Warning: Contains adult material: such as nudity and
suggestive dialogue. (^.^; How cute.) Discretion advised for
the narrow-minded and those who pretend to be repulsed by
their humanity for absolutely no reason at all. We were born
to be naked! Live with it! Or is there a reasonable excuse
for spying naked flesh when it's convenient for you? Weirdos.

Author's note: This concept has probably been used somewhere
before, but I've not seen any stories myself that have; so it
makes me feel a little better and not so unoriginal. I
dislike doing something others are doing or have already
done, you know? In any case, I hope you find some semblance
of enjoyment from this read.

I don't want... any mean comments...
if you send me nice ones I'll touch myself... Oh oh-oh-oh oh!
^.^; Bwahahaha! Just kidding. Recognize the song? Well, with
the changes?

Scrumdiddilyumptious
By: Crescent Pulsar

=============================================================
Once upon a time...

There lived a man whose life was fraught with peril: a
martial artist named Saotome Ranma. This is what happened
after his known life, the part left out to leave you with a
more... fairy tale-like ending. Well, maybe not, but that's
all that could be salvaged before the actual ending. You see,
his life DID get better after the wedding attempt; but it
couldn't be followed through with a tragedy interrupting the
happy ending (thus ending the happy ending). Oh! Anyway,
here's the tragedy.

"AGH! What's going on!" A distraught female voice screamed
from the Tendo residence. We hear someone running hastily on
a hardwood floor, which stopped briefly when said runner
jumped down the stairs. We enter the house to see what is
wrong through the eyes of Kasumi, and we catch a glimpse of a
naked redhead through the balustrade belonging to the
staircase. Before Kasumi could set the broom aside (that of
which she had been using to sweep the stone pathway that led
to the front door), Akane flew down the steps in pursuit of
her husband, and she, too, was naked.

As Kasumi followed them, she wondered why they had so easily
forgotten about maintaining a sense of modesty over the past
three days. Certainly they were happy (that was something no
one could overlook since they got married), but was it really
necessary to spend so much time having sex everyday? She
blushed at that thought. She wished she could experience what
her younger sister was. "NOOOOOooooo...!" Kasumi heard the
sorrowful cry come from the vicinity of the bathroom. She
hurried her way there and passed through it to enter the
furoba.

Once there, she found Ranma in the steaming bath water with
her sister trying to comfort her. "Why...?" She heard Ranma
whisper despondently. Wait. Steaming bath water? A female
Ranma? "Oh my!" Kasumi exclaimed, grabbing the attention of
Akane. "K-Kasumi. Call doctor Tofu." She struggled between
sounding worried and urgent. Kasumi nodded, and before she
could turn to leave, Akane spoke up and hurriedly said: "Oh!
Tell him we'll be THERE, shortly." Kasumi smiled before
leaving, missing the sigh of relief from Akane. Having Dr.
Tofu make a house call with Kasumi around was NOT a good
idea.
-The End-
NOT! ^_^;
-Dr. Tofu's clinic.-

"Have a seat, Ranma." Tofu motioned towards the examination
bed with a smile. As Ranma obeyed his request, he turned to
Akane, who stood beside him. "So, he can't return to being
male again, I understand?" He asked, receiving a nod from
Akane. "Well, knowing what has caused that in the past, it's
safe to say that the fastest way to find a solution is to
remember what you had been doing as of late." He didn't
notice the face of his patient or her wife turn red.

"So, where have you been spending most of your time as of
late?" Tofu addressed a fidgeting Ranma. "At, uh... home."
She replied nervously. "I see. And when was the last time you
were a girl?" Tofu continued his probing. "A few hours ago
when I washed up; after I awoke." She answered, blushing even
more when she thought of why she needed to clean herself of
all the sweat and other bodily fluids. Tofu nodded in
response. That would mean it would have occured between that
short period of time if someone had done this to Ranma
deliberately. "Hmmmm. What were you doing during your last
transformation?" He was answered by a tense silence that was
filled with blazingly hot cheeks. He blinked a few times in
wonderment as he alternated his attention between the two
newly weds.

"I know!" He brightened at an idea. "You were doing Akane,
right?" He surmised with a radiant smile and an extended
finger that pointed to the heavens. Ranma fell off the
examination bed due to shock and Akane was very flustered.
"H-how could you tell!" Akane sputtered. She was
embarrassed; ashamed; nervous; worried. What would Dr. Tofu
think of her now? She didn't want anyone to know her and her
husband's sex life, especially since their latest bedroom
brawl turned her husband into a wife. What would everyone
else think if they found out about that?

"You mean... I was right?" Tofu sounded surprised and rubbed
the back of his head in embarrassment. That was some rather
personal information he had just received. It was Akane's
turn to fall from shock. He chuckled as he observed the dazed
couple. "Don't worry." He began, sounding a bit amused.
"Remember: whatever is said here doesn't leave this room
(confidentiality and all)." He assured them. Ranma groaned in
reply as she picked herself up from the floor. Seeing Akane
in the same condition that she had been in just previously,
she went over to her wife and roused her out of her daze.

Tofu watched as Ranma successfully woke up her spouse and led
her to the examination bed, where they both sat and faced
him. "Sorry 'bout that, doc." Ranma apologized to him while
lowering her head and rubbing the back of her head in
embarrassment. "Me, too." Akane added, her eyes finding
interest with the floor. "There's no need for any of that."
Tofu told them, still amused. "You're relationship has
understandably changed in normal ways since you were married
three days ago. You don't have to say anything for people to
know what's been going on." Seeing that his comment made them
uncomfortable, he cleared his throat and continued. "So,
let's not worry about that and delve back into the problem at
hand." They nodded to him to show their approval. "Now." He
started and worked his way back into the demeanor that is
needed for a man of his profession. "When the change occured,
what were you doing?"

He watched patiently as the two remained quiet for a few
seconds, then Akane nudged Ranma's arm. They both turned to
look at each other, seemingly having a silent argument
amongst themselves. Finally, after a minute of this, Akane
glared at her husband-turned-wife and she sighed in defeat
before giving him eye contact. "We were, um... trying
something different." Ranma told him. "'Different?'" Tofu
questioned. Ranma left her head down after nodding, too
embarrassed to show the reddening features of her face.
Akane, likewise, left her head down. "Y-yeah... um..." Ranma
faltered, but soon looked up in wonder with her cheeks still
showing a red hue when she felt a hand placed on her
shoulder: it was Dr. Tofu with a comforting smile. "Go on. If
you want a chance at a cure, I'll need to know how this
happened."

Determined, Ranma nodded and gathered her thoughts so she
could explain. She wasn't really sure how to without sounding
stupid. "Okay. Well, you see..." She paused while looking
thoughtful. "Akane told me about something a friend of hers
mentioned back when we were in school. We've been doing the
same thing for two days straight and she felt we should give
it a try." She glanced over at Akane before continuing. "I'd
do anything to make her happy, so I agreed to try it out."

"What was it?" Tofu insisted politely. "It was to... um..."
Ranma was losing her confidence to her embarrassment, but she
drove onward nonetheless. "Use m-my mouth." She finished with
evident relief. She certainly hoped she didn't have to tell
someone something like that again. Akane was thinking the
same, only from her side of things. "Aaaaaah." Tofu voiced
with newfound understanding as he pondered over the
information.

After a few moments without a conclusive answer from the
doctor, Akane spoke up and asked: "S-so... what do you think
happened?" Ranma looked at him intently for a forthcoming
answer. "Well..." He began as he scratched the side of his
face. "I'm not sure, but I'm going to quote an expression..."
He saw their expectant looks. "'You are what you eat.'"

Akane and Ranma blinked as they stared dubiously at the
doctor in front of them. "What?" Was Akane's response. "Are
you serious?" Ranma added in question. Tofu nodded and pushed
his glasses up the bridge of his nose before he started on
how he came to that conclusion. "Yes. You see, water used to
be the trigger. You knew that when it first happened, and you
were also aware that the water was cold. Am I right?" Ranma
nodded and didn't respond audibly so he could continue. "You
also know that what you eat becomes a part of you and the
energy you need in order to perform your daily tasks. What
could have happened is that you were at least subconsciously
aware of that when you, um, gave Akane oral pleasure." He had
the good grace to blush upon finishing his explanation.

"That makes sense, but how is that possible?" Akane asked,
despite the way she was currently comporting herself: it felt
like her brain was going to blow a chip from having to talk
about such personal affairs between her husband and herself.
Knowing that Dr. Tofu was a good person to confide in did
make her feel better, but not much. Ranma fared better since
she was more concerned with what was happening to her, and if
Dr. Tofu could help. If his theory was correct, that is.
"Normally, we don't become what we eat, but Ranma CAN become
a girl. Thus..."

"He can become a girl if he 'EATS' one!" Akane finished for
him, astounded at how simple that was to grasp. "Er, so to
speak." She added, flustered. Ranma looked very worried,
however. "Then, since the trigger to my curse changed, does
that mean I have to...?" She didn't have to finish: they all
knew what she was implying. "That would be the logical
answer, I'm afraid." Tofu ascertained Ranma's fear, who froze
in place from the sheer horror of her predicament. Why did it
have to be her? Oh, yeah, she's Saotome Ranma; things like
this are supposed to happen to her. "Ranma?" Akane implored
her with evident concern as she waved her hand in front of
the redhead's unfazing visage.

Tofu turned to the door of the examination room when he heard
someone knock upon it. "I wonder who that could be?" He
wondered aloud as he made his way to answer. When he opened
the door, his glasses fogged up due to the sight in front of
him. "K-K-K-K-Kasumi!" He stammered excitedly. That put both
Akane AND Ranma on high alert. "Why, good morning, doctor
Tofu." Kasumi greeted cheerfully. "Wh-what b-brings you here?
Of all places?" He asked her as he turned the doorknob until
it broke with an audible snap. Kasumi raised a picnic basket
into view. "I thought I'd bring you some lunch: in
appreciation for taking care of Ranma."

She proffered the basket to Tofu, who happily accepted it. He
then placed the two handles in his mouth with the basket
situated behind his head. "It's a wonderful bridle, Kasumi!
Thanks!" His voice was slightly muffled and distorted due to
having said basket handles in mouth. Kasumi giggled at his
antics. "That's not what I meant."

Akane and Ranma watched from the background, which they
considered a safe distance away, and watched as Dr. Tofu took
the basket out of his mouth and instead slipped his head
through the handles so the basket now hung in front of his
face from his neck. "Then it's certainly a great feedbag!
Heh, heh, heh!" He tried opening the flaps, but for all the
world he couldn't comprehend as to why they got in his way
when he opened them. "Well, I guess that could work..." If
you removed the flaps, Kasumi added mentally. "Oh! And have
you found a cure for Ranma's problem?" She asked as it
crossed her mind.

"Why, yes! I have!" He exclaimed triumphantly and showed it
to her in all its glory after tearing his trousers away. "Oh
my!" Kasumi blushed furiously and covered her mouth with her
hand in surprise. He had his hands set on his hips and his
gaze raised to meet one of the light fixtures on the ceiling.
"I am one with the capability to cure him!" He stated
chivalrously before turning about to face the one in need of
rescue, who hopped off and to the other side of the
examination table with Akane in tow to place it between them
and him. "I'll have you fixed in a jiffy!" He assured
cheerfully as he took charge. Ranma and Akane screamed as
they bolted, making their escape through the wall. Kasumi
watched as they ran beyond her vision, uncertain as to how
she should react to what transpired.

Several minutes later a child spies an older man with the
southern exposure look, who seemed to be searching about
himself with a basket hanging from his neck. "Hey, guys!
Cum're n' lookit this!" He called out to his friends, that he
had been playing with in the playground. "Isn't he the one
who makes our booboos all better?" A little girl asked the
others as she approached the fence where the boy stood,
several others doing the same. "Yeah!" Another among the
group agrees, then continues by exclaiming: "Must be healthy,
so let's follow his example!" And so, following his lead,
they all stripped themselves of their southern raiments and
returned to play...
-...And they played happily ever after. The End.-

Oh, and if you're wondering, Ranma and Akane became
nymphomaniacs; living happily together while spreading the
wealth. ^_^ Oh my!