Note: I just drank ½ gallon of chocolate milk! I feel kind of sick right
now but it inspired me to write this. I'm a crazy Norwegian from the
Midwest by the way.
"Zzzzzz SNORT! ZzzzZZZzzz."
"Roger!" Dorothy grabbed Roger's bed spread and yanked on it, making Roger
do several stupid looking spins in the air and then sending him flopping
onto the floor.
"Dorothy!" Roger grumbled and stood up. "What are you doing?"
Dorothy took his hand and led him to the dining room. "I invited Beck over.
He's staying for breakfast, dinner and supper." She pushed him into his
chair and tied a My Little Pony bib around his neck.
"I don't need this!" Roger protested.
"You eat like a pig Roger, of course you need it!" Dorothy went to the
other end of the table and sat down next to Beck. The entire breakfast
period Dorothy and Beck gazed into each others' eyes and held hands.
"I can't believe they are dating." Roger said under his breath as he took a
sip from his Rainbow Bright tea cup.
After breakfast Beck and Dorothy sat on the couch and made out. Roger
looked grumpily from one to the other. Then he had a brilliant idea. He
walked over to the lovebirds, grabbed Beck's underwear and pulled it over
"AAAARGGH!" Beck yelled and waved his arms around in desperation.
"HAHAHAHA!" Roger pointed and laughed.
"You're a louse Roger Smith." Dorothy said. She took a hold of Beck and put
his underwear back in place.
"Now what'd ya do that for?" Beck asked Roger in a squeaky voice.
"Because I hate you." Roger said.
"Master Roger." Norman came in wearing an elf outfit. "I just got a call
from the bakery; your dung beetle cream puffs are ready. I'd go, but I have
to finish painting Big O black."
"Fine, as long as I can get away from these two nerds." Roger gestured to
Beck and Dorothy but they weren't paying attention, they were too busy
playing with each other's hair.
Roger drove off in the Griffin when he picked up a radio message from the
police. "Angry Norwegians are attacking the city! We need backup!"
"Angry Norwegians! Well I guess it looks like it's up to me and Big O!"
Roger said. "Big O! Action!" There was no reply. Roger tried again. "Big
O!" Still no answer. "What the hell? Norman!" Roger called.
"Terribly sorry sir, but Big O's in the bathroom right now."
"What!? Well tell him to hurry up! Angry Norwegians are attacking! This is
"Please sir, give him some consideration!"
"How long will he be?" Roger asked, annoyed.
"Well sir, he took with him five of your Playboy magazines so I'm guessing
he'll be awhile."
"Oh great, I guess I'll just have to let the military police handle it
then." Roger drove to the bakery, picked up is cream puffs and drove back.
On his way he saw psycho Norwegians chasing the military police with forks
and terrorizing all the Swedes. "This is NOT a job for the police but I
can't do anything until Big O gets done. Oh well!" Roger said lazily.
Roger stepped off the elevator in the mansion and handed Norman the cream
puffs. "Dinner is almost ready sir!" Norman said cheerfully. Roger took his
seat at the head of the table. Beck and Dorothy were already seated.
"Here you are sir, chocolate pudding!" Norman presented Roger with a giant
bowl of creamy dark brown pudding.
"Thanks Norman!" Roger picked up his spoon and dipped it in the pudding. He
slowly started licking it off the spoon. The pudding was rich and creamy.
"When your driving in your Chevy and you feel something heavy diarrhea,
diarrhea!!! When your climbing up the ladder and you hear something
splatter diarrhea, diarrhea!!!"
Roger slammed his spoon down onto the table. "BECK! I'm trying to EAT here
and I can't with your singing! Do you MIND?" Roger yelled.
"No, I don't mind." Beck said. "Come on Dorothy, let's sing it together."
Dorothy and Beck started to sing. "When you're driving down the road and
you feel something explode, diarrhea, diarrhea!!!"
Roger needed some fresh air; Beck and Dorothy were giving him a headache.
He stood up and stomped outside. He leaned on the railing and looked down
to the street below. He could see that the military police weren't able to
handle the Norwegians, and the Norwegians were obviously winning. He yawned
and decided it was time for a nap. He went into his nice cozy bedroom and
flopped down onto his soft bed and went to sleep.
Three hours later.
"Master Roger!" Norman slammed the bedroom door open. "Norwegians are
invading the mansion! There are too many of them, they just keep coming!"
"Huh? Oh, okay." Roger said, sounding very unconcerned and slowly rose out
of bed. Beck and Dorothy came running in, followed by a Norwegian man
toting a machine gun.
Roger, Dorothy, Norman and Beck all huddled up against the wall. The
Norwegian pointed his gun at them and screamed, "GIVE ME YOUR PANTS!"
"GIVE!!!" The Norwegian man screamed again.
Everyone slowly removed their pants and held them out for the man. The
psychopath snatched them away and yelled, "I got them! Everyone move out!"
All of the Norwegians that had invaded Roger's home came running. "I want
them!" said one. "No me!" said another. All of the Norwegians started
fighting over who got to have the pants. Soon the pants were all ripped
into tiny pieces and everyone got a bit. Satisfied, the Norwegians left the
"At least they weren't asking for underwear!" Roger said, checking out
Dorothy. "You're a louse Roger Smith!" Everyone said in unison.