DISCLAIMER: Why did the cannibal eat the tightrope walker? He wanted a balanced meal!

When I was little, I didn't have the normal dreams of every little girl in the neighborhood.

I did have dreams; I did have a nice little plan set out for myself. But they weren't the same as the other girls at school.

But then, I wasn't the same as all the little girls at school. I hung around with the boys, a lot. They thought I was weird, because I still played with dolls, but I also played with trucks and guns. My favourite game was Cowboys, because the boys always needed a girl to rescue, and they didn't mind that this girl didn't really need rescuing, she was just playing along until she could turn and around and shoot her captors.

Ah, so… not cute.

But my point is, I didn't have dreams like every other little girl. The girls I did talk to would tell me about the husbands they would have one day. How they would be tall, and nice, and they'd bring home lots of money, and they would never have to work, but they would anyway, because what was there to do in a mansion but lie around? Where was the fun in that?

But I didn't want to get married. I didn't want to have a big house, and three little girls that each had a brother. My parents were married, and look how happy they were!

I didn't want a big, tall man to bring me lots of money. My father did that already, and look where we lived! No mansion. Just a trailer. And we weren't really allowed to use all our money, though I never understood why at the time.

And I especially didn't want to have the option of working. I didn't want to be able to lie around at home. My mother did that, but she wasn't very happy. And my aunts and uncles all worked, and they certainly weren't happy either.

So that's why I had such weird dreams. I wanted to be like the girl in my games of Cowboys. I wanted to do something exciting, and talk in a surly southern accent, wearing wild clothes and be able to shoot a gun straight on and twirl it around my finger.

When I got my powers, the first thing to cross my mind was how cool it was! I could finally be like that girl in my fantasies. I could blow things up, brilliant! I figured out it wasn't near on so great when my dad started figuring that too.

After a few months, of course, the police started catching wise to all this, and Dad went to jail. 'Course, I was supposed to be sent away, too, but Xavier showed up and I got drafted into that instead.

It was so cool. Especially when I joined the Brotherhood. I would run around, flirt with anything that moved, twirl my fingers and snap for explosions. I was just kind of like the bad girl you meet in shows like… like in the old action movies. That girl who's really good at heart, but she's working on the bad side, because that gets her the money, thank you very much. And besides, who wants to be a good guy? You have to have morals.

I even had that great guy… you know the one, that wants her to be good? And they're in love, but on different sides, so they pretend they don't even know each other? But every time they do meet for more than ten minutes, you start seeing this spark?

Yeah, I had that.

Then the jerk went and got a girlfriend. I was so ticked off.

I got chucked out of the Brotherhood, but it was cool, I guess. Now I was a free agent. I lived out of Lance's jeep, though I kind of crashed at the institute and the Boarding house every so often. I had to steal a lot, but it was no big deal. Just pay phones and candy machines. They make a lot of money, but not enough to buy me a new wardrobe or anything.

But I'd crash at the institute sometimes, and when I went to check my stuff, sometimes I'd find a new outfit, or a gift certificate for some clothing store. There would always be a candy with it, too. You know those long sugar things? Kind of like a Popsicle, but not frozen? One of those, every time.

I always thought it was Scott, you know? He's got the sense of decency, and no grudge against me or anything. Besides, the candy was always strawberry or cherry. You know, red shades, red candy? Get my picture?

One day he left me this really cool, really expensive leather jacket. And come on, not even I can take that much money straight off, I couldn't take it. I went up to him and told him to take it back. But he, honest to God, had no idea what I was talking about. Even when I shoved it in his face, he just told me I had to go give it back to the store, because I can't go around stealing stuff like that.

But the problem was, none of the kids around the institute seemed to know about it. A couple told me to keep it, but generally it was more because they thought I'd be stupid to let it go. Jubes wanted me to give it to her, but like hell. Kurt just looked at it for a moment, then offered to help me find out who had given it to her. He said, and I quote, "you must be really important to whoever gave it to you. You might as well say thanks".

For a long time, that threw me right off the trail. Every time I saw him, he would ask me if I'd figured out who it was yet. But I kept telling him. I had no idea.

Until I got another present. This time it was a shirt. Not expensive or anything, just cool. It was one of those shirts with the stupid jokes on it. I wore it the next day, of course, just to show off, when me and Amara went window shopping at the mall.

We met Kurt and Amanda coming out of the movies, and she went fully rigid, hey? She cut off the conversation pretty quick and pulled Kurt into the parking lot. Me and Amara followed, because it looked juicy as, and found her going psycho at Kurt.

Apparently she'd been with him when he bought a shirt exactly the same as mine, and told her it was for Jean's birthday.

Okay, I'm sorry, but if she believed that, she deserves everything she gets. How stupid would you have to be? I mean, A) Jean's bigger than I am where it counts. She would need like a size up. And B) this shirt? No. Jean would never wear something like this.

She dumped him the next week.

I cornered him after a while, and asked him if he was the one who kept giving me stuff. He just grinned and told me it had taken me long enough. Luckily he didn't make me give back the jacket.

He said that it must kind of suck to have to live like I do, so some new clothes every other month would be good, right?

I like Kurt. He's cool.

He's getting close to graduation now. I dropped out of school last year, but I'm going to see him get the piece of paper. He's still kind of short, but that's only because he slouches so much, and I'm tall. He's a lot bulkier in the muscle department, but compared to Scott and the rest of the X-men, he's a twig. I made him cut his hair, but it didn't work out like I'd planned, so I mess it up whenever I see him.

We're not together or anything. Don't get me wrong. Just because he buys me clothes, and I crash in his room every now and again, that doesn't mean we're an item. I mean, I barely ever see the guy. Just once or twice a week. And just because I kiss him hello, and he kisses me goodbye, that doesn't mean anything at all.

I got a job, too. I run around the city, delivering stuff, and I talk to the right people. I do pretty well for myself most of the time. Xavier set me up with a bank account, under the name Samantha Darren. You know- Tabitha Smith, Tabitha as in the little girl from Bewitched, the witch's name was Samantha and she was married to Darren? Well, I thought it was a cool name, for Xavier. Anyway, I put all my money in there, and it's adding up pretty quick. Every so often I see some money I don't remember putting in there, and the next time I see Xavier, he gives me this extra little smile.

Kurt says he wants me to come back to the institute, even just so I have somewhere to live, but I refuse to go back to him. I don't touch the money he gives me. I paid him back for that first bank deposit, and that's it.

But then I realised just how much I've collected over the years. Kurt told me I should buy something with Xavier's money. It's his fault he wanted to get rid of it, after all.

I think he's right.

So I bought Kurt an arm brace yesterday.

It's gold with silver inlay, lots of patterns traced into it. The guy at the store said it had a Latin protection spell scratched into the inside. It cost a lot, but I figure Kurt's saved me like a thousand dollars worth of clothes over the years, and it is Xavier's money, so what's a couple of hundred bucks?

Hey, don't look at me like that, we're not anything special.

I'm waiting for him now. Just sitting in the middle of his bed, staring at the box that holds the band. I was gonna buy a ring, but it would be too hard to get one to fit his fingers.

I don't think I want to give it to him anymore.

I think I might be lying to myself a bit.

About why I bought it? About everything?

He appears in the doorway, all dressed in black and white, still rubbing at his hair and fur with a towel. He smells like steam and shampoo, like he always does after a training session. He spends like a million hours getting himself clean after them.

He collapses against the pillows and looks at me, asking what's in the box.

I don't think I'll tell him.

I'll just say it's nothing special, just a present for my mother. I'll return it to the store tomorrow, no big deal.

He smiles and tells me I shouldn't have. He doesn't want any presents from me. I can't believe I've told him. I laugh bravely and hold it out jokingly. I'll just pass it off as a nothing gift, just a useless thank you, stainless steel, painted to look like gold.

Kurt's gone still, staring into the box.

He hates it, I knew it. He thinks I'm weird.

He picks it up, oh so gently, and asks me where I got it.

I can't tell him that I spent a week trying to find the right present. I mutter something about a pawnshop and he ignores me, running his hands over the patterns. He opens it and gazes over the Latin, his mouth forming words I can't understand.

After a while, he looks up, and there's something weird about his expression, but then it's gone, replaced by an evil grin. He makes some snide remark, and I shoot one back. He laughs, joking about taste and mushy feelings.

I laugh along with him, but there's something that feels weird inside. I kind of want to throw up, but my nose itches. My eyes are burning. I think I've got allergies.

We fall silent, and Kurt goes back to looking at his armband. After a few minutes, he bounces off the bed and over to his desk. He crouches down, opening the forbidden fourth drawer, and scoops something out of it.

He comes back to the bed and hands it to me gently, kneeling down in front of me again.

It's a jewelry box. I blink, then open it carefully.

Oh my god…

It's the most beautiful silver necklace. It's tight, I think it would probably only just fit around my neck, and there are charms hanging from the front… A cross, a moon, a sun. And at the join at the back, there's a one of those never ending circles to latch it closed.

There's no way I can take that. I shove it back at him and he shoves the band back at me.

That's not fair. I want him to have it. I want it to be his, and I want him to take care of it. He doesn't have to wear it, I just want him to keep it.

I tell him to take it, and he tells me to take the necklace.

I'm smiling slyly, and he's grinning back at me.

"Tabitha Smith. I, Kurt Wagner, want you to have this necklace. And I want you to keep it. I don't care if you don't wear it. Just keep it. In a very dusty box underneath your bed, or in the back of your cupboard, and forget about it, except when you need me to be there. Then take it out and call me."

I laugh softly. Those allergies are getting worse. "I will. If! If you, Kurt Wagner, take this fantastic and oh so expensively gorgeous armband. Wear it once, then you can put it in one of those drawers over there and forget about it forever. So say I, Tabitha Smith, a.k.a. Samantha Darren, a.k.a. Boom Boom, a.k.a. lord and mistress of the universe. You have to take it out and think of me, too."

"I will."

He clips the necklace around my neck, and I put the band on his right wrist, the one that never holds his watch. We're just sitting here, and he's still got his hands around my neck, and I'm still holding his wrist.

He leans forward. "I will."

I nod. "I will." And I will. I swear I will.

It just a small kiss, less than we ever have when I'm saying hello, and much less than when he says goodbye.

I don't move for the rest of the evening. We just lie back on the bed, talking and laughing. He misses dinner, and when Kitty comes in to say hi, because she'd seen my jeep, I just wave and say I'm spending the night.

It's almost one in the morning now. Kurt's half asleep, and he's watching me softly, his tail wrapped around my leg, while I sing this kid's song that's been stuck in my head for hours. "I can sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow, sing a rainbow too…"

He once asked me if I wanted to get married. I told him I'd never really thought about it.

Yeah, I lied. I decided a long time ago that I never wanted to get married.

And I never will.

If I do, I'll have Kurt there to make me think twice.

And I have the necklace to prove it.