2/4/04: This was supposed to be posted yesterday, but there was an infraction against my account (because of their recent no author's notes rule) and I had forgotten that a certain non-chapter existed and so I wasn't allowed to post this before now. So I'm sorry for the delay. So, as you read from this point on, please pretend that it is February 3, 2004. Thank you.

As usual, I own only Carly and Adam and if you want to use them, go ahead. I must also admit to getting the idea for this story from the Mad About You season three episode "Cake Fear." And a little portion from the That 70's Show season five episode "When the Levee Breaks." See the end of the story for the quote credits. Now, without further delay, as a birthday present to myself I present you all with the following bit of insanity.

That Birthday Story

"Are you guys certain that this is a good idea?" Adam asked, looking at his fellow teammates. They were gathered in the kitchen of the Misfit house, placing eighteen candles on a chocolate frosted sheet cake.

"What are you getting so uptight about?" Pietro questioned in return. "Birthday's are a happy time! Especially when you're a Misfit."

"You don't get it…Carly believes that her birthday is cursed," the Filipino mutant explained. "She doesn't like to celebrate it or even acknowledge it in fear of something bad happening to her."

"This year is going to be different, Buddy," Fred grinned. "You guys are Misfits now!"

"I'm blaming this on all of you, my friend," was the grumbled reply. "I'm being forced to do this against my will."

"She'll love this, I promise," Althea said. "This year is going to be different."

Carly slowly awoke to quiet whispers and she opened her eyes, slowly focusing in on her teammates and the large cake they held, complete with flaming candles. As soon as she saw this, her mouth opened and she screamed.

"I told you she wasn't going to like this!" Adam snapped. "But does anyone listen to little ol' me? No!"

"Let's continue this later," Todd gulped as an angry Beach Head entered the room, chasing them off.

"Get out of my apartment and stay out you psychotic little freaks!" he yelled.

"I don't get it," Xi stated an hour later as Carly entered the Misfit kitchen and seated herself at the table. "Why do you believe your birthday is cursed?"

"Because bad things always happen on my birthday," she replied. "Always."

One Year Ago: Carly's Seventeenth Birthday

"What? A swallow carrying a coconut?"

"It could grip it by the husk!"

"It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a one pound coconut."

"You know, no matter how many times I see this movie, I just don't get tired of it," Carly grinned as she sat on the couch with Adam, a large bowl of popcorn sitting between them.

"The soldier has a point…why won't Arthur listen to him?" Adam asked in confusion.

"Dude, you ask that every time we watch this…Arthur doesn't listen because he's the King and only wants to get knights for Camelot and the round table."

"But he should still listen to his subjects!"

"Adam, it's just a movie. Get over it."

"Carly, it's time for you to leave for your play," their foster mother said, poking her head in the door."

"Thanks for reminding me, Mrs. Reynolds," Carly grinned. "It is time for Anita to go to get ready for her stage debut!"

"Break a leg!" Adam called out.

"Stop saying that on my birthday! Never say that on my birthday!"

"Your birthday is not cursed!" he yelled back.

Later that night Carly stood in center stage, as she began her number as Anita in West Side Story.

"Puerto Rico, my heart's devotion, let it sink back in the ocean. Always the hurricanes blowing, always the population growing, and the money owing. And the sunlight streaming, and the natives steaming. I like the island Manhattan, smoke on your pipe and put that in. I like to be in America, okay by me in America, Everything free in America…"

Unfortunately, as she and the other girls were dancing, the sole of her shoes slid and caused her to fall. Even more unfortunately she happened to be a bit too close to the edge of the stage as that happened and she not only fell on the stage, she ended up falling off it just a few moments later, landing with a thud on the hard stone floor.

"I told you my birthday was cursed!" she screamed out at Adam who was all the way back in the sixth row.

Two Years Ago: Carly's Sixteenth Birthday

"No you're not. You'll be stone dead in a moment."

"Oh, I can't take him like that. It's against regulations."

"I don't want to go on the cart!"

"Oh, don't be such a baby."

"I can't take him."

"I feel fine!"

"Well, do us a favor."

"I can't."

"So what do you think is going to happen to me this year?" Carly asked with her eyes transfixed on the television ahead of her.

"Things are looking up! We're in sunny Nevada now," Adam grinned. "It's not as if it's going to snow or the sun is going to blow up or anything."

"Don't tempt fate, boy."

"Carly, you have a visitor," Mrs. Reynolds said, popping her head in the door.

"Who?" the teenage girl asked, flashing Adam a confused look.

"Happy birthday, Sweetheart," a new voice with a southern accent said. Carly looked up to see her mother walk into the living room of the foster home, looking just like when she'd last seen the older woman…only less out of it. People often told Carly that her mother, Roxie, was pretty. She was about five feet, four inches tall with shoulder-length light red hair, which is where the feral got her hair's red hue.

"Mama! What are you doing here?" the girl asked in shock, running to give her mother a hug. "When did you get out of rehab?"

"Yesterday," Roxie replied. "I found out where you were and came straight here. I am going to take you out for your birthday."

"Okay…maybe my birthday luck really has turned around."

A few hours later Adam and Carly were in the back seat of Roxie's car as the older woman engaged in a high-speed pursuit with the police.

"I take it back," the birthday girl groaned. "My birthday is still cursed."

"Mrs. Shane, couldn't you have told us sooner that you stole this car?" Adam whined.

"At least she doesn't have illegal narcotics," Carly snapped.

"I wouldn't say all that, sweetie," the elder woman sheepishly admitted.

"That's it…after this, I'm going for a long walk."

"I'll tell the Reynolds' that you won't be home for a week," Adam mumbled.

"Make it two."

Three Years Ago: Carly's Fifteenth Birthday

"I told you. We're an anarcho-syndicalist commune. We take it in turns to act as a sort of executive officer for the week."

"Yes."

"But all the decision of that officer have to be ratified at a special bi-weekly meeting—"

"Yes, I see."

"By a simple majority in the case of purely internal affairs, —"

"Be quiet!"

"But by a two-thirds majority in the case of more major—"

"Be quiet! I order you to be quiet!"

"Order, eh? Who does he think he is? Heh."

"I am your king!"

"Well, I didn't vote for you."

"I can't believe we got up early for nothing," Adam griped as he and Carly watched the movie while keeping one ear tuned into the radio for school closings.

"Kids, it's time for you to get to school," their foster mother, Mrs. Warren, said. "The bus will be here any moment."

"This is my curse…school on my birthday. I hate the touch and go weather in the Midwest," Carly pouted.

"Well, it could be worse, you know."

"How?"

"I don't know."

Two hours later, Carly was in an even worse mood.

"'It could be worse, you know,'" she mimicked. "It's worse now. Are you happy!"

"How was I supposed to know that a freak blizzard was coming?" Adam defended himself. "As if it's my fault we're snowed into the school!"

"It's my birthday and I'll blame you if I want to."

Four Years Ago: Carly's Fourteenth Birthday

"I move for no man."

"So be it!"

"Aaah! Hiyaah!"

"Now stand aside, worthy adversary.

"'Tis but a scratch."

"A scratch? Your arm's off!"

"No, it isn't."

"Well, what's that then?"

"I've had worse."

"You liar!"

"Come on, you pansy!"

"Okay, compared last year's birthday, this one is going to be great," Carly beamed as she and Adam sat in a backstage dressing room. They were soon going to be performing in the school talent show and were watching their traditional movie and waiting for their turn to go on.

"You two are up next!"

"Thanks, Mr. Smith," the two chorused as the stopped the movie and left the room.

"And now, may I present Adam Benet and Carly Shane performing 'Ti Kwan Leep,'" the principal of the school announced to the audience.

"Break a leg," Adam whispered before going onto the stage.

"You, too," she replied, following him.

Adam took center stage with Carly sitting on the floor of the stage a few feet away.

"Approach, students. Close the circle at the feet of the master. You have come to me asking that I be your guide along the path of Ti Kwan Leep. But, be warned: To learn its ways, you must learn the ways of your own soul. Let us meditate upon this wisdom now. So: Aaaaaaooooommm…" Adam said, beginning the skit.

"Uh, sir! Sir! Oo! Oo! Sir!" Carly continued, waving her hand in the air.

"Who disturbs our meditation, as a pebble disturbs the stillness of the pond?"

"Me! Ed Gruberman?"

"E-Ed Gruberman?"

"Yeah, uh, no disrespect or nothin', but, like, uh, how long is this gonna take?"

"Ti Kwan Leep is not a path to a door, but a road leading forever towards the horizon."

"So like, what, an hour or so?"

"No, no, we have not even begun upon the path. Ed Gruberman, you must learn patience."

"Yeah yeah yeah, patience. How long will that take?"

"Time has no meaning. To a true student, a year is as a day."

"A year? I wanna beat people up right now! I got the pajamas! Hah woo yah ooomm!" She mimed a few martial arts moves.

"'Beat people up?'"

"Yeah! Just show me all those nifty moves so I can start trashing bozos! That's all I came here for! YO ASTA STA STA!" She mimed a few more moves. "Pretty good, eh?"

"The only use of Ti Kwan Leep is self-defense. Do you know who said that? Ki Lo Ni, the great teacher."

"Yeah? Well the best defense is a good offense, you know who said that? Mel, the cook on Alice."

"No, um…Ti Kwan Leep is the wine of purity, not the vinegar of hostility. Meditate upon this truth with us. Aaaaoooommm…"

"Listen, shrimp! Now, are you gonna show me some fancy moves, or am I gonna start wapin' the walls with you?"

"Ed Gruberman, you fail to grasp Ti Kwan Leep. Approach me that you might see."

Carly stood up and walked over to him. "All right! Finally some action!"

"Observe closely, class. Boot to the Head!" Adam aimed a kick to her head.

"Owww! You booted me in the head!" she yelled, holding the side of her head.

"You are lucky, Ed Gruberman. Few novices experience so much of Ti Kwan Leep so soon."

"Dude! You really kicked me in the head! I thought we'd gotten this down to an art form by now you geek!" With that she executed her own leap-kick toward his head, only because of the kick to the head, Adam was able to quickly move out of the way and she landed with a thud and a crack. "Adam! Never again tell me 'break your leg' on my birthday because I think I just did!"

Five Years Ago: Carly's Thirteenth Birthday

"How d'ya do, I see you've met my, faithful handy-man. He's just a little brought down because when you knocked he thought you were the candy man. Don't get strung out by the way I look, don't judge a book by it's cover. I'm not much of a man by the light of day but by night I'm one hell of a lover…"

"Come on, kids, turn off the movie," Mrs. Frye, their current foster mother, said as she walked into the den. "Guests for the party will be arriving any minute now."

"I can't believe I'm being thrown a party," Carly commented as the two left the room.

"I can't believe you're older than me."

"Not only am I older, I'm more mature."

"In your dreams."

An hour later, after pizza and cake, Mr. and Mrs. Frye gathered all the kids in the family room.

"Now that we have you all here, we think we need talk something over. All of us," Mrs. Frye said.

"You all are nearing the age where you are beginning to grow up," Mr. Frye continued. "Your bodies are beginning to mature and ready themselves for adulthood."

The kids all stared at the two adults in shock.

"I can't believe that we're getting the sex talk on my birthday with our classmates after a bribe of cake and ice cream!" Carly hissed, her face beet red. "Somebody shoot me now."

"Oh god, they're bringing out diagrams," Adam whimpered.

"That's it…my birthday is cursed."

This Year, Carly's Eighteenth Birthday

"You don't frighten us, English pig-dogs! Go and boil your bottom, sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called Arthur King, you and all your silly English k-nnnnniggets. Thpppppt! Thppt! Thppt!"

"What a strange person."

"Now look here, my good man—"

"I don't wanna talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!"

"Is there someone else up there we could talk to?"

"No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time-a!"

"See now, this isn't so bad," Pietro said later as he and a few of the other Misfits watched Monty Python and the Holy Grail in the tradition of movie watching on Carly's birthday. "Nothing bad has happened to you all day."

"Unless you count the mild coronary I had when I woke up," Carly grumbled.

"But other than that," Lance said, "nothing bad has happened."

"Yeah, you're a Misfit now," Wanda told her. "Enough bad things happen around here on a daily basis that eventually a day off happens."

"I guess you're right."

"Dinner is on, Birthday Girl!" Fred sing-songed as he entered the living room. He, Todd, Althea, and Xi had spent the past hour cooking her dinner.

"Thank you," she smiled as they filtered back into the kitchen. "But please don't sing Happy Birthday or any songs about a birthday."

"We can do that," Todd beamed as the all sat down at the table.

"Allow us to present, Misfit Chicken," Xi said with a smile as he placed a plate of chicken and a small salad in front of her.

"This looks good," she said with a smile as she picked up her fork. "What is this pinkish-red sauce?"

"There's no sauce."

"Oh…"

"If you want something else, we probably have Fruity Pebbles or something you could eat," Althea said with a dismayed look on her face.

"No, no…this is fine," Carly said as she pierced a piece of chicken with her fork and popped it in her mouth. She faked an enthusiastic look even as she forced back the urge to spit it out. "This is…good."

Three hours later, the Misfits banged on the door to the infirmary. "Lifeline! We need you!"

Lifeline came to the door and looked at the teens and at the miserable—and slightly green—looking Carly. "What happened?"

"We think we gave her food poisoning," Todd answered, looking embarrassed.

"Well then you guys can deal with it yourselves…there's no way she's coming in here!" he snapped, slamming the door in their faces. They heard the lock sliding into place. "She can suffer for all I care!"

"Okay, I'm a believer. Her birthday is definitely cursed," Adam stated.

"You may be onto something there," the others agreed.

"Next year we are not—I repeat not—celebrating my birthday!" Carly moaned before passing out.

Quote Credits: The quotes at the very beginning of birthdays 14-17 are from Monty Python and the Holy Grail. The quote at the beginning of birthday 13 is from The Rocky Horror Picture Show. The song in Birthday 17 is "America" from West Side Story. The skit in birthday 14 is "Ti Kwan Leep" by The Frantics off of Dr. Demento's 20th Anniversary Album. It is traditionally followed up with the song "Boot to the Head" by the same people.