy to make some remark about how little sense that made.

"What was your real name again?" The guy asked instead

Faith felt like her sweaty body didn't fit in with this bed. Robyn's sheets were the really expensive kind. They were that dark manly purple, like a pretty bruise. The kind with the high threshold. No, thread-count. The kind with the high thread-count. She had no idea what that meant. She just knew she got it mixed up with thresh-hold because she always thought of the sheets as having a high thresh-hold because they didn't tear easily. Her fears of hurting someone while screwing and being a Slayer were never realized. She never accidentally tore someone a new one, or strangled someone with her thighs. Slayer strength was something she had to turn on, to work for. She had worked to hurt Xander. But, for some reason she often tore cheap sheets when the screwing was good. She wouldn't have to worry about that anymore.

Robin had no bruises or marks on him. He hadn't been fighting in a while, even though he was wicked bad ass. He had perfect dark chocolate skin. So unlike the boys she had stomped away from, all pale, the only dark part of them ugly bruises. She was sick of them, and their self-inflicted pain. This room was only pretty. It had soft light and evergreen walls. Robin seem to have this cool ability to keep everything perfectly neat. Maybe it helped that he didn't bring his weapons into his house. He didn't set them down on his carpet or against his walls when they were dripping with demon blood and gunk.

He kept the war outside. There was no pain here. At least not any evidence of the physical kind. There was a lot of the other kind of pain though. Robin had hidden that. He had hidden it well. Faith had no right to be upset. She had mad skills of the pain hiding variety. It wasn't like she ran up to tell him that her mother had been a bit too much of a partier, or all the things that had happened to her in her foster homes. She never talked about how HER mother had died, and how Faith had ran at the man who had been partying with her mother the night she had died. Faith ran at him screaming and biting and kicking, even though she knew it wasn't really the man's fault. No, Faith hadn't told Robin that and she probably wouldn't. Why do that?

Of course, there was a good reason for Robin to tell Faith who his mother's killer was. He hadn't. Maybe Robin didn't want to think about Faith dying, like his mother had, and that's why he hadn't told her. At least Robin didn't have to worry about that anymore. But, there seemed to be a lot of things she had to worry about. She had lost her wave to ride to the big O for one. Robyn was above her all fine and stacked with muscle and stamina as usual. He wasn't doing anything wrong, he never did anything wrong. He was totally Zen and into the act like she usually was -- like she should be.

She smiled and moved with him weakly. That was it. It was her who was wrong -- weak. She felt weak. Hell, she WAS weak. She was at human strength. What could she possibly be giving him? She had no Slayer muscles to squeeze him in with. She might as well just be laying here. How could that be enough for him? Maybe she should get on top. How did she end up here anyway? Not that she minded. It was all good.

But, he was kind of big...not dick big (he was that, but that was never a thing to complain about) but body big. He could totally crush her or smother her or something. Not that he would. Not that if he did she wouldn't deserve it with what she did to Xander. Maybe she should give Xander another turn just so he could get a vengeance screw in on her now that she was to be weak permanently. Xander had totally bulked up over the years. He was as big as Robin. Wait, of course she couldn't give Harris a vengeance screw, she was with Robin. Hello! Faith supposed deep down she still didn't really know how to have a boyfriend, or expect one to stick around. She really shouldn't be thinking of Harris right now. She should be trying to catch her big O wave to ride here.

"Kiss me," she commanded to Robin softly.

He did without hesitating. He never teased her. Never made her work for it. Sometimes she wished he would, as she deserved to be teased and worked for all the things he was presenting her with. All this caring about her well-being and a stable life. No one had ever done that before. Not a good person like him who wanted zero in return. But, it wasn't exactly fair for her to feel cheated. There were people who so much wanted to give her those things and couldn't. Her mother had wanted to. Faith's mother would work so hard to get them a piece of the good life then, something would always go wrong, and she would start drinking again.

Who else did Faith have? Wesley had always wanted Faith to play it safe. He told her she thought she was a good person, and she had laughed in his face and hit Cordelia. After that Wes realized that he couldn't afford to care about the well-being of a Slayer, or of Faith. He had really surprised her trusting her to be the one to handle Angelus, putting bandages on her like some... Well, like some Watcher would. And now he was doing his duty again, and helping her take this demon out. Faith didn't deserve any of it. She should have been more respectful of Wes. She should have shown him the same trust he showed her with Angelus, and listened to him about Spike and the demon in the first place. She supposed part of her would always see him as some snotty Brit that couldn't find the stake he rammed up his ass. That was totally unfair. People changed and he had changed a lot. He even looked kind of hot. She probably shouldn't be thinking about Wes right now.

"Come for me, Baby," Robin said. Shit, he knew she was distracted.

So, he did want something for being her rock. He wanted her true moment of happiness. No problem, at least it had never been a problem before. Damn, she kinda felt pressured being asked to have it, or being told to have it. God, she was such a bitch. She pushed against his bulky chest to let him know she didn't want to be on the bottom anymore. Her hands looked red and dry against his perfect black skin. He rolled them over to the side.

She knew this was how it was going to be when she had no Slayer power. She was going to be along for the ride. She didn't really think it would bother her. Even when she was on top and smacking things down she was still along for the ride. No matter what she did. No matter how hard she worked. She thought she might like it in screwing. She had liked it today when Connor was crushing her bones for comfort. She had liked it when Spike would squeeze her in order to heal her. But, those things had nothing to do with screwing, and she never should have trusted Spike.

Connor had trusted her, needed her, for what it was she could give him, and it had nothing to do with being a Slayer, and it had everything to do with it. She was the Slayer now--still, but not at Slayer strength. Yet, she might as well not be a Slayer anymore because soon she would take out all of her power. Her power that had made her hurt good people before. She had gotten even more power to help good people. At least that was what she was trying to do when she went to The Shadow Men and got that demon. But, that only made her dependent on a liar--Spike. That pale muscular-like-a junkie-on-the-run obnoxious liar. The kind of guy she used to believe she could take down before she was a Slayer, but looks, like everything else were very deceiving.

Faith tightened her muscles so that she would come. Yes, she could still do that. She could still do a lot of things, like please her man. They finished softly moaning under the lamp light. She really wished they didn't have to use condoms. They were kind of awkward. He had to get up and throw it away. She was glad they had been using them when she figured out Slayers could get preggers. Funny that she figured it out when he said his Mom had been a Slayer. Yes, that WAS the funny part. The unfunny part was all the times she had used nothing in her wild days, and how not one guy had thought to ask about it. Maybe she really couldn't get preggers, just because something was wrong with her, not because of being a Slayer. They had tested her blood in prison. So, she knew she wasn't giving him some disease. It always all came down to blood. Faith noticed there was no red in this room.

"So beautiful," Robyn crawled back into bed and touched her face. If only he knew what she had been like before.

"I've looked better," she said.

She was still pale and sickly looking like when she came out of her coma. Not the latest one. The one she didn't like to think about. The one it did no good to think about.

"I've been meaning to ask...what happened here?" Robin said as he touched the scar on her stomach gently and then took his hand away, as if he would hurt it.

"It's old, old news," she smiled weakly.

"Why don't you just summarize the back-issue," he said.

"Would you believe me if I said I had my appendix out?" she asked with mock hope.

"You don't want to tell me," he stated.

"It's hard. B thought she needed my blood...I let her do it," she added quickly.

She didn't want to defend B. Something seemed to get lost in the translation when she told her friends she had been evil. So, now she was telling lies. No, it wasn't a lie.

"It's complicated. We're all so connected here. I wasn't big on connection, so I screwed it up. I was like the weed strangling everyone. So, I got cut loose, and that's the scar for it...Hey, speaking of weed!" she exclaimed and pulled a zip lock out of her backpack.

"Well, you won't have to worry about bad connections much longer. In a few days we can go anywhere we want. You'll be cut free, and this time no scars," he smiled.

"Oh Woody!" she laughed, "You are so...pure ... you can't see. Everything worth doing has some kind of scarring to it. I'm sure they'll be some kind of kick-back. Whatever it is I'll take it," she said as she put a good rectangle shaped weed rolling book across her lap.

It had something to do with architecture. He liked pretty buildings, there insides and outsides all thought out and done perfect. She should read more. She had read in jail. But, not anything useful. She read "Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance" because it was the only thing that was on the book cart that had something she was interested in the title-Motorcycles. Then she read more books on Zen. She had tried to read the ones Robin had here on Zen, but they were all college hard. She wasn't what you call college material, she knew that. But, she could work hard to be girlfriend material for this college guy.

"There won't be any kick back for you. I promise," he said.

"Sometimes, you do act like a guy. You're making promises you can't possibly keep. I don't think we're in charge when it comes to magic," she sighed as she concentrated on rolling a perfect joint in the romantic lamp light.

"Is that you or Spike talking? Do you trust me Faith, or do you trust the guy that killed my mother more? I KNOW that you had that demon out again....and that means he had his hands on you again. I can sense things too, you know? After that thing comes out of you and after he touches you -- you're different. You look different. You move different. You SMELL different, and you feel different," he was whispering, but angry. Like he didn't want anyone to know what she was really like, like they were at another fancy dinner.

"I take it all back. You ARE a guy. When will I learn you're all the same? Well, you're the animal! Maybe even a beast, like some other men around here," she didn't say this quietly.

She stopped sealing the joint mid-lick and put it and the book on the night-stand. The book hit the lamp and made it wobble. She knew as she said this that part of what he was saying was true. But, she had to defend herself. If he couldn't see how she was working her hardest to do right, then he was just like Spike.

"Don't compare me to him, Faith. You can do what you want. Go running to him again. Keep dying with that monster inside of you until one day he gets distracted by something shiny and doesn't get to you in time. I can't stop you, if that's your choice. But don't EVER compare me to him. When you found out what he did to me, you pushed me away from you, just like you pushed him away. You pushed us together. You threw me out of the house along with the murdering monster that killed my mother. The one that almost tore my head off because I made some crack about him liking Slayers. The one who wants to get his hands on you and burn you to Hell. He is the only animal, Faith. I'm the man. The man that is trying to love you."

"Why? Why are you trying to love me if you think I'm so dirty and disgusting and wrong? I told you we could have just screwed. It would have been easier," she pleaded with him like he was going to beat her to death on the jasmine down comforter.

He could. Maybe he should. She couldn't say she was sorry for throwing him out. He hadn't trusted her with a huge part of who he was.

"I didn't want what was easy, and neither did you. We've worked really hard to make this last, and now it has a real shot, and you're ruining it because you're scared," he sighed. He wasn't angry anymore he seemed tired.

"If you didn't want what was easy then why did you just call me an easy 'ho?"

"What? Okay there must have been someone else here because I don't think I've called someone an 'easy 'ho' in about fifteen years," he said.

"So, you didn't come out and say it, but you said I was nasty and I reeked and I was---"

"Okay, maybe I somehow was in a different dimension from you for a second, and some really idiotic gangsta version of me took my place because that wasn't what I said. I said you seemed different. He does that thing and it throws you off somehow. You seem spacey...even your body seems spacey, like it's not quite sure it wants to be here. That's all. Not that that isn't very concerning. I think I'd like it better if you were an easy 'ho. Ha! I said it. It isn't as fun to say as it used to be. Maybe I am getting old," he laughed.

She wasn't spacey or sickly because of Spike's healing. She was spacey and sickly because she had been pushing Spike and his healing away -- in both the literal and figurative way. But that didn't matter now. What mattered was that she had screwed up again. She had done that twisting thing that the prison shrink said she did. She was so used to being "verbally abused" that she sometimes thought people meant stuff they didn't mean. Damn, she thought she was over that. It was so easy with Kennedy and Spike and even Harris. Kennedy said exactly what she meant. Harris may hide it in a joke and Spike may hide it in some smart-assed come-back, but the message was about as subtle as a boot to the head. It was so hard with people who talked the way Robin did. B had talked that way. What was it? Sophisticated. They could say something and it so obviously meant something else, or not. It was enough to drive a sane person crazy, never mind Faith.

"I'm sorry. I've been trying so hard, but I'm still so fucked-up," she told him.

"It's okay. I wish you hadn't brought the demon out again. I mean, the idea is to get rid of it. You could have at least told me about it. But, in a couple of days it won't matter. The demon will be gone, right?" he said.

"Right, but I meant that I was sorry that I thought you called me a dirty 'ho. I'm not sorry I brought the demon out. I had to. One last time. I wasn't trying to hide it from you. I just didn't want to talk about it. I didn't think it mattered to you so much."

"Well, I'm one of those sensitive guys that takes an interest in how his girlfriend's day goes...I wanna hear about how work was, and if her demon rose out of her almost killing her until a vampire filled her up with a mystical force...God! I can't wait until this is over. We can get out of this Hell-hole," he laughed in that good sense-of humor way.

"I actually thought we'd be Hell-hole homies a little longer. I'm still needed here. After that we can see where the mission takes us. I hear Cleveland sucks, but it does have the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame," she said.

"What?"

"Yeah, I thought it was weird too. You think that it would be in New York or LA. Maybe it's true how rock stars make deals with the devil and that's why it's in Cleveland to be near a Hellmouth," she said.

"That is a really great theory, but that 'What?' was more broad than that...As in: 'What the Hell are you talking about wanting to stay here and then find where the mission takes us?' The mission is over for us. We've done our time."

"You can never be done doing your time for this mission, Robin. At least I can't...knowing what I know, seeing what I've seen," she told him.

She couldn't leave knowing what it was like to want a good vampire to help you kill yourself. She couldn't leave seeing Connor trying to do it with Spike.

"Comas that you've coma-ed. Faith, give me a break, even you can't think that taking on battles with no Slayer power could be a good idea."

"Don't worry I'm not going to throw myself in the hornet's nest like I used to. But, I still want to be a player. There are still things I could do to help," she said.

She was going to accuse him of saying that she wasn't a good Slayer with that coma crack, but she realized in time that she was probably just twisting his words to match her mind.

"Like what? Get knocked into yet another coma?" he snorted.

Okay, Faith may not be sure of subliminal insults, but she got direct sarcasm just fine.

"Wow, you really are swinging at me now...Tell me if it's my psycho sensors screwing up the signal, but you are saying I can't do anything to help? That I've been nothing but the muscle? Look, I know I can't help like you or Willow, I'm not smart. I don't have that logic Vulcan mind. But, I can still give people support ... and after seeing what seven years did to B, I think people need all the support they can get."

"I'm sorry, but I don't think that standing around giving people pats on the back and wisecracks is worth your life, or even an eye for that matter, which is what happened to Xander. Can't you learn anything from him?"

"Yeah, I can. He has this Lord of the Rings bumper sticker that goes: Even the Small people can Change things...or something. That's why I'm sticking around," she said arms folded over her naked breasts.

"But, he'll be here too...and he's not small. He's everywhere. I thought with what you know now you'd want to change being around him," Robin said looking defeated.

He didn't mean Harris.

"Robin, I'm not gonna pal around with him. I'd never do that to you. I don't know why you didn't tell me in the first place. I never would have gone anywhere near him," Faith sighed.

She had already spent hours wishing that Robin had told her Spike was his Mother's killer. Then Spike would have never enter her mind literally and figuratively again. The way Spike's brain worked and thought of the world wouldn't be anything Faith was an expert in. She should be Zen and let it all go: the fact that Robin lied and that she had gotten close to someone she shouldn't have...literally and ... figuratively.

"But, it kind of worked out with his creepy healing so you could live with the demon inside you and all," Robin sighed.

Robin was sorry he was right. Faith wished she could easily put Spike away as an enemy in her mind. Her shrink had told her that was another thing she did. She saw people as either friends or enemies. Her shrink told her sometimes someone could be a little of both. Faith told the shrink that she was sweet, but she didn't live in Faith's world.

"Yeah, I was gonna kill him for you. But, since he saved my life so many times it just didn't seem right. But, I don't have a handbook on these things. I heard there is a handbook somewhere."

"Yes, my mother had it."

"Wicked...But, I'll bet it has like zero information on what you do if an ensouled vampire killed your boyfriend's mother from when he didn't have a soul. I'd leave it up to you. But.. I mean he might end up saving the world again...and what if there isn't another Slayer when I'm repossessed. But---"

"Wait, you were gonna kill him for me?"

Faith's shrink had called her either seeing someone as a friend or an enemy "splitting." Faith told her that she had split a lot of people apart in her life, and Faith had laughed a lot. She had split a lot of people apart literally and...This was getting lame.

"He killed your mother. I thought it would be the right thing to do. I wanted your life to be perfect, like you want it," Faith said with a painful bubble in her throat she wished would pop.

She really wasn't sure if it was the right thing to do. But, Spike being her boyfriend's mother's killer seemed to outweigh what ever good he had done for a moment. How could she not give Robin, the only man that asked nothing of her, his rightful revenge? How could she just sit there and let someone who had done that to him live and breathe...Well, not breathe. In the moment she found out and kicked everyone out of the house that had been her first reaction. She would kill Spike for Robin. But, Angel had said to remember that the mission is never about just you or the people you love. She was so thankful for Angel, who she now realized argued for Spike's life. Wicked strange.

"I realized that killing is not going to make my life perfect," Robin sighed. His round chocolate eyes looked straight into nothing on the green wall.

"It can make things better in our world sometimes. I'm glad-- I mean I guess this wasn't one of those times," Faith said. Robin pulled her into him with his wide cut arm.

"I don't know if I want to be part of a world where killing makes things better," he said.

"Yeah, it's hard work, but somebody's got to do it. I guess it was stupid to think that killing Spike would make things perfect for you," she said. She reached over and grabbed the unfinished joint.

"You know what would make things perfect?" he asked.

"Finishing rolling the joint, smoking, and then having a second round ?" she asked with a smile.

She didn't want to think about what would make things perfect. It made that bubble rise in her throat. Perfect is only headed for a huge fall. Perfect is something you have to be willing to let go of.

"No... I was going to say you and me out of this world of monsters and killing...but that's good enough for now," he laughed.

She lit the joint. Robin's kind of perfect was doable for him, like how he had all of his shirts hanging up in a straight line. But, she knew she would never be able to do that. In a week all her shirts would be all over the place again.

"Well, you'll have to live in the now for now. It's what I always shoot for," she said. She drew the smoke into her lungs, this was the kind of perfect she could do.

"Yeah," he sighed taking the joint from her, "I have work in the morning in the high school world, which is really not that different from the demon world come to think of it."

"Why do you think I dropped out? Hmm...Maybe I'm making up for all the high school work I missed in slayage," she laughed.

To be continued....