Title: Goat Porn Madness
Author: Mistress Nika ( )
Rating: PG-13
Pairings: none really considering this isn't a serious fic, but I suppose you can look for Hatori/Shigure, Yuki/Haru, and maybe some Hatori/Ayame/Shigure too who knows? I'm also a fan of Shigure/Akito, Akito/Hatori, Akito/Tohru, Shigure/Tohru, Haru/Kyou, and Yuki/Kyou... so basically whatever pairings I feel like throwing in! MWAHAHAHA! FEAR ME AND MY TOTALLY HENTAI, SADISTIC, YAOI LOVING MIND! BWAHAHAHAHA!
Warnings: shounen-ai; randomness...total randomness; unwarranted abuse of marshmallows, cabbage and other food items; sexual innuendo...everywhere; increased chance of fainting due to Ayame in leather pants (drools and shoves Aya under her bed)
Disclaimer: I don't own the series...just kidnapped a certain person, forced the Madness on him and set him loose to watch him wreak his havoc.
Summary: The Sohma family Tohru catches a previously unknown disease that makes them act in strange, random ways. Will the family ever be the same again?

A/N= This chapter...uh... paragraph... is dedicated to Ookami Aya, who is not only a great writer and person, but also gave me the idea for Ayame's 'manliness'! Also to the Queen of All Chipmunks, who has waited patiently for the Aya chapter! And to bluefuzzyelf aka Hakura-chan who is such a great friend and I'm trying to escape death at her hands for neglecting her fic! (sweatdrop)

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Last time:
Akito cackled again and grabbed a roll of toilet paper from behind him as if he were reaching for an arrow. His expression suddenly became calm and strangely vacant as he continued looking at them. "Please excuse me," he said softly and cocked his head to the side, "I have to circuit an AC line through my head." Then he cackled again and threw the role of paper high into the sky. As it sailed away from him, he spun around three times, did a little bow and then danced off, still cackling.

Neither Hatori nor Shigure moved for a good ten minutes, trying to digest what had just happened. Their expressions reminded one of the shock of accidentally swallowing a fly.

This time:
After a good ten minutes the two men slowly looked at each other.

"Sooo..." Shigure began quietly, "read any good books lately?"

Hatori just turned to look in the direction Akito had gone. "Shall I go after him? Or will you?" he asked uncertainly. Truth be told, he was more than slightly afraid to chase after the doubly insane family head.

"I'll go." Shigure said, reading the other man's seemingly expressionless face. "You try to find the others. Once I find Akito, I'll... I don't know. Hog-tie him and drag him back to the main house, I guess."

And with that, the two parted ways. Shigure chased after Akito, noticing the picture spray-painted onto the side of a building as he went. A dancing mouse riding on the end of a broom handle as a cow flew on it with stars in the background. He didn't need to guess to realize Haru had been this way.

Suddenly a deep, rich, manly, sexy, seductive (reigns herself in as readers start fainting in anticipation) voice cried, "GURE-SAN!"

Without thinking twice, Shigure flung his body around to face the voice and cried, "AYA!"

Then he decided to think twice as he found himself flat on his butt after receiving a blow to the arm in greeting. Looking up, he wasted no time in promptly fainting.

When he once again regained consciousness, he realized his head was resting on something soft. Opening his eyes to look around, he found himself laying on the counter of Ayame's shop. Under his head was a fluffy pillow. Regaining his bearings, he sat up and swung his legs over the side. Upon laying eyes on the site before him, he considered fainting again and hoped it was all just a bad dream. A rather exciting dream, but a bad one nonetheless. Well, bad like naughty. (stops herself again)

Ayame stood before him, one fist on his hip and a cocky grin on his face. His long silver hair was braided down his back, exposing as much of his body as possible. Gone was his feminine kimonos and delicate appearance. Instead he wore a see-through black tanktop, a pair of extremely tight black leather pants and combat boots. If anyone had ever questioned his gender before, they were probably kicking themselves now as his pants showcased his wares quite nicely. (drools a lake)

"A...AYA!" Shigure gasped in almost-but-not-quite-perfectly-executed horror. "What happened to you!" he questioned in shock.

Ayame grinned and flexed a well-developed, tempting, (stops herself before she can start again) and previously well-hidden bicep. "What do you mean, Gure-san?" he asked knowingly. "You mean this?" He then proceeded to tug on the pants, causing them to temporarily become even tighter. (almost faints on her keyboard) "Well," he explained, "I was chosen to be on the cover of Playgirl! The elves told me so." He nodded emphatically as Shigure continued to stare. (author has now fainted and is dreaming naughty dreams about silver-haired bishys; let's not wake her)

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A/N= Well, I didn't want to keep you waiting any longer, so I posted less than half a page in order to bring you... (drum roll) AYA! (glomps Aya)

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Thanks to; Haru's Girl, CrazyInsaneAnimeFanGirl, kyou's babe, Nami-yan, EternalBliss, NCAnime99, Silent Angel, Queen of All Chipmunks, Sojo, Ookami Aya, Muffin Queen, Sango-chan Chimpmunk Quee, midori, Crimson Colored Cloaked Figure, bluefuzzyelf, kitty-kyo, Mystikl Sushi, Night-Blaze, niichan626, Kat, Myu Higurashi, The-Great-Monk-Grl

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Haru's Girl: O.O Juniishii COOKIES! (grabs cookies and coos at them) They're going on my 'special' shelf! Arigatou! (gets insane look in her eyes) Yeeeeesssss, my preeeeciiiioooouuuusssssssss!

kyou's babe: (throws cabbage at her and grins like a moron) Did you like Aya this... um... paragraph? O.o

Nami-yan: YAY! I made you destroy your couch! Um... with juice... O.o Yeah... I'm glad you love this fic so much! (huggles)

EternalBliss: O.O (slaps forehead) Why didn't I think of that! Rabid vampire dogs are MUCH funnier than Rabid Venezuelan Monkeys! I'm gonna have to punish myself for that! (gets out pink lemonaid) -.- You don't wanna know. Oh, as for Kagura, well... she's still in the closet. We'll see her next chapter probably.

Silent: YAY! I've got it! O.o What have I got? (huggles her) You're a dragon! Like my mother! I'm a rat. (grins) Let's all play the Hatchet Game! (grabs a slab of cheese)

Queen of All Chipmunks: AYA! (ducks behind a couch) Shhh! Aretha Franklin is now leading the attack of the paintbrushes, grapes and tomatoes! How do I know? Just listen... (gets quiet) (from far away) "R-E-S-P-E-C-T! FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS TO ME!" o.O (points at a burning bush) See! O.o

Sojo: Hee-hee! I rewrote "Baby Love" by the Supremes to become Monkey Love once! It goes something like this, "Monkey love, my monkey love, how I need ya, oh how I need ya!" O.o Takes on a whole different meaning, doesn't it?

Ookami Aya: Heh, yeah I guessed you weren't writing it anymore. Doesn't stop me from loving it though! (grins) I hoped I wasn't completely stupid not to recognize you. Now that I know you changed your name, I feel better. I'm not sure of the translation, but I think "ookami" means canine... or something... don't trust me... I'm insane. -.- I've heard it used for a dog as well as Kouga-kun. But maybe it was a wolfdog. My sister has the InuYasha game, but she refuses to let me play it because of the fact she's not allowed near my PS2. But she DID get a broken memory card stuck in my PS-one! So I feel justified. (smiles) I'll just steal it while she's at camp! Oh, those fics you mentioned sound good! I wanna read 'em when you get them up! Hmmm... (looks around for plotbunnies) Oh! (pulls one out from under her bed by the ears) I was saving this one for me, but I'll let you have it! It's about Tohru botching a spell that was supposed to rid the Sohma family of the curse. It ends up with ALL of the curse being transferred to her! So she gets P.O.'d often for no real reason (ala Akito) and ends up yelling at everyone. And as soon as she loses control of her emotions she turns into one of the thirteen animals, which ruins the effect. Get PO'd = turn into a cute little bunny. So basically she acts like an insane, emotionally unstable freak who turns into animals all the time. Gee? (looks thoughtful) What would she do about school? Well, I'm glad you like my fic and (bows) ARIGATOU GOZAIMASU for the idea of Ayame being manly! I was just gonna have him dress up as a girl scout and sell cookies door to door. O.o But this is so much better!

Muffin Queen: (sings) Do you know the Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? The Muffin Man? (grins) Arigatou gozaimasu!

midori: First I must say I love your name. Second, I'm glad you like my fic. Third, they crave peanut butter because peanut butter is the source of all evil. (shifty eyes) And potatoes control the weather.

bluefuzzyelf: Oh, yes. I love J-Rock! I like Gackt, Kinya Kotani, Yamaguchi Kappei, and others that I can't remember because I'm hearing Sakura Fubuki playing non-stop in my head! (searches for her Pretty Guardian CD)

niichan626: Well, why I haven't updated follows as such: broken computers, deleted data, tornados, power outages and a lack of inspiration. Happy? (grins and frolicks off after naked, terrified Hatori)

Myu Higurashi: Oh! (hops up and down) Are you an InuYasha fan? (huggles Shippou, pets Buyo and molests Sesshoumaru) Hatori isn't 'unaffected'. He's just the sanest one in the bunch... so far. I want him to remain somewhat sane until the others are able to care for themselves. After all, the disease does progress differently for different people. But, if you want to have an idea of Hatori's madness later on; keep this Hatori quote in mind: "Don't think! OO Brainwaves endanger...endangered things, like...mushrooms...and...gophers!"