Thoughtful

By Bohemian Storm

Disclaimer: The characters belong to Joss Whedon and co.  I am making absolutely no money off this.

He thought the guilt would be far less than this. He tries not to smile with that thought, because then she'll ask why. Maybe she'll blush and try to escape him. She doesn't know what they're doing anymore than he does, but the guilt weighs so heavily on him. He doesn't know why he didn't expect it. It does come with the territory, after all. Doesn't having a soul mean you learn what guilt feels like again?

She was in the middle of some examination when he stepped up behind her and put his hands on her shoulders. She stiffened slightly, then relaxed when he spoke in her ear. She had thought he was someone else - Gunn, Knox ... maybe even Wesley - he doesn't know who. But she relaxed when his words were whispered across her skin. He doesn't know why and finds that he doesn't really care. He just knows that someone else loves her. Wesley trusted him to keep his eye on her, keep her safe.

Instead he's kissing her.

He'd pretended for a very long time that the feeling simply wasn't there. He sort of expected her to date Wesley. Everyone did, he imagines. Besides, he's a vampire. A bloody vampire with a soul and the only reason he has a soul is because he went off begging for one. He likes to act a little self righteous and tell everyone that he's better than Angel because at least he went looking for his soul rather than just being cursed with one.

He's a champion now, although he's not being so heroic at the moment. He feels almost like he's taking advantage of her, but maybe it's the other way around. Maybe she's taking advantage of him, because God knows Wesley needs a good kick in the arse before he finally admits that he loves her.

He pushes her hair back from her face and wonders if she loves Wesley back. He imagines that she does. He won't even begin to kid himself like he did with Buffy. They will never have a relationship. He could see it in her eyes in the second she hesitated before taking off her glasses and throwing them on the examination table. He knows (thinks?) that it's mostly just to make Wesley jealous. He supposes it's a good enough reason to kiss anyone, even a vampire with a soul.

"This is really not right," she says, backing away. Her nose wrinkles slightly as she studies him.

He smiles. "It's really not, love. Besides, wouldn't want old Wes to find us like this, would we?"

She grins back and squeezes his forearms. She's awfully close, even though she's backed off slightly. He can smell her and he loves what he smells. She's dizzying, all flowers and lace. Kind of like a vampire he used to know.

"It's not Wesley I'm worried about," she tells him, still smiling. "It's you."

He frowns. "Me?"

She nods. "You're still in love with Buffy." She shrugs a little. "It's okay. I understand it."

"You're in love with Wesley," he accuses her.

Her smile grows. "I think I might be."

"So why are we kissing, pet?"

She shrugs again. "Maybe I want to know what it's like to be the Slayer."

"Maybe I want to know what it's like to be a man again," he says, then leans down and touches his lips to hers again.

For the night, it doesn't matter that they both belong to someone else.

End