AN: Well, this fic is way late. I meant to finish it months earlier but Writers' Block struck again. Anyhoo, this story is mentioned once in my "Camping is a Scarring Experience" fic. So go read it too. XD

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing. I do, however, own the Soup Kitchen. If you want to use it for whatever strange reason, ask me first.

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It was one of those warm, lazy days on which no one really wants to do anything that requires muscle, brain, or heave machinery. At this time, Duo Maxwell, former Gundam pilot, now a first class Preventor, was upholding peace and justice from the comfort of a custom designed office chair.

The sounds of shooting and button pressing filled the small room, "Yea, that’s right! Try to take over 'my' universe, will you? Eat plasma gun!"

Yes. He was playing a video game. And it wasn't even a very good video game. The graphics sucked and the sound was crappy.

His alien killing was interrupted suddenly as Sally entered the office, holding in her hands a yellow, business-y folder.

"Are you busy?" she asked, closing the door behind her and leaning against the wall.

"Huh?" Duo muttered, distracted.

Sally huffed.

"Duo..."

"Just a second." he said, eyes fixed on the computer screen.

Frowning, Sally bent down and unplugged the cord from the wall socket, ignoring the boy's outraged yells.

"Sally! That was uncalled for! I was just about to beat the boss!"

"As important as I'm sure that was, I have a job for you." Sally said, handing him the folder. Duo opened it and quickly skimmed the contents. When he looked back up, his eyebrow was raised.

"A soup kitchen?" he asked, confused, "What do you want me to do, bomb it?"

Sally shook her head, "No, Duo. I've noticed that you've been slacking off lately and I think I know the solution to that problem."

"Psh, I have so 'not' been slacking off! Name one time!" Duo argued.

"Last time you were asked to infiltrate an enemy base you claimed you were too busy doing-", she paused, "What were your exact words? Oh, that's right, you were 'watching a really funny TV show with cool animals.'. We had to send Heero in your place."

Duo sweatdropped, "Oh, come on, give me a break."

"You're setting a bad example for the recruits." Sally insisted, "I'm sorry, but you have to do this."

"Alright, alright," Duo sighed, "Sheesh. What exactly are you gonna make me do?"

Sally grinned very Out-of-Character like and patted his head affectionately, "You get to help out at a soup kitchen for the homeless and poor for a whole day. Volunteering is fun. Aren't you lucky?"

Duo's mouth dropped open, "Are you kidding me?"

"Nope."

"And...I don't even get paid?"

"Sorry."

"I hate you."

"I love you too, Duo. If you want, you can ask someone else to share the pain with you. They could use all the help they can get at the soup kitchen. For some reason, it's not very popular." with that said, she left him alone with his thoughts and the little yellow folder of doom.

This sucked. The last thing he wanted to do was spend a Saturday handing out soup and crackers to people that probably haven't had a bath since it rained. And...ugh...there was probably going to be old people there. Really gross old people. He shivered slightly. Old people were scary. Damnit, he was not going to suffer through this alone.

He didn't care what he had to do, but he 'would' rope someone else into this mess.

Now, lets see, who was available?

His first choice was Heero but the Perfect Soldier was out on a mission half way across the world and wouldn't be back for a couple of days.

What about Quatre? The blonde always wanted to help out the needy, hence all the donations to organizations like Save the Whales or...Homes for Goldfish foundations. Duo was right about to pick up the phone to call him when he remembered that Quatre was...preoccupied, along with Trowa. The two had been working overtime for a while now and decided on a vacation. Together. Enough said.

That only left Wufei. Joy.

Oh well. It was either that or braving the danger alone, and Duo was feeling very wimpy right now. So, with a half-hearted sigh, he dialed the number for Wufeis’ office. After a couple rings, the Chinese teenager picked up.

"Yes?"

"Wufei, hey, it's me, Duo!"

He heard Wufei sigh.

"What do you want, Maxwell?"

"Well," Duo said, choosing his words carefully, "Sally just gave me a very interesting job, and I needed a partner."

"What kind of job?" Wufei asked, curious.

"Ah, never mind. It's too dangerous, you probably wouldn't want it."

"Maxwell, what's the job?"

Duo grinned, "We would have to go undercover and everything."

He could just imagine a vain throbbing on Wufeis’ forehead.

"Either tell me now or hang up."

"Ok, ok. The mission, should you choose to accept it, is to help the growing population of the poor and homeless by posing as volunteers at a soup kitchen while keeping an eye on an enemy organization that is hiding out in the next building."

Now let's just hope Wufei bought all that crap.

There was silence on the other line for a few seconds, until, "I'll do it."

Woah.

"Seriously?" Duo asked, just barely masking his gleeful tone.

"Yes, Maxwell. When do we leave?"

"Uh...tomorrow. Meet me at-" Duo looked through some papers in the folder, "...Mom's Soup Kitchen, 253 Factory lane. Show up at 7am."

"Fine." Wufei then proceeded to hang up.

"Sheesh, not even a goodbye." Duo said. But who cares. He managed to get Wufei into this. Alright, so he was probably going to get beaten up tomorrow and yelled at, but it was a worthy sacrifice.

The Next Morning...

Beep Beep Beep!

Duo yawned, hitting the off button on his alarm clock. All this was just wrong. Getting up at 5:30am on a Saturday should really be outlawed.

Running a hand through his unbound hair, Duo slowly sat up and got off his bed, walking over to the bathroom in his apartment. After taking a steamy shower, he brushed his teeth and wrestled with his hair for a while. Once it was in the usual braid, he made his way to the closet and looked through it, eyebrow raised.

"What does one wear to a soup kitchen?" he asked himself. Shrugging, he picked out a pair of black jeans and an old dark gray t-shirt.

When he finished getting dressed, ate some breakfast, and double checked his hair, Duo grabbed his keys and set off for the soup kitchen. Minutes later, when he arrived, he could see that Wufei was already waiting for him, dressed in blue jeans and a white shirt.

"Hey, you're early!" Duo called as he walked up to the other boy.

Wufei narrowed his eyes, "No, you're late. It 7:03am."

"Right, well...shut up." Duo laughed nervously, "Oh, and one more thing. I may have gotten my facts wrong yesterday when we talked."

"What are you talking about?"

"Remember how I said that we're undercover and that the enemy is in the next building?"

"...Yes."

"I might have lied."

"Excuse me?"

"We're not 'posing' as volunteers...we 'are' volunteers."

"Kisama!" Wufei yelled, face getting red from suppressing violent urges, "What's wrong with you!?"

"Wah, don't hurt me! It's not my fault!" Duo pleaded, holding up his hands in surrender, "Sally made me do it!"

"Maxwell, I-" Wufei paused and took a deep breath, "Lets go inside and get this over with."

Duo blinked, "Eh?"

"Volunteering is honorable. Besides, I don't have anything else to do today. I am letting you off, for now." Wufei said, sighing.

"Thanks! I owe you, big time!" Duo said, grabbing the other boy's arm and dragging him into the small, run down building. As they closed the door behind themselves, a balding, beer-bellied man greeted them.

"Hello. I'm the owner, Mr. Ronald. You must be Duo and...?" the man asked, eyeing the two boys.

"Uh, this is my friend, Wufei. He's going to be helping me." Duo said, "Wait, if you own this place, why is it called MOM'S Soup Kitchen?"

Mr. Ronald shrugged, "Long story. Anyways, we open up at 8am, so you got some time to spare. But first you gotta make some soup for the hungry. The ingredients are in the back room. Now, if you happen to be bitten, there's Neosporin under the sink."

"Bitten by what, exactly?" Wufei asked.

"Oh, the usual. Rat, cockroach, old person." Mr. Ronald answered, "I have to go now. They opened up a new golf course and I got a coupon. If you got a problem, call 911." with that being said, the man quickly ran out the door incase the boys changed their mind and he would be stuck in this hell hole for another day.

"Right-o. Well, what do we do now?" Duo blinked, staring at the trail of smoke left after the owner high-tailed it out of there.

"Maxwell, were you not listening?"

"....Um, no."

Gnashing his teeth and wondering if his karma would be damaged too much if he simply went home right now, Wufei answered, "Soup, Maxwell. Go make soup." before Duo could interrupt him, "The items needed to make the food are in the back room."

Putting his hands up in front of him in defense, Duo grinned, "Ok, Ok, no need to get all pissy."

"Just...go make the damned soup, Maxwell."

"Yes ma'am!" ignoring his growling partner, Duo went behind the cafeteria-like serving area and opened a flimsy door to a large walk in closet filled with cheap food.

Shoving things aside and nearly chucking his cookies at the rotting...something...that laid in the corner of one shelf, he gave a triumphant yell as he found the soup mixes. After he brought out the boxes of soup, he handed them to Wufei who had the water boiling in the large bucket-like pots on the stove.

"How much of this stuff do you think we need to make?" Duo asked, setting up the bowls and spoons seeing as how Wufei had forbidden him to be anywhere near cooking food.

"It all depends on how many people come in." Wufei said, stirring the watery mixture.

Oh, he really hoped those floating things were pieces of chicken.

"Hey, do I have to wax those?" Duo said, pointing to the tables scattered around the room.

Wufei shook his head, "This isn't a restaurant."

"M'kay, just wondering." Duo sighed, "This is boring. I want some action...some excitement-" he ducked as a bowl came very close to taking off his head, "What was that for?!"

"You're the one who got us into this mess, so be quiet and take it like a man."

"Actually, it was all Sallys' idea-"

"Maxwell?"

"Yea?"

"Shut up."

Pouting, Duo flopped down on one of the flimsy plastic chairs and surveyed his new 'kingdom'. Five long, scratched tables surrounded by chairs and a big space near the cooking zone where the homeless would be lining up in all their stinky glory.

Fun.

"I'm bored."

Wufeis' eye twitched, "Then set up the napkins and bowls."

"Did it."

"Fine, just sit there and try not to burn anything down."

"Frankly, I'm insulted by-" at the deadly look that Wufei was giving him, Duo chose to save his neck from a strangling and dropped the subject. Closing his eyes and yawning, he settled down for a nap.

He was awakened what seemed like minutes later by the sound of a bell going off above the door. With one more yawn, he sat up and stared at the intruder.

Woah.

What was holding that woman together?

While Duo was still looking on in amazement and not just a little horror, Wufei nodded a greeting in the direction of the old granny and poured her a bowl of hot soup. The lady slowly made her way to a chair and with a large croaking sound sat down.

Duos' curiosity was too much for him to handle and he hesitantly walked over to the homeless woman and sat down opposite her. The woman ignored him and picked up the spoon in her trembling hand. Before she could take a sip, the spoon was snatched away by Duo.

"Hey, you don't mind if I try some, do you?" not waiting for an answer, he dipped the spoon into the yellow-ish liquid and stuck it into his mouth.

Seconds passed, until...

"Oh my God of Death," Duo spat, whipping his tongue with a napkin, "That is the most god-awful crap I have ever eaten in my whole life!"

Wufei shot him a warning glance.

"Uh, I mean, " Duo took another spoon-full, " It's actually pretty good stuff..." he said through tightly clenched teeth. He gave the old granny a pat on her gray head and ran for the bathroom where he proceeded to give alms to the porcelain god.

Wufei shook his head in disgust as sounds of one hacking their stomach up reached his ears. Making up his mind to just get through this day without committing murder, he turned to the sink that was piled high with dirty dishes. Well, they might need more bowls so he should probably wash these.

Turning on the water and squirting some dishwashing liquid on the dishes, Wufei stuck his hands into the fly infested pile.

"This is a job for onnas, not Preventors." he mumbled, totally ignoring the fact that Preventors was run by a woman. (Lady Une, Miss Anne…or whatever she's calling herself now is head-person of Preventors, right? Or am I wrong? _)

"What are you whining about now, Fei?" Duo asked shakily, coming out of the bathroom none the worse for wear, if you ignore the slightly green face.

"Maxwell-"

Wufei was interrupted by what seemed like a horde of cows that suddenly rushed in to the soup kitchen.

The smell was awful and he could hear the rats scurrying away from the stench. Slowly the dust settled and Wufei and Duos' eyes widened at the sight of thirty homeless people arguing and shoving one another.

"Wufei?" Duo squeaked.

"...Yes?"

"Hold me."

Giving Duo a strange look, Wufei began the long and monotonous task of pouring the soup, "Duo, get some more packets of this stuff, we're going to run out soon if things keep up like this."

"But you said I wasn't allowed near boiling water!" Duo protested, going into the back room and coming out with more boxes of soup.

"I changed my mind."

"Hey, it's your funeral." shrugging, Duo dumped a few soup packages into the water and started stirring, every now and then making faces as he got flashbacks of tasting this poison.

Minutes passed, and there seemed to be no end of old people as they continued to line up for food. Wufeis' nose twitched as he smelled smoke. He glanced over at Duo who stood in front of the pot with a glazed over expression on his face, not noticing that the soup was starting to burn.

Wait, lemmi rephrase that.

It wasn't starting to burn, it was 'beyond' burning. The poor soup was kicking up the daisies. It was gone, deceased.

The soup was no more.

"Maxwell!" Wufei yelled, "What are you doing?!"

Duo blinked, "Cooking?"

"Look down, you baka."

Doing as he was told, Duo looked down at his pot and sweatdropped.

"Woops. Well, that's ok. The homeless old people won't taste the difference. Seriously, this stuff is nasty!"

"Maxwell, go make more. This time PAY ATTENTION to what you're doing!" Wufei said, glaring.

"Fine, fine. Damn, did you wake up on the wrong side of the bed today or what?"

Sighing, Wufei turned back to his job and poured a bowl of soup for an emaciated looking old man. When the man took the bowl but stayed standing where he was, staring at Wufei, the onyx eyed boy quirked an eyebrow.

"Is there something wrong?" Wufei asked.

The man grinned toothlessly, "Ma' name be Harold."

"...Anything I can help you with?"

"Actually, there be something." Harold replied, leaning a bit closer to Wufei who was beginning to get a feeling of dread that usually came right before he saw Relena.

"And?"

"I seem to be having a great burnen' in ma' loins. Per'aps ye'all could make it betta'." Harold slurred, wriggling his eyebrows suggestively.

"Excuse me?!" Wufei demanded, seriously considering just getting the hell out of here and leaving Duo to his misery.

"What's a young piece o' meat like ye'all doen' later tonight?"

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm afraid that if you don't get away from me immediately I'll be forced to shoot you."

Harold backed away for a second but then laughed like a horny weener-dog in heat, "Playen' hard ta get, are ye'all?"

Wufei narrowed his eyes and threw down the next bowl he was going to fill, "Maxwell, I'm leaving!" he growled, turning away from the soup and marching towards the door in a huff.

"What?! No, Fei! Come back!" Duo yelled, taking a flying leap and tackling Wufei around the legs, causing both of them to fall down onto the somewhat less than clean floor.

"What are you doing?" Wufei demanded, trying to wring his legs free from Duos' iron grip.

"Please don't go!" Duo whined, giving his partner the puppy dog eyes.

"And exactly what is stopping me from walking out this door?"

"Me." Duo answered, tightening his hold on Wufei, "Come on, I thought you were my friend. I can't do this alone!"

"I can feel the tears springing into my eyes." Wufei said dryly, giving one more half-hearted attempt at freedom.

"Please? Pretty please?"

Wufei just knew he was going to regret this. Seriously.

"...Fine."

Duo gave a loud scream of joy and gave the disgruntled Preventor a giant bear hug, "I love you!"

"Get off."

"M'kay! Well? Stop dawdling and get back to serving the soup, slave-woman!" Duo said, hoisting Wufei to his feet and giving him a slap on the arse. Wufei gnashed his teeth together for what felt like the thousandth time and grudgingly walked over to the pots to feed the homeless who were complaining loudly from the lack of service.

"Good Wu-chan." Duo said, grinning. After basking in glory of wining the fight, he made his way to his area to make more soup.

However, the Powers That Be were rather pissed off today for unknown reasons and so Duos' luck ran out.

Or Wufei had bad Karma. It all really depends on how you look at it.

A rather slutty looking grandma was busy flirting with another old woman and accidentally spilled some soup on the floor. Duo, with his head high up in the clouds, didn't notice in time.

That's why he did a summersault that would put Olympic gymnasts to shame and landed in a pile some feet away from the puddle on which he had slipped.

Duo sat up, tight-lipped and twitching, "Feeeeiii..." he moaned, dragging himself over to an empty chair. Wufei rolled his eyes and once again abandoned his duties to see to his dying companion.

"What did you do now, Maxwell?" Wufei asked, shooting the people in line a dark look when they started groaning about starvation.

"I hurt myself." Duo said in a frail voice, milking this accident for all it was worth.

"Where?"

Duo pointed at his ankle.

Wufei kneeled down and rolled up the braided-ones pant leg, revealing pale skin that was quickly beginning to swell and turn a fetching purple color. After checking it out for a bit, Wufei nodded to himself and stood back up.

"It's just sprained. Don't move around on it and you'll be fine." Wufei said, sighing.

"If you say so. Oh, and Fei?"

"Hm?"

"The people want food. Don't make me slap you again."

Fists tightly clenched, Wufei once again did as he was told.

Meanwhile, while Wufei was doing the whole job by himself, attempting to cook and serve at the same time, Duo brought out his cell phone from his pants pocket and speed-dialed the place which had gotten him through the toughest moments.

"Hello, Dominos Pizza?"

Half an hour later, an acne-infested teenage boy came into the soup kitchen, looking around warily, "Hey, did someone order a pizza?" he asked.

"Right here!" Duo said, leg propped up on another chair lazily. He paid the teen $20, telling him to keep the change.

As soon as the delivery boy left, Duo opened the box with drool nearly escaping from his lips. When the sweet aroma of cheese, pepperoni, and other assorted toppings met Duos' nose he thought he might pass out from happiness. Oh, the melted cheese...the cheese...

The first bite was like heaven, sending Duo into an euphoria.

The euphoria was cut short as the slice was rudely snatched from his hand, "Hey, what’s the-....deal?" Duo asked, eyes wide in terror.

The pizza and Duo were surrounded by homeless people. So many homeless people. They eyed the pizza hungrily, staring at it as if it were salvation.

"Um, Fei?"

No answer.

"Some help, please?"

Gulping, Duo slowly stood up on one leg and hopped away backwards, keeping all limbs close to his body incase some old person mistook him for a food item.

He really didn't want to get bitten, and those tetanus shots hurt!

Once he was a safe distance away, he made a run for Wufei and used him as a shield. Woah, those old people were really digging into the pizza. Look at that pepperoni fly.

Eventually, the commotion died down and the place became as it used to be, although Duo was sure that there were a couple fingers missing after the whole war with the pizza.

The hours passed slowly, with both of the boys quickly becoming sick of soup and anything that resembled it.

Finally it was closing time.

Duo and Wufei nearly hugged.

Nearly.

They still had the whole macho image to keep up.

After taking their separate cars back to Quatres' mansion, they collapsed on the couch.

"Never again, Maxwell. Never again." Wufei snarled, rubbing his temples gently in an attempt to get rid of his growing headache.

"Shuttap. I need an icepack." Duo whimpered, poking his bruised ankle with a resonated air, "Man, come tomorrow, I'm signing Sally up for the same damn soup kitchen. Lets see how she likes it."

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AN: ^_^ Woohoo, this is my longest one-shot ever! I feel so proud of myself. -grin- I'll feel even prouder if you review. You know you want to. It'll make your Karma better.