|The Misunderstood Yeti
Author: Still Anonymous PM
A day in the life of NastyScar, a much maligned yeti of Icewind Dale, who meets a strange but eminently edible girl with red hair, and an illtempered drow elf.Rated: Fiction K+ - English - Humor/Adventure - Catti-brie & Drizzt D. - Words: 3,161 - Reviews: 6 - Favs: 2 - Published: 03-14-04 - Status: Complete - id: 1772142
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
Disclaimer: The yetis are mine. Everything else belongs to whoever owns the Forgotten Realms, including the concept of the Yetis.
Author's Note: This is a spin-off of the fic "The Final Duel" by d'arthur. His story is definitely worth a read, so once you've finished this (and reviewed it, right?), you should read that story at (and review that, too). Oh, yes. And please review this. Flattery is enjoyed and constructive criticism is encouraged. ;) Now, enjoy!
The Misunderstood Yeti
That wretched day started pretty much as most've our days usual did. BrokenTooth (we called 'im Toothy) were hungry an' wanted us ter go a-huntin', so he smacked ZombieBreath on the head. Now, Zombie, he didn't like gettin' woked up so early like (after all, the sun were only jus' startin' down from overhead), so he snarls an' hits whatever were next ter 'im. That were me.
I suppose I should introduce myself. We's Yetis, an' we live in Icewin' Dale, which is in . . . . er, the world, I s'pose. My name's NastyScar, but my friends calls me Ugly. I lead us four, whenever anyone leads us, which ain't very often.
Well, when Zombie smacked me in the face, that didn't make me none too happy, so I jus' up, an' smacked 'im back. Thing is, I weren't quite awake myself, so I missed an' hit Meanie (or MeanClaws). Meanie weren't any happier than I were, an' prob'ly would a-tried ter take my face off, 'cept Zombie pulled Toothy's leg out from unner 'im, an' Toothy fell on top of Meanie. I didn't quite unnerstan' at the time, but I'm not one ter let a chance go by without sinkin' my fangs inter it, so I crawled away afore Meanie could realize I'd woken 'im up an' not Toothy. Zombie were off gnawin' at last night's bones (a tough old dwarf, with a foul temper) after knockin' Toothy down, an' I joined 'im, but there weren't much left.
I won't lie ter you, life's pretty mean up in the Dale an' you have ter get your meals where you can. Don't start judgin' me jus' a-cause I ate a dwarf. I mean, even yetis gotter live, an' this were a really foul-tempered dwarf. He tried ter take my head off, he did, an' that's jus' plain bad manners! I hadn't even done nothin' yet, it were Toothy started it. That's the problem with most folks. They say that jus' a-cause you're a yeti, you ought'er be killed, but that ain't fair. Sure, Toothy were goin' ter eat 'im, but I hadn't done nothin' yet. But he jus' starts a-swingin' that axe an' a-yellin', an' were I supposed ter jus' stan' there? I had ter get that axe away from 'im, for his own good, seein' the way he were a-swingin' it, if no one else's. An' jus' cause I happened ter take his arm with it, well, if he'd'a jus' held still, Toothy could've got 'im in the first place, an' none of that would have happened, so in a way, it were all his fault. But no, everyone's all "kill the yetis" jus' a-cause, once in a while, we kill some grumpy ol' traveler, who weren't worth much anyway. The way I see it, we're doin' 'im a favor, like. We's a positively misunnerstood race, an' it's my aim ter make people see us right. I mean, everyone gets hungry, an' jus' a-cause some people eats different from others, no one should be kickin' up a fuss. Sometimes the dwarfs kills us too, an' they don't even eat us, they jus' leave us lie, but we don't raise a ruckus about it, we jus' eats a few of them, that's all. We's fair, too. We treats each other jus' the same as we treat anyone else. We's still missin' our fifth member, Stinky, an' I have a feelin' Meanie ate 'im, but it don't do ter go askin' questions of Meanie, unless you wants ter join his supper real fast. Facts of life, an' the sooner everyone gets used ter it, the better off everyone'll be.
But back ter my story. Toothy an' Meanie was still rollin' aroun' tryin' ter kill each other, an' Zombie finally got tired of it, an' got up an' whacked 'em both round the heads till they saw sense. Unless they was plannin' on eatin' each other, they wasn't goin' ter get much supper that way, an' since we was all powerful hungry (dwarf is none too tasty, an' mighty tough) we went out've our little cave ter go a-huntin'. Lookin' back now, it weren't the best thing we'd ever done, but we didn't know no better at the time. I were a-hungry, Zombie were grumpy, Meanie were all snarly, an' Toothy were lookin' at Meanie like he were his next meal, but I figured it'd be Meanie eatin' Toothy, an' not the other way aroun'.
So along we plodded, an' we didn't see no tracks nor catch no scents. I might as well tell you, Icewin' Dale is a mighty barren place, an' unless you got an uncommon powerful nose or eyes, you better have a companion who do, or you jus' might be goin' hungry. I thought of ol' Stinky, cause he had a great sniffer, but didn't think it'd do much good ter mention it ter Meanie, or I might be joinin' Stinky. Jus' a-cause I'm a yeti, don't mean I'm dumb.
So we plodded, an' we plodded, an' we plodded, an' Toothy got tired an' a-tried ter eat Meanie, an' Zombie said we'd better save 'im till later case we found any trouble an' needed his help, so Toothy smacked at Zombie (but he missed cause Zombie ducked) an' smacked a rock instead. I needn't tell you, he set up a fierce howlin' an' a-hoppin', an' I told 'im if he didn't stow it, I'd be eatin' him, so he could jus' shut his trap. So he smacked at me (an' for once he didn't miss, an' my nose sure hurt, I can tell you), but I'd always been a sight bigger'n Toothy, an' I smacked 'im back. Meanie were all for a-eatin' 'im, cause he'd hit the ground slightly hard like, so wouldn't be wakin' up for a while (I can hit pretty hard), when in a-tween my rubbin' my all bruised up nose, I started a-sniffin', cause I'd caught a strange smell on the ever-present wind. Yep! Man!
So I told Meanie an' Zombie (an' they sure growled with joy!), an' Zombie kicked Toothy, an' once he were up, off we went. I got the best sniffer in the group (now we don't have Stinky no more) so now I'd got the smell, it weren't no big deal for me ter find its source. Now, I gotter explain, we don't usually eats man, but we was hungry! What'er you expect? You want us ter starve?
Well, we got a mite closer, an' I smelled that it weren't no man at all, it were a girl! That sure relieved us, cause the big men can be right tough sometimes, both ter chew an' ter fight, but girls is nice an' tender, an' don't cause much've a fuss. I don't usual like ter eat girl, cause they's all nice an' woman-like, but I figured that a girl all by 'erself out on the lonely dale mustn't be too happy (so lonesome-like an' all), an' I'd be doin' 'er a favor by eatin' 'er, so I didn't think no more about it.
It'd taken us longer than we liked an' the sun were gettin' close ter settin' when we found the little alcove where she were. She were asleepin', an' Toothy smiled till you could see all 'is rotten teeth (an' the broken one). There were a bit of a fire, but that didn't worry us much, since it were in a pit, an' she were asleep.
We crept, stealthy-like, inter the cave, but I guess she sniffed Zombie, a-cause 'er eyes suddenly popped open an' she were up in a flash! She started reachin' for a bow, but I've a-seen some've the things those bows can do (we used ter have Little Ugly with us, too), so jumped over an' grabbed it away from 'er, jus' tryin' ter keep anyone from gettin' hurt. I might'a twisted 'er arm a bit when I ripped it away, but it were all outa the kindness've my heart, you've gotter unnerstan'. Well, she let out this howl, an' punched me right straight in the face! That were when I started rethinkin' what I'd a-said about girls not causin' a fuss. I were jus' glad she weren't a yeti, cause if she'd a-had claws, the huntin' days of ol' Ugly would've been over fer sure. I mean, that hurt. It hurt even worse'n when Toothy hit me. An' that weren't the worst of it, cause then she picks up a smolderin' stick outta the fire, an' jus' hits me over the head with it. Now that weren't nice! The proper thing would have been ter jus' sit down an' get eaten, but no, she has ter start actin' like that dwarf! So, jus' ter teach 'er manners, out of the kindness of my heart, I jus' had ter wallop 'er one so she'd learn better. Course, I might've hit 'er a little harder than what girls is used ter, cause she let out this almighty screech an' went flyin' across the cave, but it weren't on purpose, you gotter unnerstan'. So while I were standin' there, holdin' my poor jaw an' achin' head, Toothy ups an' goes fer 'er. It appeared he aimed on puttin' 'er out of 'er misery right quick, but what d'ye know, she pulls out this metal shiny thing, like a long claw, outta nowhere, an' starts slashin' it around. Well, maybe not nowhere, I guess it were beside the pack she'd a-landed on top of. Funny, now I think, maybe we should've noticed there were two packs, but we were kinder distracted, if y'know what I mean.
So, next thing I knows, Meanie an' Zombie are there, an' there's a flurry've claws (an' a blade), an' Zombie falls away with his shoulder scratched up. Now that really weren't nice, we was jus' tryin' ter help 'er, so I picked up a rock from the firepit, walked over an' hit 'er on the head with it while she were fightin' Meanie. She kicked Toothy in the face (breakin' another tooth, too), an' then jus' sorter keeled over.
Zombie an' Toothy were all fer rippin' 'er up an' eatin' 'er right there on the spot, but Meanie, 'e said no, she might not be alone, an' other yetis might be drawn ter the noise, an' did they wanner have ter fight fer their meal?
Zombie said we'd already fought, an' he'd been hurt, so that gave 'im a right ter choose what we did.
Then Meanie said if wounds made the difference, he'd give 'im a few more (Meanie's not very bright, as I'm sure you've noticed).
So Zombie, he takes a swipe at Meanie, an' Meanie he swipes back, so while they were a-fightin', Toothy an' I each grabbed a leg an' dragged the girl out've the cave. We figured it'd mean more fer us, but it didn't take long fer 'em ter catch up an' we dragged 'er along fer a while. An' we plodded along an' plodded along an' plodded along some more. Finally, the sun starts a-goin' down, an' it starts a-gettin' colder. Then Toothy, he wants ter stop an' sample 'er, but I were a-startin' ter get a little fed up, so I jus' drops 'er down in the snow (Toothy'd already dropped 'er), an' I says ter 'im that if he says one more word, we'll be samplin' him, an' I were goin' ter say more, but I didn't get no further, as Meanie tells us both ter stow it, or he'll be leadin' a group o' two. Now, there's a lotter things I can abide, but Meanie as a leader is one thing I can't, as he's one of the dumbest yetis I've ever had the misery of meetin'. So I jus' ups an' tells 'im so, an' then Toothy starts inchin' toward the girl, so I cuffs 'im, an' Meanie cuffs me, so I cuffs 'im, an' then Zombie cuffs us all three, an' says he smells somethin' funny. So we all stops an' starts a-listenin'.
An' what d'ye know?! Seems a yeti can't even get in a brawl these days, or get a square meal, without some save-the-day, know-it-all ranger shows up! Now by this time, I were in a fine temper, I can tell you, an' I weren't at all averse ter tryin' drow elf (elfs is specially tender). So I jus' turns aroun' an' thinks, "Bring 'im on!" Problem is, he did jus' that. I snarled fer all I were worth, but he didn't pay no attention an' pulled out another couple metal shiny things. He started whizzin' them aroun', an' headed straight fer Meanie, who were nearest.
Meanie, he snarled an' got all ready, wavin' his claws from lef' ter right, but it didn't do no good. That elf feller, he got up close, an' next thing y'know he's on the groun', an' Meanie has breaked knees an' is a-howlin' an' a-yowlin' fit ter raise Stinky an' Li'l Ugly. I'm still not quite sure how he done it. An' then he were up on his feet again, which his metal claws all a-wavin'. Now, I've never liked Meanie that well, but nobody, an' I mean nobody attacks one've my friends an' gets away with it. So I howls, an' Zombie an' Toothy, they growls, an' we leap over Meanie an' have at 'im!
I roared an' swiped at 'im with all my strength, which I might say, is quite consid'rable, an' I were a-hopin' ter open his chest fer 'im. There were no way I could've missed! I mean, he were right in front o' me! But then somehow, he weren't there! It were jus' like he were magic or somethin', cause next thing I knows, he's not in my path, an' there's this a-mighty, fiery pain in my belly.
So I looks down, an' there's blood evywhere, an' it hurts like anythin'. I mean, it jus' weren't fair! I were jus' hungry, an' now first the girl, an' then the elf are a-tryin' ter kill me fer it! I were startin' ter get pretty mad by now, so I roars jus' as loudly as I can, an' wave my arms furiously back an' forth, with my claws out jus' as far as they can go.
But then, somethin' really weird happened. I didn't get ter touch 'im. I suddenly felt all unbalanced like, an' I saw a yeti's bloody arm on the ground. It took me a minute ter realize it were mine. I couldn't believe it. Nobody, an' I mean nobody had ever taken my arm off before. It jus' weren't nice. But apparently this elf feller didn't unnerstan' manners. Dimly, I thought that maybe he were related ter that girl we were goin' ter eat.
Then I felt a new pain. It weren't like nothin' I'd ever felt before, even when Toothy tried ter bite my ear off, an' he did a tolerable good job, too. It were in my chest. I suddenly felt as if I couldn't breathe. I met the elf's angry eyes then. They blazed with a purple fire, an' they promised death. I suddenly realized that I, NastyScar of Icewin' Dale, were goin' ter die. But it hurt so much that I didn't really care. Suddenly, my face were in the snow, an' I wondered how I'd gotten onter the ground. My side an' belly an' missin' arm were bleedin', an' I saw Zombie an' Toothy on either side o' the ranger feller. I tried ter talk, tried ter warn 'em ter leave the girl, an' go eat someone else. But I could only choke on my own blood. I didn't see them die, on account of my vision were goin' all black, but I'm sure they did. Nobody coulder stood up ter that drow elf with the purple eyes. I were wrong. He didn't promise death, he were death. I don't know what happened then, a-cause then, I died.
You might wonder why I'm tellin' you such a sad story as this. We were jus' hungry, but this elf feller stole our lunch (maybe he were hungry, too). It were life on the Dale. But I'm jus' a-tryin' ter explain fer my poor, misunnerstood kinred. We're yetis, but that don't mean we're not reasonable folk. Yetis don't general-like care much fer the others of their kind, but it jus' ain't fair the way we get all maligned an' crittycized. So I'm here ter help our kind get their proper standin' as reasonable inhabitants of. . . of. . . of the world. My death were a tragic one, but it didn't need ter be so tragic if the elf had jus' unnerstood that yetis need ter eat sometimes. But no, everyone wants us poor yetis ter starve. You've gotter unnerstan', we didn't mean no harm. We was jus' hungry's all. It were jus' plain unfair! Here we go an' try ter help this girl out've 'er misery, an' next thing we know, we's gettin' walloped on the head, an' then plain murdered by this elf! It jus' goes ter show why it don't pay ter be helpful no more.