Goldilocks and the Three Ducks

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I own NO rights to ANY of the Mighty Ducks characters. Rated for language

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~SCENE THREE~

(Nosedive hobbles backstage; Duke frowns worriedly) Hey, are you all right, Dive?

Nosedive (winces): Yeah, I'll be okay. I hope Phil can recommend a good chiropractor. Sheesh!

Mallory: Hey, if there's no Goldilocks, how can we finish this stupid thing?

(Duke gives her a look)

Mallory: Oh, hell no. If this were little RED riding hood, I'd have no prob with this. But I am NOT a blonde, thank you very

much! You can get someone else to do it!

(storms off)

Duke: Well, damn. Where are we gonna find another Gold-

(spies Draganus grabbing a bear claw and scarfing it down in one bite)

Draganus: Hmm, this Earth food isn't so bad..

Duke: (Sing-song voice) Oh Draggy!

Draganus: What?

Duke: Heh, buddy, c'mere a sec.

Draganus: Oh God, what do you want, feather brain?

Duke: Well, you wanted to be in this thing, riiight?

Draganus: (warily) uh, yeeah...

Duke: Well, ol' pal, it seems we have an opening for the lead role. Interested?

Draganus: Ooh, I can so do that!

Duke: Cool. THe curtain's coming up. That would be your cue.

Draganus: Yahoo! I'm gonna be a star! (skips off to the front of the stage)

Duke: Heh heh what a sap.

Wildwing: What's so funny, Duke?

Duke: Uhhhhh...Nuthin'

Wildwing: uh, 'kay...hey, has my brother gotten into place already? I didn't see him.

Duke: Um, yeah, he's already out there. Better go out there, it's about to start up again.

Wildwing: Cool, Thanks, Duke.

Duke: Heh heh, always a pleasure.

Thrash: Okay, so, like, Goldilocks was fast asleep, unaware that the three bears-

Mookie: DUCKS!

Thrash: (winces) Uh, right, that's what I said, ducks!

Mookie: (groans and rolls eyes, heads offstage) to hell with this, you can finish the damned thing on your own. I am OUT

of here!

Thrash: Mook! C'mon, girl!

Tanya: Forget about Ms. Mood Swing, let's just FINISH this play already!

Thrash: Okay, okay, don't molt yer feathers, Tanny girl.

(Tanya glares at him evily)

Thrash: Okay, so the three DUCKS came home and were alarmed that their home had been invaded.

Wildwing: You see, Tanya, I TOLD you we should have gotten an anti-burglary system installed. But did YOU listen NOOO!

Grin: Uh, guys, it's bad karma for parents to fight around their children.

Tanya: Yeah, I'll give YOU bad karma, right up the a-

Wildwing: TANYA PLEASE!

Thrash: CAN WE PLEASE JUST CONTINUE WITHOUT ANY MORE ARGUING???

(silence)

Phil: Wow, maybe we should have just stuck with Snow White.

Wildwing: Okay, okay, let's redo that. So we come in, and...(gasps dramatically) Someone has been eating my

porridge!

Grin: Oh, come on. It wasn't THAT good.

(Tanya fumes, huffing and puffing angrily)

Duke: Look out, she's gonna blow!

(Tanya takes in a deep breath and sighs, resumes normal)

Duke: Okay, maybe not...

Grin: See, I told you Yoga would calm your tranquility.

Tanya: Yeah, I feel better. Thanks, Grin.

(Grin smiles)

Wildwing: (rolls his eyes) Can we get on with it? How many times does it have to be said? Honestly, it's starting to get

old!

Tanya: Yeah, yeah, okay. Someone has eaten all of my porridge as well. Baby Duck?

Grin: Huh? Oh, yeah. (woodenly) Oh drat, someone has eaten my porridge, and it is all gone.

Wildwing: Way to be enthusiastic, Grin.

Tanya: Perhaps we should go upstairs and rest.

Wildwing: Good idea, Mama Duck. Come on, Baby Duck, would you like a ducky-back ride?

Grin: Oh that's just what we need, putting our team leader out of commision by breaking his back. I can almost see the hate mail

piling up in Phil's office.

Wildwing: Oh, well excuse me, Mr. Merry Sunshine. Fine, you can WALK up the damn stairs for all I frickin' care!

Thrash: Wow, like, someone needs a good, long nap. So they went upstairs and made yet another startling discovery.

Tanya: Surprises around every turn, isn't there?

Wildwing: *Come on, Tanya, we're almost through it* Someone has been sleeping in my bed *God only knows how they accomplished

that on this jumbo ironing board*

Tanya: Someone has been sleeping in my bed *I'm surprised they aren't still there*

Wildwing: Why does the mama get all the soft stuff, anyway? ANd I'm stuck with the stiff crap?

Tanya: (makes whip noise and motions with one hand, then grins mischieviously at Wildwing) That's why.

Wildwing: Oh.

Grin: Someone has been sleeping in my bed, and they're still here.

(The three look over at the smallest bed, where an enormous lump is lying still under the covers)

Tanya: Geez, Dive, what'd you make a fort under there?

(pulls sheets back, Draganus leaps up suddenly, roaring fiercely and holding his arms up at the sides of his head like a

monster in the old horror flicks)

Draganus: Yeeeeaaaahhh!

(Tanya, Wildwing and Grin scream and are sent flying back in surprise)

Tanya: Holy hell!

Draganus: All the better to eat you with! Wait, aw, hell. I screwed up. Can we start over?

Wildwing: Draganus? What the hell? What did you do to my brother?

Nosedive: I'm right here, bro. I told Duke I wans't going back out after hurting my back in that damn itty-bitty bed.

(all look over at Duke, who is doubled over laughing, gaint tears pouring from his cheeks, and he is holding his sides

tight)

Duke: HAHAHA Oh man, that was the BEST! HAHAHAHA...Oh snap.

(Looks up at his teammates, who are towering over him, glaring murderously)

Duke: Heh heh. Whatsamatta? Can't ya take a joke?

Tanya: Get Him!

(All jump Duke, as the mass becomes a cloud of fists flying wildly in all directions as Duke cries out)

Duke: Hey, hey, c'mon, guys! I didn't mean it! Thrash! Help! Somebody! Call 'em off!

Thrash: And so ends our story. Good night, folks.

(Lights dim, Thrash and everyone else leave except Duke, who lies on the ground, barely moving)

Duke: Some people have no sense of humor.

FIN

*So what did ya all think? I love silly, pointless crap, don't you? Heehee Well that is all so before you pick up your coats

at the door on your way out, PLEASE leave me a review, I appreciate feedback. Thank you. ^_^