Warnings: Um... Well... Definitely an alternative universe story. Corny rewrite of the classic fairy tale Snow White.

Once upon a time, there lived a perverted king named Kakashi and a wise and kind king named Iruka. For many years, the couple lived in a bliss, yet having no heir lurked at the edge of their mind. troubling them greatly. One snowy winter night, Kakashi sat by the window of his castle, polishing his weapons after Iruka kicked him out of their bed chambers.

"What's so wrong about reading Icha Icha Paradise?" Kakashi grumbled to himself. "It isn't like it's strictly porn or anything. At least it's in a novel format!"

Thus musing, Kakashi cut himself and cursed in colorful, unprintable words, then sucked on his finger as he looked at the window outside. "Man, it sure is storming like hell tonight," Kakashi muttered. "I wish Iruka and I could have a kid who has hair like the midnight skies, red lips like the blood upon my finger, and skin as white as snow outside- or not. Personally, I don't care about the kid's appearance; I just want a heir."

"Well, excuse me for being a guy!" Iruka snapped. Kakashi nearly cut his other hand on the kunai. He sharply turned around and gawked at his husband. Iruka threw a pillow and a blanket at Kakashi's face. "I was about to forgive you, but never mind! Sleep on the sofa tomorrow, too! And if you want a heir that much, sleep with some woman!"

"But... but Iruka!" Kakashi protested. "That was what it said on the script! And it's cold outside! You can't leave me out here; you love me too much to do that!"

"Just watch me," Iruka snapped. However, their quarrel was interrupted when Tsunade approached them with a small bundle in her arms.

"Here," she said, thrusting the bundle at Kakashi. "He's all yours."

Kakashi gawked at Tsunade, then at the baby in his arms. "Huh? What? Why?"

"Because in fairy tales, your wishes usually come true, unless it's necessary for the plot that your wish doesn't come true until the end," she explained. "This baby is necessary for this story's plot, so you get a son even if your partner's a guy like you."

Kakashi stared at the sleepy child. He had a mob of blond hair, blue eyes, and healthy, tanned skin. Kakashi looked at Tsunade again, bewildered. "But this kid doesn't even look like me! Besides, he's the complete opposite of the baby I just described!"

Tsunade rolled her eyes. "The kid you described was Sasuke, and do you think he'll actually play the role of Snow White? He's not dumb enough to eat the poisoned apple later in the story."

"Don't reveal the plot from the very beginning," Iruka protested. Tsunade gave him a sheepish look.

"Oh yeah. Sorry. Well, it's Kakashi's fault for pointing out the plot holes."

"She started it. But sorry," Kakashi echoed. Iruka sighed. It was only the first scene, and already the story was getting screwed up.
* * * * *

Few years passed, and Prince Naruto grew up to be a troublesome, noisy young man. His best friend was Sasuke, who hunted animals for meat, because Naruto liked meat. Other than he, Naruto had no other friends, since he was not a beautiful brainless princess, nor was he a dashing brainless prince. Fairy tale people did not like a prince who was neither gorgeous nor dumb. So Naruto spent many lonely hours, his only solace the few hours a day that Sasuke was in the castle to play with him. But even these brief meetings with Sasuke had to be in secret, because Naruto's parents were very jealous for the boy's attention.

On a fine spring morning, Kakashi stood in front of a huge mirror on a secret room of his castle. "Hey, mirror," Kakashi said. "Who's Naruto's favorite person?"

The mirror shimmered, distorting Kakashi's reflection on its surface. "Why?"

"Because I'm the king, and I get to ask stupid questions and waste my time," Kakashi dryly said. "Answer now, unless you want me to break you apart."

"Fine, fine," the mirror grumbled. "Just because I'm an inanimate object doesn't mean you can abuse me, you know. Naruto's favorite person is the one named Uchiha Sasuke."

"Who the hell is that?" Kakashi asked, very upset by this new information. "But I'm his dad! You mean his favorite person is not me?"

"Uh... no."

Kakashi tried his best to be enraged by this news. "That is absurd! If Naruto's favorite person can not be me, it can not be anyone else! I shall kill Naruto!"

"...that's a lame excuse to kill your own son, you know," the mirror informed Kakashi. "Even more lame than that whole 'my daughter is more beautiful than me, so I should kill her' thing."

Kakashi shrugged. "I need an excuse to send him to the forest with the dwarves, and I'm not going to ask you if Naruto's more fairer than me. That's just... wrong. And you know the major characters in fairy tales don't die, so Naruto won't die no matter what I do."

The mirror sighed.

Naruto clung to Sasuke's waist as Sasuke drove his horse deeper and deeper into the forest. At least entering such a deep part of the forest that humans scarcely visited the area, Sasuke stopped and nimbly jumped off the horse, offering a hand to help Naruto climb down from the animal.

"This is where you hunt?" Naruto asked, his eyes sparkling with excitement. Sasuke solemnly nodded, wrapping one arm around Naruto's waist to steady him as Naruto climbed off the horse. As soon as his feet touched the floor, Naruto grinned up at Sasuke. "This is so cool! I can't believe my parents are actually letting me hunt with you. They always treat me like a kid."

"That's because you still act like a kid," Sasuke gruffly retorted, even though his eyes remained soft. Naruto scowled.

"I don't act like a kid!"

"Yes you do," Sasuke said. He wrapped his arms around Naruto's shoulders. "You always get into trouble and force me to protect you like this."

Naruto struggled against Sasuke's arms. "I never asked you to protect me now, did I? I'm the prince, so I'm the one who's supposed to be saving damsels in distress and all that stuff, not get protected!"

Sasuke smirked. "Are you sure about that?"

Naruto stopped struggling as Sasuke lowered his face and kissed him, their lips layering in well-known movements. Sasuke's arms around Naruto's body somewhat tightened as Naruto stood on his toes to match their lips better. They broke away, and Naruto sighed and buried his head into Sasuke's chest. "Sasuke, you're such a jerk."

"I know," Sasuke said. His eyes grew solemn again. "But Naruto, I really like you."

"I like you, too!" Naruto cheerfully said. Sasuke placed his hands on Naruto's cheeks. Sasuke's solemn expression made Naruto shift uneasily. "...Sasuke?"

"Naruto, you must run away from the castle. I was ordered to kill you today. I shall kill a wild boar instead and bring his organs in place of yours. But you must run, and never return." Sasuke placed a kiss on Naruto's forehead. "You're a strong boy. You'll be surely all right. I'll come find you no matter what."

Naruto shook his head, his face paling. "You're... you're lying! My parents would never want me dead! They love me!"

"Yes, they do," Sasuke softly said. "But I think they want you dead because you are a bad heir, and you will be miserable if you sit upon the throne. The people would not like you, Naruto, and you know it, too. I think setting you free like this is the kindest thing they could do."

Naruto scratched the back of his neck. "Nah, my dad's not deep like that. He probably asked his stupid mirror who mom's favorite person is, and the mirror said it's me or something really dumb like that." There was a brief silence, and then Naruto became serious and angsty again. "You promise you'll come find me?"

Sasuke nodded. "And when I find you again, we shall run away to a distant land, where we can live together without scrutinizing eyes of others."

Naruto nodded, gave a quick peck to Sasuke's cheek, and ran into the forest. Sasuke watched the boy's retreating form until he couldn't see him any longer.

Naruto wasn't sure how far he ran. A stabbing pain on his sides told him that he should walk, rather than run, but the pain of being abandoned by his parents made him want to run away. Naruto finally stopped and breathed heavily, leaning against a tree. The sun was starting to set, and wild animals started to rustle through the forest, while owls hooted to each other. Naruto shivered. The air was starting to get cold.

An aroma of delicious food suddenly hit Naruto's nostrils, and Naruto almost salivated all over the floor as he inhaled the scent deeply. He blindly walked towards the smell, and came upon a small cottage. Naruto tentatively knocked on the door.

"Y-yes?" A small voice asked, the door creaking open slightly.

"Hi, I'm a prince and I was nearly killed by my parents for reasons that I do not know of. I'm lost and starving. Do you think I can work for some food?" Naruto pleadingly asked. The door opened further, revealing the cutest girl Naruto had ever seen.

"Oh, um, then please come in," the girl softly said, stepping away from the door. "You don't need to work, you poor thing. You can have my share, if others object."

"Thank you so much!" Naruto said, deeply touched. He entered the house and followed the girl to the kitchen. "But I'd rather work for my food. I'm Naruto. What's your name?"

"Hinata," Hinata said, shyly smiling. Upon arriving at the table, six other girls looked up at Naruto curiously. Hinata nervously said. "Um, this is Naruto-san. He was a prince, and he was nearly killed by his parents today and doesn't have a place to go. Do you think he could stay here for few days?"

"Yeah, sure," Ino said. She glanced at other girls. "This okay with all of you girls?"

"As long as he doesn't try anything perverted and works for his food, he may stay as long as he wants," Kurenai said. Sakura, Ten Ten, Temari, and Anko nodded in agreement. "Sakura, go get him some rice."

As Sakura stood up and retrieved Naruto his bowl of rice, Naruto bowed in gratitude. "Thank you very much, everyone. I'll do my best to earn my place here."

"We can't refuse anything Hinata asks for, since Hinata almost never asks us for anything," Temari said, crooked smile upon her lips. "But one wrong move and I'll make sure you can never make babies, got that? Especially our little Hinata."

"Oh no, I already have someone I like," Naruto said, blushing. "My boyfriend will be angry if I so much as looked at anyone else."

There was suddenly a loud squeal as all the girls turned to Naruto with their eyes scarily huge and sparkly. Naruto slowly backed away from them, frightened at the stars pouring out of the girls' eyes.

"Boyfriend, you said?"

"Oh my gosh, all of our shounen-ai doujinshi dreams are coming true! Let's draw their story and sell it at the anime convention next year!"

As the girls verbally attacked him, Naruto wondered what was it he said that had gotten him into such a trouble. He was suddenly very glad that Sasuke was a boy, not a girl.

The next day, the girls sat with Naruto around the living room, listening to anything and everything about the relationship between he and Sasuke with utmost attention and interest. Occasionally the girls would squeal and mutter something among themselves, and Naruto tried his best to ignore the foreign languages of 'that sounds like that Hunter x Hunter fan comic I read' or 'doesn't that remind you of that Get Backers fan fiction?'s. Naruto was biting into a big, juicy apple when Ten Ten asked, "So did you two sleep together yet?"

Naruto immediately choked on his apple. A rather large piece of apple got stuck in his throat, and Naruto coughed and whizzed as he turned blue. The girls started to shriek and tried to pound on his back to help him swallow the apple, but this only caused the apple to be thrust deeper into the boy's trachea, and Naruto struggled to breath as he turned more and more blue with lack of oxygen.

During the commotion, no one heard the knock on the door. Suddenly the door was kicked open, and Sasuke entered the room. Finding Naruto surrounded by girls, turning slowly from blue to white, Sasuke at first thought Naruto had done something perverted and the girls had beat him up to the point of death. However, Sasuke noticed the apple still clutched in Naruto's hand, and immediately understood the situation.

"Who are you?" Ten Ten asked when she noticed the door kicked open and a strange man towering above them.

"Hey, you kicked our door open! You'd better pay for that!" Sakura complained.

"Are you Naruto's boyfriend?" Anko eagerly asked.

Sasuke ignored them and knelt down to Naruto. Lifting the boy's face to his, Sasuke immediately kissed him, plunging his tongue into the other boy's mouth. One of his hand encircled the boy's waist, while his other hand pounded on Naruto's back to force air out of his lungs and thus cause the apple to come back up. As soon as Sasuke tasted the apple, he pulled the apple away from Naruto's mouth using his tongue. He slowly pulled away from Naruto as Naruto coughed and gulped in the air hungrily. Naruto's teary eyes slowly opened to look at Sasuke, his face gradually turning back to its normal color.

"...Sasuke?"

"You dumbass!" Sasuke immediately yelled. He clutched Naruto's body to his, burying his head into Naruto's neck. "Of all the dumb things in the world to do... You nearly died from choking on an apple! Naruto..."

"Ehehe. Sorry, Sasuke," Naruto said, hugging him back.

"I can't leave you alone for one freaking day. Really... You need my protection all the time..." Sasuke said, pulling away from Naruto. He peered at Naruto's face. "You're okay? You can breath well now?"

"Yup," Naruto said. He took Sasuke's hand in his. "Sasuke?"

"Yes?"

"...always protect me, okay? Always stay by my side..."

Sasuke smiled and leaned in to kiss Naruto. "Of course, your highness."

The two didn't notice the girls furiously sketching them.

Shikamaru was leaning against a tree, reading over his copy of the Snow White and the Seven Dwarves. He sighed and looked up at the sky. "How troublesome... So I have to fall in love with a corpse? I'm not some perverted necrophilia, thank you very much."

"Well, there aren't that many gorgeous princesses left to get married to, so be grateful!" Jiraiya scolded. "They're all either 'living happily ever after' or got eaten by dragons or some other nonsense. Besides, she'll come back to life once you get the poisoned apple out of her throat!"

"I don't get why all princes has to marry princesses, anyway. I mean, there are only so many royalties you can get before you have to start inbreeding." Shikamaru sighed again and stared at the clouds passing by, while Jiraiya diligently looked for the gorgeous babe in the coffin.

Kakashi nervously watched as Iruka heated up a pair of iron sandals among red-hot coals. Iruka flipped the sandals upside-down to get the top burning hot as well.

"Um, Iruka?" Kakashi started. "You're not seriously going to, uh, make me wear that, right?"

"Of course I will, Kakashi!" Iruka sweetly said, smiling. Vein was throbbing at the side of his head. "You've only killed our only son after having some kind of pedophiliac incest fetish on our little boy! Why should I not kill you the most painful way possible?"

"But I only followed the script!" Kakashi wailed. "It's not my fault! Trust me, Naruto is probably very alive and well this instant! Really! I mean, this is a fairy tale and Naruto is the major character!"
"I don't care about the script," Iruka said. He pulled the iron sandals out by tongs and set it on the floor. "Put it on, Kakashi."

Kakashi stared at the bright red sandals, emanating heat just by sitting next to his feet. He grinned at Iruka, threw a smoke bomb, and ran for his life. Iruka, who had no real intention of making Kakashi wear the sandals- he had received a letter from Naruto, who happily informed him that he was going to marry Sasuke- just grinned.

"Well. That should teach him not to follow script to a stupid fairy tale."

"The end," Gaara Nisei said, closing the book of fairy tales. Hayato was covering his mouth, trying his best not to laugh.

"Gaara-niisama," Hayato softly chided. "You shouldn't change fairy tales. Shu-chan might think that is the actual version of the Snow White and the Seven Dwarves!"

"Iruka-sensei doesn't mind that much," Gaara Nisei carelessly said. "Is the brat sleeping?"

Hayato kneeled over to check upon Shuuichiro. The boy was peacefully sleeping, his little chest rising and falling rhythmically. He turned to Gaara Nisei and nodded. He tucked the blanket around the little boy, then stood up. "Well, I guess we can go and sleep, too. Shu-chan's parents are not coming home until tomorrow afternoon, so we have to sleep early if we want to send Shu-chan off to school."

Gaara Nisei stood up and wrapped his arms around Hayato's waist, resting his forehead against the nape of the boy's neck. "Oh, come on, Haya. You don't think I'm going to keep my hands off of you tonight? It's been so long since we're together all alone."

"Y-you can't; Shu-chan will wake up!" Hayato stammered, blushing brightly. He tried to push Gaara Nisei away while his white eyes nervously glanced at sleeping Shuuichiro.

"I'll make sure you don't make any sounds," Gaara Nisei purred, nuzzling against Hayato's silken bluish-black hair. His red-tipped golden hair messily mingled with the other boy's hair. "Please? We can't do anything once we're at home because of our parents, and the academy bathroom is such an uncomfortable place to-"

"Gaara-niisama!" Hayato snapped. He gave a last glance at Shuuichiro before sighing and relenting, "We better not make any mess."

"I'll do my best," Gaara Nisei cheerfully said. The two rapidly walked out of the room, hand in hand, while Shuuichiro rolled over on the bed, clutching the blanket tightly against his chin as he dreamed of his parents returning home soon from their mission.

The End

This is sort of epilogue of both Manazashi wa Eien ni and Ano Toki no Boku-ra wa. *laughs* Well. I wasn't going to pair anyone up with Gaara Nisei, but I couldn't resist teasing poor little Hayato. If you don't know who they are, ignore the last paragraph, and it should be all good. ^^;; Technically Gaara Nisei shouldn't be able to baby-sit Shuuichiro, because they're in parallel universes, but whatever. X3