|Who Wants to Marry a Sniper Target?
Author: Trinn PM
Discover the language of Gibberish, evil pink teddy bears, and killer Chipmunks with laser eyes! Yes, this does have something to do with Phone Booth, but you'll have to read it to find out!Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Parody - Chapters: 10 - Words: 9,089 - Reviews: 48 - Favs: 11 - Follows: 3 - Updated: 11-06-05 - Published: 01-25-04 - id: 1702526
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Who Wants to Marry a Sniper Target? - Trinn
Chapter 10: Meeting the Caller
It was one o'clock. Karrigan Michaels was standing on a street corner, confused. She looked down at the crumpled directions, then up at the numbers on the businesses on either side of her. The address didn't match either of them! But why...
At first she thought the ringing was a hallucination created by her frazzled brain. Then she realized it was coming from the phone booth behind her.
Of course! She dashed into it and picked up the phone, slamming the door closed behind her.
"Hello!" she said.
"Hallo, ees thees the Tie-lont Kefay? I woot lahk to ordehr ay leetle beeskit for me wahf, won of zem huhnie-flahvurred wons, plees."
Karrigan slammed the phone down in frustration. "Gah!" Then she screamed and spun around as something bashed hard into the glass wall behind her.
"Tie-lont Kefay! TIE-LONT KEFAY! HUNIE BEESKIT! ME WAHF!" A short man with bright green hair was throwing himself against the side of the phone booth, which rocked slightly backward each time. Karrigan cowered against the opposite side, jumping each time the man hit the glass. She slowly reached for the phone and dialed 911.
"911? I'm stuck in a phone booth and this guy is—What? No, this isn't a prank call! I'm seriously trapped in a phone booth—Don't you hang up on me!" But they already had.
Karrigan smashed the phone angrily back into its holder, then had to smash it into the holder again because she had missed the first time. "Stupid 911, they never believe me," she muttered. (There might have been a good reason for this, since every other time Karrigan had called it HAD been a prank call, and now the 911 dispatchers had her voice on a tape labeled "Prank Caller, Ignore At All Costs.")
Her frustrated thoughts were interrupted by another screaming of "HUUUNIE BEEESKIIIIT!" and a crash indicating that the short, green-haired man had broken the glass.
There was a stunned silence for a moment as Karrigan and the Short Man eyed each other, then Short Man pulled a small Hello Kitty wallet out of his back pocket and held out five dollars. "Hunie beeskit, plees?" he asked politely.
"I'm sorry, I don't have any honey biscuits right now," Karrigan said cautiously. Short Man's eyes welled up with tears, and he walked away with his head hung low, occasionally looking back sadly at the phone booth with the stunned television executive inside.
Said executive shook her head vigorously to remind herself that she was, in fact, still in the real world. The shaking finally produced a rather large headache and Karrigan stopped, dizzy.
Then she remembered why she was here in the first place. She glanced down at the bedraggled ex-crane in her hand and read the address again. She looked up.
"Oh! There it is!" She had been standing in front of the correct address from the start. "How could I have missed it!"
Karrigan jogged to the door and looked around inside for the sniper. She cursed in disappointment at seeing no one, drawing furtive glances from an odd-looking group of people who had crowded into a corner booth and all seemed to be trying to hide behind various newspapers.
Then something white on a nearby table caught Karrigan's eye. It was a paper crane. She grabbed at it eagerly and began to unfold it.
Inside, in familiar handwriting, was what appeared to be... a grocery list. Karrigan squinted at it, confused. As she was trying to understand what the sniper might have meant by leaving her this message, someone tapped her on the shoulder.
The waitress was chewing gum noisily and dangling a telephone in an indifferent sort of way from one hand. "'S for you, I think," she said, and handed the phone to Karrigan.
"Hey, Karrigan..." It was the sniper. Karrigan sat down hard in a chair and started to fan herself with the grocery list. "I seem to have just missed you. And I meant to leave a note with the date and time of the next place I'm willing to meet with you... but I seem to have traded that note with my grocery list. It's a risk that comes with folding all my notes into cranes."
"Yes! I have that here! It's a lovely list, Mister Sniper, sir."
"Yeah, if you could just read that to me so I don't forget anything when I go shopping this afternoon?"
Karrigan read him the list, cherishing every item. When she was finished, the sniper gave her an alternate date and address and told her to really not be late this time. Then he hung up.
"Ah..." Karrigan sighed happily, re-reading the grocery list. "Hey, he gets Charmin too! I think I'm in love."