Comments:Whoa! An update…? Surely not.

…Got a big math test coming up? Need to memorize all those teeny-weeny countries in Asia? No-o problem! Just glue yourself to a computer and all your worries will disappear (until tomorrow, when you shall wake up and realize that you are doomed)! Limited time only, each sold separately, batteries not included. Not for children under the age of 1.

EDIT: Woops. I had written the eighth chapter a day after this one, but forgot to upload it to a floppy (I wrote it on my brothers computer D:). >...

Chapter 7: All They Things They Said (A Lot)

Torsem looked around and saw that, indeed, they seemed to be in some very high place. Of course, that big finely carved statue of a beseeching mouse over there was a dead giveaway, but he tried very hard to ignore it.

"So… where is Gabrielle?" He asked, willing himself to not look at the statue-that-did-not-exist.

"Er." Martin said, but with an air of a finished sentence.

"Martin, that wasn't a finished sentence. Where is Gabrielle?"

Gonff, not troubled by such meager and useless things as pride, grinned. "No idea, pal."

"…"

"Ow! Do tell what that was for!" he pouted as he rubbed his arm where Martin had punched him.

"…So you've found me, and wasted quite a bit of time, yet do not know where Gabrielle is." Torsem's eyes narrowed.

Martin looked upwards, admiring the clouds, which admittedly were pretty fluffy-looking. Yet that one over there looked like a fish, which were so over-rated….

…Somewhere off in another dimension, the author was punched by an invisible force.

"Ow! Again! I better stop drinking all that coffee." She looked around. "Aw, nah," the author said off-handedly as she took another sip from a mug…

"That's right!" Gonff smiled. Martin closed his eyes and his arm flew out from his side, hitting Gonff effectively on the cheek which resulted in Gonff falling over and whimpering.

"Thank you," Torsem muttered as he sifted through his sack for Tylenol.

"Well, we can start looking for her with you, then we'll be on our way."

Torsem looked up from trying to deciding which brand of aspirin to use. "I thought you said you were coming with us?"

Martin bit his lip and shrugged. "The author might possibly have EBADD. She just recently changed this about a minu- actually, a month ago."

"…EBADD?"

"Extremely Bad Attention Deficit Disorder."

"…Let's just go look for Gabrielle now." Torsem said finally as he poked Gonff on the shoulder, who was at the moment muttering all the different ways he would cook Martin.

The object of concern was at the moment biting a bit of bark to keep herself from biting something… else. Raven's head was now starting to look more like a watermelon than a container for her brain, and Gabrielle would love to chomp down on it accordingly.

"Oh, my fur," the Mary Sue whined for the 584.07th time. "D'you know, I can only use a special brand of furwash and I just ran out? It's very expensive," Raven bragged matter-of-factly.

"Grgggrggghgg..." Gabrielle managed to say.

"So where are we, anyway?" Raven said, uninterested, as she looked at her claws. Perhaps she felt that it was just something you had to say.

"Just give a couple decades to figure that out, then I'll get back to you, okay?" Gabrielle said, the bark out of her mouth for a moment. Then she saw Raven's head and her eye twitched, and was forced to shove her teeth down into the piece of tree once again.

"Oh, no need to be mean about it," Raven sighed. Gabrielle stared very hard at the greenery in front of her and pictured herself dismantling Ravensnow with a hacksaw. It made her smile.

They were, in fact, trudging through the forest, veering away from the fallen logs and shedding quite a big amount of water. The sun was out again, as if apologizing for it's absence. Gabrielle wasn't feeling very forgiving, however, and cursed Torsem for leaving her with this monstrosity of a cliché.

"This mud sure is… muddy.." Raven said, looking down at her hindpaws.

Gabrielle thought about why it was that stupid people stated the obvious like no one else saw it.

"Muddy, right," muttered the otter as she once again tasted her bark.

The two continued on like this, eventually noticing the amount of rising volume as they walked on. It sounded like people arguing, but exactly what she wasn't sure.

"You're wearin' tha bandanna wrong, genius!" Uttered one angry bundle of vocal cords.

"There ain't no rule on which way tae wear yar bandanna!"

"'Ain't' ain't a word so you ain't gonna use it," said another voice, smart-aleck-y-like.

"…"

"…"

"OW! Ya… ya hit me!"

Raven and Gabrielle looked at each other and crept into the surrounding wildlife, peering out to locate the bodiless speakers.

They saw a hastily-put together settlement on the edge of the river, with bustling bodies of small mammals that could only be shrews. They were all wearing gaudy bandannas around their heads.

Gabrielle mentally weighed the odds, and took in their numbers and weaponry. The males were all equipped with short swords, dagger-like. 'Rapiers', she remembered. The sour-looking females were most often dragging crying babes with them, often smacking them with the back of their paws and glaring at the direction of their husbands. Overall, they did not look dangerous, but Gabrielle was slightly afraid of the wives.

"Let's go in," she whispered and prodded Raven. The Mary Sue instinctively opened her mouth to argue, but she was dragged out before her tongue formed the words.

It was like a stampede of maddened, itchy elephants, only much tinier and armed with sharp, pointy objects.

Within a moment the two were surrounded by the fierce animals, all pointing those sharp objects towards them. One newbie tried waving it around threateningly, but lost his grip and the blade fell uselessly from his paws. Gabrielle looked at him and the blade in turn. The shrew blushed.

"Comin' through, give room for yer chief," wheezed a voice at the back of the crowd. It eventually dispersed to reveal a sickly-looking shrew, obviously underfed. It seized Raven and Gabrielle up and down, trying to look big and important.

"What have ye got to say fer yerselves, eh? Yeh don't look like vermin," the chief noted dumbly.

"...Er, we come in peace?" Raven said, stumped.

The tribe of shrews looked at each other, considering this revelation. It seemed to make sense to them, and they lowered their weapons.

"Well, in that case, welcome!" the chief grinned. All remaining raised weapons were tucked away in belts. "Ahm Log-dash-a-dash-Log Stoupeed."

Gabrielle closed her eyes and regretted being born.

…The lack of humour in this chapter is stumping me. D:/

"Yo is just oy backwards!"