Title: Part one: Searching Author: Zoe (annyablack) Rating: PG Archive: SBRL. Azkaban's Lair can have it. Dark side of the Moon can have it too. Anywhere else just let me know. Pairing: Remus/Sirius Disclaimer: JKR owns everything. And that's a good thing! Summary: It's the beginning of the 7th year and Remus is still mad at Sirius for the Willow incident. Sirius is searching for a way to reach his friend. He's writing to him. Frequently A/N: I usually don't write angst, because I find it very demanding and difficult, but I was at the beach, watching the waves, and this came up. I hope you like it. Constructive criticism is adored

Moony,

No matter how many times you return my letters unread, I'll never stop writing to you. I won't say I'm sorry, again. I, now, know it can never be enough. There are no words to describe my regret for what I've done. There are no actions to show my sorrow for the pain I've caused you. I now understand it.

I wish you'd write to me. Even if it is to tell me that you never want to see me again.

Remus, I screwed up. More than you could ever think of. I betrayed your trust. I betrayed myself.

I have to tell you. I can't keep it a secret any more. I was always afraid to tell you, but now I'm afraid not to. There is nothing to lose any more. I've already lost what really matters. I've already lost you.

I love you .I don't know when it happened. I don't know why it happened. I think I always did. I've loved you as a friend, as a lover, as a soul mate. I never wanted to be with anyone else but you. And it hurts. It hurts inside to know that I caused you so much pain, when all I ever wanted was to love you. To make you happy.

I'm not expecting you to forgive me. For once in my life I'll take responsibility for what I've done. I made the worst mistake ever. I wish I could take it back. Not for me. For you. To spare you the pain you went through. To give you back your friend, your fellow marauder, your pack. To see you laugh with my jokes. To see you peaceful again.

Can you tell it tears me apart being so close to you and at the same time so far away? Can you tell I'm lost without our friendship?

I'm trying so hard to be normal, casual. Not because I care about what people might say, but because you deserve the chance to move on with your life. Without me. I can give you that. I should give you that after all I've taken from you.

I should stop writing to you. It's not that I'm giving up on you; I can't give up on my heart. But I can do the right thing, and let you go. You are worth so many things, and someone able to give them to you. Someone you deserve. I won't be selfish any more.

My caring, loving, funny, witty, beautiful Moony. I promise to keep you safe and happy. I promise to never break your heart again. I promise to let you move on.

Yours Always,

Sirius

~~~~~~~~

Sirius folded the letter and placed it between the pages of his potions book, his favorite subject. He'd keep it there. Unread. To remind him his promise to Remus. His promise to himself.

A/N: I know it's short and not very original, but I had to share it. The next part will be a lot happier. Also, sorry for my mistakes, writing in English is challenging for a Greek girl like me ;-)