A/N/Disclaimer: I don’t own a single one of the characters of Final Fantasy VII. Except for Cid and Vincent. Vincent’s in a cardboard box contemplating. And Cid has a toy airplane. They’re okay.

Um…I was surfing earlier for some good Vincent fics, but I was VERY disappointed to realize that very few of them stuck to Vincent’s personality. I was so very upset that I wrote this. Though it is short, I think this is what Vincent would have been thinking about while he was in the Shinra Mansion.

Um…enjoy.

~Kirie~

PS- The title is not of my making-it’s lyrics from John Frizzel’s My Little Box. Self explanatory there ^_^

Sometimes it feels like the silence itself has a voice.

Waking again.

I hate it when I leave my slumber. Whenever I open my eyes and exit my dreams, there is a hellish moment of consciousness when I think I’m trapped. I can’t breathe. But then I remember that I am trapped, in a way that is, that I’m still here inside this box, repenting my sins. I would take my own life, but I cannot. I mustn’t, else my memories will be gone forever to this monotonous darkness, and how else will I pay for what I’ve done…?

Pay for what I’ve done. Here it is, I’m thinking about her again. I think about her, and I can feel the pain in my side as if…as if I had been shot not years but minutes ago. Exquisite agony. Something new to feel in this blistering dark.

But Lucrecia…I think of you and I almost see light again. Remembering you is like a memory of light, soft and far away yet still in the borders of my memory. I’ve forgotten what light looks like, but Lucrecia, I could never forget you.

Sometimes I open my eyes and I can almost hear your voice.

Perhaps this is what the silence has done to me. Screamed in my ears so long that my memories have warped it, but I’d lie in this box for a thousand years if only I knew what happened to you, Lucrecia, my beautiful Lucrecia…

Why couldn’t I have stopped him?!

How swiftly chagrin turns to hate. How swiftly still hate turns to anger. And how swiftly at a last anger goes back to sorrow. My emotions are like a carousel, they never change and they never cease spinning in a hopeless ring of misery. Oh Lucrecia, if only it had been I instead of you…

This is why I detest consciousness. The dark and the silence both hurl me into a pool of hurtful thoughts and memories, so severe I cannot bear it.

And thus I repent.

This carousel is never going to stop spinning, and the silence is never going to stop screaming. This darkness will never know light, and dawn will never come in this Godforsaken place. My sins are alive within me, cackling and whispering in the dark, waiting to rise, but I shall not allow them to surface. I'll stifle them forever, if that is what it takes. They shall remain here with me, alone in this night.

Yet I’ve been wandering the empty halls of my mind for far too long. It is time again to lock my memories all away, to store them in a place I’ll be able to find when I wake again, wake again into this hateful sentience. I’m all the more aware that I cannot breathe, all the more aware that everything is pressing against me, a weight I cannot and will not lift.

Time to sleep again…

Eh? Like? Hate? Either way, please review.

~Kirie~