|Perfect dark kids
Author: Peachrocks PM
Completed. The Perfect Light play is finally on, but what happens when two certain villians are out for revenge?Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor - Chapters: 19 - Words: 65,135 - Reviews: 49 - Favs: 4 - Follows: 1 - Updated: 04-10-06 - Published: 02-01-04 - Status: Complete - id: 1713036
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Last one guys enjoy.
Peachrocks rests back on his chair phone in hand
"So you'll come?"
"What? I didn't catch that?"
"Oh, yeah, sure that'd be great…"
Falco then appeared from nowhere "End the call with your line…"
Peachrocks blushed "Gotta go, birdbrain is bothering me, see you tonight" and then he hung up the phone
"So did she say yes?"
Peachrocks nodded "It will be good to see her again"
A lounge room setting, two tea cups filled with herbal tea are on the table, the aroma flows through the room in a refreshing manner, biscuits are neatly arranged on a plate. One of them puts their cup down and begins to speak.
"Those annoying little brats, they shouldn't succeed against villains like us" Mr. Blonde grumbles clenching his fist
Baron Samedi got the kettle and poured himself more tea "Indeed. But its those two authors who are causing the problems, any time we try to do something evil the guy in charge of the story always cuts us off. I tried to block their powers with my magic but they found a loophole and I got beaten. I really wanted that author woman to write 'the really, super duper, exciting, thrilling, breathtaking adventures of Baron Samedi'"
Samedi sips his tea as Blonde speaks "Ah, but what if they are not in this time period, a period where computers don't exist or are very primitive. They can't update their fics if they are stuck in say a time warp… can you do this?"
This seemed to get him interested as he ate a biscuit in a most delicate way "Yes! Yes I can… I'll put those authors into the past"
"Excellent… the Perfect Light play is tonight, so let's put the two authors back into the 1950s shall we say. When shall we begin? Now?"
"Oh no, let's finish afternoon tea first… this is just delicious, it can't be rushed there is plenty of time. After we have the world I'll pull her back in time and make her write 'the really, super duper, exciting, thrilling, breathtaking adventures of Baron Samedi'"
"Yes let's finish, but if you say that title one more time I'm going to blow your head off"
Later that night, Peachrocks has decided to pick Cristalina up via Arwing much to Falco's displeasure when he found out that Peachrocks was cheating using a Gamecube controller to fly it when he learned he wasn't using his author powers. They landed successfully on the building and jumped out of their craft to greet the authoress. However Falco noticed something was wrong.
"What's going on?" Falco looked around him, the night sky was turning all purple, green and going all warpy like colours as well as that their were really weird sound effects often heard in 70's-80's sci fi shows and movies.
"This isn't right. It's the Portal of fu… err um screwed up light effects TM" Peachrocks answered
"Portal of screwed up light effects TM?"
"It's true. Somebody must have done this to us!" Cristalina called out
A/N: The POFULE TM is not my idea. It is from Captainspoon, a KOF author and a really random guy.
The next thing they knew the found themselves standing in the middle of a room, it looked something like a museum, there were pieces of well polished armour lining the walls and carpeted floors as well as paintings and at the back of the room as a well set out desk with quill, ink and all.
Falco looked around him "Where the hell are we?"
"Beats me. Might be in a museum"
"Guys?" Cristalina looked around the room "This is my uncompleted story, a journey through the past. But what are Kilik and Xianghua doing here? And why are they speaking with Velvet? Or well the past Velvet that is like a mirror world, but still this isn't a soul calibur cross over"
"First off we need to find a way out of here" Peachrocks went for the door
In the present
Dr. caroll was floating around in a slightly panicked state "Didn't the mayor say he'd be here? We are about to start"
Suzan made a sound with her lips "Prfft… Who cares about him, I'm ready"
Natasha nodded "I agree, he's probably stuck in the office"
"Not funny Natasha…" Peachrocks cried out somehow able to hear his character in the future as they realised that the door to the office was indeed locked until it suddenly swung open hitting Peachrocks squarely in the jaw.
Stepping into the room was Isabella Valentine or more commonly known as Ivy, however she was wearing a white traditional medieval like dress. Peachrocks and Cristalina exchanged a glance to each other knowing what the other one is thinking.
"Well who is this? Her ass looks big in that dress"
Falco found himself being dragged in by Ivy's weapon which she somehow kept hidden "Would you care to repeat that?" she asked with a dangerous tone in her voice wrapping her blade around the avian's neck
Cristalina went to mediate "Ignore him, just what is going on?"
"We are planning an attack against Inferno's stronghold, he and Lady De vries have joined forces and want to use Soul edge and another new strange weapon they have to rule the world"
"Crista, if there is a time to tell me how one of your stories ends, I think now is it"
However she did not budge "You've got to trust me on this … but we can't use our author powers at this time, can we?"
"Maybe we can… just a second" Peachrocks went for the desk and the quill and started writing
A woman in a kimono however suddenly dropped from the roof bringing her hidden blade to the Australian's neck "Write with that and die"
Ivy threw Falco to the other side of the room and approached "Ah good timing Setsuka. We cannot allow somebody with your 'magical powers' to do anything with that"
"Um… Crista catch"
However he proved to have lousy aim when it came to throwing objects as he aimed too high causing the pad to fly over her head and a shuffle broke loose. Cristalina dived for the book while Peachrocks used the distraction to throw the ink on the desk into Setsuka's face, however she moved away in time, but in doing so allowed Peachrocks to trip her and she couldn't retain her balance as she fell to the ground. Ivy also went after the pad but a painting found its way into her face as it was thrown from the other side of the room by Falco who proved to be a better shot then that of the author.
Cristalina stood up and saw Setsuka covered in books from the bookcase, obviously Peachrocks must have given the bookcase a good shake to make so many fall down and knock her out. She then saw Ivy and the painting that was ironically also of Ivy in the same white dress she was currently wearing, but she looked far more dignitary in the painting then she did now.
"Let's get out of here" Peachrocks passed Cristalina the quill as she wrote on the pad in and before long the portal appeared and the sound effects were played once more as the two authors and a misplaced Avian were sucked into the hole.
A/N: Seriously as much as I like Setsuka, how can she keep her balance while wearing those shoes AND that kimono. Although I guess it's far from the most outrageous things that happen in a computer game.
At the play
"You are becoming quite a frustration" Velvet lent on the railing above the stage as Natalya aimed her water pistol at her, while Joanna, Terrance and Jonathan held their water pistols at Natalya as the guards, overlooking the fact they were all supposed to be female.
"AHHHHHH! ITS you've become quite an ANNOYANCE, you are hopeless, give me that!" A voice from off the stage came and Cassandra De Vries who was supposed to be playing Bellet came and tackled Velvet and the two wrestled on the stage Cass trying to get the microphone from Velvet, meanwhile Natalya squirted Joanna and Jonathan with water causing them to drop down while Terrance took a shot but he missed and Natalya closed in and hit him with the edge of her pistol as she ran to the 'extraction point'.
Mina looked puzzled as Cass and Velvet continued to fight on stage despite the scene being long over "Um, is this in the script, it is going on a BIT too long now"
The younger version of Tira had somehow appeared in the story "Who CARES! It looks like fun!"
"Oh it's such a vulgar display. I honestly do not know why I paid good money to watch this nonsense. I should have gone to a real theatre" Raphael raised his nose looked away from the stage
"Fool, you didn't pay a single cent to enter, so stop acting like the snob you are not" Taki went to strike Raphael on the head however the younger Setsuka stopped her
"He's not worth your efforts, he's just an idiot with too much money"
"You should not talk. Didn't you beat up Mitsurugi with your umbrella three days in a row because he stole your lunch money?" Taki countered
Setsuka didn't reply, only giving a hmmph and looking away.
Outside the school hall
Samedi watched the authors through a crystal ball "Those authors are still fumbling and trying to find their way back home"
"Yes indeed, it is time to set our plan into operation"
The portal and sound effects stopped and spewed out the three in a most undignified fashion sending them tumbling to the ground
"Did it work?" Falco looked around, it looked like a trashed up town, however something else did not seem right he turned around and felt as if his left and right rotated with him. "Hey guys, since when did you take to looking like paper"
Peachrocks realised what had happened "Uh oh, this time its one of my fics... a Paper Mario one, we are in Rogueport"
Crista raised her hands as if she didn't do anything wrong "I did it right, I was specific as I could possibly be, as I know what can go wrong when you aren't specific on your story"
"I don't know how this could have happened, I think someone is screwing with our author powers again"
Falco stood up "Samedi?"
Cristalina nodded "Yes it's probably him, we'll worry about that later"
"There may not be a later. If Samedi wants us trapped in a strange reality then he may want to do something to the sequence of events while we are out of the picture, we've got to get out of here"
Falco then started to run "and quickly, I see Bowser and I don't think he's as weak as he is in Super smash brothers melee"
Another yellow shelled Koopa with shades jumped in front of the path of them "Yo dawgs, that Koopa King aint gunna be King while King K is around"
"Oh great, we're saved by a worthless minor league Koopa" Falco rolled his eyes "Go be a roadblock for us"
"Wait a minute, if the King K in this reality is… then if events go as I've planned then…" Peachrocks didn't finish his sentence as about 6 others of varing Mariouniverse species all jumped into the fray behind King K and then the 7 of them attacked the Koopa King.
Cristalina and Falco took their chance and ran but Peachrocks stood and stared at the scene puzzled "This isn't how I planned it to be? The place is all wrong, what are they doing fighting here, and come to think of it why are they fighting Bowser at all"
"It's a screwed up reality get used to it" Falco rolled his eyes and pulled Peachrocks away from the scene
"Yes, fair enough" Peachrocks then continued to run with the others
"… but the program has run far too long for me to prevent it from completing" Suzan's voice was projected despite a laptop with a screen of a female's eyes being actually on the stage. "There is only one way out now" she continued
"What do you mean?"
"When the program has run I will have control of a vastly powerful weapon it…" Suzan's voice stopped suddenly, Natalya looked puzzled before the tone of the voice changed completely "It must go on, the Earth's destruction must take place"
Samedi and Blonde then appeared in the stage and then Natalya was powerless to resist as she was knocked to the ground.
"Greetings citizens of Earth, I have come before you so that you may greet your new rulers. With two certain two people out of the way, our plans will proceed without interruption. The first privileged ones who will be able to understand my plans to the fullest will be… all of you"
The crowd proceeding to scream as a machine from the top acted like a vacuum that sucked them all up.
Kilik had seen this a long time ago and got the others out of the main area. "This idiot has tried to conquer the world before, this time we put an end to him"
Zasalamel who also magically appeared in the story spoke "He's got that weird guy with him, I heard he can freeze people just by willing it. I think I saw him in a past life, and I think he too continually revives"
"What?" the other kids stared
"Never mind that now. We'll need to be careful how we do this"
After the trio got a good distance from Bowser, Peachrocks clicked his fingers "I've got an idea, since we are almost certain Samedi interfered with us, we'll need to get the help of two certain reviewers"
"But how can we contact them from this place?"
"Very easy… through email"
"Oh should have thought of that" Cristalina rolled her eyes sarcastically "It probably won't work"
"Worth a shot I think" as Peachrocks pulled out a Gameboy SP which in this game/reality, also served as an email device as he emailed Spiderbear and the mysterious Dr. Sloth78 who had changed his name so many times he couldn't keep track.
"Now, we could also try write a way out of here" Cristalina tried to find a pen and pad
"Naw, it might screw things up further, we should wait and see if they reply, give them at least ten minutes. Then we do nothing, they will beat Samedi and get us out of here so I can update this fic for the last time, and this fic is 2 years old now, geez"
"Another excuse to do nothing… you are so damned lazy" Falco complained
Within 5 minutes however Peachrocks had his replies, both of them commenting on the puzzling way he contacted them through their gameboys which they just happened to be playing at the time because he felt he didn't need to explain that as this chapter was already getting way too complicated.
"OH COP OUT" Falco shouted
"Do you want to get out of here or not" Peachrocks countered
As Samedi and Blonde gloated about their victory thinking everybody in the audience had been sucked up they didn't count on three blades coming their way, Samedi saw them at the last second paralysing the two Alexandra children and also stopping Raphael in his tracks.
"Children shouldn't play with swords, nor should they mess with my plans" Samedi sat them down with his power "Your author friends are no longer around to save you this time"
"Behind you" Blonde then ducked underneath the shuriken thrown at him while Samedi took the hit of a sharp spear like object to his chest.
"Oh all such pretty young ladies" Samedi watched as Mina struggled to pull her weapon back "Too bad I haven't the fun to play games"
"I am no lady" Raphael protested
"You had me confused for a second, that's for sure" Blonde had caught up to Taki and threw her at Raphael knocking both of them to the floor
Blonde then saw a paper umbrella fly through the air, he was so caught up on that he did not see Setsuka charge right at him with her blade and she made contact with a smooth motion causing an usually darker colour of blood to seep through him.
"No more games" Blonde transformed into his Skedar form and with his overwhelming power tackled Setsuka to the ground, but had no time to focus on finishing her as Tira with a metal hula hoop tried to slice some more of the Skedar but his strength again proved way too good. Maxi, Kilik and Xianghua traditionally together had joined the scene, but even they looked intimidated in front of the mighty Skedar.
However Samedi's powers were waning as Siegfried swung his sword connecting with the knees of the voodoo master, but he managed to keep balance but this allowed Yun-seong to land a blow from behind creating a wound in Samedi's back but then snakes appeared from the ground and bit them causing them both to cry out as Samedi kicked them both over with the other trapped kids. It seemed that was it, Zasalamel, Maxi, Xianghua and Kilik knew that it would be near impossible to overcome two unhuman creatures, especially that they were only kids, perhaps that's what Samedi meant by the 'author' can't save them, it seemed they didn't have the confidence to do anything they wanted.
However he was wrong as two figures came, one firing a crossbow shot at the Skedar causing to roar in pain, the other swinging a lightsaber decapitating Samedi… again. The Skedar struggled with the pain and ran off the stage leaving Samedi and his head there, he'd gain new life soon enough. As soon as Blonde left the two authors and the avian appeared in a brilliant flash of light back on the stage.
"Whoa, I never want to see or hear of anymore portal experiences" Peachrocks held his head and he recovered from what had happened
"You won't as within a few lines this fic is ending" Falco folded his arms "Finally, I am free of you pestering me, annoying me and your unbelievable delays"
Cristalina ignored him "It's been fun, I must admit, thank you"
"I am glad you finally finished this, 2 years since you started" Dr Sloth87 shook his head
"I owe you one for saving my ass, thanks for getting us out of that portal"
However Dr Sloth87 had already vanished being the mysterious guy he is, Spiderbear also had vanished, well sort of but everyone knew she hadn't gone far because they could hear Slippy's screaming.
"Yeah I guess it was alright… it's an experience I won't ever forget. And thanks for letting me kill Slippy too"
"You're sad aren't you Falco"
"NO! No way… I'm glad this over, please I'm asking you to not EVER write Star Fox fan fiction you got that?"
Peachrocks knew Falco was lying, in truth it was no where near as bad as he tried to make it sound
"HEY! I am not lying, stop manipulating me damn you!"
"What about this play?" Cristalina seemed to be the only one who remembered what was going on, so after Peachrocks used his author powers for the last time, he restored the scene to the peace and calamity it was before and the soul calibur cast took their seats too and watched the end of the play.
Unfortunately, nothing could control Cassandra's chaos when Velvet screwed up another line, this time by not giving enough of a pause when Kalassandra La Virus was trying to be dramatic when she was about to give up her life while taking revenge on those she hated. Which ended up leading to a brawl in the stage, and Tira couldn't help but jump in with her hula hoop of destruction.
Cristalina shook her head "Can't you write anything without making a mess"
"Maybe, but this is a 'humour' fic, where nothing is supposed to make sense. Besides you never finished through his eyes, before I finished this… I have to have this scene" Peachrocks grinned as both knew what was about to happen
As Daniel Carrington reached the last page of through his eyes, or what it seemed like the last page, that. The story didn't end, it was not even close to an ending.
"What is this? It's as if she… forgot to finish her book before sending it off for printing, or is it another money making scheme from common. Either way, I will find out the truth of this injustice and find out what the hell happens to Jeffrey!
That's it. The end! Seriously! I can't believe it. I wrote so much and so easily, all the ideas just flowed magically it was great. So yeah writing this chapter was especially fun, so thanks to Cristalina for being such a loyal reviewer for like… forever and Dr Sloth87 for mentioned this on the forums and the huge number of reviews, and to everybody else who reviewed.