Severus' Quarters, February 3rd 1982

Severus jolted awake. He had been dreaming of Lallie again, it was the third night this week. He listened to the dark for her voice but could only hear his own laboured breathing.

In the moment between sleep and awake, he could think about her without wishing that the world would swallow him whole. He could hear her in his dreams, whispering to him to be a better person, to fight, to protect, to love.

I will, Severus promised, and I won't be alone.

Dumbledore had assembled the Order. They were sitting in the Headmasters Office in the hope that the missing spaces wouldn't be so noticeable in contrast to the cheerful red surroundings. Severus knew he wasn't the only one who felt the void, the empty spaces that threatened to suck the last Order members out of existence. Auror Moody who generally greeted Severus with distrust and animosity hadn't looked up since entering the room, Remus looked dreadful, he hadn't shaved for three days, looking more the monster than Severus had ever seen him and Minerva who had chosen her place next to Severus with a kind smile had looked human to him since the evening she had talked him back from the edge.

"Welcome," Dumbledore whispered to gather everyone's attention. "I think that we have caught the last of the Death Eaters. Although there was a sighting of Blair Dolohov recently I have some Aurors looking into it."

Severus started shaking, "Impossible."

"Of course some have managed to clear themselves with the ministry," Moody growled staring pointedly at Severus.

"Yes," agreed Dumbledore, "Malfoy for one I believe is causing trouble in the ministry although we have no proof. There is also the concern that Voldemort is not truly gone and while I myself have looked for him he will not make himself known until he again gains power."

"What can we do?" asked another Order member.

"We'll do what we always have. Stay diligent, stay alert and get ready for his return."

Severus left the office, his role as spy in tact and with the weighty understanding that his job and his life were not yet over.

He spent the afternoon in Hogsmede people watching and preparing himself for what was to come, like a muggle terrified by the threat of a storm Severus battened down the hatches and waited for his punishment to be over. Just like everybody else.

He walked back to the castle his head held high. He didn't feel the stormy eyes burning into his retreating back and didn't notice the quick swish of a cloak as someone disappeared at the Hogwarts border. And, it was just as well.