"I'll Try" by Erin

I am not a child now.
I can take care of myself.
I mustn't let them down now.
Mustn't let them see me cry.
I'm fine…

Stepping back onto the SeaQuest, the crew greeted Lucas; the only people whom he could ever call family. After spending a week with his father, he really saw that now. Even after a hundred and sixty eight hours of numbness, he was starting to feel human again. It was beyond good to see them. Some faces were eagerly smiling, a strange response to him. It felt as if years had gone by since he had seen anyone smile at him. He bit back tears; he wouldn't cry.

I'm too tired to listen.
I'm too old to believe all these childish stories.
There is no such thing as faith, and trust, and pixie dust.

Captain Bridger was the first to greet him, the mass of familiar faces starting to surround and welcome him. The older man wrapped strong arms around his thin frame and gave him a gentle squeeze. "Lucas."

He didn't have to say anything else. Everything he wanted to say: 'Don't worry your home now', 'I won't ask about your trip', 'Your father doesn't know what he's got' filled up the syllables of his name. He moved away and let the rest of crew give their greetings before each of them rushed off to their duties. Lucas didn't feel hurt by this; it was normal and how things worked in their world under the ocean. Maybe that's why he felt so numb. He had been out of water for so long.

A giant shadow towered over him. "Do you need help, Lucas?"

With a yawn, he looked up at Dagwood and shrugged. "Sure Dag." Grabbing his duffle bag he started for the main corridor, his friend easily carrying his computer case on his shoulder.

Dagwood caught up with him, dodging several crewmembers in the process. "What's wrong?"

Lucas looked back at him, almost amazed by the gift the other man had, despite his naïve mentality. "I'm okay, Dagwood. I'm just tired."

Satisfied, Dagwood followed his friend toward the cabins until they reached a hatch door. It resembled every other one on the ship, but he could feel the goodness that it held behind it.

I try, but it's so hard to believe.
I try, but I can't see what you see. I try.
My whole world is changing; I don't know where to turn.
I can't leave you waiting, but I can't stay and watch this city burn.
Watch it burn…

Opening the hatch door, he was greeted by the familiar darkness and the reflecting blue of Darwin's waterways. Something lifted off his shoulders just then and he felt a smile tug at his lips. "God, it's good to be home."

Dagwood scooted past him, setting down the case that held his computer on the ground. "Captain Bridger said I should leave you alone." He started toward the door, hanging his head. "Bye."

Before he could say thanks, Lucas watched Dagwood leave, shutting the door behind him.

'Cause I try, but its so hard to believe!
I try, but I can't see where you see. I try.
I try and try, to understand, the distance in-between:
The love I feel, the things I fear, and every single dream.

He was almost glad to see Dag go, it had been the only time in the last week that he could breath. Before he even finished climbing into the top bunk, he felt his eyes burn with tears.

"God Lucas, get a grip, it was only dad." He said out loud to himself, staring up at the metallic ceiling covered in photos he had taken. A picture caught his eye in a collection of shots from the last shore leave. They had spent it at Captain Bridger's beach house; his father had promised to be there, but he had been too busy. "You're always too busy…"

Reaching up, he took the picture and studied it. Tim had given it to him when he had developed his film. It was a shot of Tony and Lucas sitting at Bridger's piano playing 'Chopsticks', because that's all he knew how to play. Tony promised him he would teach him how to play 'Greensleeves' for the Christmas party they were planning. The memory made him smile. He could always count on Tony.

Sitting up, he wiped his eyes and jumped down from the bed.

I can finally see it.
Now I have to believe: all those precious stories.
All the world is made of faith, and trust, and pixie dust.

Galley
Tony played with the mash potatoes they were having for dinner. Normally he would have finished them by now, eager to get to that night's poker game, but tonight wasn't right. Something was missing; a familiar face; a friend.

The table shook as Dagwood sat beside him, his big eyes looking down at him. "Why doesn't Tony go visit his friend?"

The kid had impeccable timing. "He's had a long trip. I'll wait till tomorrow morning."

Dagwood still stared down at him. "Tony-"

Tony sighed, looking up. "What?"

"Uh." Suddenly there was an oddly evil smile that he swore came straight from Lucas. Without warning, Dagwood grabbed Tony around the waist and threw him over his shoulder.

Making their way out of the Galley, Dagwood carried Tony down the corridor toward the cabins. Tony struggled for a minute before giving up, rolling his eyes as several of his fellow crewmates snickered and pointed. "What did I do to deserve this?"

His answer was quick and painful. Briefly, there was the sensation of weightlessness before his backside met with hard metal floor. He heard a cabin door slam shut before he could even open his eyes. "Ow."

Opening his eyes, he found a familiar blond standing above him. "Hey Tony."

He felt that Piccolo smile break out across his face. "Lucas. God its good to see you."

Lucas laughed lightly, taking Tony's hand and pulling him up from the floor. "I see Dagwood found you."

Rubbing his neck, the seaman groaned. "Yeah, he was… worried?"

"Yeah." Lucas looked off. "He didn't give me much time to explain that I was okay."

Tony shook his head, taking a seat on his bottom bunk. "God, you play poker with that face?"

"What?" The younger man realized he couldn't bluff his way around his roommate. "Alright yeah, it's been a rough week."

"Oh?" his friend made him sit beside him, "Daddy dearest as big a loser as mine?"

Lucas almost answered that, but couldn't bring himself to even think his father's name. All week he had practically just roamed his dad's house, wished he was back on SeaQuest, or at least with one of the crew. His father never had time for him like everyone else did, and that wouldn't bother him, but he wanted his dad to at least notice him.

He wanted to be noticed. "You ever feel like you've been forgotten?"

Tony nodded, finally figuring out what was wrong. "You spent the entire week by yourself, didn't you?"

"Yeah." Lucas leaned back into the wall. "Yeah. I sat around and kept asking myself why the hell I even bothered. Every time he even got an hour of free time, he filled it up. Its like, I wasn't even there. He didn't even ask me to come. I'm just so use to going that I went. It's not fair; I make time for him but he can't even make time for me."

Tony's usual restlessness made him start to mess with a silver ring Lucas had seen him wear almost everyday. "Here." He took it off, handing it to him. "Wear this." There was a nervous stutter in his voice. "When… when you start to think you're just a nobody, or that you're forgotten, just remember that you're not. I got your back."

For a long time, Lucas stared at the ring.

So I'll try, 'cause I finally believe!
I'll try, 'cause I see where you see!
I'll try. I'll try! I'll try to fly!

He slipped it onto his middle finger. "Thanks, Tony."

I'll try… to fly.

"I'll Try" by Jonatha Brooke.