The Debating Game 3

"You can't be serious…you just can't be serious." Fred was in shock.

"I'm dead serious. Why can't you see that?" Adam turned to the others. "Why can't he see that?"

"You're on your own on this one," Althea told him. "We're staying out of this."

"There is no way on Earth that the Swedish Chef is better than Emeril Lagasse!" Fred yelled.

"Freddy is very passionate about the Food Network," Pietro said. "There's just no reasoning with him."

"But the Swedish Chef has that whole Swedish thing going on!" Adam whined.

"That is not a good reason why a Chef is great. It has to do with his recipes, his ingenuity…his social appeal, for crying out loud!" Fred lectured. "His origin does not!"

"Oh, please," Carly moaned. "How can 'Bam!' compare with 'Børk! Børk!'? Personally, I'm a Muppet fan."

"I'm not saying that the Swedish Chef and other Muppets aren't good. It's just that, in this argument, Emeril wins."

"I'll tell you the truth, I really don't care. But there's one thing that I know for certain," the feral replied, "and that is that Rizzo the Rat would kick Mickey Mouse's butt from here to eternity without breaking a sweat."

"Of course he would," Todd agreed. "Rizzo is from the streets. It's made him strong. Mickey's had a life of luxury. It's made him soft."

"I'll give you all that one, but there's still no way that Emeril is better than the Swedish Chef," Adam pouted.

"Another thing, Miss Piggy would decimate Pumbaa," Carly pointed out.

"Yeah, she's got that eternal PMS thing going on," Lance agreed.

"But Pumbaa smells. Why would she go near that?" Pietro questioned. "Pumbaa would win from knock out by stench."

"Okay, I'll give you that. Fozzie versus Baloo?"

"Baloo," Xi answered. "While Fozzie would try to entertain with his jokes, Baloo would trounce him."

"He's right," Althea grinned. "Fozzie's got nothing."

"Sure the Swedish Chef really works the charisma and gets his point across despite the language barrier, but Emeril has it all," Fred explained, still on the first argument."

"Okay then," Carly said with a patronizing tone.

"I have one," Xi stated. "Animal versus Wakko."

"Ooh…that's a tough one."

"But, as you said, Swedish Chef has charisma. Way more than Emeril," Adam griped.

"Dudes! We're off that subject now! Get over it!" Lance snapped.

"You see, Animal is an over-caffeinated, over-sugared screwball. Wakko is an over-caffeinated, over-sugared screwball. It'd be like Pietro fighting himself!" Carly stated.

"I am not an over-caffeinated, over-sugared screwball!" Pietro pouted.

"You so are."

"I say they'd go on a sugar-bender and pass out from an over dose," Wanda decided. "And I agree, Pietro, you are Animal…only with better grammar and enunciation."

"Odie versus Runt."

"Lance, you can't be serious. An idiot versus an idiot?" Todd said. "Besides, they're two different genres."

"You've never seen that old Garfield cartoon, have you?" Carly asked him. "It used to be on Nickelodeon all the time. Garfield and Friends I think it was called.

"But he's predominantly a comic strip."

"Fine then," the earthmover said. "Odie versus Satchel."

"Who's Satchel?"

"Here it comes," Adam groaned.

"Who's Satchel? Who's Satchel? How can you not know who Satchel is!?" Carly cried out. "Satchel is only the greatest Comic dog ever to live! He lives with Rob and Bucky. You know, Get Fuzzy!"

"Never heard of them."

"You're hopeless," she pouted. "But Satchel would win. He'd get Chubby Huggs to be his Champion and Chubby would then proceed to hug Odie to death."

"Well, what about the following?" Pietro began. "Garfield versus Rita versus Bucky?"

"Bucky would win hands down. He's a crabby Siamese. He'd woo Rita into giving up then give Garfield lasagna then kick his overstuffed butt."

"Then what about Bucky versus the two Siamese cats from Lady and the Tramp?"

"Those two cats are mean!" Wanda stated.

"I hate to say it, but the fight would have to go to the two nameless cats. They'd treat Bucky like the Triplets treat Jamie," Carly said grudgingly.

"Pluto versus Goofy."

Everyone turned to look at Fred. "What?"

"What about Pluto versus Goofy?"

"What I want to know is why Goofy can talk and Pluto can't. I mean, they're both dogs!" Wanda stated.

"My personal opinion is that Walt Disney was either insane or on drugs," Carly stated. "I'm not a big fan of the original Disney characters…you know, Mickey, Minnie, Donald…"

"How can you not like them?"

"I don't really like Warner Brothers either. I do like Animaniacs, but on the whole, I'm not a fan of WB either."

"You just don't have taste," Pietro sighed.

"I have another one, though. Peewee Herman versus Screech."

"So we're jumping from comics and cartoons to live action?"

"Yeah. Who would win?"

"Who do you say?"

"Peewee. Peewee rocks. He's got it all. The bike, the talking chair…Miss Yvonne. And that messed up bubble gum."

"She's right," Lance agreed. "Besides, he was able to face Large Marge and live."

"She was freaky," Pietro stated.

"Yeah, Peewee has all the gadgets…Screech has nothing," Todd stated.

They all looked up as the door opened and Low Light looked in and saw the large pile of potatoes still unpeeled. "You guys aren't done yet? What have you been doing?"

"We got to talking about who would beat who."

"Fred and Adam started it," Wanda accused.

"What?" the two questioned in shock.

"Yeah, they did!" the others chorused in agreement.

"It began with a conversation about potato recipes and launched into Emeril versus the Swedish Chef," Carly explained.

"Why do I even bother asking?" Low Light groaned as he left. "I'm never checking up on them again."