L.L., Insert into Nag Hammadi is Where They Found the Gnostic Gospel, Just before Lorelai goes to get a larger bandage, PG13

Fixing It

She leaned over the arm of the sofa toward him. And his head swam a little when he caught the smell of her perfume: Grapefruit. She always smelled like grapefruit to him. His eyes glazed a little. He anticipated that little breath of scent whenever he got close to her. And whenever he did catch it... Well, it was nice. It spread a warm feeling from his heart straight down to his knees.

He reached out to touch her, to feel her forearm maybe, firm under the soft sweater sleeve. Or possibly to feel her cool hand again in his. That would be nice too. But as he reached, she was pulling away, and then was gone.

“I’ll be right back,” she’d said.

And so he closed his eyes.

But when he did, the grapefruit and the nice Lorelai-feelings evaporated and all he could see and hear and think was Jess. Damn kid. Damn, damn kid. Damn him when he was right, whatever Lorelai said to the contrary.

Sure he tried to help people, that’s what you were supposed to do, right? Maybe the problem was not that he tried, but just that he sucked at it. Failed at it. What he didn’t get was how Jess thought these failures were making him feel superior in some way. He didn’t feel superior, he felt stupid.

“Focus on your own life,” he’d said too.

Whatever.

But something in his head whispered that this was where Jess was right. Damn him. Damn kid. He didn’t want to think too much about his own life, right now. Never did really. That was a lot harder than fixing windows.

And then Litchfield loomed large in his mind, as he tried just as hard to push it back down.

He had to keep trying there, that’s all he knew. This was his last chance, right?. Nicole wanted him. Maybe he was dragging his feet a little, but that’s just what men did, right? But she didn’t really seem in a rush either. One step at a time.

Then he thought of his parents, how they adored each other, and talked to each other, and fought with each other, and took care of each other, right up until his mother died. He thought about how lost his dad had been after that and how he’d never found anyone else. He didn’t want to be the lost man his father was at the end of his days. And maybe that same passion wasn’t there with Nicole–not like his parents had. But not everybody got that in this life. His parents had been lucky, for awhile anyway.

He just didn’t want to be alone and wanting more than that wasn’t very realistic, he guessed.

And then he realized something with a smirk; Nicole never needed anything fixed. (What do you think of that, Jess!) When something was broken or needed doing, she didn’t ask him, she called a professional. She didn’t care what it cost, even when these bozos came in, overcharged and did a crappy job in twice the time it should take. How do you get to be a professional picture-hanger, anyway? That guys’ mom must be proud.

And with that Luke drifted off to sleep, and in his dream he was climbing a tree to get into Lorelai’s window, only it was a grapefruit tree this time and he was trying to reach up high to pick the shining golden fruit as he climbed. Somehow he knew that Lorelai wanted the fruit, so he was trying to pick it for her, but he had no bucket or basket and therefore no way to hold on to the fruit. He watched as each piece slipped between his fingers and fell to the ground below him.

He awoke when he heard the chimes of Lorelai’s wall clock. How many? Four. Four chimes. Four o’clock. He needed to get back to the diner. Why did his head hurt?

“Hey there, sleeping beauty.” he heard her say.

He looked up and saw Lorelai sitting across from him looking at a ledger of some kind, wearing a knit hat and a parka. She looked worried.

“Hey. Are you Ok?” he asked.

“I’m not the one who had a few too many beers,” she smiled.

“Right. Sorry about that.” he tried to sit up.

“No, stay still for a minute, I’m going to get you some water and aspirin.”

“Ok, thanks.”

He looked down, he was stretched out on her sofa. It was comfortable and he was covered up with a thick quilt. He saw his boots on the floor and his hat on the coffee table. He felt a hot water bottle at his feet. It was warm.

“I hope you were warm enough. That darn window’s turned this place into a deep freeze.” she said as she handed him a large glass of water and a couple of aspirin.

He swallowed the aspirin.

“I’m sorry about that. I’ll come back later to fix it...”

“Don’t worry about it. I called a guy. He’ll be here in twenty minutes.”

“Lorelai...”

“What? Don’t worry about it, Luke. You’ve got a lot going on right now. You don’t need to be fixing things for me too.”

“But I like fixing things. It’s something I like to do.”

“I know and you can fix whatever you want around here, anytime. Just not today, all right? Let’s take care of you. Now finish your water.”

“What?”

“Your water. Drink the whole thing–you need hydration.”

Luke obliged. When he finished he looked at his hand.

“What happened to Barbie?”

“She’s been replaced by a much more manly-looking and much larger bandage–I cleaned the wound with antiseptic too. Man, but you were really sound asleep.”

“Hot Wheels? You replaced Barbie with Hot Wheels?”

“Don’t you like it? See? The little cars go ‘zoom, zoom’”

“I liked Barbie.”

“Well, maybe you can have another one next time, sweetie, if you’re a good boy.”

“I’ve got to get back to the diner.” Luke swung his legs to the floor and bent to retrieve his boots, his head spinning as he leaned over.

“Here, let me do that for you.” Lorelai crossed over to him and pulled the coffee table back and knelt before him to put his boots on.

“Lorelai, you don’t need to.”

“I know. I want to.” she slipped his foot into a boot. “Luke, we help each other–that’s what we do. I mean, we should all try to take care of each other in this world.” she tied the lace.

“I used to think so,” he sighed.

“But, hard as we try, we are none of us completely self-sufficient. And, we can all go a little overboard sometimes too... I mean, I myself recently had a good friend tell me how I am always into things that are none of my business–that I think everything revolves around me...”

“Lorelai, that’s not...”

“It’s Ok, Luke. It’s true. And, yes, you do try to fix things for the people you care about. So what? It’s never because you’re selfish or self- serving. Jess is wrong, all right? Damn kid.” Lorelai slipped his other foot into his boot and began to tie that lace too. “Maybe someday, Jess will see that when we help each other in this life, or even just try to help each other, it’s because we care about each other. That it’s these little things we do for each other that are important. Maybe someday he’ll realize that, Luke, because of you.”

“I don’t know.”

“I know. Me either.” She stood up. “Go on up to my bathroom, I put out a towel and a washcloth for you. Wash your face, you’ll feel better.”

“Thanks.” he got up slowly and climbed up the stairs as she began to tidy up the living room.

He sighed when he looked in the mirror. Kinda pathetic there, Danes, he thought.

He absently ran the warm washcloth over his face and something caught his eye in the mirror on the shelf behind him.

He turned to look at it: An almost empty bottle of perfume. The bit of remaining golden liquid shone in the light. He reached up for it and removed the lid without thinking, and inhaled. It smelled good. It smelled just like her. He replaced the lid and looked at the bottle’s label: Jo Malone. London. Grapefruit Cologne, it said, and he smiled. He placed the bottle carefully back on the shelf.

“All better?” she asked as he came back down.

“A little,” he admitted.

“Yeah, sorry the best I could do was a bandaid. I wish I could fix everything for you, Luke. I really do.”

“Thanks. You made it better for trying.” he said, smiling a little. He meant it.

“Good,” she smiled brightly, “Will I see you at the festival later?”

He groaned in response.

“Ah, come on, I love the festival. Rory came home especially.”

“Yeah, well, maybe. I need to get back to the diner now, though.”

“All right. Thanks for everything, Luke.”

“I didn’t do anything but break a lamp,” he responded.

“You came and tried though, like you always do. I love that about you.”

They smiled at each other and suddenly Luke did feel much better.

“See you later,” he said as he left to go back to work.