A/N: No offense to British people!

Chapter 15: Holey Turkey

The leaves swirled down in a shower of red and gold, catching their hair as it blew out behind them in the wind. Kaye pulled her hat lower and glanced at Celia, whose hands were curled under the cuffs of her coat. She slid a hand into her pocket and pulled out the cold metal keys, fumbling for the right one. They hopped quickly into the silver hatchback, throwing their backpacks behind them into the backseat.

"Why is it so damn cold? It's not even winter yet," mumbled Kaye, as she started the car.

Celia rubbed her hands together and reached for the heater. "I don't know. Just warm it up fast."

The car pulled out of the school parking lot and made a turn onto the main road. Kaye briefly adjusted the radio, turning the volume high. As she reached back to the steering wheel, there was a sudden gasp and thunk from behind her. A brown haired head appeared in the rear view mirror, and a hand urgently grasped her shoulder. Kaye screamed loudly, jerking the steering wheel and hitting the brake in a single move. There was a thud as the figure's head hit her seat.

Rumil vigorously rubbed his forehead, wincing with pain. He glared at her from the rear view mirror. "Was such reaction necessary?"

Ignoring the honking horns behind her, Kaye pulled the car to the side of the road, and twisted in her seat. She grasped the Elf by the jacket collar, pulling him in her direction.

"What in the name of all that is holy are you doing in my car?"

"Sleeping."

"Liar."

He stared at her a moment, then shirked out of her grasp. "I was watching over Celia. She told me she was going to wage battle with a Mr. Tuttle in English class. I tried to gain entrance to your fortress, but none could be found."

Kaye shook her head and grabbed the steering wheel, pulling the car back onto the road. "No one gets in or out of our high school during the day."

" I said it was like waging a battle," said Celia, reaching for Rumil's hand. "He is an evil dictator."

"I will find a way in, and then he shall have no protection against my wrath," said Rumil. "This evil English man of yours."

"You're about as skilled as a hardboiled egg," laughed Kaye. "Even Holly manages to beat you up."

The car swerved as Rumil grabbed Kaye again.

A half hour later, Kaye managed to make it home; Rúmil restrained in the back of her car with her belt and the seat straps. She pulled into the garage and popped open the door, ignoring the muffled protests of Rúmil, whose mouth was stuffed with her hat. The house door opened, Holly bounding towards the car with a smile on her face.

"Can you give me a ride to Julie's house?"

"No," snapped Kaye, slamming the door shut. "Ride your bike."

"It's twenty five freaking degrees out, are you nuts?"

"Yes."

Holly smacked the car hood. "You're worse than mom."

"Look kiddo, I don't need this. I just got home and Mr. La La nearly got us killed."

Her sister crawled into the backseat, patting the Elf's head. "Poor thing, you're abused too, would you like a lollipop?"

.-.-.-.

Rúmil sprinted across the yard after Holly, his eyes wide and hair flying out behind him. He grabbed crazily at her hat and ran away, giggling hysterically. Holly stopped in her tracks, raising an eyebrow at Kaye, who was watching from the porch.

"I've told you before, giving him sugar is a bad idea," she yelled.

Holly rolled her eyes and took after the Elf, who suddenly clambered up a tree.

"C'mon give it back, I paid fifteen bucks for that."

He shook his head and climbed up farther, making a face at her. Both hands on her hips, she stared at him and raised her arms.

"If you do not, then I curse you Rúmil of Valinor, Ransford Thorpe, Elf, to freeze eternally into an ice cube."

As the Elf began to laugh his head off, small white flakes began to fall from the sky. They landed on the pair below, making Rúmil touch it quizzically.

"What is this?"

"Snow," said Kaye, open mouthed. "First of the season."

Rúmil dropped the hat and leapt onto the next tree, screaming. "Witch! Magic! Morgul!"

He vanished into the bare branches, a white curtain of snow falling behind him.

.-.-.-.

The snow poured down heavily and the wind struck hard against the windows. Kaye and Holly stared out the sliding back door, watching the motionless figure huddled beneath a tree. Several inches of snow already covered him, a pile sitting on his head.

"You have to talk to him. Get him in here," said Kaye.

"But it's freezing—"

"Look, that Elf is off his rocker and he won't listen to me after I tied him up. Go!" she said forcefully.

Grumbling, her sister plunged into the yard, running until she reached Rúmil. "Come inside."

He vacantly glanced up at her, frowning. "You said you wished for me to turn into an ice cube, thus I am trying, Madame Sorceress."

"I was kidding and I am not a sorceress, this was a coincidence."

She yanked on his arm, but he refused to budge. Holly pushed him from behind, causing him to fall face forward into the snow. Facepalming, Kaye walked out in her socks and took ahold of the Elf. She dragged him facedown across the pavement and into the kitchen, nudging him with her foot he moved.

"Fine, fine," he said, rolling onto his back.

"What's wrong with you?" asked Kaye, kneeling beside him.

"Sugar crash," whispered Holly.

"I would like a new hat."

"What?"

"No," said Kaye firmly. "You wear the one you have until Christmas. You're being silly if this is over a hat."

"And I cannot move so well, I am not used to frigid conditions," he mumbled.

Holly kicked Kaye in the shin. "I still love you Rúmil. I will buy you one tomorrow."

He sat up and looked at her strangely. "You are too young for me."

"Pervert. She meant as in family," said Kaye.

She pushed him backwards onto the linoleum, but he flipped with his hands onto his feet. They locked eyes for a moment, before she dashed wildly from the kitchen.

"However, I do not love Kaye!"

.-.-.-.

"Watch it," said Kaye, stepping aside.

Rúmil banged into the wall, causing him to yell and rub his nose. Kaye straightened his shirt compulsively and peered downward.

"Rúmil, you cannot wear those socks."

"Why?"

"They don't match, and they're holey."

He smiled oddly, sticking a foot in the air. "You humans have strange sacred objects."

"I said holey as in filled with holes. Why would you keep such things?" she asked impatiently.

"They're lucky."

"Change them."

"No."

"Do it."

"No."

"Fine, it's your funeral. Mom will kill you."

"That is illegal in this world too," he said.

The doorbell suddenly rang and he tripped down the stairs as Kaye pushed him towards the entrance. She pulled open the door, revealing her Aunt Cynthia, Uncle Richard, and their three children. Cynthia eyed Rúmil warily and shoved a casserole at Kaye.

"I thought your mother understood our no outsiders family rule at Thanksgiving," she said snidely. "Especially boyfriends."

Kaye turned red. "He's actually my mother's second cousin twice removed, and he's visiting from England."

"In that case," said Uncle Richard awkwardly. "Does your mom need help in the kitchen?"

"Loads!" said Kaye.

She ushered the two adults into the kitchen, then sprinted to the TV with her cousins. After Holly and her cousins had beat her at several games on the Wii, Kaye retreated to the kitchen to assist with dinner. An hour later they gathered around the dinner table, all staring hungrily at the food laid out. As Rúmil reached for the turkey fork, Kaye kicked him, hissing.

"Well I never," gasped Cynthia. "Before grace!"

"They don't have Thanksgiving in England," said Holly helpfully.

"Nor manners apparently."

They bent their heads, causing Rúmil to mimic them. He stumbled over the words of grace, quietly repeating his own version. "The Valar are good, Eru is great, now let me eat the turkey on the plate."

Kaye's youngest cousin Kyle picked up his fork, repeating Rúmil's words and sticking him in the side.

The Elf turned suddenly, grabbing it and tossing it in the air. "Your challenge is defeated!"

Open mouthed, the Thorns all stared at him.

"Elia you let a dangerous atheist in your house?" gasped Cynthia.

Shaking her head, Kaye face palmed, not looking at the Elf. Holly sat quietly shaking with laughter. Their mother Elia rolled her eyes and yanked her oldest daughter by the elbow.

"Take everyone to the guest room, I need to talk to your Aunt Cynthia alone."

Rúmil popped up, smashing the bowl of potatoes onto six year old Kyle's head. He raised a fork threateningly at the visitors. "None of these miscreants shall enter my sanctuary, or risk the wrath of my fork."

Cynthia stepped towards him angrily, causing the Elf to snap. Less than a minute later, the visiting family was laying face forward on the front lawn.

.-.-.-.

"He completely embarrassed us in front of your father's only living family," yelled Kaye's mother. "If he doesn't come out of that closet within thirty seconds, I am kicking him out of the house."

Kaye stepped back and walked to the closet, knocking softly. "Rúmil, I know you heard that."

The knob jiggled and the door cracked open. "Yes," he mumbled. "I am coming out of the closet."

Holly sniggered from the doorway, making Elia push her back. Rúmil stepped into Kaye's bedroom, clutching a stuffed rabbit named Baron Fuddles.

"I apologize, but never have I been as insulted as by the existence of humans such as those. May they all be eaten by Balrogs."

Mrs. Thorn stared at him blankly, then sighed. "I guess they did go overboard. However, anymore shenanigans and you're leaving. Kapiche?"

"Kaye peach."

.-.-.-.

The twelve year old catapulted onto Rúmil's bed, bouncing the mattress so hard the Elf rolled onto the floor. He sprang to his feet, a wild look on his face.

"What do you want?"

"It's Black Friday," said Holly excitedly.

He ungracefully pulled out of the blankets, eyeing Kaye evilly in the doorway. "What is this? Some sort of further event to worship Turkeys?"

"It's a shopping day with ridiculous sales," said Kaye.

"And this warrants waking up at 4 am?"

"Yes," said Holly, throwing socks and jeans at him."We're all going. Mom is not letting you stay in the house alone."

"Then what am I to do when you're off at the halls of education?" he asked, stomping his feet.

"You will be keeping your landscaping job. Now quit stalling and get those pants on."

An hour afterward, Rúmil found himself wandering the aisles of Target with Kaye, Holly, and their mother, arms and cart stuffed with items. The Elf had donned a Santa hat and carried several things, including appliances and clothes.

"Are you really going to buy all that?" asked Holly.

"Yes."

Kaye peered at the pile, poking at a box. "Do you even know what a crock pot is?"

"It cooks roosters?"

"No," said Kaye slowly. "You're thinking of a cock-"

Rúmil kicked Kaye in the rear end, causing her to stumble. "Shh, do not be so filthy."

Shaking her head, she walked further ahead, avoiding his feet. The Elf motioned to a sign that said, "Restrooms."

"I must use that," he said stoically, dumping his items onto Holly.

The girl fell over in a heap, watching angrily as he pranced towards the men's bathroom. Kaye helped her sister up and waited in front of the restroom door, bored. A minute later there was a high pitched scream. The door opened with a thwack and the Elf barreled out of bathroom, shrieking.

"It is possessed! The toilet is possessed!"

All of the store's nearby customers froze to stare at them, watching the Elf hightail towards the home section. It took Kaye ten minutes to find him, huddled beneath a desk, rocking slowly.

"Rúmil."

"Go away, you are not real."

"Rúmil."

"I said—"

Kaye pinched him, making the elf jump and hit his head. "Ow."

"Calm down."

Wide eyed he looked at her. "How can I? This store is evil."

"What you saw," said Kaye, yanking him by the arm. "Was an automatic toilet. It sensed your movements and flushed."

"So then it is alive? How can it stand eating poop?"

"No, just no."