AN:/ Hi. This…in case you haven’t noticed…is a horribly depressing fanfic writer’s attempt at adding some happiness to her life. This is nothing more then a retarded romp spewed out in between writing such horribly serious fics as Burn It Blue and Two Of Us, while moonlighting a Requiem For A Dream inspired Eva fic. You, as a reader are cordially invited to suggest whatever the hell you want to happen in here since, unlike the other things I write, this has no point, no real story to it or even half decent writing. In fact it would be a PWP if there were only more sex in it. This originally was started on a ‘what if’ premise and began spewing forth from there. Writing more whenever the hell I feel like it means it won’t be regularly updated either. If you want real solid entertainment, please check out my other stories. This is merely something fun for you and me to laugh at stupidly while drinking rum alone on a Monday night. SLIGHT WARNING:  Like everything I write this has homosexual themes and slash. Nothing horribly brain shattering so it is rated PG-13. If I feel eventually that this fic needs a horribly graphic sex scene then the rating will go up, but as it stands there is no more then suggested Mmy/Nny slash. Got that? Johnny and Jimmy. Heh heh heh…Leave suggestions and reviews in the, well, review place. Please? I’m so terribly lonely. ~tear~ 

"I HAVE HEAD EXPLODY!!!!!!!!!!!"

"OH DEAR GOD NOOO!"

"GWAAAMMAAA!! YOU KILLED GRAWMA! I MUST DESTWOY YOUU!"

The piles of crap around Heaven’s gate trembled with the might that only a thousand heads exploding simultaneously could create. Even in hell, Senior Diablo could hear the horrible splorting echoing down from above.

Shaking his head in disbelief he sighed, "So he's finally here..."

Sure enough an annoying 'foof' noise alerted him to a new denizen of the damned plains.

"Owww," the voice groaned.

The devil himself gasped in horror at the site. It was..no it couldn't be! But it wasn't, well not really. In appearance they were very similar, although the man, if he could be called that, looked like a taller more nourished version of the horrible waste lock 'Johnny C". Not to mention his face was far more pocked mark then the latter. In essence, it was as though the original had been stretched out and perverted to create this cadaverous imitation. No, he sighed, mentally flipping through his list, this was far worse then Mr. C, this was his astute follower, a rabid fan and horrible imitator. It was...Jimmy. They had been expecting him for quite some time now.

"Man, that head exploding thing was so cool!" he said, wiping the gore off of his crappy threads while shaking the dirt from his boots. Looking around he quickly assessed his situation.

"Hey this is hell!" he said excitably, "but," he pouted,"I feel jipped. The Cradle of Filth albums were so off! It looks just like the ordinary world."

Senior Diablo coughed drawing the young man's attention.

"Yes yes, your mentor said that as well."

"Johnny??" his eyes lit up like a sickly Christmas tree.

"Don't get your hopes up. He's been here and gone long before your sorry corpse graced this pit," Senior Diablo drawled, "besides what would possess you to follow him now? It was his insane urges that gutted you like a fish in the first place."

"Naw, he was just playing around. I didn't mind being hacked open that much anyway and hey, I got to be my idol's murder victim! How cool is that? So uh...they said I didn’t belong here. Can I go back home now?" Jimmy ranted, " I miss stalking Nny."

He stared at Jimmy aghast at his behaviour," you really DON'T take a hint do you?"

Jimmy just grinned stupidly, apparently interpreting the comment as praise.

Senior Diablo thought for a moment, then slowly smiled, as a horribly just idea settled on him and he made a quick decision.

"Alright. You're obviously another one of those pitiful waste locks," Senior Diablo grumbled," which have been malfunctioning at an alarming rate. Now if I do send you back, you must understand it will be horribly difficult for you to die BUT if you try anything foolish, say like imitating your little *cough* friend's past behaviour, then you'll get caught. In fact this very moment 'Nny' as you call him is being hunted down by a barrage of police."

"What?? Quick! Send me back! I gotta help him!" Jimmy squealed with all the devotion inherent in his rabid fanboy self.

 "Wait!" Senior Diablo said, pausing for dramaticism, "usually we'd send you spiralling back into your own body, but as you know, it is in itty bitty pieces rotting in Mr. C's basement."

"Hn. Oh yeah," Jimmy said, "so uh…how do I go back then?"

"Well we're giving you a new body," chuckled Senior Diablo, "it's virtually indestructible you see, narrowing your chances of dying from slim to none. Even the incorrigible Johnny couldn't do away with your sorry self now. However you must operate this terribly difficult to terminate body under one particular rule."

"Yeah yeah," he said, eyes ablaze with the thought of being in his idol's presence again, "what's the deal?"

"As expressed previously, which is why you have not been subjected to torment on these unearthly plains, you too are a minor but significant waste lock. Since now your putrid filth has been flushed into the nether realms, we have but one purpose for your horrid existence to fulfill. You must keep an eye on our malfunctioning waste lock, the one and only Johnny C., you must be around his presence all the time, in fact you may never leave his side. Failure to do so will result in your soul being torn off the mortal plane and chucked back here to wallow in doom."

Oh the glimmer in young Jimmy's eyes! It was like the thousand lights of a terribly diseased heaven had prostrated themselves in their depths. His happiness only echoed the sheer evil glee Senior Diablo was experiencing at the thought of Johnny's impending torture. Although not necessarily in the plans, it was definitely worth whatever future horrors he may unleash to pay back the homicidal maniac's horrible stint with the head explosions in Heaven. His subordinates would be bitching about mopping up that mess for centuries, the mere thought of the damned endless whining about this new incident made his horned head throb in agony. This was his sweet sweet vengeance against the un-terminateable but annoying Mr. C.

"Well," he said suppressing a hideous laugh, "go to work Jimmy...and do it well. Your flesh depends on it."

"Yay!" Jimmy squealed before being puffed back to the mortal plane.

Senior Diablo sighed the sigh of a job well done.

"Might as well check with the bookkeeper upstairs to see what bizarre twist of fate I've unleashed," he chortled.

The Gatekeeper up in Heaven was almost glad to see him.

"Did you really get rid of that horrible Mmy person?" he asked bouncing with glee.

"Yes yes, as only I could being lord and master of all darkness. Impressive no? Now be a good angel and toss me the ‘Fate Of All Things’ volume under the desk to the right. "

"Sure thing sir," he giggled.

Flipping through the book he noticed little had strayed from the Creator's previous master plan. At least he'd have only minor paperwork to do.

"Hmm," he said flipping to the part about waste locks, "what IS in store for Nny and his little friend," he was seriously hoping it would be a painful death resulting in an uncomfortable purgatory.

Senior Diablo’s eyes grew huge. As he turned the book sideways, his horns slumped, in fact it seemed all the colour drained from his face that very instant. He chucked the book back onto the desk muttering, "I don't even want to know the sick shit God was drinking when he thought up THAT little event."

The angel shrugged while picking up the book flipping to the offending page.

"OH DEAR GOD NO!" he managed to shriek before expelling vomit out of every possible orifice, "BLEEAAARRGG!"

Damned Elize happened to be around, cleaning up the hideous second explody mess Jimmy had left in his wake when she noticed the angel tossing cookies.

“What the hell is his problem” she sighed, then noticed the book on the corner wide open.

Bravely picking it up, she stared at the illustrated book ‘Fate Of All Things’. Similar to Senior Diablo, she made a face then turned the book sidewise, right side up, then upside down. 

"Geez, I don't know what's so weird about gay karma sutr-...oh.” Her eyes finally caught the revelation revealed, “Oh dear god……Is that who I think it-…!!!"

Elize discreetly put the book down, while the angel ran around screaming still barfing on everything within a ten mile radius. From a little drawer, to the left of a large book stack she took out a red sticker that clearly said "WARNING" and stuck it on the cover.

While watching the floor she had just cleaned becoming soiled, she sighed heavily.

“More mops are definitely in order.”