Broken
By: Shima And Tempis
Also Wrote Why Did She Say No? and Simple Clay Pot.
Disclaimer: I do not own CCS, nor LeAnn Rimes’ music.

Everything just hurt as I sat there, unaware of anything around me, letting the rain fall between branches without caring, letting my school uniform paste itself to my body without a glance. My heart was breaking into pieces and I was sure I was catching a cold, adding to my pain. My ankle was broken or badly sprained, so I had no chance of jumping down from the large oak tree. I looked out at the students running, flustered, about the courtyard to get some place dry, for the school doors were locked and no one could find a key. They hid anywhere they could, and unfortunately that meant that couples’ arms would be around one another. I hated it, all of this happiness when I was in pain, I didn’t understand how they could still be happy when I wasn’t.

I felt like a flightless bird stuck up in that tree, by now the rain had chilled my bones and I doubted I could move even if my ankle hadn’t been broken. I realized that I shouldn’t have run so fast, shouldn’t have tried to go faster than my legs would allow. I knew that now, but that knowledge was useless, and I gave up on pitying myself, since no one else did.

“How long do you plan to be up there, Daidouji-san?” I looked down at the owner of the voice, and wanted to groan. Of all people who could come, of all people who could be my knight in shining armor, Eriol Hiiragizawa came to my rescue. I had no intention of speaking with him, though I knew it was un-lady-like, or at least not like a Daidouji heiress. And yet I didn’t care, for I didn’t want to move, even if it only meant a few muscles to move my mouth. No, Hiiragizawa, I will not answer you. Can’t you see that I am lying in my own pain, that I will not be able to move no matter how much sympathy you bestow upon me?

“Your ankle is swelling.” Thank you, Hiiragizawa, for adding to my troubles. Thank you for telling me about my ankle, knowing that because of it I shall not be participating in the game tomorrow. You are merely silencing me that much more, and I wish you’d leave me alone with my pain. Can you not see that I am a porcelain doll with a painted on face, and that my smile is strained? Can you not hear my muscles yelling at me keep my mouth straight instead of moving?

“Well, shall we get you down? Or are you really going to stay up there? It is raining, Daidouji-san, and I’m very sure your mother would have a fit if she saw you. I shall take you to dry off, Daidouji-san, dry the rain as well as those evident tears.” I stare at you now because you understand that my red, puffy eyes are not because I have caught a cold, but because I have been crying. You still name the obvious but cannot see what is in front of you, that I am now a broken china doll, and shall not be moving with your encouraging words. A place to dry off sounds nice, but I have no energy to move. I see you are exasperated, and I have never seen you this way. You and I had seemed so alike, and now it seems that we are more so. You are not just a grinning storyteller, Hiiragizawa, you get frustrated like everyone else. I’d help you, but I am still a broken china doll, and shall not be moving.

You have sat at the base of the tree, and I notice that you are quite wet, yet you do not mind. Neither do I, Hiiragizawa, which proves that we are alike, but there is one difference. You do not mind being moist because you want to get me down, but I ignore the rain merely because I am in far too much pain to care. Now, what will you do? You won’t get an answer from me, and that silly grin that taunts at my pain is still on my face. This broken china doll is going nowhere, why don’t you give up?

“Kuro didn’t mean to hurt you, Daidouji-san.” Why do you keep saying my name like that, Hiiragizawa? Why do you make it sound like I am not a china doll, but a real person? No, a real person would care that she was getting wet, care that her school uniform has been soiled and that her make-up is splattered about her face. But I am not a person, I am a doll, and I am broken. Please do not make excuses for Kuro, because you are not him, and are merely taunting me because you are not in pain. Go away, Hiiragizawa, leave me alone. “He didn’t know that you cared for him so deeply.”

No, do not continue. Close your mouth and stop those words that I already heard from Kuro himself, that I am merely a sister. The pain is bad enough, please do not make it worse. We have been friends, haven’t we? You and the china doll, right? Then you should know when I want to be left alone. You should know.

“Damn it, Daidouji, come down!” I have never heard you talk so harshly, it is strange coming from your lips, which I see are very close to matching your blue eyes. You are shivering, and I would be too if I wasn’t a china doll, and wasn’t broken. Why don’t you leave and go somewhere warm? Why do you incessantly try to get me down when I am stuck up here?

Now what are you doing? Why are your hands gripping a branch of the tree, and why are you climbing? This is a tree for pain, and you are not in pain. You are not hurting and you are not a doll, you are a person. Stop climbing, stop ensuring yourself pain. Why are you still coming, Hiiragizawa? Didn’t you hear me? No, of course you didn’t, a china doll cannot talk, especially not a broken one. Maybe I am not a china doll, but a porcelain bird? A bird with a broken wing, not a china doll, for china dolls look pretty and I in no way look pretty at this moment. If I was a headless china doll I’d look better than I do at this moment. You are still climbing, and are getting deathly close to this broken-winged bird. Your hand is grabbing for the branch my leg is on, and you almost touched me. Do not touch me, I may have rabies.

“If you will not come down, Daidouji-san, then I will just sit up here with you until the rain stops. When it does, I shall take you down, Daidouji- san, for Sakura would get very angry with me if I just left you here alone. Now do you see what you have done, Daidouji-san? We are two birds stuck in their nest during an autumn storm.” You are grinning and I do not see your humor, Hiiragizawa. In fact, you are making my pain worse, sitting on a branch right next to me. I did not know there was a branch there, for my broken limbs occupy quite a bit of the tree. I am in more pain, for now I have a broken arm, or broken wing, and I can feel the pain. More pain and more tears. I wish you still thought they were rain, because if you did you wouldn’t be leaning over and wiping them from my face with your hand. No, if they were rain then you would leave them there and wait until the rain stopped, and then stubbornly get me down from the tree. But they are tears, and you are wiping them from my face while looking at me the same way you say my name, as if I am a person and not a broken-winged bird. Stop looking at me like that, Hiiragizawa, because I have already mentioned that I am not a person, because no person would be feeling all of this pain.

“Kuro already had a girlfriend, Daidouji-san. Did you know that?” Yes, I did. You are making it worse again, please do not. Stop talking, and let me be broken by myself. Stop being a bird in this nest with me, and let me be alone. “She is very pretty, Josie is her name. They have been dating for a while, Daidouji-san.” I know that, stop making it worse. It all hurts too much, and the tears are still coming, and you are still wiping them away. Stop it, Hiiragizawa, you are still making it worse. “Kuro’s a dense boy, Daidouji-san. He didn’t even know she liked him until she told him straight out. It isn’t your fault, Daidouji-san, but you shouldn’t have gone after him. He is weak hearted, and without Josie to support him he is a nothing with no confidence.” Better than a broken china doll, or a broken- winged bird. He is better than I am because though he is a nothing, he is more of a person than I am. I respect your display of sympathy, but I wish you’d shut up.

You are no longer wiping my tears, you might as well remove your hand. Stop stroking my cheek, stop stroking it so sinuously, as if it is all you want to do until the rain stops. Stop, Hiiragizawa, stop. I am broken, can’t you see? Can’t you hear me? Are you going insane?

“You are not Josie, Daidouji-san, you are quite a lot better.”

Ah, so you are going insane. I thought it was just me, but you have clearly stated that I am better than this Josie girl who has capture Kuro’s heart, and that is clearly not true. I’d like to understand, I really would, but none of this makes sense. Your hand has moved, but not in the right direction. Do not put your hand behind my head, stop trying to lift me up and comfort me. I do not need the hug you are about to give me, because it is my pain, not yours. Stop moving me. It just proves once again that I am not a person, because you can just pick me up and hold me like the broken- winged bird I am. Stop, Hiiragizawa, stop doing this. I do not want it, and neither do you.

“I’m sorry, Daidouji-san. I really am.” The rain has stopped, Hiiragizawa, why haven’t you noticed? Why aren’t you carrying me down from the tree while I meekly protest? Why are you still holding me while the sun peeks out from behind clouds? This is not like you. This is not like you at all, and I wish I could say that I dislike it, but you are warm and I am cold, and so I savor this hug even though I do not want it. “Kuro doesn’t deserve you, Daidouji-san, you are much too good for him.” I want to laugh, a really bitter laugh, but once again my muscles are protesting. I am no longer smiling , but my head is on your shoulder and you cannot see it. Your grip has tightened, and you are scaring me. Broken me, who is not a person but a flightless china doll, is frightened by the grip you have on my shoulders, and the fact that your own are shaking. Are you crying, Hiiragizawa? That is not like you, though it seems that you are changing. Is this Eriol Hiiragizawa the boy or the sorcerer? Which are you now, because you are obviously not yourself. Let go of me, go back to the ground where you were before, let me be broken by myself instead of you becoming broken too. The rain has stopped, please go.

“But that’s not good enough, is it?” Your voice is harsh, but you are pulling away, and I hope you’re going to leave me to my broken self. “No, it can’t be. Daidouji-san, I’m sorry for what Kuro did to you.” You’re not talking about him anymore, are you? You aren’t trying to break me more, are you? Are you trying to fix me? That’s proving that I’m not a person, because people cannot be fixed. “I’m sorry for what Sakura did to you.” Ah, I see this now. Hiiragizawa, let go of me and leave, because I do not want to hear this while I am broken. Go away and do not return, because I cannot be fixed. I am someone else’s china doll, not yours, which they threw away into a tree because she had a broken ankle and a broken heart. Be like that someone else, don’t be like me.

You’re going down, you listened to me. The sun is out, did you notice? Did you notice that the clouds have left, that you are now partially dry? No, you probably did not notice these things because you were too busy giving me more pain, because now I’m thinking of Kuro and Josie and Sakura and you and knowing that somehow I’ve been cast aside by all of you, and suddenly my broken arm and badly sprained ankle mean nothing because I do not want to be cast aside. Suddenly I don’t want to be a flightless porcelain bird, or a broken china doll. I want to be a person. What are you still doing there, looking up at me? Are you expecting me to suddenly come to life and jump down from this tree? Is there something on my face that makes you stare at it so intently?

I think you must be controlling me, because I am suddenly trying to move, no matter what my muscles say, and I’m pulling myself up. You are still staring, and I wish you wouldn’t, because it’s making me get up from this tree and ignore my pain that has flattened my heart and broken my arm and sprained my ankle. I’m going down on my own, like a kitten who got caught up in a tree. I have become many things in that tree, now why must I leave it? Why are your arms outstretched as I come down, why have I suddenly become embraced by those same arms as I had been up in my tree, and why are you so warm? You have been out in the rain just as I have, and yet you are warm. Is this the sorcerer, Hiiragizawa, or is this the boy?

“I know I’m not good enough, Daidouji-san, and I know that I cannot suddenly inflate your heart.” So you know more than I thought, Hiiragizawa. You know about some of the pain up in that tree. Did you know about my broken arm, too? You knew about my ankle. “But I will protect you and let you take flight, even if that means I have to carry your burdens along with mine. Please, Daidouji-san, could you come inside and get dried off?” It sounded like you were going to ask me, but you lost your courage. You’ll ask me sometime, I’m sure, and I’ll be ready. That is why I willingly let you pull me by one arm down the sidewalk, and even though I do not have wings, I am flying. I am not broken, am I? Have you fixed me? Am I human? You haven’t answered my questions, Hiiragizawa, but I don’t think I mind.

-Today I watched a robin

In our front yard

I thought by now that they should all be gone.

With winter ‘round the corner

Snow on its way

Surely something must be wrong.

Then in that old oak tree I finally saw her

Where she sat gazing down upon her mate

And the song that she was singing

Seemed to say "I’ll be right here"

"I’d like to go, but your love’s made me stay."

He’s got a broken wing

And that’s why he can’t fly

She just can’t leave him there

So she stays by his side

They’re just like you and me

Oh you should’ve heard her sing

They won’t give up

It’s just a broken wing.

I wish we all could learn

What they seem to have found

To love our families

When trouble comes around

I’ll bet that God saw fit

To show them unto me

Him on the ground

Her in that tree.-