:: Double Suicide ::

Gensomaden Saiyuki

Disclaimer: I don't own Gensomaden Saiyuki, which rightfully belongs to Minekura Kazuya.

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: Sanzo/Goku

Warnings: AU, death, some gore, some creepiness, hinted shounen ai/yaoi

Notes: Last part in the fic. Thanks to everyone who reviewed, but the most thanks to anyone that gave me anything constructive. I'm most happy when someone tells me what I'm doing right or wrong, so I appreciate those reviews the most. Even for this last part, constructive criticism and feedback is appreciated.

Epilogue

"Sanzo? What's wrong?"

The monk started, looking up with an impassive expression that didn't reveal his surprise. "Nothing's wrong," he said flatly, leaning back in his seat. "What makes you ask such a stupid question, monkey?"

The boy made a face at him, folding his arms on his keeper's desk and resting his chin on them. Not once did his golden eyes stray away from Sanzo. "Your eyes were all wet," he said.

Sanzo scowled. "What?" That wasn't right; there was no way he'd been crying.

As though reading his mind, Goku tried to clarify. "Not like when someone cries... like the clear stuff they put over cakes sometimes!"

Glazed, Sanzo realized, closing his eyes briefly. That meant he'd been drifting off again without meaning to...

"Were you dreamin'?" Goku asked curiously, tilting his head.

Normally Sanzo would tell him to shut up and go away... normally. That was when Goku was being typically irritating. Somehow, though, he couldn't bring himself to be annoyed. So instead he shrugged a bit, muttering softly, "Something like that."

"About what?"

Sanzo cringed inwardly, shaking his head. No, it was impossible. What he thought he'd seen... it was just a gruesome image brought up because of a combination of past experiences and too much stress. That could get you thinking strange things, even seeing odd things in your mind, such as...

There wasn't just blood, but a lot of chunky-looking gray matter splattered on the wall and floor. The figure sprawled beneath was absolutely still, unmoving, not breathing... certainly not even speaking, no matter how loudly he could hear the voice in his mind.

Or was it in his mind? It sounded so real...

"Sanzo, look!"

"You idiot monkey! Get that thing out of here!"

"It's not a thing! It's a puppy, and I want to name it Shi-chan!"

"Idiot! Get it out of my room!"

"Ow! Why'd you have to hit me?"

"Stop whining and get rid of it! Or do you want meat so badly that you want to eat it?"

"Ugh! Okay, okay, I'll set him outside! Geez..."

Which was real? The strange room and the boy in the red Chinese-looking outfit? He wanted it to be real. Desperately. There he could sense a sort of peace, a gentle but strong sense of belonging. That boy belonged there, and so did he... and he wanted to be there.

Not here. Not with the dead boy on the floor.

In the other world that boy looked so happy, the glint of mischief in golden eyes far from destructive. Like a devilishly playful child, not a corrupted, tainted little boy...

That was the Goku he should have known. That was the Goku he felt the sudden aching longing to know.

Sanzo hardly felt the wood splinters slip into his back as he slid down the wall, his gaze fixed on the dead body before him. Mostly blood pooled around the boy, but that and more was all over the wall behind him.

A bullet through the mouth, right through his brain. There was no way he could still be alive.

He gazed at his hands dazedly, bringing one down to the cuts across his stomach. He prodded them gently, feeling them burn a bit. It didn't even make him flinch anymore, almost like Goku's death had taken the pain away from him.

Sanzo closed his eyes, resting his head against the wall. All a dream... it's all just a dream...

"Sanzo!"

"Sanzo, what are you doing there on the floor?"

"C'mon, let's go do stuff! It'll be fun! Saaaaaanzo!"

He could still see that world in his mind's eye, still desired it greatly. The only consequence was that choosing to go to that world meant giving up whatever mind or sanity he had left.

But he couldn't think straight anymore. Goku had taken that, too.

And so, not caring for the consequences, Sanzo clung to the fake world like a lifeline. In it he saw Goku breathing, saw imaginary people that he'd never seen before, people that would care for him in different ways. And Goku. Goku would be there... alive... breathing... smiling... selflessly taking away his pain whenever he could.

With the stench of blood filling his senses, all Sanzo found he could do was laugh.